And Now, A Word From… A Bunch of A-Holes

Yeah, I know; where the heck have I been? Then again, does anyone really care?

Long story short, I haven't been visited by the fic muse in quite a while. I haven't watched much Super Sentai since Kyoryuger (though I am trying to watch Kyuranger right now), and I just haven't been inspired to do much creatively since. Add to that real-life issues (switched jobs last year), and little wonder that I didn't write any new fic.

I became a fan of the Marvel Cinematic Universe's version of the Guardians of the Galaxy after seeing the first movie in 2014, and the release of the sequel earlier this year made me an even bigger fan of this bunch of "a-holes" (as dubbed by Denarian Garthan Saal of the Nova Corps). I got a Disneyland Annual Passport this year, in time for the Summer of Heroes event at Disney California Adventure. The Summer of Heroes event featured attractions and entertainment themed around Marvel Studios properties, which includes the new Guardians of the Galaxy – Mission: Breakout! ride. This piece is a semi-fictionalized version of my actual review of the ride on Facebook. I say "semi-fictionalized," because FF dot net frowns on posting pieces in chat or script format, which is how I posted my review on FB, so I had to whip up a couple of OCs just to make this a "real" story. Any references to Groot in this story are to his "baby" form, in keeping with the canon of the ride.

The Collector's Warehouse referenced here is the gift shop that the ride exits into. Here, you'll find park-exclusive Guardians of the Galaxy and other Marvel superhero goodies, including Guardians-themed products that are only stocked at this one location in the park. I thought it would make a nice setting for this piece.

Guardians of the Galaxy, Guardians of the Galaxy – Mission: Breakout!, and all related characters and references are the property of Disney Corporation/Marvel Studios. Walkman is a copyrighted trademark of Sony. All songs referenced in this work are the property of the original artists and/or rights holders. No infringement is implied or intended.

Inside the Collector's Warehouse, now devoid of park guests and cast members after park closing, Hedge steadied his phone. "Recording… now." He tapped the record button.

Foxy tapped the "Play" button on her phone's music player app. The funky "Come and Get Your Love" by Redbone came boogying from a tiny speaker plugged into the phone. "Hey everyone!" Foxy beamed, tipping her head slightly to the side as she waved at Hedge's phone camera lens. "Foxy Sweet here. I'm here today to give my review on the Guardians of the Galaxy – Mission: Breakout! ride at Disney California Adventure in Anaheim, California. Mission: Breakout! is the old Tower of Terror vertical drop ride with a whole new look and theme, in keeping with the Summer of Heroes.

"Now, let me start by saying that I'd never previously ridden the Tower of Terror, because the theme of the ride didn't appeal to me, and I'm not much for drop rides to begin with. I do, however, love the Guardians of the Galaxy, so I put aside my reservations and gave Mission: Breakout! a go. I'm SO not sorry I did. It's a really cool immersive experience! Riders step into the Collector's warehouse, where an overhead screen has, on loop, a video of the Collector greeting guests and crowing over his latest acquisitions, the Guardians of the Galaxy, who are shown arguing amongst themselves about who's at fault for their captivity. Guests are then recruited by an animatronic Rocket into helping him break the other Guardians from their imprisonment by the Collector–"

At that moment, Rocket Raccoon barged into the frame from the stock room, with Groot in tow. "Animatra-whatzit?! I'm real!" he shouted.

You've got to be kidding me, thought Foxy. She decided to ignore Rocket, and, upon seeing Hedge peering over his phone with confusion in his eyes, shot him a look that told him to keep filming. She muttered "shut it, trash panda" under her breath before continuing. "So once you're properly 'recruited,' you board the gantry lift, and that's where the fun really begins!"

"I am Groot," piped up Groot, looking up at his partner.

Rocket's head jerked to look down at Groot. "What'd she call me?"

"I am Groot," said Groot once more.

Rocket whipped his head back. His eyes narrowed at Foxy. "Why, you…" he growled, letting out a squeak as he lunged at her.

Foxy yelped with fright as she leapt out of the range of Rocket's claws. Her fear at getting slashed by Rocket was thankfully brief, as Drax dove in and scooped him up, taking care to keep the infuriated rodent at arm's length, lest he turn and rake a claw over one of Drax's nipples. "Keep rolling," Foxy hissed at Hedge, who looked ready to tackle Rocket himself.

Rocket kicked and flailed futilely in Drax's hands. "Lemme at her, Drax!" he snarled. "Did you hear what she called me? I'll cut you up!"

"Why would you need to hurt this strange-looking rodent lady for telling the truth?" asked Drax. He peered at Foxy's Minnie Mouse headband and asked her, "Are you an experiment like Rocket? He says there are none like him, yet I see that you have ears like his?"

Foxy groaned. "Well, Drax, I, er… I'll need to explain to you later," she sighed. "Just get him out of here. Please?"

Drax nodded, keeping his arms extended as he marched away, Rocket still cursing and thrashing in his grip.

Foxy looked down at the little Flora Colossus. "Did you have to tell him?"

Groot spread his arms out wide. "I am Groot!" he shot back.

"Look, Groot, it's not my problem that he is a trash panda."

"I heard that!" cried Rocket, his voice muffled from behind the stock room door.

"I am Groot!" bellowed Groot.

Foxy rolled her eyes. Oy vey. She rummaged through her backpack until she found a red push button, which she held out to Groot. "Go play," she sighed.

Groot's eyes widened. He grabbed the red push button from Foxy's hand and ran off, squealing before yelling, "I... AM... GROOOOT!"

Foxy chuckled nervously. We're either going to have to reshoot or do some serious editing. She continued, "6 different ride scenarios are available, each one set to a throwback hit from Peter Quill's Walkm– "

Suddenly, Peter Quill entered the scene from the ride exit. "Hey!" he protested, "It's not Peter Quill; it's Star-Lord!"

Foxy fought off the urge to palm her face, putting on a saccharine smile instead. "Okay, okay!" she whispered at Quill. Turning her attention back to Hedge's camera, she resumed her piece, "Each one set to a throwback hit from Star-Lord's Walkman." Rolling her eyes sideward, she muttered, "Sorry! You happy now?"

The music having changed to "ABC" by the Jackson 5, Quill stepped close to Foxy, took her by the hand, and twirled her, first away from him, then back to him, and dipped her backwards. "Apology accepted," he answered, as he brought her back up, grinning roguishly as he winked at her.

Foxy had been caught off guard by Quill's impromptu dance, and when she got her bearings back, she found herself in the arms of the ruggedly handsome cad, staring up and into his eyes. My, but your eyes are a nice shade of green, thought Foxy, her heart sounding like a timpani in her ears. She gulped as she broke her gaze from Quill's to peer nervously over at Hedge, who was exhibiting some green eyes of a different origin; the corners of his mouth were turned down grimly and his face was growing ruddy with jealous anger. Crap. The ride home tonight is going to be awkward. Foxy peered around Quill and saw someone else approaching, someone who also seemed less than thrilled at her being held by him. She cleared her throat, pushed herself away from Quill, and took a couple of steps back, her hands up protectively in front of her. "It was all him," she blurted to the figure drawing closer.

Quill had no time to react before Gamora stalked forward and firmly took hold of his ear. "Ow, ow, ow…" he whined, crumpling slightly.

"How many times have we talked about this?" demanded Gamora of Quill. "You should have learned by now!"

"You know, ow," answered Quill, grimacing at Gamora holding his ear tightly, "that, ow, it's one of my, ow, issues. Come on… ow… Gamora… ow… I'm sorry," he whimpered pitifully.

Gamora let out an annoyed grunt before facing Foxy. Her glare softened. "I'm sorry if he caused you any trouble," she said.

Foxy was still replaying the interlude between Quill and herself in her head when Gamora addressed her, but she was lucid enough to register the Zen-Whoberei's words to her. She replied, "Um, no. No trouble. It's okay." Damn it, I hope she believes me. I mean, hell yeah, Quill's hot and all, but I love my Hedgie and not even Quill can take me away from him.

Gamora nodded. Grabbing the collar of Quill's red leather jacket, she led him out of the shot, back through the ride exit doorway.

Foxy shot a quick glance at Hedge; his face was still flushed with jealousy, but his expression had relaxed somewhat now that Gamora had ushered Quill away. I need to wrap this up. Foxy cleared her throat and turned her attention back to Hedge's phone camera lens. "Anyway, I've experienced all 6 different scenarios, and they're all hilarious! And the drops? They're actually fun as all get out! I think I'm getting used to them! I tell you what, the Guardians theme is the spoonful of sugar that makes the medicine go down. That's right, it's Mary Poppins y'all!" Foxy, suddenly realizing that she might have said the wrong thing, whipped her head to the side, her eyes wide with alarm. To Foxy's relief, it appeared that Quill hadn't heard what she had just said; his back was turned and he was holding both of Gamora's hands in his. When Foxy saw Gamora's face crack into a uncharacteristically shy grin at something Quill had said to her, she couldn't help but smile. Gamora, just admit to it already; you really dig him.

The music changed once more, this time to ELO's "All Over The World." Foxy snapped back to her surroundings and spread her hands out wide. "Okay, so that's my review of the new Guardians of the Galaxy – Mission: Breakout! ride at Disney California Adventure. Yes, it's a drop ride, but don't let that scare you out of it. If you love the Guardians like I do, their presence'll help you get over that issue, and you'll have a blast! So get out here, get on the ride, and get down with the Guardians of the Galaxy!" The song came to an end. "Cut!" said Foxy. She sighed exasperatedly, hanging her head in frustration. "I think we need to reshoot this."

Hedgie pocketed his phone. "I think we need to go home." He marched forward, took Foxy's hand, and began heading for the shop exit.

As she went semi-reluctantly with Hedge, Foxy turned towards the ride exit and called, "Quill! Me and Hedge, you and Gamora! Double date! Call me!"

"Foxy!" Hedge turned to face his girlfriend in disbelief. "Really?"

Foxy laughed. "I said 'double date,' hon," she answered, unable to suppress her mirth. "Lighten up!"

Hedge groaned. "You're lucky that you're cute and I love you." The corner of his mouth turned up slightly and a chuckle escaped his throat.

Meanwhile, Gamora watched Hedge and Foxy leaving the Collector's Warehouse, one eyebrow raised. She turned her attention to Quill. "What is this 'double date' thing that she's proposing?" she asked warily.

"It'll be fun. You'll see." Quill grinned. He looked around. "Anyone got a phone I can borrow?"

If only my boyfriend and I could actually go on a double date with Quill and Gamora… *laughing*

Anyway, I never used to go into the Hollywood Land section of DCA, but Mission: Breakout and the related Awesome Dance-Off! are too much fun for this GotG fan to pass up. They've have made at least that corner of Hollywood Land a must each time I visit from now on.

The songs referenced in this story are actually used in the Awesome Dance-Off!; "Come and Get Your Love" by Redbone is the first song that Star-Lord plays after he's reunited with his beloved boombox, "ABC" by the Jackson 5 plays next, and during this part of the show, Star-Lord actually does pull a girl from the audience to dance with him (I've been that girl 5 times; squee!), and "All Over The World" by ELO closes out the show.

Thanks for sticking with me through this goofy little bit of chaos! Not my best work, I know, but I had to get it out!