Osamu has never hated Ken.
He has occasionally wished ill on him, but it was his little brother. Of course he would. Doesn't everyone wish for a caterpillar to go down a brother's shirt or a snowball to hit right in the neck and run icy fingers down his back? Harmless things, pranks.
He would never wish for this.
He works hard, he knows, and has many things to do, and sometimes that means less time for a baby brother. It isn't fair, he knows it isn't, but his parents smile and they don't think of Ken and he doesn't know how to change that. They don't think of fragile little Ken with stars in his eyes and desperation to be loved, how can they? How can they ever?
And yet… here he is.
As if he had wished for it, even though he hasn't, there is his brother, swathed in bandages, a heart monitor beeping slow, faint sounds that do not feel like his Ken at all. They feel the exact opposite, slipping away like rocks over a waterfall.
They'd been so angry with each other only a week ago, and now…
"Hey."
Osamu tries not to jump. After seeing who it is, he tries even harder not to pull his friend into a hug. "Ryo," he greets, voice hoarse.
Ryo looks down at him, eyes tired and full of concern. And again, there is that something. That something in the back of his friend's eyes, somewhere in his brain. It sees further than his goofy best friend can. Osamu has never clicked with emotions, but he is certain that whatever it iss he saw is not Ryo. Not his best friend, not the guy that makes his heart heat up, but someone older, maybe not wiser, but definitely more desperate.
"How is he?" Ryo's bounce of a voice is down to little more than the last legs of a rubber ball.
Osamu shakes his head. "He stays awake more."
"Something."
"Yeah."
Awkward pauses and he really hates awkward pauses, "You?"
Ryo shrugs. "Weird dreams, Computer systems acting funny. Not sure what's going on. Maybe it's like a year or so ago."
"You mean the screwball in the sky?" Ryo snorts at the slang and Osamu gives him a half-hearted jab to the ribs. So he isn't good at sounding like other kids. So sue him. "Was that how it was before?" He can't remember the time very well. He just recalls huddling around the television with his parents and brother, who had stared so intently at the screen that Osamu had joked his eyes would pop out.
It had been a crappy joke, of course, but he'd never been good at not being sober.
"Yeah, I saw it, and I was in my apartment alone for two days. Never got sick of the ramen smell until then." He sighs and that odd look flicker into his eyes again. "If it's like that, then… do you think that's what got Ken too?"
Osamu scowls. "It was just a crazy truck driver!" His voice is a little too loud and Ken's face goes pinched, making him soften. "It's just that, that's all. I'm serious." At least, he hopes it is. "I just want it to be a bad coincidence that we, that he-" The words close in his throat and he looks down.
Unfortunately, he has a best friend who doesn't want to let go. "That what?" His voice is leagues more patient than it should be and Osamu feels a prickle at the back of his neck.
"That we had a fight beforehand." The words tumble out and Osamu glares at spiky brown hair. "It was a little, stupid fight. He got in my stuff and was spouting his usual stories and things… I took it too far."
Ryo sighs. "Sam."
"Don't 'Sam' me." Osamu grimaces. "I know already." He did know. He was crap at controlling his temper; it just hardly ever hit Ken. Ken is a sweet kid, naive. He doesn't need to see his brother in a tizzy. But now he has.
What if that is his last good memory? His last solid memory is of his brother slapping him and making him feel like dirt. How fair is that?
Ryo is quiet for a few minutes. Then, "Fairy tale stuff?"
Osamu nods. "Usual stories of monsters and everything. Says he met a talking bug. And you, apparently."
For some reason, Ryo stiffens. Osamu is prevented from asking why by the flutter of Ken's eyelashes.
Ryo moves to leave but pauses, leaning to whisper in Osamu's ear. "Probably cause he did."
The hospital room feels colder than usual. Not even Ken's lopsided smile warms it up again.
How close is his little brother to death, even at this very moment? And is it Ryo's fault?
A/N: And here we have the sequel to Power Affair, which... will take a bit of a turn as the stories go on. There is a long one coming too. Look forward to it!
Challenges: Digimon Non-Flash Bingo 484 - prompt: "Don't die with regrets" and Diversity Writing B82. Write a fic that explores guilt.