The world is coming down on me and I can't find a reason to be loved
I never wanna leave you but I can't make you bleed if I'm alone
I tried my best to never let you in to see the truth …You put your arms around me and I'm home.
And I've never opened up
I've never truly loved 'Till you put your arms around me
And I believe that it's easier for you to let me go…
Hawke lingered in the doorway, silently watching Anders as he rubbed his forehead, waging a war within his mind. Her arrival wasn't obvious to him yet- he was too distracted, most likely by the ranting nature of Justice.
"You weren't planning on skulking all day, were you? I could certainly use your hand with all this Templar Chantry stuff. Plus it's not near as becoming on you as you think it is." Smoothly she slipped into the room, setting herself in the chair across from his.
"Sorry Hawke, I've just been… distracted."
"Obviously. I've barely seen you in weeks. Which is actually pretty impressive, considering you're staying with me." He managed a weak smile, not able to actually look at her. There was a palpable tension building between them.
"I miss you, Anders." Hawke finally spoke.
"I…" His face turned red, as if he was fighting something down within himself. "I miss you too." His hand returned to his forehead as he paced to the other side of the room. As if to avoid her gaze, he began fidgeting with some herbs on the table.
Hawke remained seated, a contemplative pain on her face. He had been slowly growing distant ever since the battle with the Qunari.
"And here I thought you only wanted me for my manor." Anders smiled again, absent mindedly staring at the table. Slowly, she stood and approached him.
"If you miss me, Anders, why don't you show it? You already know that I don't care about Justice. I care about you." Words would form on his lips, but fall away before they were spoken. "It makes me wonder if … well, if you ever truly cared about me at all." Shocked, his gaze finally met hers.
"You damn well know that I did- that I do. None of this would be so hard if I didn't." She could see the frustration behind his hazel eyes.
"You certainly have a strange way of showing it." All those nights of passion, of intense devotion, and he was ignoring her now.
"You know how it is. I am not my own person, Hawke. I have a force within me that can hurt you, and would, given the chance. You've seen me completely powerless to stop it. I almost didn't." He stepped towards her, tentatively. "I can't see through him when he takes over. You become another blur. I feel like I'm heading straight towards a wall, and I can't bear to see you in the pain it would cause to hit it. It could leave a bigger mark than you realize-" She placed a hand on top of his, their eyes magnetized together.
"Or maybe it won't hurt at all. I am in more pain without you than you could possibly ever cause me otherwise." Her hand rested on his for a moment before he shook his head and stepped away, once again crossing to the other side of the room.
"I'm not good for you."
"I rarely do what is."
Pent up rage came flooding out as his slammed his fist into the stone wall before collapsing onto it. His legs gave way, pulling him to the floor. Face pressed into the stone, he kneeled there silently.
"I'm not safe."
"Not much in my life is." Tender confidence drew her to his side, propping her back against the same wall he was pressed to. "If you stay within the bounds of safety, where does any of the passion come from?"
"You should just let me drown, Hawke." A hand snaked its way around his chest, tangling itself in the seam of his robes. His eyes opened slowly, still fixated on the stone.
"Every breath taken, every hour of my life has come to this moment, to be with you." Her free hand slipped around his neck to play in his hair. Like magnet to metal, her eyes never left his face. Using his body as leverage she slid herself to him, placing herself between him and the wall, forcing him to meet her gaze. He complied, hazel latching onto her emerald.
"I can't promise it will be easy." A shudder ran through his voice, his shell breaking at her touch. She smiled.
"It's worth every obstacle. I will always be here to save you." Melting down, he pressed his forehead onto hers, closing his eyes and breathing deeply. Hawke's arms latched together around his chest, pressing him to her. In desperate passion, his lips searched for hers. A need like he'd never felt before radiated off of him and down to her very core. If possible, she gripped him tighter, fumbling to hold onto him as close as she could manage. Heart racing, she returned his passion. Her heart was full to bursting as she held him, letting her lips trace a quick line to his neck where she finally buried her face.
Anders hands fell away from the stone first to her shoulders, then around her back. Compared to him, she was tiny; his body wrapped around hers like a blanket, a shelter from the storm. He was cradling her to his chest, protecting her from the world and from himself.
"I don't deserve you."
His breath on her neck was hot, a raw burning want that soaked into her soul. A magic danced between them, encircling them as they had each other. Whatever the future would bring, whether it be desolation or pain, they would always find solace and shelter in one another.