The sound of Wind
Five times Chihaya cried, and she didn't quite know why.
Disclaimer: SPOILERS FROM Chapter 204 onwards
I've only watched Chihayafuru live-action movie and jumped between chapters of the manga, so what I've written here might be completely different from what actually happened in the actual series (except for the spoiler parts), but I'll try to keep their characterisation as close to canon as possible.
If there's no issue with this… hope you'll enjoy!
"As long as we keep playing, we'll see each other again."
That was what Chihaya said yesterday, and yet it felt like she was ready to carry onto this silent promise for her entire life. It filled her little body with hope so big it'd become part of her.
It defined her.
And till the end when her hands could no longer play, she would remember those words forever.
She believed the boys—her boys—would do the same; carrying that hope and dream of reunion one day through Karuta. That was what brought them together in the first place. It could easily bring them together again the second time.
There was nothing to worry about.
But during the night after Arata moved, and so was the day when Taichi left, Chihaya still cried.
And she didn't understand why.
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Chihaya wasn't dumb.
She knew all her schoolmates, classmates, and even some of the close friends she made were avoiding her like a plague. They always gave that sheepish smile and ran away when she approached them, claiming they couldn't handle her "obsession" with forming the Karuta club. But she didn't get why anyone thought it was an obsession. She just wanted them to experience the wonders of the sport, and what fun and thrill it could bring to their life.
But nobody understood.
Nobody ever did—
"Chihaya?" A voice called behind her.
Chihaya looked up from the dozen of fliers in her hands. Her heightened sense of hearing enabled her to recognise the many voices and tone, and like all the Karuta readers she had on replay on her playlist, she found this voice just as familiar, as if she had heard it all her life.
But it was a bit different. Deeper, maybe.
Who?
Chihaya turned.
Standing right there in the same school uniform as hers was Taichi. Suave and all, he swung his school bag over his shoulder, head tilting as if he was judging her.
But it wasn't like those judgmental gazes she received when she was passing out fliers to start the club. It was a lot less mild. Like curious. Wonderment.
And a bit of amusement.
Like the young Taichi she remembered.
"Taichi?!" Chihaya exclaimed.
After the passing hours of helplessness and hopelessness, she suddenly felt as light as feather as she ran up and pounced onto Taichi before he struggled under her embrace and mumbled about how he couldn't breathe.
It just happened within a snap of her finger. All of the sudden, she couldn't remember why she was carrying those fliers, or why she was upset and alone on the school roof anymore. She couldn't remember anything, same for the reason why her tears suddenly spilled out, and her blabbers into the crook of Taichi's neck were half-made of loud hiccups and ugly snorts.
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"Are you under the impression that I'm made out of stone?"
She had never think of that.
"Right now, all 100 cards looked completely black to me."
She never thought this would happen to anyone.
Not to Taichi.
Not to her.
But it did.
She wasn't the one who was rejected. She wasn't the one who quitted the club and gave up playing Karuta.
What she was, in the end, was that stone. She was the stone that smashed Taichi's feelings into pieces. She destroyed what was thought to be indestructible; the smart, almost perfect Taichi. She was still in one piece. Taichi was broken.
She wasn't the one who was hurt.
So why, on earth, was she crying like a part of her had died?
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It had been a hectic day.
She had cleaned the clubroom, won an impromptu karaoke competition, and went head-to-head with her mother, to persuade her into allowing her to continue playing Karuta…
All with the help of Taichi.
It had been a hectic, but eventful and happy day.
Chihaya had been shifting on her bed for the past half an hour, the adrenaline in her was keeping her awake despite the supposed wariness from the long day. She usually could sleep the moment she hit the sack, but today was different.
It had been different after all.
She rolled to her side, eyes gazing out of the window as she stared at the dark sky, the same sky she remembered seeing above Taichi after he left her home just a while ago—
Aha. This habit again.
After Taichi left, many little things easily reminded Chihaya of him: The old portable fan in her club. The shop that sold her birthday cake they bought. Their pictures. Their past medals. The sound of wind, which carried the words of Taichi's confession to her—
And now this; Even simply looking at the night sky outside brought her thoughts back to him.
But it wasn't a bad thing, though.
Chihaya smiled, and rubbed her eyes.
They were moist.
Tired. That was the reason she gave herself for her teary eyes.
(Or else what could be it?)
She closed her eyes, willing herself to sleep until she finally did.
xxx
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Everyone in the club was crying.
Of course they were. The only reason why they were sitting here and suffering from pins and needles in their legs was all because of Taichi. They were here to support him, only him.
So when Taichi lost and Arata was announced the winner, they cried. No doubt.
But it was a complicated case for Chihaya. She was here for both of them; Taichi and Arata. She cared for both of them. They meant everything to her. She wanted both of them to win.
But one eventually had to lose.
Strange enough, nobody asked Chihaya who she wished would win. Perhaps because it seemed insensitive and rude, having to put her in a predicament where she was force to choose between her two childhood friends... Or maybe because everyone already knew what her answer would be:
Nothing.
(But action always speaks louder than words, especially when there was no words to begin with.)
Kanade wiped a tear and gave an encouraging smile over to Chihaya. "President Mashima gave his all, didn't he? Chihaya—"
Unlike the rest of the members who were sobbing loudly like this was their home, Kanade watched in stunned mute as Chihaya's tears fell silently into her open palms.
Pitter-Patter.
Just like the sound of Chihaya's slow-beating, aching heart.
It was a good finale. Arata and Taichi were smiling. They were friends again. She should be happy. She had to be happy.
Yet Chihaya couldn't find the will to smile.
There was no ounce of joy in her to celebrate Arata's win.
All she saw was Taichi's loss.
Tears continued to fall.
Silently.
She didn't have the energy to figure out why.
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Things hadn't been going well like what Chihaya had hoped; the problem with her kimono, and the train, and the mad crowd, and how time was tight and—
Okay. Breathe in. Chihaya! Breathe in!
Things hadn't been going well, but at least they were resolved. She should focus more on the future that could still be changed, which was the fate of the match that lied literally in her hands. She had no time to think of anything else...
A cold wind pass.
Snowflakes fell.
Chihaya turned.
Among the whiteness of everything, she spotted a flash of… an unexpected colour.
Her eyes widened.
The snow grew heavier.
The wind was cold.
But standing by the temple gates with hands closed together was Taichi, with eyes bright and smile just as wide. He looked up from his praying, and something even impossible happened; his smile grew bigger when their eyes met.
It had been a long time since Chihaya seen Taichi so happy.
She raised her hand, wanting to reach out.
"Tai…"
Someone passed by.
Chihaya blinked.
Taichi had disappeared.
No.
He didn't disappear.
Chihaya realized, in a painful way, that Taichi was never there in the first place.
The thought sent a twist to her gut, turning the back of her throat all sour and tight.
Chihaya blinked again, this time realizing there were tears in her eyes. They didn't fall, but were swept away by the wind and snow.
And for the very first time, she understood why she had cried.
She wanted to see Taichi.
She wanted him to be here.
That was it.
That was what she wanted to ask of Taichi.
That was what she should have prayed for at the shrine.