Delete... Delete... Delete...Del...
Wait.
Stan stared at the display on his iPod.
Landslide - Fleetwood Mac
...
There was still one song Stan could stand. Even after the cynicism, the separation, the moving, there was still one song he could stand.
He pressed play.
Took my love and I took it down
Climbed a mountain and I turned around.
In the back of his mind, he could recall being held, his mother's soft tones singing the low notes softly, her arms warm around him.
Randy once questioned her choice of lullaby. She gave him a shy smile and said "It was the only song he'll fall asleep to."
That night, Randy crept into his room and sang the song softly as he was asleep. He didn't stir an inch.
And I saw my reflection in the snow-covered hills
'Till the landslide bought me down
Stan laid back on his bed and let the music flow through his ears. He erased every song on his iPod but this one. This one... This one was special. The memories of before everything was crazy. He gave a wry smile.
"Heh... Was there ever such a time?"
South Park was crazy, and there was no way around that. It was in the people (Dad), the buildings (School), and even the pets (Mr. Kitty). It seeped into the cracks in the pavement downtown, and it seemed to eat at everyone's very sanity. He was (arguably) the sanest of them all, and yet...
Oh, Mirror in the sky
What is love
Can the child within my heart rise above?
He had messed up everything. Kyle, Mom and Dad, his school, his other friends his music every goddamn piece of entertainment ever- the only thing he had left was his memories. Even those were tinting brown. He shut his eyes tight, trying to picture his friend's faces, the nose on Kyle, the chub on Eric, the eyes on Kenny of the face he almost never saw.
It was hard. Very, very, hard.
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides
Can I handle the seasons of my life?
He could get through this. He just... needed time. It would be tough, but time heals all wounds, right?
...
No, wait. Time did this to him in the first place. Time's a bitch. He would stab time in the balls, would it ever grow them.
Well I've been afraid of changing
Cause I built my life around you
Goddamn cynicism. He thought getting older was going to be awesome. He would be in the double digits! He would be as old as Craig, the douche! He would be able to do things he never got to. He and Kyle and Kenny and Cartman and...
Goddammit.
But time makes you bolder
Children get older
And I've grown older too
He wasn't gonna cry, he wasn't gonna cry, he wasn't gonna cry...
So take my love, and take it down.
Climb a mountain and turn around.
The hot tears feel down his cheeks.
"Who am I kidding..."
His iPod ran out of battery, but he didn't care. The music was burned into his ears. It was favorable to any other...crappy music, for lack of a better term. This song wouldn't leave him. The remembered warmth wouldn't leave him. The remembered notes wouldn't abandon him. His subconscious mind allowed him to listen without his cynicism taking over.
Heh. Kyle talked that way. He was smart like that. A new wave of tears came.
Eh! You think of Jew and not me? You gaywad!
Shut up Fatass! I'm his super best friend!
Mmrph Mrph Mrph!
Shut up you poor crap!
Don't call Kenny poor you little spoiled son of a bitch!
"Shut up you guys..."
He pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. Great. Now he was hearing things.
…
Things that didn't sound like shit. That was certainly an improvement.
If you see my reflection in the snow covered hills
then the landslide will bring you down.