It's literally been five years since I've written anything longer than a head-canon so I figure, why not upload this baby. I'm still upset about the y!gal shut down because I lost my list of favorite authors. Oh well. Hello, everyone, good to see you again.
Hurt | Comfort
Imagine Sasuke sitting at his desk working on something for work, just after talking to his boyfriend and keeping himself busy.
He's been alone at their apartment for about a week now; Naruto has been out of town visiting his cousin in Los Angeles and also working out of town. Sasuke didn't tell him on the phone, but he misses Naruto. The apartment seems so empty now, to the point where the quiet it almost terrifying.
So he listens to some music he hasn't heard before, he types away on the laptop in front of him, trying to distract himself from his dependent thoughts that make him feel... needy.
Usually, when Sasuke shames himself for feeling something other than strong, he gets a headache. He starts to lose his vision and his stomach feels tight. Their bedroom is so bright but so, like he would do as a child, he'd sit in a closet and hide from the world until the headache was gone. The irony never escaped him.
When Naruto is around things are great. He feels alive. He feels supported, loved and admired. He hadn't felt that way in a long time, several heart breaks later. Naruto feels the same.
When they met they were barely 22 and could hardly hold a conversation without pissing each other off. By 24, their rivalry became friendship, and by 25 their friendship blossomed into companionship. Now, at 28 and 27, they can hardly be without each other longer than a day without wishing they were in the same time zone.
This afternoon in Maryland, Sasuke got the phone call he was promised last night. It was 8 a.m. in LA, and Naruto had told him that he has a long day ahead but that he was excited to be coming home after a stressful, not-so-relaxing week in the Angels.
Sasuke didn't tell him that he's excited to see him. He is excited, definitely elated that his partner in crime is coming back, but he still can't bring himself to admit it unless Naruto is right in front of him and the moment is right. He beats himself up for it, since his boyfriend is so open about his feelings - and all of them, at that.
Sasuke never was good at that. He spent years erecting a wall around his emotions and only feels comfortable expressing the ones that scare him to Naruto. It's a trust thing.
It's weird how much Naruto haunts his mind when he's alone. How far have they come?
Oops, he typed that on his document. Delete delete delete!
Sasuke smirks at himself. 'You're turning into your sappy brother,' he thinks to himself.
By noon, Sasuke is rolling his neck and stretching in his desk chair, wondering what to eat for lunch. Would he get dinner for Naruto, too? How would he greet him when he got back?
He's getting too excited about that, so he goes to the kitchen that he cleaned spotless two days ago after his brother came over for lunch. It's pristine and he loves it, savors its hygiene, and shakes his head because he knows as soon as his lover returns the place will be a mess.
He's about to make himself a BLT when his phone rings. He looks at it, an unknown number, and almost let's it go to voicemail. Normally he doesn't answer unknown callers in case they are telemarketers or collections (not that he owes money to anyone - that's Naruto) but something in his gut says that since the caller is from Baltimore, he should probably answer.
He regrets doing so, because he just got the most horrific news that hit him harder than the passing of his parents.
Itachi died.
The first responder on the line gets straight to the point. Itachi and a friend Sasuke didn't recognize were driving on Interstate 695. A motorist lost control of his bike, crashed into a tractor trailer and caused a chain reaction that resulted in the bike flying into the front of his brothers car on the opposite side of the highway.
His brother died instantly. His passenger is in shock trauma.
Sasuke is his last living relative.
He can't think. He doesn't think. He feels sullen and empty and they ask him to come to Mercy hospital downtown to make arrangements. Sasuke manages to say "okay" and forgets about his lunch.
It's about 8 p.m. when Sasuke finally gets back home. It's dark and empty and he feels like his entire world is about to fall apart. He'd been crying all day since that phone call. He could barely form words for the social worker. He didn't tell any of his friends what happened. His family was gone. Mother and father and brother... they all left him.
He blames that asshole biker. He blames Itachi because he was distracted and couldn't maneuver his car out of the way in time to save his own life - only his friends. He blames himself for not calling his brother back last night.
When Itachi came over the other day, he called Sasuke out for being insensitive and putting his work before his health. His migraines were getting worse but regardless of how he tried to hide it, their father got them too and Itachi noticed right away. Sasuke was rude, telling his brother that his health had nothing to do with him and that he could "shove it".
Itachi called later, he ignored it, but he still had the voicemail. Itachi apologized, he told Sasuke he knew he was overworked and stressed, and that he loved him, that he only meant to worry and not force him to feel anything he wasn't comfortable with.
Sasuke treated his brother like trash and now he's gone and Sasuke can't call him back to say he loves him too. That he knows that he should worry more about his health and to thank him for always being the best brother he could be.
It's too late now, Sasuke's migraine is worsening and all he wants to do is hide.
Naruto nearly hurdles out of the cab. He almost expected Sasuke to pick him up from the airport, but given that it was nearly 1 a.m., he suspects Sasuke is already in bed. No matter, he will still crawl in bed and spoon the crap out of Sasuke. In the morning they can make up for lost time.
He reaches in his back pocket for his keys, nearly dropping them because his hands are shaking. He misses Sasuke so, and he curses because he does drop the keys.
He noisily makes his way inside, dropping his luggage in the foyer and checks his surroundings. Home. God, he missed this place so much. Sure, his 4-star hotel was awesome and that one night at Karin's was nice, but nothing makes his heart swell like a home that just radiates Sasuke's aura.
The kitchen is spotless except for a spoiled sandwich. Did Sasuke make that for him? Oh no, it's a BLT, Naruto only ate BL sandwiches. Weird.
The bathroom. Naruto rushed in there, saying Sasuke's name loud enough for him to hear but he doesn't get a response. No matter, pee first, find babe later.
Once he's relieved he heads back out to the kitchen and calls for Sasuke again but he doesn't get a response. He puts the sandwich in the garbage, softly beating himself up for wasting food. He goes to their bedroom and the bed is empty.
Why is it empty?
He checks the second bedroom, calls for Sasuke, and is met with an echo of his own voice. This is weird...
Their bathroom is checked, the hall bathroom, the laundry room. Sasuke isn't anywhere. He's starting to panic because it's late, Sasuke knew Naruto would be home tonight, and it's very unlike him to leave the house and not at least text or leave a note about his whereabouts.
"Sasuke?" He calls louder this time, his worry clear in his voice. "Sasuke!" Still, he is met with silence. His heart is beating faster and he can feel his shakes worsening. Why would Sasuke leave?
Naruto goes to check the house again, his mind racing about where his missing lover is. All he was waiting for all week was to be back in his arms, to wrap himself around Sasuke and kiss him and remind him just how much he missed him. Six days go by and Naruto is left feeling like a puddle of mush solely because Sasuke is 3,000 miles away.
He's so nervous now. He sits on their bed with his head in his hands and sighs heavily. "Jesus, Sasuke, where the hell..."
Something stirs and makes a soft noise. He can't quite describe what the noise was, but it came from the master bedroom. He checks the bathroom again and it's dark and empty...
Oh, dear lord, how did he not think about this before? It's been a while since he's done it, but Sasuke is probably in their closet.
Sure enough, as soon as he opens the closet door, there he is.
"There you are! You're awake and you didn't say anything! I called you like twelve times - why did you ignore..." This is the moment where Naruto takes in the sight of his boyfriend. The moonlight shines through their curtains and briefly gives light to Sasuke's face, and Naruto's stomach falls to his feet.
His lover is leaning somberly against the wall, his hands by his sides and his head turned from the light. He looks like shit.
"Sasuke..." Naruto wipes his face with his hands, he's sweating and his eyes are wet from fear. "Sorry.. you scared me and I was worried you weren't here. Do you have a migraine? I'll get you something-"
"No." The somber response sends a chill down Naruto's spine.
"Babe, let me get you something, I'm sorry for yelling." He removes his button up and tosses it to the floor so he's only clad in jeans and a white tank when he moves to sit next to Sasuke. From pile of sweaters on the floor, Naruto could only assume he fell asleep in here.
Sasuke didn't answer, he didn't move, he barely blinked, and worse, he didn't make any eye contact. Naruto started to shake, and when he spoke, his nerves left his mouth. "Sas... baby, please tell me... did something happen? Was it me? Did I-"
"No." It came out softer than before but it didn't do much to calm Naruto. It was the look on Sasuke's face told him that Sasuke feels guilty for making Naruto blame himself. "It's not you.."
Naruto's lips quiver. "Then.. will you tell me?"
Sasuke inhales shakily. He's not ready to say it. The wound hasn't even begun to heal and he can feel himself about to fall apart all over. He can't bring himself to say his brothers name.
"My... my brother died."
Shock might not have been the best description for Naruto's face, but it's as close as he can see from the lack of light in the closet. They are both still for several moments. Naruto looks at Sasuke and Sasuke turns away. He's probably crying again, but he doesn't want Naruto to see. He's so upset. He wants to see his brother smile. He wants to hear him tell him he's acting like a child.
He forgets how excited he was to see Naruto because his heart is shattered and he feels like he can't get out of the funk by himself.
Naruto chokes back a loud sob and covers his mouth with his hand and uses the other to push against the wall and keep himself up right.
He doesn't ask the question, but Sasuke answers him. "It was a car accident. It wasn't his fault. He saved his friend but... instantly he..." Sasuke stops there. Naruto gets it, and he's going to be sick.
Immediately the blond stands and rushes to their bathroom and upheaves his stomach's contents into the toilet.
Time is no longer a factor. He has to assume its nearly 2:30 a.m., but he doesn't check. He brushes his teeth, splashes cold water in his face, and looks at his reflection.
He's talking to himself in his mind while he stares at himself. 'Be strong, be there, put him first. He's suffering. He needs you to have strength.'
He knows Sasuke doesn't like to be babied, but Naruto discovered a while ago that Sasuke is a closeted romantic. He also knows how stubborn his Uchiha is, and this situation is like the end of the world to him. Naruto has to be strong. He can cry later. He wants to cry, so, so badly, but Sasuke's been alone for hours. He's been suffering beside himself for God knows how long in a closet. 'Be strong for him, be strong for both of us.'
He returns to Sasuke, who is sitting against the back wall hugging his legs and head resting downward on his knees. Naruto inhales slowly, gathering composure. 'Be brave, be easy, be strong.'
"Sasuke, I know you're hurting... please.. let me help you," he says softly, his voice is deep and it gets Sasuke's attention. Sasuke finally sees Naruto and a tear falls from his left eye. He lets Naruto take both hands in his and helps him stand.
They're face to face, staring into each other's souls in the darkness of the closet. Sasuke feels so terrible. He's sad because he lost his last family member, and he's furious at himself for making Naruto worry, for not greeting him properly, the way he wanted to before he got this shit news.
"I'm sorry," he whispers. He wants to kiss Naruto, he wants to forget this whole day, but he can't bring himself to make any move but cry. Naruto leads them out to the kitchen, hand in hand. He sits Sasuke on a barstool and goes to make a glass of water. He hands it to Sasuke along with two Tylenol pills and waits for Sasuke to swallow.
"I haven't eaten today. I probably shouldn't have these." He drinks the water because the look on Naruto's face makes him feel guilty.
Naruto still doesn't know what to say. He wants to comfort Sasuke because he looks so miserable, but there are no words that come to him. They both lost their parents at a young age, but Naruto didn't know what a sibling could mean to him until Sasuke introduced him to Itachi. In fact, Itachi had adopted him as his surrogate brother long before Sasuke considered Naruto to be a friend.
"I'm sad, too." He says. He doesn't like how it sounds when it leaves his lips. "I... don't know what to say or do... I'm torn. I missed you, but this is... it's just awful, Sasuke..."
Sasuke's lip twitches to a half smile, back to a a frown. He gets up and puts himself in Naruto's arms, which wrap around him tightly. "I'm so sorry..." Naruto says.
Sasuke wraps an arm around Naruto's neck and runs the other through his golden hair. He smells like sweat but it's a scent that Sasuke craves when he's gone. He inhales, not wanting to ever be without his smelly blond.
"You need a shower." Sasuke says quietly. Naruto let's out an exasperated laugh and kisses Sasuke's cheek.
"I know. Would you get in with me? I promise I won't cry."
Sasuke smiles this time. "No, you won't. Me first." Tears started falling moments after he said it. Tears for his brother, tears for his missed opportunity to tell Naruto how much he missed him when he walked through their front door. He feels broken but in the arms of his boyfriend he feels a little lighter. Naruto is holding his weight up so when his knees get weak he doesn't fall.
Naruto feels better, too, knowing that he can help Sasuke, be there for him and also be helped himself.
"I love you, you know. We'll get through this. It'll be hard but... you have me and as long as I have you, we can be stronger for each other, right?" Maybe finishing his thought with a question doesn't exactly make him sound stronger, but Sasuke's response is reassuring.
Sasuke plants a long, closed-mouth kiss on Naruto's lips and he nearly melts with how good it feels to have those lips back in his vicinity. "You have me, forever."
One more chaste kiss, and this time Sasuke is leading them to bed. Screw the shower. It can wait. He knows it's going to be hard and that there will be a lot of pain, but right now he wants to forget.
He lets Naruto take control tonight - not that it's unusual for them to switch it up - but he wants to be the one who is told all the things he's longed to hear all week. He wants to be loved and feel it. Naruto brings out the best in him, in bed or otherwise. He can forget for a little while and deal with the rest tomorrow. He will have Naruto to help him through it, to help him heal, and he knows he will have to do the same because he knows that Itachi meant the world to Naruto, too.
They can deal with this loss, together. They have each other. They know Itachi only loved them. They know that Itachi forgave Sasuke for his harshness long, long ago. Naruto knows that Itachi trusted his brothers heart and health to him. He is not about to let him down. Itachi would kill him over and over again in the after life if he didn't.
"I'm grateful," Sasuke says when they finish. "I've never felt so happy to be alive... to be with you," he smiles sadly as Naruto holds him tighter. The weight of the blond on top of him is nearly crushing, but he loves to feel Naruto anywhere. "I missed you so much." He whispers into the nape of his neck.
"I'll be here for you, always."