A/N: This is just a small oneshot I thought up. Thanks to Laurzz, 'cause she is made of awesome sauce. Post-517, which was just about the most amazing episode ever. Husband and wife - man I love the sound of that!
All mistakes are mine.
Nighttime Recollections
He stole a glance at her blue suitcase, resting peacefully near the bedroom door. The inanimate object almost mocked him, teasing that it was going with her to Montana, not him. His burly chest heaved as a sigh escaped his lips. He was not looking forward to the next week. It was something he had been dreading ever since she had told him she was returning home to see her family. Despite his anxiety, he tried to convince his brain and heart that it wouldn't be that difficult. He knew he was only fooling himself when he attempted this. Hell last time she went to Montana he nearly lost his mind. How was he going to survive another week without her? She hadn't even left yet and he already missed her.
He pursed his lips together and shoved aside the thoughts that plagued his mind. He turned his attention to her still body, snuggled deep in his embrace. Or as far as she was able to fit. Her bulging belly made it difficult for her to get close to him, but he didn't mind it being pressed up against his toned stomach. In a way it was soothing, for he could feel their child move in her belly. Reaching down, he splayed his fingers out on her belly, feeling her muscles react to his touch. Not far below his skin rested the fetus, preparing for his or her entrance to the world. Only a few weeks prior they had gone together for a sonogram, seeing their child on the screen for the third time. Although she had long passed the point where the sex could be determined, they had decided to wait until the actual birth. The name, however, was a different story. They were still negotiating on that front, having narrowed down their choices to two names for each gender. In reality though, neither had a preference on a son or daughter. The fact remained that they had given life to another human being.
She stirred slightly, and he shifted his gaze to her face. This was a favourite pastime of his. Whenever he found him unable to sleep – like tonight, for instance – he watched her. Sometimes he would wander into the kitchen and make himself a glass of hot milk, but even then he would find his way back to the bed and resume his position beside her. Often times the early morning sun would capture her face in its rays, almost illuminating her magnificent features. That was one of the many things he loved about her: her serene beauty. He remembered the night before when this had happened. The last vestige of slumber was fading from his mind as the first rays poked through the blinds. It was their warmth that had woken him; they had traveled across the wood floor and pooled onto the bed, collecting on his cheeks. As his eyelids flickered open, he caught the rays dancing on her features, encasing them in a golden aura. Sometimes the rays would move downward and hover over her belly, reminding him of the precious gift that lay below.
As he reminisced the scene, another moment came to the forefront of his mind. This one was from the day prior, not long before he had surprised her with a visit to the Clerk's office in City Hall. He had had a private moment with Mac, revealing to the elder that she had turned down his proposal. In the present, he recalled his past doubts and fears. Doubts of being a good father, fears of disappointing her or the child. Mac had once again proven himself to be a worthy boss of the team. He had related his own experiences with Claire, telling the younger man that he himself had been afraid of having children with his late wife in fear of disappointing her. Mac had also reminded him that he had a chance to believe in himself, to believe in what he was capable of accomplishing. He smiled as he recalled Mac's parting words: "You're going to make a great father."
In the short time between their talk and the trip to City Hall, he had thought deeply about the elder's advice. He loved her – of that he had zero doubt – and was not about to let her slip through his grasp. That had nearly happened twice before, the second time being his own fault, and he refused to see it occur again. Mac's words had a profound effect on him, and it was clearly evident in his eyes and voice as he stood outside the office door with her. A look of surprise had crossed her face, and when those gorgeous chocolate eyes of hers had latched onto his, he nearly lost himself in their depths. He managed to gain control of his senses, and when he spoke, his determination was as clear as a cloudless summer day.
"Look, I'm tired of being afraid, alright? You an' me, we make sense, k? You're everything I've always wanted. I want to be with you. An' I can be the guy that you want me to be. I know I can; I am that guy."
"I know you are." The second those three words had escaped her mouth, a new light shone in his eyes. He was determined to marry her, to erase all those doubts and fears they both had. Ever since they had met they had been doing a dance around one another, constantly moving in and out, unsure of what the next move would be. Their entire relationship had been like one giant roller coaster, except the hills they had to climb were far more complicated than those at an amusement park. Never in his life had he loved someone so much. The power she had over his mind, body, and spirit was immense. Her inner and outer beauty was stunning, and he always found himself enthralled by her elegance. She was his saving grace.
"Then let's walk through that door together. C'mon, let's do it. Let's take that leap." He held his breath then, waiting patiently for her reply. She merely focused on him, noting the steel flecks in his eyes. Not once did he blink as he did the same. After a few silent moments she took a step forward, closing the gap between them. Without the slightest hesitation she pressed her lips to his, hands gently grasping his neck. He was so immersed in her taste that he forgot to breathe. She held the kiss for several seconds before letting go. Silence again hung in the air as she took a moment to think about his proposition. Unbeknownst to him, she had already made up her mind at his last sentence.
A brilliant smile played across her lips then, and her gaze flickered up to meet his. "You got a money order?"
Strange how five simple words could make his heart swell to twice its size. Not that it hadn't happened before of course; pretty much anything she said made the organ beat faster. Wrapping his arms around her, he pulled her in, kissing her lips before placing a soft one on her cheek. Careful not to hold her too tightly against his body, he buried his nose in her hair, inhaling the vanilla shampoo he had bought her. As he savoured the contact, he closed his eyes and smiled gratefully.
He never wanted to let her go, but he knew he had to. Releasing their hold on each other, he opened the door to reveal his second surprise. Her hands flew up to her mouth, and he noticed her eyes sparkling with oncoming tears. She immediately embraced Mac, and he did the same to Stella. Both were there to witness the beautiful event. After Stella gave her the small bouquet of white flowers, he took the ring box from Mac and went up to the desk with her. The clerk was oblivious to it all, and she muttered the customary words. "You got your money order?"
Smiling at his bride, he reached inside his jacket and took out the piece of paper that was about to define their future. She did not even attempt to hide a smile and giggle. As they spoke their vows, the last four years played in her mind's eye like a movie reel. Everything they had ever worked for had led them to this very moment. When she had moved to New York, the last thing she had expected was to fall in love, much less with some arrogant city boy who teased her whenever he had the chance. But no matter how hard she tried, she could not fight the obvious chemistry between them, and soon she found herself falling for him. In her times of need he had been there for him and vice versa. When she had fallen, he was there to help her regain her footing. Since that fateful day at the zoo she had envisioned this moment over and over in her mind, not knowing that he did the same. Not only that, they were about to receive life's greatest gift.
"I do." The final words were spoken twice, and they each held their collective breaths as he placed the silver ring on her finger and she did the same. Cupping her cheeks in his hands, he smiled and placed his lips upon hers. They drank in each other's taste and were so consumed in the moment that they barely made out Mac and Stella's clapping.
They broke apart, and he leaned his forehead against hers, whispering softly, "I love you."
"I love you too."
Finally, they were husband and wife.
Warm sunlight on his face brought him back to the present, causing his reverie to shatter into a million invisible pieces. The new ring on his finger glinted in the early morning rays, and he glanced down to see the light once again doing a little jig across her cheeks. The sensation immediately sent a signal to her brain, and she gingerly opened her eyes. Stretching, she looked up and was greeted by his sparkling irises.
She smiled and buried her nose in the crook of his neck. "How long have you been awake?"
"Long enough to do some thinkin'."
Her gaze flicked upwards again. "Mm, it's too early to think."
"I don't want you to leave."
She kissed his neck before slightly moving back to look at him levelly. "I won't be gone long."
He scoffed. "Last time I nearly went insane after only a day; how am I supposed to survive a week?"
"Because," she reached up to where his hand was caressing her shoulder and grasped the silver ring between her thumb and index finger. "You'll have this to remember me."
Together they studied the symbolic object. Neither ring was elaborate by any means, but he was often reminded of her whenever he looked at his: simple and elegant. To others it was merely a ring, but to them it was a mark of their commitment to one another. He had never been one for jewelry; the only kind he ever wore was his dog tags, which were always dangling around his neck. He had never seen himself as one to wear a ring, but now he could not imagine himself without it on.
She wrapped her arm around his and squeezed it, feeling the muscles coil and bunch under her touch. "So, considering we're both awake, why don't you tell me what you were thinking about?"
He winked cheerily at her. "I think you can guess the answer to that."
She poked him gently in the nose, much like he had done the first morning after. "We have several hours before I have to be at the airport."
He adopted a teasing tone. "I can think of other things to do."
Laughing, she traced along the outline of his muscles with a fingertip. "C'mon, just a little bit?"
He sighed in mock dramatic fashion, and they both shifted their respective positions so they were on their sides, her back was pressed up against his chest. He wrapped an arm across her chest and gripped her opposite shoulder, holding her close to him. Burying his nose into the crook of her neck – another favourite pastime of his – he kissed the tender skin and related his recollection to her, adding in his own thoughts along the way.
"I had a talk with Mac, before we went to City Hall. He told me about his wife, Claire, an' how he never had children with her 'cause he didn't want to disappoint her. He believes God brought us together, an' that I could either live in a place of fear or believe in the best version of myself."
"A place of fear," she whispered. "I know that feeling."
His arm around her chest tightened ever so slightly. "I was scared of disappointin' you or our baby. He said I'm gonna make a great father."
She shook her head. "You could never disappoint me."
He smiled even though she couldn't see him. "Y'know I'm not the most religious person, but I believe what Mac said is true. You're the best thing that has ever happened t'me, an' I don't ever want t'let that go."
She kissed his arm, which was still snaked around her chest. "You'll never have to, because I'll always be here. I'm not going anywhere."
In return, he kissed her shoulder. "Mm, y'mean I'm stuck with you?"
Her chest vibrated as she giggled and playfully slapped his hand. "Damn right you're stuck with me. C'mon, I want to hear more."
"I was thinkin' about how proud I am to call you my wife."
Her heart nearly stopped beating. With his help, she turned over so she was facing him. Intertwining his left hand with hers, she glanced at his ring. "Mac once told me that before I arrived, you were scared of love and marriage."
He chuckled softly, free hand running through her slightly messy but still beautiful hair. "He teased me once about it, said it could happen t'me. I didn't believe him at the time, but now I do. He was right, after all. I fell in love with the most amazing girl, an' I married her. Not only that, I get t'be a daddy."
"Mac was right about another thing too; you will make a great father. This baby is lucky to have you as their dad."
Leaning in, he placed a chaste kiss on her lips. "Nah, she'll be lucky to have you as her mommy."
She smiled and squeezed his hand. He returned the favour and placed his free hand on her belly, eyes never once leaving hers. "I love you so much. Initially I was scared of this whole notion of becomin' a father, but now I realize that it was all meant to be. I can't imagine havin' a child with any other woman. We've both seen lives taken away, an' now we have given a life. I can't promise you that we won't face more obstacles, but I can promise that you won't face them alone. Whatever comes our way, we'll get through it."
Much like the time at the lab when he had taken her aside to feel the fetus kick, she placed her hand over his. For a moment they lay in silence as a small flutter greeted their touch. He pressed his forehead to hers, and their eyes met again. "After all, you an' I make sense."
A brilliant smile crossed the lips of Lindsay Messer, and she tapped her husband's chin playfully. "You're everything I've always wanted."
Danny Messer flashed his famous grin and held his wife a bit closer, once again admiring her beauty. "Let's take that leap."
She laid a hand on his heart and closed her eyes. "It's already been taken."
His own eyelids soon followed, and together they drifted off into slumber. He was still unhappy about her going away, but she was right: the ring would remind him of their unity. Eventually she would return to his arms once more, and they could start their new life.
She was his, and not even a vast distance could take that away from him.