Finding me, finding you
There's a moment when you realize that you can't control your life anymore.
That's the hardest moment. The moment where you stop for a second, and suddenly all your choices, your lies, your mistakes, hit you hard, they run you over; And then you find yourself in a white bed, surrounded by familiar faces and by the doctor,who looks at your with a proud look.
Like you had chosen not to die.
They call your name, cry those tears you don't have, "You made it!" they say.
But they don't know.
They don't know what you are thinking of: that catastrophic mass that is your life. That infinite maze, full of blind alleys and circles, never ending streets, mistakes. Always the same mistakes. And nobody kind enough to put a damn sign.
You think about it in the night. When everyone leaves, except from your mother, who sits there beside you and sleeps with her head rested against the bed.
You think about your desperate need for love, and all the ways you found to escape it.
Beth, Puck, Finn, Sam. You wanted them all and so you pushed them away, with your subterfuges and manipulations.
And then there's Santana. She was your masterpiece, your maximum act, your gratest achievement.
If someone asked you about it, you would't know how to answer. When it all started, this research for self destruction.
Maybe when you turned yourself into something you are not. Maybe when you became Quinn. Maybe Quinn herself is your destruction.
You created this better version of yourself, you gave her a heart made of stones and way too much ambition, and then you sent her down Mckinley's hallways. The Ice Queen.
But you didn't start alone: there was her.
Sweet Santana, you knew her since you were little. When, at six years old, you met this girl so different, playing in a corner of the park with some cars.
You promised her eternal friendship. You managed to break even that vow.
Now, if somebody asked you how did you break that friendship, then you would have known exactly how to answer.
It was a smooth plan. A well thought strategy to come to a checkmate, and each and every one of your moves was essential.
She didn't know you were playing. She didn't know the rules.
And that made everything easier.
At the beginning there was a gradual separation, followed by a betrayal, continuiing with a wall of silence, lowered at times only to spit venom.
Then you brought someone to the group, when you realized you would have nedded more to break her: Brittany.
Brittany, innocent (not so much, actually) and naive, she was quick to stole a place into Santana's heart.
Of course, you didn't take it well. How many times during the night, you stayed in your room, crying, hugging that stupid puppet she gave you.
But it wasn't important, because you knew you were almost there.
You brought her a substitute. A blonde who would have taken your place once the plan was over.
A way for her to accept her loss and move on.
You felt her slip between your fingers, and the more you drifted apart, the more you started having doubts.
More than once, in moments of weakness, you turned back. Small things, obviously. Awkward smiles and faltering greetings that, you are sure, were confusing her even more.
But in the end, things worked out by themselves.
You freaked out. You went crazy. You created a Quinn 2.0 and you walked away, and not only from Santana, but from everyone. You shattered that little you had created. That glimmer of hope that gave you the strenght to leave your house. All your friends, gone, replaced by a second-rate tattoo and a cigarette butt.
Santana, at that point, was also gone; After her last attempt to get you back, she turned around and left you for good. Mission accomplished, Quinn
But now. Now that you have survived. Now that you are looking at the ceiling, thinking about your mistakes, with this damn tube they put down your throat.
What will you do now, Lucy Quinn Fabray, to put you life back together?
And what will you do to get the girl you love back?
A/N: why hello everyone! So, I wrote this fiction in italian, but you know. Not so many peeps are Quinntana lovers here in Italy, so I thought well! What if I translate it in english as well, so they can see just how much I suck! Yes yes, it seems like a good idea.
I am sooo good in English..at english..huh.
Welp
Soooo, if I decide to continue this (which will be determinated by you guys, so send me some loooove)
Here's some things you should know!
It's all canon up until the car accident. I think. Haven't decided yet, but I'll let you know if something is changed XD
Im a bit rusty cause I haven't wrote anything since…oh I don't even know…and this is the first time I try to translate something in english, so please forgive me for the many many mistakes. I you'd like to help me a bit, just contact me!
I'll try to update frequently but I am busy with university and blogs and grown up staff, so no promise (p.s: your love helps!)
Feel free to contact me and my awful english any time you want, even twitter if you'd like, and if you have some ideas I'd like to hear them too, so I can't get inspired or something xP
Alright, I'm done talking. Lemme know if you'd like to read more of this crap or if I suck and have to stick to my home language (not that I don't suck at that too..but whatever)
p.s: if you're still reading, I love yoooou 3