After the events that happened, I'm not sure I will be able to celebrate Snoggletog with the same spirit that I had in previous years.

Berk is still recovering, but thanks to everyone pitching in and helping, we are almost done with the lengthy renovations to the town. Gobber especially has been the biggest help, taking all of Drago's dragons and giving them jobs around. He has also lent a helping hand in my depressing ruling skills, something I am very grateful for. But he doesn't realize what exactly I'm going through, why I'm not sleeping at night, and why I've been avoiding almost everyone.

In just a few days, my world went from absolutely amazing to dark and horrible. I was flying free with Toothless. Then my dad gave me 'the talk'. Then Astrid and I found the dragon hunters, leading to the discovery of my mother being alive. That alone destroyed almost twenty years of loneliness, since I had finally found her. Then? My father, dead in a single battle. By Toothless.

I refuse to believe that it was his fault. They gave him no choice, Drago and the Bewilderbeast. Had my dad not leapt in front of me, Toothless would have killed me, something that would have made him go insane. He still won't look at me trustingly anymore, as if he thinks that I believe there is still a monster inside of him. I keep telling him that I don't blame him, that I only pushed him away in anger, that I wasn't thinking clearly. He still feels rejected, unloved, hated. I never blamed him though. Not even when I shoved him off of my father and yelled mercilessly at him. It was Drago. All of it.

And it was partially my fault. Had I not been so stubborn, so proud, I might have prevented everything. I got my father killed. I almost got my friends killed, and Berk suffered, all because I thought I was good at leading. I thought I could be my dad, just once. I thought I could stop a war.

I only brought one, one that let everyone scarred.

A knock sounds at the door. I swallow and take a deep breath, hoping that it's not my mother or Gobber. I can't deal with either right now. "Come in," I say hoarsely, my throat raw from crying all night.

The door creaks open, and Astrid's face peeks through. I try to suppress a groan, but it comes out anyway.

I really just don't want to talk to anyone right now.

"You're mother's looking for you," Astrid says quietly, sitting at the edge of my bed. She traces her finger down my blanket. "Everyone is down at the Great Hall celebrating. You should be too."

I sigh. "I can't do it Astrid. I've already told you."

I don't care that I'm being brusque with her. I really just want to try to sleep… the last few days have taken such a toll on me…

Like Astrid cares. She probably hates me for being such a wimp. For refusing to celebrate Snoggletog.

Instead, she scoots herself closer to me and sits next to me. "Remember that Snoggletog where Meatlug kidnapped you? You should have seen your dad. He was so upset with you, so mad that you had run off with all the dragons. Everyone in the village was crestfallen, their excitement for that Snoggletog gone. They thought the holiday had been ruined. Then you came back with all our dragons and their babies. And Toothless even saved your helmet!"

I look away from her, but she faces me directly with a killer stare that I could feel on the back of my head. "They needed you Hiccup, just like they need you now. We all need you. We need you to be strong. We need you to be there for us when things get bad. We need you to step up and be who you always were meant to be: a leader. No matter what you think, you are the best leader Berk could hope for. You saved us from the dragon queen, you saved us from Dagur, from the dragon hunters, and now Drago. Even if the cost was high, Berk still emerged strong. And who was leading us through all that? You. You may not think it, but your dad was so proud. He knew you were ready. That's why he asked you to become chief. He knew that's who you were born to be. And he died to protect you. He knew the risks, he took them to protect Berk's future. Your father died a hero, and you have to honor his memory by doing what he would want you to do: be a leader."

I feel her hand rest on my shoulder. "I need you to be strong now. For Berk. For your father."

She turns my body around gently, and I place my head on her shoulder, trying to swallow my tears. I can't help crying, and she holds me throughout the torrent of tears that run down my face. "I- can't," I finally choke out, hiccupping despite my best efforts not to.

She hugs me tighter. "I know you can. I know it hurts now, I know that it's hard to celebrate and be happy when the world seems dark and cold. The Snoggletog after the Flightmare killed my uncle, I wouldn't come downstairs. I thought the world should stop spinning for me. It's so selfish to hole yourself up. You have to try to look up and remember the good times. And I know it hurts. But trust me, it will get better."

My tears stop running as she caresses my back. I swallow and try to compose myself, realizing that she's right. I shouldn't do this to myself.

"Hiccup, look at me."

I raise my head and meet Astrid's gaze. She smiles and puts her hands on my shoulders. "Let's go have fun and forget about our troubles, just for one night. It's Snoggletog, after all."

I smile back at her, feeling a warm glow light in my heart. "Yes milady."

Her grin widens. "Come on you," she says, pulling me up out of my bed. "We're going to miss all the fun!"

"You mean the drinking contest?" I groan playfully, remembering how in years past Gobber and Spitelout always had gotten so drunk that they were immobile for days. "That never ends well."

Astrid laughs and hits my shoulder. "We'd better get down there then and prevent anyone from getting drunk."

We laugh as she opens the door to my hut, and we race through the streets up to the Great Hall, where I can already hear music and laughter.

…

So I'm back with my annual Snoggletog story! I'm not entirely sure when it is this year, but since the holidays are beginning to roll around, I thought it was a good idea to publish this now. It's been a bit of a rough year so far, and it's been forever since I've written Fanfiction! It feels strange to get back in the swing of things. Hope you like this one!