My first Utena fic...this is just slightly frightening. But I have bravely pushed on into new territories! This is a post-series fic, and one which came to me rather spontaniously. Translation: my muse reached out and smacked me on the head. Hard.
So enjoy and don't forget to review!
Disclaimer: Don't own this series. Wish I did, but don't. So sad.
Guided By The Stars
by Lyra Matsuoka
Rated PG-13
Chapter 1: Never Again
***The swords were descending rapidly, and she felt unable to look away. This was what it meant to be alone, to stare death in the face and have no one to trust, no one to extend a hand of comfort or to caress your face with love. A blinding flash of pain as a sword, drawn inexoriably toward the ground, encountered resistance in the form of human flesh and continued straight through.***
A girl in a torn and bloodied school uniform lay on the sidewalk in a bustling district of Tokyo. She did not move, and the blood spreading around her gave a reason. Wounds that bore a slight resemblance to those caused by a knife seemed to be everywhere on her body, frusterating the efforts of those who were attempting to still the bleeding. Concerned citizens formed a ragged circle around her, trying not to jostle her as a buisness man made a desperate call on his cellular phone.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
***The swords were descending rapidly, and she felt unable to look away. This was what it meant to be alone, to stare death in the face and have no one to trust, no one to extend a hand of comfort or to caress your face with love. A blinding flash of pain as a sword, drawn inexoriably toward the ground, encountered resistance in the form of human flesh and continued straight through. A black vortex swirling up to meet her, and always the scent of roses in the air. Miki, Juri, Saionji, Nanami, Touga, Akio. Wakaba. Anthy. Their faces swirled around and around as the night reached out its arms... ***
Utena Tenjou's eyes flew open, her blue eyes focusing on the hospital ceiling. Her chest heaved for a few moments as the dream faded from her mind. The adreniline gradually returned to normal levels in her body, and her heartbeat began to even out. She would not give in to terror again. She had come so far in the past few months, and each time this nightmare came, it lost a bit of its power over her.
Utena pushed her arms under her, bracing herself on her elbows. Tentatively she ran her fingertips over the muscles of her abdomen, scanning the raised scar tissue. The worst scars were still angry and red, but the more minor ones were fading to white lines. She had been assured that with a few laser treatments, many of the scars would be virtually invisible. She had already signed the release forms, and was due to begin treatment the next day.
This room had contained the body of Utena Tenjou for more than eight months. She had arrived in critical condition, unconsious and bleeding heavily. The hospital had saved her life, and hadn't asked about insurance or payment, mainly because Utena had been in a shock induced coma. Not plesant. Utena was now a 'pet patient', one who is unable to pay and so recieves money from private donors for treatment. She had no complaints.
Slowly, Utena pushed herself into a sitting position and stood. It took a bit of effort to convince herself that the physical pain was not going to return. It was gone, for good she hoped. The mental anguish she still suffered from...that was another matter entirely. And though Utena continued to assure herself that it would fade in time, the memories of her time as a Duelist continued to haunt her. Walking to the window, Utena gazed out onto the glittering lights of Tokyo. It was a long time before she left the window in favor of sleep.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Rise and shine, Tena!" came the chirpy voice. Utena opened her eyes grudgingly, and had to smile. Jack had arrived, looking always like she had just stepped out of a magazine. Denim hugged her legs, and a baby doll t-shirt molded to her body. Pale blue hair was pulled back in a stylish ponytail, and wide blue eyes twinkled down at Utena.
"I'm up, I'm up," Utena muttered, pulling herself up in bed. Both girls knew it was an act; they had been through this ritual many times before.
Jacqueline Lazurus was an intern at the hospital where Utena had been taken after the Ohtori incident. An American by birth, she was an effervescent presence in the hospital. The doctors respected her, the other interns enjoyed her company, and the patients adored her. She was different, and that made her a person to be studied.
Jack insisted that everyone refer to her as 'Jack' rather than 'Jackie' or 'Jacqueline'. She felt the pressure from a male dominated profession, and while she dressed like a woman and had no problems with her sexuality or gender, she would answer to nothing but Jack. Most found it amusing or odd. Utena found it admirable.
Jack and Utena had met shortly after Utena regained conciousness. Jack came and left the hospital room in a blaze of sunshine, and Utena never tired of seeing her. Jack wore the badges of an education that came with a high price, and the courage to face a great deal more to realize her dream. To a disillusioned Utena, Jack was a paragon.
Though Utena never said what happened, and Jack had never pressured her to say, Utena had the oddest feeling that Jack understood. The two had become friends all through Utena's stay. And when the time had come for Utena to leave, Jack invited her to share an apartment. Jack had never asked if Utena had somewhere to go, or if she needed a place to stay for a while. Jack had simply packed Utena's few belongings and hustled her off to the apartment. She had never asked for rent or money for half the utilities, or anything of the sort. Utena had already resolved to pay her back as soon as possible.
Utena and Jack had formed the oddest raport. They had virtually nothing in common, and yet they had become fast friends. Jack never asked questions, and she allowed Utena her space. Utena, in turn, was not demanding. In the months they had spent together, they had discovered that interests can be shared. Jack taught Utena how to cook, how to play poker, and introduced her to the most interesting forms of food. Utena had resolved to teach Jack how throw a baseball, how to dribble a basketball, and someday...how to fence.
It was nice not to be in a hospital anymore. Though Utena had been out of school for a year and a half, she took equivalency exams and taught herself in the apartment. She rarely strayed from her room, and she never left the apartment. The paralyzing fear that the ordeal wasn't truly over.
Utena's attitude worried Jack. It wasn't healthy, and Utena knew it. Locking herself away wasn't going to allow her to regain her confidence in the world. It would not build a trust in the human race. And it would not strengthen her mind toward the task that still loomed before her. But yesterday, the mail had brought an acceptance letter. Utena had been accepted to a private university's early start program.
Utena was ready now. Two years after she had transfered to Ohtori, it was time to face the world once more. It was time to reclaim her life.
"No matter what you say, we are going shopping today. You agreed that we would decorate your room and revamp your wardrobe and that is exactly what we are going to do," Jack stated, her hands on her hips.
Without a word of warning, Jack threw Utena's clothing at her. Just as fast, Utena grabbed them from the air and shook them out. Jack stared.
Quickly, Utena jumped out of bed and threw her clothing on, forcing muscles unused for months to twist and bend in ways familiar to them.
It was exilirating, to be able to turn her body quickly and bend her limbs to her will. She had forgotten...but no longer.
Utena smiled at Jack, flashing a cocky grin over her shoulder. The Ohtori Academey and all that had occured there had taken enough of her life. It was time to move on.
"I want a make over," Utena announced, running a brush through her long pink hair.
Jack lounged against the door frame, a blinding smile on her face.
"Darling, you have come to the right place."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
By the end of that day, Utena Tenjou was a different person. Her bedroom had changed from whites, creams, and greys to a vivid palette of primary blues, greens, and reds. Her wardrobe had been refurbished, and her hair was layered softly around her face. On one wall hung an ornate shelf decorated with every kind of rose patterned teacup that she and Jack had been able to find. On another wall hung a sword rack, and a rapier with a jeweled handle lay on it. Utena smiled. In her closet were various types of sporting equipment, and there were textbooks by her bed. Utena was a university student now.
But more than the room had changed. The spark of determination and energy was beginning to return to Utena's eyes, and her soft smile was growing brighter by the moment. The shell that had lain in the hospital, and worked in the apartment for so many months had passed into memory. Now there was another Utena waiting to be discovered. She was not afraid, but neither was she so trusting in the honor of other human beings. This Utena was ready to face the world, and to return to normal life, as the other duelists, and she hoped Anthy, had done.
Utena faced herself in the mirror, and blinked once, twice, again. This was the new Utena. And it was the new Utena who would face the next task. Quietly, Utena opened her door and slipped out of her room and into the main room. She paused in front of the mirror in the hall. Blue slacks, and a tight cream jacket with long sleeves. It looked a great deal like the uniforms of the Student Council, which was precisly the effect Utena had been trying to achieve. Satisfied, Utena continued toward the main room.
"Jack, I need to take a walk," Utena said it quietly, and with a note of determination.
Jack glanced up from the medical text she was reading, her blue eyes flitting over Utena's face. Jack had always been sensitive to Utena's moods and needs, and today was no exception. Jack nodded slowly, her eyes boring into Utena's
"I'm on the midnight shift tonight. Take your key and be careful."
Utena nodded. Jack was no doubt pleased that Utena was about to step outside the apartment on her own. Quietly, Utena moved across the carpet, slipped her shoes on, grabbed a jacket and walked out the door.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hours later, Utena arrived at Ohtori Academy. She had wandered the streets of Tokyo, gathering her thoughts and attempting to sort through her emotions. Somewhere far off, a piano was playing softly. And Utena knew. She knew that it was time to let go, and to move on. But all that she had been through, all that she had learned, deserved more than a simple farewell. And so, Utena had found her way here, to the place where it had all begun.
The dormitories were ablaze with light, and Utena could hear popular music blasting from somewhere within. Quietly, Utena walked by, one hand in her pocket, the other gripping a grocery bag. Through stone arches, past flickering lights, to the stadium. Gazing across the length of the stadium, she could see a darker space in the shadows. It might have been her imagination, but Utena could pretend that she saw the Dueling Arena. A faint smile caressed her mouth as she gazed up toward the sky. The thousands of stars twinkled back, neither condemning nor absolving.
Utena lifted the bag up and dipped her free hand inside. From within she drew roses. Green, blue, orange, yellow, red and pink. Six roses, six original duelists. Two of each. She set six on the ground and placed the bag at her feet. Silently, silently, Utena plucked the petals from the roses in her hand, dropping them inside the bag. When only the stems remained, Utena lifted the bag and the whole roses, proceeding to the inner courtyard.
There, in the center, Utena arranged the six roses in a pinwheel shape, and arranged the free petals in a circle around them. Where the stems of the six roses met, Utena placed the bloom of a silvery purple rose. She looked at her masterpiece, and turned to walk away. Utena did not cry, but she did not laugh or shout with freedom either. Utena's freedom was more simple, and much quieter. It was simply a lifting of responsibility. She was no longer at fault. There was nothing she would do differently.
Utena paused, and turned her eyes in the direction of her old dormitory. Memories flashed across her mind in a jumble of colors and sounds, ending with pain and blood. For the first time, Utena felt no lack in herself. She had done all that she could to set Anthy free. It was time. The world opened its arms.
And as Utena walked away from the Ohtori Academy for the last time, the stars seemed a bit warmer. When she reached the gate she paused and turned fully, her eyes flickering over the stone carved buildings where so many evils had come to fruition. And for the first time since the swords of hatred had descended upon her body, Utena laughed.
It was slight, and yet heartfelt. It was genuine and honest. And it did not go unnoticed. Juri paused in her bathroom, frozen as she listened. Saionji dropped his practice sword in a kendo academy. Miki's hands froze over the keys of his piano. Nanami's head jerked to her open window. Akio rushed to his window, scanning the grounds. Wakaba woke from a deep sleep, listening desperatly. Touga slammed on the brakes of his car. And Anthy...she turned her head up to the stars and smiled.
Utena Tenjou, who had a heart capable of bringing the world revolution, was free.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Doesn't that sound like a lovely ending? It is, in a way. It sets the stage for what shall come afterward. However, it is the beginning. So stay tuned for the rest of the story.
Now, the dabbling in other anime fanfiction has begun in earnest. Such fun! So leave a note in the pretty review box. Like this fic? Hate it? This is the time when you get to express yourself! So go on, reach out to the poor feedback needy author. Thankies!
Peace, Love and All That Jazz,
Lyra
So enjoy and don't forget to review!
Disclaimer: Don't own this series. Wish I did, but don't. So sad.
Guided By The Stars
by Lyra Matsuoka
Rated PG-13
Chapter 1: Never Again
***The swords were descending rapidly, and she felt unable to look away. This was what it meant to be alone, to stare death in the face and have no one to trust, no one to extend a hand of comfort or to caress your face with love. A blinding flash of pain as a sword, drawn inexoriably toward the ground, encountered resistance in the form of human flesh and continued straight through.***
A girl in a torn and bloodied school uniform lay on the sidewalk in a bustling district of Tokyo. She did not move, and the blood spreading around her gave a reason. Wounds that bore a slight resemblance to those caused by a knife seemed to be everywhere on her body, frusterating the efforts of those who were attempting to still the bleeding. Concerned citizens formed a ragged circle around her, trying not to jostle her as a buisness man made a desperate call on his cellular phone.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
***The swords were descending rapidly, and she felt unable to look away. This was what it meant to be alone, to stare death in the face and have no one to trust, no one to extend a hand of comfort or to caress your face with love. A blinding flash of pain as a sword, drawn inexoriably toward the ground, encountered resistance in the form of human flesh and continued straight through. A black vortex swirling up to meet her, and always the scent of roses in the air. Miki, Juri, Saionji, Nanami, Touga, Akio. Wakaba. Anthy. Their faces swirled around and around as the night reached out its arms... ***
Utena Tenjou's eyes flew open, her blue eyes focusing on the hospital ceiling. Her chest heaved for a few moments as the dream faded from her mind. The adreniline gradually returned to normal levels in her body, and her heartbeat began to even out. She would not give in to terror again. She had come so far in the past few months, and each time this nightmare came, it lost a bit of its power over her.
Utena pushed her arms under her, bracing herself on her elbows. Tentatively she ran her fingertips over the muscles of her abdomen, scanning the raised scar tissue. The worst scars were still angry and red, but the more minor ones were fading to white lines. She had been assured that with a few laser treatments, many of the scars would be virtually invisible. She had already signed the release forms, and was due to begin treatment the next day.
This room had contained the body of Utena Tenjou for more than eight months. She had arrived in critical condition, unconsious and bleeding heavily. The hospital had saved her life, and hadn't asked about insurance or payment, mainly because Utena had been in a shock induced coma. Not plesant. Utena was now a 'pet patient', one who is unable to pay and so recieves money from private donors for treatment. She had no complaints.
Slowly, Utena pushed herself into a sitting position and stood. It took a bit of effort to convince herself that the physical pain was not going to return. It was gone, for good she hoped. The mental anguish she still suffered from...that was another matter entirely. And though Utena continued to assure herself that it would fade in time, the memories of her time as a Duelist continued to haunt her. Walking to the window, Utena gazed out onto the glittering lights of Tokyo. It was a long time before she left the window in favor of sleep.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Rise and shine, Tena!" came the chirpy voice. Utena opened her eyes grudgingly, and had to smile. Jack had arrived, looking always like she had just stepped out of a magazine. Denim hugged her legs, and a baby doll t-shirt molded to her body. Pale blue hair was pulled back in a stylish ponytail, and wide blue eyes twinkled down at Utena.
"I'm up, I'm up," Utena muttered, pulling herself up in bed. Both girls knew it was an act; they had been through this ritual many times before.
Jacqueline Lazurus was an intern at the hospital where Utena had been taken after the Ohtori incident. An American by birth, she was an effervescent presence in the hospital. The doctors respected her, the other interns enjoyed her company, and the patients adored her. She was different, and that made her a person to be studied.
Jack insisted that everyone refer to her as 'Jack' rather than 'Jackie' or 'Jacqueline'. She felt the pressure from a male dominated profession, and while she dressed like a woman and had no problems with her sexuality or gender, she would answer to nothing but Jack. Most found it amusing or odd. Utena found it admirable.
Jack and Utena had met shortly after Utena regained conciousness. Jack came and left the hospital room in a blaze of sunshine, and Utena never tired of seeing her. Jack wore the badges of an education that came with a high price, and the courage to face a great deal more to realize her dream. To a disillusioned Utena, Jack was a paragon.
Though Utena never said what happened, and Jack had never pressured her to say, Utena had the oddest feeling that Jack understood. The two had become friends all through Utena's stay. And when the time had come for Utena to leave, Jack invited her to share an apartment. Jack had never asked if Utena had somewhere to go, or if she needed a place to stay for a while. Jack had simply packed Utena's few belongings and hustled her off to the apartment. She had never asked for rent or money for half the utilities, or anything of the sort. Utena had already resolved to pay her back as soon as possible.
Utena and Jack had formed the oddest raport. They had virtually nothing in common, and yet they had become fast friends. Jack never asked questions, and she allowed Utena her space. Utena, in turn, was not demanding. In the months they had spent together, they had discovered that interests can be shared. Jack taught Utena how to cook, how to play poker, and introduced her to the most interesting forms of food. Utena had resolved to teach Jack how throw a baseball, how to dribble a basketball, and someday...how to fence.
It was nice not to be in a hospital anymore. Though Utena had been out of school for a year and a half, she took equivalency exams and taught herself in the apartment. She rarely strayed from her room, and she never left the apartment. The paralyzing fear that the ordeal wasn't truly over.
Utena's attitude worried Jack. It wasn't healthy, and Utena knew it. Locking herself away wasn't going to allow her to regain her confidence in the world. It would not build a trust in the human race. And it would not strengthen her mind toward the task that still loomed before her. But yesterday, the mail had brought an acceptance letter. Utena had been accepted to a private university's early start program.
Utena was ready now. Two years after she had transfered to Ohtori, it was time to face the world once more. It was time to reclaim her life.
"No matter what you say, we are going shopping today. You agreed that we would decorate your room and revamp your wardrobe and that is exactly what we are going to do," Jack stated, her hands on her hips.
Without a word of warning, Jack threw Utena's clothing at her. Just as fast, Utena grabbed them from the air and shook them out. Jack stared.
Quickly, Utena jumped out of bed and threw her clothing on, forcing muscles unused for months to twist and bend in ways familiar to them.
It was exilirating, to be able to turn her body quickly and bend her limbs to her will. She had forgotten...but no longer.
Utena smiled at Jack, flashing a cocky grin over her shoulder. The Ohtori Academey and all that had occured there had taken enough of her life. It was time to move on.
"I want a make over," Utena announced, running a brush through her long pink hair.
Jack lounged against the door frame, a blinding smile on her face.
"Darling, you have come to the right place."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
By the end of that day, Utena Tenjou was a different person. Her bedroom had changed from whites, creams, and greys to a vivid palette of primary blues, greens, and reds. Her wardrobe had been refurbished, and her hair was layered softly around her face. On one wall hung an ornate shelf decorated with every kind of rose patterned teacup that she and Jack had been able to find. On another wall hung a sword rack, and a rapier with a jeweled handle lay on it. Utena smiled. In her closet were various types of sporting equipment, and there were textbooks by her bed. Utena was a university student now.
But more than the room had changed. The spark of determination and energy was beginning to return to Utena's eyes, and her soft smile was growing brighter by the moment. The shell that had lain in the hospital, and worked in the apartment for so many months had passed into memory. Now there was another Utena waiting to be discovered. She was not afraid, but neither was she so trusting in the honor of other human beings. This Utena was ready to face the world, and to return to normal life, as the other duelists, and she hoped Anthy, had done.
Utena faced herself in the mirror, and blinked once, twice, again. This was the new Utena. And it was the new Utena who would face the next task. Quietly, Utena opened her door and slipped out of her room and into the main room. She paused in front of the mirror in the hall. Blue slacks, and a tight cream jacket with long sleeves. It looked a great deal like the uniforms of the Student Council, which was precisly the effect Utena had been trying to achieve. Satisfied, Utena continued toward the main room.
"Jack, I need to take a walk," Utena said it quietly, and with a note of determination.
Jack glanced up from the medical text she was reading, her blue eyes flitting over Utena's face. Jack had always been sensitive to Utena's moods and needs, and today was no exception. Jack nodded slowly, her eyes boring into Utena's
"I'm on the midnight shift tonight. Take your key and be careful."
Utena nodded. Jack was no doubt pleased that Utena was about to step outside the apartment on her own. Quietly, Utena moved across the carpet, slipped her shoes on, grabbed a jacket and walked out the door.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hours later, Utena arrived at Ohtori Academy. She had wandered the streets of Tokyo, gathering her thoughts and attempting to sort through her emotions. Somewhere far off, a piano was playing softly. And Utena knew. She knew that it was time to let go, and to move on. But all that she had been through, all that she had learned, deserved more than a simple farewell. And so, Utena had found her way here, to the place where it had all begun.
The dormitories were ablaze with light, and Utena could hear popular music blasting from somewhere within. Quietly, Utena walked by, one hand in her pocket, the other gripping a grocery bag. Through stone arches, past flickering lights, to the stadium. Gazing across the length of the stadium, she could see a darker space in the shadows. It might have been her imagination, but Utena could pretend that she saw the Dueling Arena. A faint smile caressed her mouth as she gazed up toward the sky. The thousands of stars twinkled back, neither condemning nor absolving.
Utena lifted the bag up and dipped her free hand inside. From within she drew roses. Green, blue, orange, yellow, red and pink. Six roses, six original duelists. Two of each. She set six on the ground and placed the bag at her feet. Silently, silently, Utena plucked the petals from the roses in her hand, dropping them inside the bag. When only the stems remained, Utena lifted the bag and the whole roses, proceeding to the inner courtyard.
There, in the center, Utena arranged the six roses in a pinwheel shape, and arranged the free petals in a circle around them. Where the stems of the six roses met, Utena placed the bloom of a silvery purple rose. She looked at her masterpiece, and turned to walk away. Utena did not cry, but she did not laugh or shout with freedom either. Utena's freedom was more simple, and much quieter. It was simply a lifting of responsibility. She was no longer at fault. There was nothing she would do differently.
Utena paused, and turned her eyes in the direction of her old dormitory. Memories flashed across her mind in a jumble of colors and sounds, ending with pain and blood. For the first time, Utena felt no lack in herself. She had done all that she could to set Anthy free. It was time. The world opened its arms.
And as Utena walked away from the Ohtori Academy for the last time, the stars seemed a bit warmer. When she reached the gate she paused and turned fully, her eyes flickering over the stone carved buildings where so many evils had come to fruition. And for the first time since the swords of hatred had descended upon her body, Utena laughed.
It was slight, and yet heartfelt. It was genuine and honest. And it did not go unnoticed. Juri paused in her bathroom, frozen as she listened. Saionji dropped his practice sword in a kendo academy. Miki's hands froze over the keys of his piano. Nanami's head jerked to her open window. Akio rushed to his window, scanning the grounds. Wakaba woke from a deep sleep, listening desperatly. Touga slammed on the brakes of his car. And Anthy...she turned her head up to the stars and smiled.
Utena Tenjou, who had a heart capable of bringing the world revolution, was free.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Doesn't that sound like a lovely ending? It is, in a way. It sets the stage for what shall come afterward. However, it is the beginning. So stay tuned for the rest of the story.
Now, the dabbling in other anime fanfiction has begun in earnest. Such fun! So leave a note in the pretty review box. Like this fic? Hate it? This is the time when you get to express yourself! So go on, reach out to the poor feedback needy author. Thankies!
Peace, Love and All That Jazz,
Lyra