They Stand Alone

by holly-writes-things

"Neither can imagine life without the other. Master and Padawan and Jedi Knights together, they have fought this war for thirteen years. Their war is their life. And their life is a weapon. They stand alone." - Matthew Stover (Revenge of the Sith novelization) - (aka the Kise/Kasamatsu Jedi Knight AU that no one wanted)

When they first met, Kise was eight.

The news of his discovery spread through the Jedi Temple at an unimaginable rate, and the story went that Nijimura had found the gifted child on Takodana - found being the operative word. Nijimura had been intensely questioning the owner of the planet's shadiest cantina, when he turned to see his newly-issued credit chip hovering in the air, already two-thirds of the way towards the child. A chase had ensued, one that would be greatly exaggerated over the years, and Nijimura had caught and questioned the boy rigorously before bringing him back to the Temple.

Of course, the rest of the Council had tested him extensively; he was a little too old and it was slightly too late to begin his formal training, but it was clear he was nothing short of a prodigy, and so allowances were made. Akashi assigned him to Nijimura as his first Padawan, and Kise was formally welcomed into the Jedi Order.

Kasamatsu was sixteen at the time, and while everyone else leapt at the opportunity to discuss the boy's potential, he remained willfully indifferent. It had nothing to do with him.

Kise proved to be an incredibly difficult Padawan and much praise was given to Nijimura's patience. Though talented, Kise was not terribly conscientious and he was always in trouble.

Not long after Kise had joined the Order, Kasamatsu caught him stealing from another young Padawan.

Kise and Hayakawa were whispering by one of the Temple's large windows and Kasamatsu approached them quietly from behind. Hayakawa was holding something in his hand.

"You don't want your gum." Kise murmured, "You don't like it."

Hayakawa blinked once, and then- "Hey Kise, I don't like this, do you want it?" He held out a small candy wrapped in brightly colored paper.

Kasamatsu watched as Kise took it and smugly popped it into his mouth.

Kasamatsu appeared behind them. "You shouldn't do that," He said it loudly and they both jumped. He had been quiet, but realistically they should have been able to sense his presence long before he spoke. Their wasted training disappointed him.

Kasamatsu was several years older than either of them and they both tried to scuttle away immediately. He grabbed Kise by the bicep and held him firmly, allowing Hayakawa to escape, "Before you joined the Order I know you were forced to steal for survival, but you can't do it here." He spoke sternly, "And you definitely shouldn't use Force Persuasion on you fellow Padawan. It's against the Jedi Code."

Kise was clearly unconcerned, "If he doesn't want me to take his candy then he should work harder so that I can't use it on him." He took the time to blow a large bubble before continuing, "He's been studying for years longer than me, it's his own fault."

"And what if he works hard but never gets better than you?" Kasamatsu said, "Will you still think it's okay to take his things when you're grown up?"

Kise stuck the gum inside one of his cheeks, and the small lump protruded slightly. It would have been almost cute, had he not fixed Kasamatsu with a steady glare. When he spoke, his voice was commanding, "I'm not in trouble."

Kasamatsu hesitated. He felt his mind clouding and his body betraying him, already preparing to turn back the way he had come.

He blinked, shaking his head slightly.

"You shouldn't use Force Persuasion on you fellow Padawan." He repeated. "Especially not when they're older than you."

Kise simply looked surprised, and perhaps a little impressed, "No one's withstood it so far."

Kasamatsu stared down at him, "I should tell Nijimura." His threat fell on indifferent ears, and Kasamatsu's gape sunk into a frown, "Or perhaps I should tell Akashi, and have you throw out of the Order?"

Kise's face suddenly drained of color, "Hey, wait a second - please don't, I-I'm sorry-" Kasamatsu turned away from him and Kise began to panic. He hung onto Kasamatsu's robes and tried again, "I'm not in trouble! I'm not in trouble! YOU WON'T TELL ANYONE!"

Kasamatsu shrugged him off rather roughly. Behind him, he heard Kise begin to cry, but he walked on determinately. Truthfully, he felt rather shaken, afraid of how close he had come to bending to Kise's will - to the will of a child. Feeling both fearful and curious about the true extent of Kise's abilities, he walked right past Akashi without saying a word. He never mentioned the event to anyone, but only because he still believed it had nothing to do with him.

.

As Kise got older, he continued to show an incredible command of the Force, but very little dedication to the Jedi Order.

Around the age of sixteen, some Padawan hit a bit of a rough patch in their training; it was a time of boyish impulses and the desires that come with a growing maturity, and Kise was no different. Except that, in his case, the indiscretions were on a much larger scale than most.

Arrogance, disobedience, and a resounding insolence were the highlights of Kise's sixteenth year. He frequently snuck out, attending cantinas of famously ill-repute, and he even, on at least one occasion that Kasamatsu was aware of, brought a girl back to the Temple.

It had been a warm night with clear skies, and while most of the Temple was peacefully at rest, Kasamatsu had been unable to fall asleep. He rose from bed and donned a robe to cover his pajamas. Exiting his room, he headed towards the Temple's Meditation Garden, intending to look out at the stars and the nighttime skyline.

Somewhere else in the Temple, he felt the presence of another sleepless individual like himself, but he paid it no attention; if he was allowed to be restless then surely someone else was as well.

Coruscant was busy that night, like every night, with neon lights, impressively tall buildings, and an incredible amount of traffic, even at the late hour.

To preserve their dedication to the Order, Jedi generally were not allowed to form strong emotional ties with family or friends, and were certainly not supposed to take romantic partners. As Kasamatsu stared out at the city, he doubted that was the way real people in the real world - those who hadn't pledged themselves to the Order - led their lives. Coruscant was teeming with people and creatures from every planet across the galaxy, filled to the brim with homes and business and whatever else he could imagine. It was a whole city filled with people who had close friends and family and special someones - and here he was, sitting outside the Jedi Temple, entirely alone. Kasamatsu wasn't sure how that made him feel. He didn't regret his choices, but he often questioned them.

On the way back to his room, he spied Kise tiptoeing quickly down the hallway, leading a girl by the hand; she looked about his age, perhaps slightly older. They crossed directly in front of Kasamatsu, though neither of them noticed him. There was no reason Kise shouldn't have been able to sense him, and once more, Kasamatsu considered Kise's abilities with some jealousy, abilities that were wasted since he never tried to apply them.

Kasamatsu watched in silence as Kise ushered the girl into the room. He was surprised Kise had his own room; Kasamatsu had spent his years as a Padawan in a cramped bedroom with bunkbeds and three others. Then again, the Council may have wanted to keep Kise's indiscretions isolated, if there was no way of preventing them altogether.

Kise turned to shut the door behind them. With one hand on the doorframe, he hesitated. His eyes flicked upward, staring right where Kasamatsu stood, hooded in shadows. Kise grinned, and then stuck out his tongue. He pulled the door shut.

Kasamatsu stood thunderstruck, the image of Kise's mocking expression burning brightly in his mind. Was he supposed to be jealous?

Kasamatsu walked back to his own room alone. He could say with confidence that he had never felt the pull of such depravity, even when he had been Kise's age. When Kasamatsu was sixteen, he had studied and practiced and gone to bed early. He felt that girls were distracting and difficult to talk to, and he greatly preferred the company of the other men in the temple, though he didn't think much of it at the time.

Kasamatsu was twenty-four, and it was around this time he began to notice that Kise was growing taller than him.

.

Years passed with very little interaction between them. If anything, they avoided one another, and the way it looked, they were bound to remain so.

However, in the months following Kise's eighteenth birthday, without signal or warning, Nijimura was killed in a peacekeeping mission to the Outer-Rim Territories.

Kise hadn't been with him at the time and did not take his death lightly. He grieved as any Padawan would, but he also assumed, as many people did, that in light of the tragedy and considering his age, he would finally be permitted to take the Jedi Trials, effectively earning the rank of Jedi Knight.

Kasamatsu also mourned of course, Nijimura had certainly been talented and well-respected, nothing short of a legend in the Jedi Order, but for him it also meant that there was an open seat on the Jedi High Council. Now twenty-six, there were already whispers that Kasamatsu would be the next to be named a Jedi Master. On several occasions he had been asked to sit in on meetings, and though not officially on the Council, his opinion was requested on a variety of matters.

In the hours following Nijimura's funeral, he was called before the Council once more.

Kise was leaving the Council chamber just as Kasamatsu was entering, and Kise fixed him with a gaze steady and golden, filled with both ambition and suspicion. His Padawan braid was long and like the rest of his hair, incredibly blond. Despite his criticisms of Kise's character, he had to admit the braid was well looked after. It was laced with yellow, black, and red beads, each color representing a particular area of training. Red for piloting, yellow for weapons, and black for covert operations, which incidentally, had been Nijimura's specialty.

Inside the chamber, the Council members sat in a semicircle, and Kasamatsu padded towards them nervously. Midorima, Momoi, and Kuroko sat on the left, while Murasakibara, Aomine, and Nijimura's empty seat sat on the right. Grand Master Akashi sat directly in the middle.

Akashi fixed Kasamatsu with his chilling gaze, and Kasamatsu shuffled his feet uncomfortably.

Akashi cleared his throat, "Kasamatsu, thank you for coming. As you may have suspected, the young Padawan Kise has requested to take the Jedi Trials. We would like to know your assessment of his training."

This surprised Kasamatsu, but he also knew he was familiar enough with Kise's behavior to effectively answer the question. He felt ratified and slightly vindictive.

He cleared his throat, "While I acknowledge his overwhelming talent, he is also, as I'm sure you're aware, brash and imprudent, and that is putting it kindly. As a Jedi Knight, I feel he would be nothing short of an embarrassment to the Order." Momoi raised her eyebrows but Akashi's gaze never wavered. Kasamatsu swallowed, "Still, if that was my only criticism I might not oppose his promotion, plenty of Jedi mature with the addition of new responsibilities, but truth be told, it is not his indiscretions that worry me the most. He is tremendously skilled, sure, but he lacks dedication to the Order. Because of his talent, I know most are willing to overlook this fault, but I personally believe it's dangerous."

Midorima leaned forward, "Surely you don't mean you think he feels the pulls of the Sith?"

Kasamatsu backtracked, "N-No, I don't mean to implement him in that way. I just mean that while he has talent and ambition, he lacks the desire to do good, and I think his training is far from complete until he gains it."

This pronouncement was met with silence from the Council, and Kasamatsu began to worry he had overstepped his boundaries.

Suddenly, K-2, seated faithfully by Kuroko's side, let out a long series of beeps.

Akashi turned to the droid, looking slightly surprised. He stroked his chin, and then addressed Kuroko, "What do you think of that suggestion?"

Kuroko observed Kasamatsu for a moment, "Well I suppose it's not something we'd considered before…" The droid beeped again and Kuroko turned to it fondly, "K-2 seems very insistent."

Kasamatsu glanced around the Council members, and their confused faces seemed to indicate that no one except Kuroko and Akashi understood the conversation taking place.

Akashi turned back to him, "We greatly appreciate your input, you are dismissed. We would like to discuss a few things privately, but will likely be calling you back shortly."

Kasamatsu exited with a bow, and a few moments after closing the door, he thought he heard a sudden burst of Aomine's laughter echoing from inside the chamber.

Nervous as to what that could mean, he stood warily outside the chamber, coming face to face with Kise once more. The unruly Padawan was leaning against a wall, apparently also having been instructed to wait. They stood far apart from each other, saying nothing, and Kasamatsu tried not to appear guilty.

Despite himself, he kept shooting Kise nervous glances. Kise however, watched the Council door with a solid determination, mingled with pride. He expected a promotion, and it was written all over his face.

The door opened not ten minutes later, and Momoi ushered them both inside. They stood before the Council a little awkwardly, both wondering why the other was there.

"Ryouta Kise," Akashi spoke calmly, "it is the opinion of the Council that you have not yet completed your training. You are to remain a Padawan indefinitely. Kasamatsu," Akashi turned to him, "from this day forward, we would like to officially name you a Jedi Master and member of the Jedi High Council." Kasamatsu had only seconds to appreciate both the defeated expression on Kise's face and the pride of his own achievements, because Akashi continued, "As you know, it is often customary for Jedi to retake the Trials before fully becoming Masters, in your case, however, the situation is slightly different. You're being named a Jedi Master on the stipulation that you take Kise as your Padawan."

Kise, who had been gaping at Akashi in horror this entire time, suddenly snapped his gaze to Kasamatsu. They stared at each other, and it was hard to tell who was most opposed to this.

Kasamatsu turned back to Akashi, "Grand Master, I...I am humbled, but perhaps there is someone else who ehm, is better equipped to train someone of Kise's...skill and-"

Akashi's eyes flashed dangerously, startling him into silence, "You appeared before this Council and expressed displeasure with his upbringing thus far. You clearly have strong feelings about his training, and we are giving you the opportunity to raise him the way you see fit." He raised his eyebrows, daring either of them to object. "The Council feels that Kise is still in need of guidance, and Kasamatsu, you are twenty-six and have yet to have your first Padawan. Frankly, this is long overdue."

Kuroko spoke then, wearing an innocent smile, "You know Kasamatsu, I've been telling you for years that there are benefits of knowing the droid language..."

Kasamatsu was stuck. He could no longer remain indifferent and he could not skillfully extract himself from this situation. He had become involved.

.

Needless to say, it did not go well in the beginning. Stubborn as they both were, the time they spent together took on the quality of gravel scraping against sandpaper. From the beginning, there had been no respect given or received from either party.

Kise blamed Kasamatsu for the unfavorable situation they now found themselves in. The moment they had left the Council's chamber, Kise had rounded on him, "Well I'm sure you're very happy!" He snapped, "You get named a Master and I have to remain a Padawan!" Kise sneered at him, "Very clever! Nicely played!"

Kasamatsu bristled, "That is not the tone you should use when speaking to your Master." He didn't address Kise's accusations, since he couldn't exactly refute them, but he only regretted his testimony because if Kise had been made a Jedi Knight, at the very least, he would have been out of Kasamatsu's hair.

Their first mission, as well as the several following it, had all been disastrous and, in most cases, complete failures. For this lack of success, they blamed each other; Kise pointed a finger at what he vaguely referred to as "Kasamatsu's complete incompetence", while Kasamatsu fully believed it was due to Kise's inability to listen to instructions. Kasamatsu had taken very fondly to simply leaving Kise on the ship whenever they were sent on missions, and if the young Padawan hadn't already resented Kasamatsu, this was surely the thing that made him.

Several months past with no semblance of teamwork, no hint of trust between them, until one particular mission to Tatooine.

Aboard the Order's newest starship, Kise was swiveling in his seat, "So what this mission about?"

Kasamatsu let out a sigh, "Didn't Akashi explain it to you?"

"He said you would." Kise raised an eyebrow, as if he doubted it.

Kasamatsu hesitated for a moment, and then yielded, "We are headed to Tatooine," he said, "I'm sure you know the Republic has recently made efforts to enforce anti-slavery laws there, and despite being initially resistant, the Hutts finally yielded. However, there are rumors that the slave trade is still being conducted in secret. The mission is simply reconnaissance, we need to be able to either confirm or deny these allegations. We're landing just outside the capital city of Bestine." Kise opened his mouth to speak but Kasamatsu didn't let him, "I will go into the city to investigate and you will stay aboard the ship."

Kise had no doubt expected this, but slammed a fist on the flyer's dashboard nevertheless, "Why? Why can't I ever come with you? Why do you always just shut me up inside the ship! If the mission isn't that serious then why can't I come?"

Kasamatsu gritted his teeth. He didn't have a reason, but he didn't want Kise with him regardless. He spoke calmly, "Because I said so."

"Akashi said it's your job to make me a better Jedi!" Kise rose his voice, "You're not even trying to teach me anything!"

"Because you never try to learn!" Kasamatsu finally snapped at him. Kise sat back, slightly stunned, and Kasamatsu took a deep breath, "I don't expect you to understand my judgments, but I expect you to follow my orders. Stay on the ship."

They sat in silence for the rest of the flight, and Kise pouted while Kasamatsu gripped the flight controls much tighter than necessary. They landed on the sands of Tatooine with Bestine visible in the distance, and as Kasamatsu was preparing to leave, Kise spoke up once more.

"Can I at least explore the planet? Not interfere with the mission just...explore a bit, since the ship gets boring?"

Kasamatsu's eyes narrowed, "Tatooine is literally just desert and then more desert, inhabited primarily by the Hutts and Tusken Raiders. The only interesting things on the planet are things that, apparently, will capture and enslave you - and that's if you're lucky - there are many other things that will readily try to kill you, so no, you are not to leave the ship under any circumstances."

Kise glared at him but said nothing, and sat down with his back to Kasamatsu, crossing his arms.

Kasamatsu left him without saying anything more, and trekked down towards the capital. He stayed in the city for several hours, seeking out the least-reputable businesses and cantinas, but saw no signs of the alleged slave trade. He returned to the ship as the sky began to grow dark; one of the suns had already set and the other was beginning to cast long shadows.

Walking into the ship, he saw immediately that it was empty.

Kasamatsu roared a curse and sprinted back outside, quickly scanning the dessert's horizon.

He thought fancifully that perhaps Kise had up and ran, finally deciding the Jedi life wasn't for him. Fond as Kasamatsu was of the idea, he had a feeling it wasn't true. Examining the ground, he spied a sole set of footprints that the wind hadn't entirely blown over, heading off in the direction opposite the city.

Kasamatsu knew that if he didn't locate Kise before it got dark, he would have a very hard time finding him in the morning. He set off after the tracks, jogging with a steady mantra of Stupid! Laserbrain! Padawan!

After maybe a kilometer or two, it looked as if Kise really had set off with no real destination in mind, intending to simply wander aimlessly across the desert. Kasamatsu wondered if perhaps he had gotten lost - but of course, this was Tatooine, and getting stranded in the desert was one of the kinder things that could happen to you.

Up a head he saw a large deviation in the pattern of footsteps. Kise's single trail ended abruptly, and suddenly there were others, at least ten or fifteen, a whole mess of footprints and fighting and disturbed sand. The gaggle of footsteps veered off to the right, a thick trail marking through the middle, like something being dragged.

Kasamatsu cursed under his breath and followed the tracks at a full sprint, in a race against the blowing wind and the setting sun. Despite his poor opinion of Kise and general dislike for his Padawan, Kasamatsu had grown worried long ago.

Ahead of him, laid out like a picture, was a large campsite with rows of tents and terrain rollers, with a large fire pit burning in the center

Kasamatsu slowed and skidded the edge of the camp, circling back behind it, and it was then that he saw Kise. Chained to a series of wooden pegs with at least a dozen others, Kise looked rather worse for wear; his clothing hung in shreds and his face was smeared with dirt and blood, but although he had been subdued and captured, he apparently refused to, as they say, go quietly. Kasamatsu watched as his Padawan strained against his shackles, kicking up sand and shouting profanities at his captors, most of whom were paying him no attention at all.

At this distance, Kise should have already known he was there; if he would only stop shouting, if he would only stop to think for just a moment.

Kasamatsu sighed. There was nothing for it.

Without trying to hide in the slightest, he stepped out into the center of the camp. Two guards noticed him at once and he took them down swiftly.

An alarm was sounding now, and Kise's eyes grew wide as he recognized his Master, moving quickly and fluidly, proceeding to take out the entire camp by himself.

Kasamatsu sliced at a leg and flipped back behind his captors, cutting across several shoulder blades, before swooping upward and driving the hilt of his lightsaber into a stomach. They fell like flies, and Kise couldn't take his eyes off him. When he fought, Kasamatsu was captivating, wielding a precision Kise had never seen and a power he had never suspected.

The final captor chose to surrender, falling to his knees before Kasamatsu, with his hands pressed together in either a prayer or a plead. Kise stared, waiting to see how his Master would dispose of the man, only to be disappointed when Kasamatsu simply clubbed the man over the head, effectively knocking him out.

Kise frowned in confusion and slowly scanned the remains of the camp. His mouth fell open as he realized, incredibly, that Kasamatsu hadn't killed any of captors. Though they were all either incapacitated or knocked out, they would certainly live to see the next morning, though a rather sore and painful morning it would be.

From across the ravaged camp and overlooking the dwindling campfire, Kasamatsu met Kise's eyes. He didn't saying, he just looked, and his steely gaze, Kise was given an answer.

We call this mercy.

Kasamatsu walked towards where the prisoners were held and cut Kise free with his lightsaber. The cuffs still circled his wrists, but at least he had mobility.

Kise started to apologize, to offer some sort explanation, but Kasamatsu interrupted him, "Help me free these people," he ordered, "and their cuffs."

Kise could only nod.

They scoured through the camp, collecting any papers and receipts and letters that appeared relevant. They also found a map, which they used to find their way back to Bestine. The process of leading everyone they had freed back to the city and ensuring they all returned to their families and loved ones took most of the night, and the first sun was beginning to rise as Kise and Kasamatsu wearily trekked back to their ship.

Kasamatsu was sporting a rather large gash across the forehead, and while he could hear Kise limping badly behind him, Kasamatsu did not ask if he was alright. He had spoken to his Padawan very little throughout the night, only addressing him to give him orders. Though he wasn't looking at his Padawan, he knew Kise was hanging his head.

Kasamatsu boarded the ship silently. While Kise hesitated guiltily by the entrance, Kasamatsu walked over the controls and removed his robe. Bundling it into a ball, he tossed it roughly into his seat. He ran the ship's startup procedures and calmly radioed the Temple to apologize for the delay, explaining that they would be back soon.

He turned off the radio, and then finally, finally, he turned back to look at his Padawan.

"What the hell is wrong with you?!" he stomped back to where Kise stood, drawing up right in front of him, "Do you realize you could have died? That we could have died? Do you care? Why do you never listen to me? To anything I say? Why do you always have to disregard your orders? Do you think it's funny? Why-" Kise stood before him, his head hanging low, and Kasamatsu felt the insult catch in his throat. His voice faltered, "W-Why are you crying?"

Fat, heavy drops slid off long eyelashes, falling helplessly to the floor.

"Why didn't you ever like me? You never did." Kise's voice came out as a high pitched whine, "Even when I was kid, you hated me then too." He hiccuped, "Why? I know I wasn't the best behaved, but I was just a kid."

He appeared to be unable to speak any further, and in that moment Kasamatsu saw something in Kise that wasn't just arrogance or attitude, but human and honest; Kasamatsu had hurt him.

He found himself at a loss, "I-I don't hate you," he stammered, "I mean - I think you're annoying and don't think things through most of the time…but I don't hate you."

Kise shook his head roughly from side to side. He was still crying rather hard and his voice trembled, "No - you never liked me, you always-" a heavy sob shook his body and he didn't finish the thought, "Why don't you ever let me help on missions? I can fight! Nijimura trained me for years before you, I can help, I'm not useless and I'm not a child. I-"

He hiccuped again and the crying image of him heavily contrasted the statement. At eighteen, Kise was still just a kid, and Kasamatsu had been impatient with him, he had been cruel. Kise was right, it was his job was to make Kise a better Jedi, but he considered for the first time that perhaps Kise could make him better too.

Kasamatsu rubbed his neck, "Look...look, we just...need to work on-on teamwork, and we need to learn how to cooperate with each other. You can come with me on missions from now on, okay? But you really need to listen to me - and understand that I really don't hate you. I think you are very skilled, and although you make mistakes sometimes I know it's never intentional. As long as you try hard I won't be disappointed." He raised a hand and placed it on Kise's head, ruffling his hair. "But seriously, you need to listen to me."

Kise sniffled and nodded, and then began to wipe his eyes. He suddenly looked up at Kasamatsu, angry once more, glaring at him through glossy eyes, "I could be a Jedi now if it wasn't for you, don't think I'm still not angry about it."

"You could," and this was first time Kasamatsu had actually admitted it, "I know the Trials wouldn't have been much of a challenge for you. You could have been a Jedi," he conceded, "but that doesn't mean you should be. You were paired with me so that when the time finally comes, you would be the best Jedi possible. I just want you to get better."

The crease across Kise's forehead softened, and he nodded once more, "Yes, Master."

To even his own surprise, Kasamatsu broke into a large smile, Kise had never before addressed him properly. He placed a hand on each of Kise's shoulders, "Are you alright? You were limping pretty badly." Kise claimed he was, but Kasamatsu told him to sit down regardless. "We'll have Midorima look at it once we get back. After we speak with the rest of the Council, of course. Thanks to you, there's quite a lot to report."

Kise snapped his gaze towards him, looking betrayed. Even after everything that had happened aboard the ship, Kasamatsu planned to rat him out?

Kasamatsu sat down in front of the controls, "The mission," he said, "I didn't learn anything useful while I was in town. Didn't you read those papers? If it wasn't for you, I would have reported to the Council that there was no illegal slave trade occurring on Tatooine." He grinned, "You did well."

Kise looked about to cry again, and Kasamatsu pretend not to notice as he flew them back to the Temple.

.

Time seemed to drag its feet at first, and Kasamatsu could have sworn whole years passed before Kise turned nineteen. Despite their newfound conviction to work together, they still argued often, but at least now they always felt guilty afterwards. Now whenever they fought, they apologized and they tried again.

They devised a method for making amends, a system of things they did for one another whenever one of them felt they had been particularly harsh. These were less like punishments than they were concessions, and they did them because they wanted to, not because they were forced.

Whenever Kise felt he had especially instigated an argument, he would join Kasamatsu during the few hours he spent meditating every day. Kise wasn't very good at it, and sometimes fell asleep, but Kasamatsu always appreciated his efforts.

Whenever Kasamatsu felt he personally was at fault, he would let Kise drag him to a cantina. The first time this had happened, Kise had brought them to a trendy establishment called The Gilded Room, and Kasamatsu was shocked to learn the bartender and Kise were on a first-name basis.

A Gungan Kise affectionately called Wuscly, the bartender fixed Kasamatsu with a searching gaze while wiping down a glass. Eventually, he smiled, "Ah, famous Master Kasamatsu! Kise speaks often about you!"

Kasamatsu chuckled nervously, "Nothing good, I'm sure."

Wuscly stopped wiping the glass and tilted his head to the side, considering what Kasamatsu had said. He waggled a finger at Kasamatsu, "Not until recently."

This had made Kise blush and he quickly ordered drinks, the stipulation of course being that since it was Kasamatsu who was making amends, he was the one to foot the bill. To Kasamatsu's dismay, they soon became regulars at The Gilded Room.

Time began to move faster then, a steady pace of battles and missions and injuries and recoveries. They had decided to trust one another that early morning on Tatooine, but they didn't begin to understand each other until these years. They had learned how to work together, and now they learned about each other, the quirks and habits and preferences, the ways their hearts and minds worked. Kasamatsu learned that Kise grew stronger when driven into a corner, and Kise learned Kasamatsu had a small fixation with martyrdom and tendency for self-sacrifice.

Years passed, and Kise added two more beads to his Padawan braid; white and green, healing and force meditation, both Kasamatsu's specialties. Kise was practicing almost every area of Padawan study and excelling at all of them.

Kasamatsu had seen a change in his own heart as well; while he had once feared Kise's power, he now paid no attention to it in the slightest. When Kasamatsu saw him, he wasn't Kise, prodigy child, he was Kise, who was afraid of insects, Kise, who liked to start group sing-alongs at the cantina, and Kise, who worked so incredibly hard.

Kise, who had become nothing short of his pride and joy. Kasamatsu wanted to help him in every way possible, to give him the tools he needed to become the great Jedi he knew Kise wanted to be. There were certainly some people within the Temple who felt he was pushing Kise too hard, treating him like some special project, meant to make himself look good, but no such complaints ever reached him vocally.

What happened next, Kasamatsu knew must have happened gradually, but the understanding hit him in a single moment, with little warning.

It started every Wednesday; Kasamatsu would experience a small flutter of joy in the morning, with no apparent reason or explanation. This continued for months, until one day, as he headed towards the Refectory for breakfast, Kise ran up behind and slapped him on the back, "Don't be later Master! Today is Roseberry Jam day!" He ran off towards the Refectory, but Kasamatsu had frozen in his tracks; for the briefest of moments, he had sensed the same, rush of happiness coming from Kise.

He was a Jedi Master and he understood the nature of the Force better than most; they had been growing closer, of course he could sense Kise's emotions. If Kise felt his own in return, he never knew.

Kasamatsu tried very hard to ignore it, but the bond only grew stronger - he had mastered the Force, although at times he wished he hadn't.

Sometimes, when they sat across from one another in The Gilded Room, he felt a terrible, soul-crushing anguish emulating from Kise, something deep and torturous that contradicted the carefree smile on the Padawan's face.

On a mission on Endor, they spent several days on a stakeout, hiding in little more than a ditch with supplies. The first night, Kasamatsu had awoke a little earlier than he should have, but still went ahead to relieve Kise of his post. Usually he fell asleep when he was on watch duty, but this time he had not.

Kasamatsu smiled at him, "Let me take over for a while, you go get some rest."

Kise stood and stretched, "How was it?"

"Not the most comfortable," Kasamatsu admitted, "but it'll do."

Kise yawned spectacularly, and Kasamatsu ruffled his hair once before he left. Kasamatsu settled into position, his eyes glued to the entrance of a prominent starship manufacturer.

It wasn't long before he heard the soft sounds of Kise's snoring. Kasamatsu smiled to himself as the feelings of Kise's dream washed over him; whatever Kise was dreaming of, it made him very happy. It was warm and glowing, and Kasamatsu knew how infrequently Kise had good dreams.

Kasamatsu was more than happy to bask in the pleasant feelings for a bit, but to his extreme embarrassment, the dream soon grew hot, heated and feverish. Momentarily worried, he considered waking his Padawan. Even so, he didn't think the dream was necessarily a bad one.

He reddened and tugged at his collar, trying very hard to focus on the entrance of the factory.

Long and miserable as that night had been for Kasamatsu, it was, thankfully, an outlier. Most nights, he could simply feel Kise on the other side of the Temple, lying awake into the wee hours of the night, too troubled to sleep. Most nights, when his Padawan dreamed, it was usually dark storms of confusion and distress.

Kasamatsu never mentioned any of this since, although he couldn't help it, he still felt like it was an invasion of Kise's privacy.

As Kise's twenty-second birthday approached, Kuroko asked to speak to Kasamatsu in private. He was led to the empty Council chamber, where Kuroko ushered him inside. They took their usual seats.

"I appreciate you agreeing to meet with me, Kasamatsu." Kuroko began, looking uncomfortable, "There are other members of the Council who would not appreciate me telling you this."

Kasamatsu raised an eyebrow, "Am I in some sort of trouble?"

"No...no, not quite. It's actually Kise-" Kasamatsu's lips twitched, "-who's raising some concerns."

"I'm afraid I don't understand how that could be." He answered evenly.

"While no one doubts his progress," Kuroko explained, "there are some who have grown...concerned over Kise's motivations."

Kasamatsu stood up, "I have never seen a Padawan more dedicated or more motivated, he works harder than any of them." His voice rose slightly, "Additionally, I would like to remind you - and the other Council members if need be - that I am also a member of the Jedi High Council, and if they have concerns regarding Kise's upbringing they should voice them with me directly."

"I think you have misunderstood me," Kuroko said evenly, "while no one on the Council doubts how hard he is working, we fear he is not motivated by dedication to the Order...but by dedication to you, and because he wishes to make you proud."

Kasamatsu blinked. A lump had grown in his throat. "I still don't understand," he said, "that-that's not uncommon."

"We believe it goes beyond the normal extent," Kuroko looked embarrassed, "which is why everyone was so reluctant to mention it to you." Kasamatsu didn't respond, and Kuroko hesitantly continued, "I haven't shared this thought with the others, but I also personally feel he is losing his drive to become a Jedi Knight."

Kasamatsu clenched his jaw, "And what makes you say that?"

"I think he would be happy to remain your Padawan forever." He spoke slowly, "And I think you, in addition, would gladly keep him as one forever."

Kasamatsu could say nothing, and Kuroko stood up.

"I just wished to warn you."

Kise was approaching twenty-two, and Kasamatsu was making steadily making his way towards thirty, and they were about to face a heavy storm.

.

The day before Kise's twenty-second birthday, they were flying back to the Temple from a short mission on Alderaan. It wasn't a long trip, but Kasamatsu was flying slowly. He had spent the last several weeks mulling over what Kuroko had told him, and ultimately decided that, as if it was anything else, he wanted to hear Kise's opinion.

They were passing by a brilliant sun, but it was invariably eclipsed as they flew into the shadow of a moon.

"A few weeks ago," he began, "Kuroko asked to speak with me in private. He said the Council has grown concerned with your training. Apparently they're afraid you've lost the conviction to become a Jedi, and instead want to remain my Padawan." He cast Kise a sideways glance, "If you do feel that way, it-it's okay, it's my fault, I think I also have behaved a little too optimistically…" beside them, Kasamatsu could see numerous gaping craters on the surface of the moon. "You know I've never had a Padawan before, so it's inevitable that I'd mess something up, but it's not like it's something we can't fix. Then again, this is all just what Kuroko thought, if you think it's very wrong then you can ignore everything I'm saying."

There was a long silence before Kise answered him.

"Master," he said, "I think I'm in love with you."

They emerged from the shadow, and the ship was flooded with light from the moon's new horizon.

Kasamatsu's response came immediately, and without thinking.

"For how long?" He asked. His voice was terribly weak. Weak, and desperate.

Kise wouldn't look at him, "Since Tatooine."

Kasamatsu felt like he'd been hit in the face. He leaned back in his chair, trying to reevaluate the last few years with this new context; suddenly all of Kise's uncharacteristic misery made sense to him.

Moving very slowly, he switched on auto-pilot and then switched off the radio. He took his time, and in that time, found the resolve to do what he knew needed to be done. He turned to face his Padawan. His Padawan, nearly twenty-two, who had grown to be so mature, so brave and strong. Kasamatsu wondered if he would ever stop hurting him.

"Kise," his voice was steady, "you know that goes against the Jedi Code."

Kise clenched his hands in his lap and he appeared to collapse inward, shrinking in his seat. Kasamatsu had given an indirect answer to the question Kise had indirectly asked. "I-I know it is," despite his best efforts, Kise was choking up, "what should I do Master?" Kise firmly looked at him now, like he was any other Padawan asking for advice from his Master.

"Try and ignore it," Kasamatsu answered immediately, "we'll-we'll start seriously thinking about you taking the Trials, and once you're a Jedi we won't see each other as often. In the meantime, just...just try to forget about it. Soon this will all seem very trivial to you."

Kise nodded, and Kasamatsu's mouth felt full of razors. Every word he spoke cut his tongue - cut them both - and he could feel the guilty blood dripping down his throat.

"Good."

He turned back to the flight controls and pretended to turn off auto-pilot, but his hands were shaking too much to actually fly properly.

The whole way back to the Temple, Kise cried quietly in the seat next to him. Kasamatsu pretended not to notice his sniffles and muffled sobs. He could acutely feel Kise's grief, and it took all of his strength not to cry as well, feeling the outpour of his Padawan's heartbreak. Although truthfully, he wasn't entirely sure where Kise's ended and his own began.

When they landed in the Temple's docking bay, Kise didn't move from his seat. Kasamatsu stood up and poked his head outside the ship, making sure there was no one else in the hangar, before he closed the door once more. He walked back to the flight controls and, bending over the back of the seat, wrapped his arms around Kise's shoulders, hugging him from behind.

Closing his eyes, he brought his lips beside Kise's ear, "Please don't cry." He whispered, "You'll get over this easily okay? You're going to be an incredible Jedi, while I'm nearly an old man already." He wanted desperately to make Kise smile, "I'm already getting wrinkles and my hair's coming in gray, you'll-"

"Master," Kise interrupted him, his voice was small, but edged with tension, "it feels like you're making fun of me."

"I...I'm sorry." Kasamatsu squeezed him slightly, "I'm really not trying to, I mean it. You're...you're going to be so great Kise, you already are, just...just give it time and this won't seem important at all." He tried his best to sound like the idea didn't crush him, "You'll get over this quickly."

Kise didn't respond and Kasamatsu said nothing more, he just hugged him. Although he knew his Padawan had always been bad at sensing the presence of others, he hoped Kise could at least understand how he felt now.

And perhaps he did - perhaps a little too well. Kise eventually turned to look at him. Tears clung to his eyelashes, even though he had stopped crying. They made his eyes sparkle, even though his face was twisted in pain. Kasamatsu was trapped in that golden gaze.

"You really don't feel it too?"

Kasamatsu's mouth opened, but he was unable to speak. Unable to move. He knew the truth was out of the question, both morally and professionally, but right now, in this moment, he also knew he wouldn't be able to lie to his pained and pleading Padawan.

Kise watched him, recognizing his hesitation. Always the more impulsive of the two of them and fond of last-ditch efforts, Kise leaned forward.

If Kasamatsu hadn't been expecting it, if he hadn't known Kise so well, it would have landed and then surely it would have all been over. His fortitude would have failed him and he'd be lost in that honeyed warmth, that golden dusk, drawn in and set ablaze.

But he had watched as the thought crossed Kise's face, and he had stepped back at just the right time, and Kise's lips had only met air.

"No, I don't feel it." Kasamatsu spoke stiffly, "I'm sorry."

Kise's mouth fell open slightly and, having been rejected for the second time, he began to cry again. Kasamatsu stepped forward and hugged him once more, knowing Kise wouldn't try to kiss him again.

With one arm around his shoulders and one in his hair, Kasamatsu spoke softly into Kise's ear, "But even if I don't, Kise you're still my Padawan," He could only hold him and hope Kise understood the things he would never say, "I care about you more than you know. I really am sorry."

He straightened up, "I've got to go report." He said gently, "You don't have to come, maybe you'd feel better if you washed up? Or maybe laid down for a bit?" Kise stood up numbly, and Kasamatsu set about straightening his robes, "I won't say anything to anyone, I...I don't know if you were worried about that or not, but if anyone asks I'll say that you made a small mistake and I blew up, totally overreacted, was so mean." He gave Kise a small smile, "I'll forget about it, and you will too, and in time it'll be like this never happened, okay?"

Kise nodded slowly and Kasamatsu finally led them out of the ship. They met Midorima just inside the Temple, and he walked with them towards the Council's chamber.

Kise separated from them early, heading, Kasamatsu assumed, to his room, and once he had left Midorima glanced at him, "What was wrong with him?"

Kasamatsu rubbed his neck, "I overreacted a bit when he forgot to change out the ship's oil, I'll make it up to him later." Midorima nodded but didn't look entirely convinced, and they walked in silence the rest of the way. Kasamatsu hesitated at the door to the chamber, "Can I have just a moment? I'd like to run to the restroom."

Midorima nodded and entered without him.

Once he was gone, Kasamatsu all but ran to the bathroom. Once inside, he slammed the door shut and locked it. He had to use it for support. He had to press a palm to his lips to muffle the sobs escaping his body.

.

The following months were a blur.

The days were odd spots of confusion and agony, where everything remained largely the same as it always had been, but was invariably worse. Every moment they spent together felt broken, and Kasamatsu felt like he was drowning, clutching at whatever he could, but there was nothing that could keep him from sinking.

They had stopped spending time together outside of missions. A few weeks after their mission to Alderaan, Kasamatsu asked Kise if he wanted to visit The Gilded Room, as it'd been awhile since they'd gone.

Kise had looked nervous, and rejected the idea with outright.

"I...I'd rather not…" He looked at the floor, "It's kind of hard to be around you right now, Master."

Kasamatsu should have said something comforting, should have attempted to reconnect with him in some way, but instead he had simply nodded, "Sure." He said.

They didn't know how to talk to each other anymore, like they had fallen out of sync, or a jilt had formed in their bond, and now they were on different levels, speaking through different airwaves.

They split up a lot on missions, and most of the time it was at Kise's suggestion. Kasamatsu didn't have the heart to disagree with him, and there had been no decrease in the number of their victories, so there was little the Council could say. Outside of missions, Kise hardly ever left his room. He had grown thinner, and his skin had turned pale.

Kasamatsu frequently considered going ahead and requesting that the Council permit Kise to take the Jedi Trials. He knew that distance would probably help, but there was a part of him that wanted to keep Kise with him still, and he ultimately never mentioned the promotion to the Council.

Shortly after he decided to not request action from the Council, Kasamatsu began to have nightmares: Kise's face, grim and drained of color, Kise in tears, Kise crying his name, Kise covered in blood.

.

Not long after, the galaxy was fundamentally split in two. Divided by the warfare between the Galactic Republic and the rogue Confederacy of Independent Systems, the whole galaxy had been pulled into the war.

The war became a threat to everything, a threat to the foundation of the Jedi Order and the peace they had maintained for so long. They had no choice, the entire Temple was mobilized and every member of the Council stormed battlefields.

Suffering was widespread, injuries were expected, and deaths were common.

Still, his own mortality had never seemed real to Kasamatsu; not until he was hit by a flash cannon right in the chest, and only then did he understand death.

He was thirty, and here he was, burned and bleeding out, about to die alone on the floor. Skin, bones, tendons, and lost limbs could all be saved, if treated swiftly, but those were not the same as vital organs.

Most of his life, Kasamatsu had been alone. Even deep into adulthood, he had no one. And then, for a short reprise, he had Kise. Had a few years of sunlight and warmth and comfort and caramel eyes - and yet, when the moment came for him to really commit to another person, he had chosen to be alone once more. And he was going to die alone.

He heard the footsteps approaching and his heart leapt at the sound, leapt at the thought of the one thing that could quicken his pulse at any moment, even when his chest was gaping open.

But it was only Kuroko.

He rushed to Kasamatsu's side, "My god," he huffed, "We need to stop the bleeding, can you hold this here?"

Kasamatsu gripped him by the arm, "Where's Kise? Is he alright?"

"Stop talking!" Kuroko ordered, already tearing his cloak into long strips for bandages.

Kasamatsu tried to sit up, "Tell me where Kise is."

"I said stop talking!" Kuroko pushed him back, "You're bleeding to death!"

Kasamatsu's mind was going incredibly fuzzy, but he gripped Kuroko's arm and shook him, his voice cracking with fear, "THAT'S WHY I WANT KISE!"

He felt a dizziness in his head, a lightness in his body. Kuroko started shouting, but Kasamatsu was already fading. Somewhere else, somewhere very far away, he could hear another set of footsteps approaching. He had gone out, but he knew somewhere, someone was crying his name.

.

Death is odd, was the first thought Kasamatsu had. And warm, and surprisingly comfortable. Soft, though maybe a little too bright. And - someone was holding his hand?

He blinked his eyes open.

He was laying on his back, staring up at an eggshell ceiling. There was a window behind him, and he could see flecks of dust dancing through the sunlight. He was tucked into clean sheets, with a soft pillow under his head. He was inside the Halls of Healing, and Kise was asleep at his bedside.

Kasamatsu tried to sit up, but a sharp pain ran through his chest. Feeling frustrated, he focused on Kise; majority of his body remained in an armchair, but his top half was hunched forward, resting on Kasamatsu's bed. Kise's right hand was loosely wrapped around his fingers.

Kasamatsu reached out with his free hand, wanting to touch his face - there were dried tear tracks running down Kise's cheeks - but he settled with ruffling his hair instead.

Kise's eyelashes fluttered open and he slowly sat up, rubbing his eyes.

Kasamatsu watched, slightly amused, as Kise's brain seemed to slowly boot into gear, processing the sight in front of him. Suddenly he gasped, squeezing his hand with renewed force.

"You're awake!" He looked ready to cry again.

Kasamatsu frowned, "How long have I been asleep?"

"Just over a week," Kise scooted his chair closer to Kasamatsu's bedside, "they...they weren't sure if you would."

Kasamatsu was dumbfounded, "Were you here for a week? They let you?"

"The way I was after you got hurt...Akashi said I wouldn't be much use to them at the front." Kise looked at the ground, "I've been helping Midorima in here, with the injured Jedi, and with you." Kise rubbed his neck in embarrassment, "Midorima was impressed, he said you taught me well."

"Apparently so." Kasamatsu smiled and gestured to his own chest, aching and covered in bandages, but with re-growing skin and a still-beating heart beneath it. Kise still wouldn't look at him. "I bet you'll be promoted after this, everyone thinks it's about time."

Despite what he could recognize as a great effort, Kise began to cry once more.

Kasamatsu's arms felt heavy and he was only able to raise them slightly, but it was enough to pull Kise to him, holding him gently to his injured chest.

"You won't be my Padawan anymore…"

Kise stiffened for just a moment, and then was off, sobbing into his shoulder. Kasamatsu placed one hand around his back and buried the other in his hair. It wasn't the most comfortable of hugs, and it placed a probably-unhealthy amount pressure on Kasamatsu's wound, but in that moment it what just what they needed.

"Next time, if anything happens to me, I don't want you to worry so much," Kasamatsu gently stroked Kise's hair, "I won't leave you so soon, or so easily."

He felt Kise nod against him, and Kasamatsu closed his eyes, lost in Kise's warmth and his sweet, sugary smell. "I'm so glad you're alright," he whispered, and he didn't know if he was speaking his own mind or echoing what he felt in Kise's heart. After he said it, Kasamatsu felt odd. He opened his eyes, "You are alright aren't you? You didn't get hurt at all?"

Kise sat up slightly, "Me? No, why?"

"But wasn't there blood?" Kasamatsu pressed.

Kise looked confused, "Only yours."

Kasamatsu felt his mouth fall open, "Ah, right..." He raised his fingers and gently held Kise's cheek. He lifted a thumb, wanting to brush by Kise's lips.

Neither of them noticed the intruder on this private little moment until someone cleared their throat by the doorway.

Both their gazes snapped to the infirmary's entrance, but only Kasamatsu guiltily met Kuroko's eyes.

"You were always good at sneaking up on people." Kasamatsu said evenly.

Kuroko simply looked at them. Kasamatsu felt like they were under trial, a threat being assessed. Kuroko eventually sighed heavily, and then he nodded, just once, to Kasamatsu. "The rest of the Council is on its way." He said.

Kasamatsu nodded back to him, and then Kuroko left, leaving them alone once more.

Kise turned back to him, looking slightly worried, "What did that mean?"

Kasamatsu kept his eyes fixed on the spot where Kuroko had stood, "I think we're fine," he ultimately answered, "Kuroko used to be my Master, you know."

Kise gaped, "Really?"

Kasamatsu nodded, "Like you, my first Master passed when I was a Padawan. Kuroko was the second."

Kise raised an eyebrow and smirked, suddenly bent on teasing him, "So when was this exactly, back during the formation of the Order?"

"Yes, way back then," Kasamatsu hit him with a pillow and smiled, "Get off me, didn't you hear? The Council's coming."

.

Although no one on the Council had considered it crucial enough to inform Kise, given his outstanding performance during the war, in addition to his assistance of his injured comrades, the Council had decided he should be made a Jedi Knight immediately. This would come without the extra burden and time-drain of the Jedi Trials. The decision had been reached just after Kasamatsu's injury, but they all had wished to hold off on the ceremony, in case Kasamatsu were to awake. Traditionally, it was the Master's role to sheer their Padawan's braid with a lightsaber, marking the culmination of all the Padawan's training and hard work.

Even after he had awoken, the ceremony was put off for several days, until Kasamatsu could, at the very least, stand on his own.

In the meantime, he and Kise had essentially gone back to normal. They began spending time together again, and it was blissfully free from any pained silence or longing looks. Still, Kasamatsu could sense a deep ache within Kise, despite the return of their former relationship.

When the day of the ceremony arrived, Kasamatsu asked to speak with Kise in private. This was normal enough on its own, but to Kise's surprise, Kasamatsu ushered him into his bedroom. It was a Master's room, so nicer and more spacious than most. Indecently, Kise had seen it before, and it remained as tidy and impersonal as it had always been, with very little decoration or personal effects.

But as it went, Kasamatsu led him straight through the room and onto his balcony. Set high on the walls of the Temple, the balcony overlooked the entire city.

Kise had never been on the balcony before and gazed out at Coruscant in awe.

Kasamatsu didn't say anything, he just watched Kise watch the city. It was mid-afternoon and the sun was angled in the sky, flooding the balcony in warm rays.

Eventually, Kise turned to look at him.

"I was going to wait 'til after the ceremony," Kasamatsu began, "but I don't think I've ever seen a sadder Padawan about to become a Jedi."

Kise's shoulders slumped but he nodded slightly, "I-I know I should be happy - and grateful to the Council, but I-I'm sorry Master…"

"Don't be," Kasamatsu stepped towards him, "I've watched you grow into someone so incredibly brave and smart and caring, and I'm so proud of you, Kise. I know you're going to help so many people, and do so many great things." He took a deep breath, and stepped closer still, "After I got hurt, I promised you that I wouldn't leave your side so easily in the future-" he raised a hand, softly cupping Kise's face, "-and I don't intend to."

Kise closed his eyes and leaned in to his touch. He was definitely taller than Kasamatsu now, but it didn't bother him anymore. Kasamatsu stood on his tiptoes and kissed him.

After just a moment, he felt Kise stiffen, and he realized Kise wasn't kissing him back. He pulled back immediately.

"I-I'm sorry," he stammered, "I should have asked..."

Kise looked utterly lost, but still cracked a small smile, "It-It's okay, I've tried to kiss you without asking permission."

This made Kasamatsu laugh, and he gently squeezed Kise's hand, "I'm so sorry for these last few months, and for not being honest, but you need to know that I love you too." He said it firmly, "I have for a long time."

Lines formed in Kise's forehead and his eyebrows pushed together. He looked confused, and Kasamatsu couldn't blame him.

Kise spoke slowly, pulling his hand out of Kasamatsu's grasp, "But you said it was against the Jedi Code."

"And it is," Kasamatsu admitted, "but I don't care anymore, you are more important to me."

Kise's eyes grew wide, "But the Council...won't they be angry?"

"I...I think," Kasamatsu hesitated, "while I doubt any of them would ever directly admit this, they understand that we're a bigger threat if kept apart, and individually, we are too valuable of Jedi to lose. I think, given that, they are willing to look the other way as long we aren't - um, overwhelmingly obvious."

Kise nodded slowly, and then trapped him in a gaze filled with fear and hope and apprehension. His voice broke, "But you told me to forget."

Kasamatsu swallowed hard as despair threatened to creep into his heart, "Then I can only hope that you didn't listen to me."

Kise gave a weak chuckle, "You know I was never good at that."

"No," Kasamatsu conceded, "but you've gotten better."

Kise stepped forward, and took hold of his hands once more, "Are you sure?"

They met in the middle, with equal amounts desperation and happiness and need. They had both spent whole years of yearning, of wanting, and Kise's lips were everything Kasamatsu had ever imagined; Kise tasted like dusky evenings and sweet mornings. His lips were rough, almost sandy, and they reminded Kasamatsu of Tatooine.

Eventually, Kise pulled away from him. He brought his fingers to Kasamatsu's face, "Master, I've never seen you cry before."

Kasamatsu felt embarrassed, and roughly tried to wipe the tears away, "Are you making fun of me?"

Kise shook his head and pressed their foreheads together, "What do we do now?"

"Well, it is your ceremony," Kasamatsu wrapped his arms around Kise's waist, "So I think the Council shouldn't mind waiting a bit."

Kissing Kise was like coming home; it was knowing that he'd never be alone again, and it was bliss.

.

They were just under fifteen minutes late to Kise's ceremony. Kasamatsu wished he could blame the tardiness on his soon-to-graduate Padawan, but in truth, it was him who had been so unwilling to separate.

He stopped just before the chamber doors and, making sure the hall was empty, he pressed a palm to Kise's face.

"After this, I want you to call me Kasamatsu, okay?"

Kise looked momentarily alarmed, mouthing the name on his lips. He nodded.

Kasamatsu kissed him briefly on the forehead and pushed the doors open. The Council sat waiting, wearing a series of expressions ranging from amusement to disapproval.

Kise knelt down before Akashi and Kasamatsu stood beside him.

Akashi spoke at length about bravery and honor and duty, a long string of words neither of them paid much attention to. Instead, they thought at length about each other, and words like trust, and time, and love.

When the moment came, Kasamatsu took Kise's Padawan braid in his hands. Turning on his lightsaber, he cut it off in one fluid motion. It fell to the floor and he ruffled Kise's hair.

Kise stood up, and Akashi spoke the closing lines of the ceremony.

They caught each other's eye, and knew that despite the long and challenging and joyful years that had led them here, their journey was only just beginning.

---

A/N: This fic was written for justlikeswitchblades (tumblr) in the 2016 Inter High Exchange, and I want to first express how happy I was to see this prompt! I adore kikasa and I received the dear creator letter right in the middle of my roommate forcing me to watch the prequels, so that timing was really perfect! Speaking of my roommate (harrywithabun on tumblr), she was absolutely essential in the writing of this fic, as I questioned her nonstop for weeks about all things Star Wars.

The ending of this fic was heavily inspired by the song 18th Floor Balcony by Blue October, please go listen if you wanna cry. TTuTT

Again special thanks to justlikeswitchblades for coming up with this awesome prompt!