I look around at the faces of each and every unique member of my "herd"; the mammoths, the opossums, the sloths and Shira. It really is crazy how much has changed since I left Soto's pack. What began as three ragtag bachelors united only by their trust issues and the need to save a human baby, has now become a close, happy "family", nine members strong. Literally the day before I met Manny and Sid, I had never allowed the thought of even having a conversation with, let alone befriending, any animal that wasn't a sabre cross my mind. Now that I eat, sleep, breathe and live surrounded by them, it's honestly quite funny to think about the ruthless creature that I once was. A creature that I hope died along with Soto and his pack, never to return.
Meeting those two, and of course baby "Pinky", was definitely what I'd call an eye-opener. Originally, the plan was meant to be more of a jaw-opener, funnily enough; pretend to help the two idiots return the baby to its own pack, set up an ambush, and eat both said idiots and the baby. The first two steps I achieved exactly as planned. What I didn't count on, however, was realising on the journey that herbivores weren't just prey, but people too. And that that they weren't idiots (well, at least not Manny). Not just that, but realising what it felt like to be around others who actually had any care and concern for me outside their own interests and needs, which was inconveniently kind of good. Also, realising that others (Manny specifically) had experienced much greater pain than I ever had. Or Manny almost getting himself killed to save me. It was at this point that I knew I couldn't go through with Soto's plan to smite him, the sloth and Pinky. Anyway, I returned Manny's favour when I nearly died trying to protect him from my pack, who I turned on at the last minute. No big deal. That, I really only have myself to blame for. I should have let them in on the plan earlier - it wasn't like it was that late when I began having second thoughts about following through with it. Being the stubborn sabre that I am though, I kept deluding myself into thinking that being in such close quarters with them was just beginning to make me a little soft. That part is true, however, it wasn't a bad kind of soft, but a good kind.
Learning that there was, in fact, a good kind of soft, and the difference between that and the bad kind was truthfully probably the hardest challenge that the journey threw at me; not the lava, the dodos, the blizzards or Pinky's tantrums. But I privately thank my lucky stars every day that I, unlike many of my kind, had the chance to learn it, and that I succeeded. Not to mention that, after learning it, Manny and Sid were willing to show me mercy and forgiveness and actually trust me again after I kind of, sort of backstabbed them but bailed out just in time to save theirs and the baby's butts and, thankfully, my own (with their help, of course). On second thought, maybe they are in fact, both idiots. But they're my idiots and I wouldn't have things any other way. To be taught how to trust, be trustworthy, about true friendship and that I do, in fact, have a conscience, is something that I truly can never make up to them.
Anyway, at least we got Pinky back to his dad, safe and sound. Thinking about it, I really miss that kid. He would be all grown-up by now. I wonder if he ever thinks about, or even remembers, us. I wonder if he has a girl, and his own little "Pinky Jr." in tow by now. Probably.
And yet, I don't. I never pictured myself with a girl of my own, let alone as a father. I know that I was really, genuinely happy for Manny when he got a second chance at the whole "settling down and having kids" thing with Ellie, but I never imagined that sort of life for myself. When Peaches was born, I thought to myself, This is the closest you'll ever get to parenthood, so enjoy it. That may be why I let a little tear slip from my eye at that moment. And of course, Ellie, who seems to see straight through the façades of everyone she meets, had to see it, of all people. Shoot!
But Shira, she's different. She's a beautiful sabre who has come from a similar background to me: a large, murderous, abusive group. One that acts like a "family" most of the time, but in serious, life-or-death situations, it becomes clear that every animal is only out there for him or herself. It's nice, in a way, having someone around who I know has been through a similarly bad situation to me and still come out of it okay. I mean, she's still got a bit of a way to go in terms of being able to trust us, and she's still a little uncomfortable with how we all have and express affection towards each other. She pretends not to be, but I know, having been there myself. It does take one to know one, and knowing one, in her case, means knowing that "love" might as well be in a foreign language in packs such as mine and hers. Wait. Love? Where did that word come from?
Anyway, Shira is somewhat special in her own way, don't get me wrong. It is nice, for the first time in years, to have someone who is willing to physically and verbally fight with me, and who is actually quite a match for me at that. And, whilst she does make me feel... differently to how I've ever felt about someone before, I wouldn't go so far as to call it love. Why am I even thinking about this? Why am I even considering that Manny might have been even the slightest bit right when he said that I was "in love" with her, despite how weird it sounded out loud.
Okay, supposing that he was right, even a little bit, I would never admit it (for now...?). What's important is what happens now, in terms of the entire herd. Despite this, my mind is continually plagued by the question of what exactly the deal is between Shira and I (for now...?). Sure, she wants to stay with us and be a part of the herd, but how am I supposed to know if she reciprocates my maybe-possibly-love kind of thing for her? Do we perhaps have a future together? Only time will tell.