Dear reader—
If you are able to read this message I recommend you close this document at once. Better yet; close it and then block whoever was sick and twisted enough to send you this as an attachment through email. Then shut down your email account. One fact is certain: if you continue reading, you will surely suffer a very, very, very painful, not to mention very slow, death.
I'm warning you! Close this at once! Don't read any further if you want to keep your life!
Okay, I can see it's going to take much more coercion than that to persuade you to obey my directions. That is very good; you have passed my first test. But you should know that the journey you are about to embark upon is an extremely dangerous one—not to mention rather embarrassing. Your first task: Go to your parents and take a video of yourself doing something stupid in front of them (This shouldn't be too hard, since you do it on a regular basis; this time, though, you'll have an audience).
Send the video to this address: .
It is not what you think—that is not my email address, I simply hacked the account of that poor, naïve percabethshipper. Now, I know what you're saying, "Well, if you're not percabethshipper, why does this email have her name on it?" My answer to you is die, you pathetic loser. Why should I lie to you, you daft child? Don't answer it, it's rhetorical. Obviously.
Well, I bet percabethshipper's going to have had some fun viewing those files you just sent her, when she next checks her email.
Have you guessed who I am yet? Well? If you haven't, that's pretty sad. Because as I send this to percabethshipper, an enormous fan of mine, she'll have known right away who hacked into her account and sent this email. And she'll know to beware of the nefarious—
*In the background* "What are you doing, Foaly? Did you hack into another American girl's email account to send fake threats from me?"
"Uh…"
"That's what I thought…now, who is this? Penname percabeth, hmm, I've heard much about her." Clicks on keyboard, pulling up file on percabeth. "Here's some entries that she's submitted to several writing contests, not to mention her fanfictions for a series by Rick Riordan. Peh! Whoever this American hillbilly is, he has nothing on Eoin Colfer! And that's not just because Eoin Colfer's another of my pseudonyms I've used in the past…" Studies text minutely.
"Mud boy," [Holly says, entering room] "Are you spying on Minerva again?! I thought you were done with her!"
"Um, no--"
"He's sending love emails to percabeth, his new love!"
"SHUT UP, FOALY! I swear, if you weren't so good at hacking into things—wait a moment. Root?! Have you been recording this session all along?"
…Oh, god, I have to hurry up and…
"No! Root! Don't click--!"
Sending to contact "percabethshipper".