A/N: Nanowrimo has officially driven me insane. I'm writing crack with frigging Master Bob. Someone get me help!
This is based on Episode 140. Since it's a filler arc, people who only read the manga might be lost. To remind you (or fill you in on the filler), Fairy Tail gets defeated by Oracion Seis, and Blue Pegasus comes by to rescue them from the wreckage. When everyone finally wakes up aboard the skyship Christine, Master Bob flirts heavily with Gray, creeping him out, and Happy mentions that Bob was lying next to Gray while he was unconscious. That disturbing mental imagery triggered...this!
Bob and Gray
(or: Crack At Its Finest)
a Fairy Tail fanfic
by Rhov
Master Bob dabbed the forehead of the sleeping boy, carefully wiping away dirt and blood. He could only imagine the battle this young man must have endured to get wounds like this, and his tender heart—the heart of a maiden, he often said—throbbed in sympathy.
All around inside the skyship Christine, Fairy Tail wizards laid unconscious. It seemed the Exceed had escaped the worst, all of them grabbed at the last minute and hidden under the bodies of their larger human friends. Such heroic sacrifice nearly brought Bob and Ichiya to tears.
"Master," Ichiya said, posing dramatically with a wineglass and rose. "The women seem to be waking. I shall attend them."
"Yes, yes. Women are your department," Bob said dismissively, then turned back to the boy. "I'll care for the men. Such handsome and youthful boys!" he sighed. "This one especially."
Ichiya walked over and glanced down at the Fairy Tail wizard. "I fought beside him seven years ago. His name is Gray Fullbuster, and he uses Ice-Make magic."
"Ice-Make? I recall a boy many years back...yes, the Lullaby incident. He used a large shield of ice to protect the group of guild masters. My, this must be the same boy. Truly, he hasn't aged a bit." Bob placed a hand on his cheek as he blushed brighter than his gaudy makeup. "I'm a little jealous."
Then they heard rattling metal plates, and Erza leaned into the room, holding onto the wall and barely able to stand.
"Voices?" she asked, her words shaking. "Blue Pegasus? Wh-what happened?"
Bob waved for Ichiya to deal with her and explain things. The dashingly dressed flirt spun toward the Titania.
"Ah, my sweet Erza! Your perfume is as tantalizing as ever."
She cringed back, but letting go of the wall made Erza fall weakly. In an instant, Ichiya's muscles bulged, and he swept Erza into his arms to carry her back to bed, ignoring her flailing protests.
Bob sighed as he watched his precious Trimens leader carrying his sweetheart bridal style to bed. Ah, to be young and in love! He wished the best for all of his boys, although he lamented that not one was gay. Why was it that only straight men joined Blue Pegasus? He blamed all the pretty girls who came chasing after the prettier boys. Oh well, thus is life.
His focus went back down to the teen he was attending. "Gray Fullbuster, huh?" he whispered, and dabbed some antiseptic medicine on the wounds. Bob's pudgy hand drifted over Gray's head, holding his raven hair back to get some scratches on the pale face. "My, what a scar the boy has on his forehead! It adds just the right amount of character." Bob brushed his hand over Gray's face, caressing the icy skin. "Such a cold boy. Perhaps I should warm him up."
Bob set the medicine rag aside and carefully laid down beside Gray's unconscious body. He could feel the chill radiating off the ice user's body. He scooted a little closer, warming the chilly skin with his warm rotundness. He caressed the taut muscles on the teen's abs, and even a guild master like him, calm in the midst of any danger, felt an overwhelming urge, an instant attraction to the young man.
"Such black hair," Bob whispered, smoothing down Gray's scalp. "And such a sharp, firm chin." His hand drifted down Gray's cheeks, tracing his jawbone to the pointy tip at the chin. "You remind me of myself in my youth. I had hair just like this, and fine features, if I may say so. Ahh, a life of indulgence certainly diminished me. I pray you don't fall into a similar fate. No, you should grow to be strong, firm, a body toughened by battles, grizzled from days of harsh travel, with scars to show your courage. I can picture it!" he sighed, running his hand over Gray's shoulders. "You'll make a dashing adult, oh yes. But for now...such treasured youth! Such freshness of body! The innocence of the flesh simply glows when a boy is this age."
Bob yearned for such tender flesh. He knew not to touch too much, yet the desire burned. The icy skin he rubbed did nothing to cool off that forbidden fervor.
"If only I had met such a scrumptious morsel of boyish charm forty years ago," he lamented. "Such taboo desires...surely it's a test from God." His hand stroked Gray's skin. "Masculine perfection!" he whispered in awe.
Then Master Bob slowly rolled his body just above Gray, using the small wings on his back to keep him up so he would not smash the boy with his obese body.
"God is truly cruel to put a temptation like this into my hands." He leaned in close enough to feel the even breaths coming from between Gray's pale lips. "Man is weak. After all, the only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it." He leaned in closer to those frosty lips and began to close his eyes.
"What are you doing?"
Bob jolted at the high pitch voice and looked over with guilt plainly on his makeup-covered face. A furry blue face stared at him innocently. He had completely forgotten that the Exceed were already recovered.
"Why are you lying in bed with Gray?" Happy asked, looking confused and worried.
"Ah...well...he felt very cold. I was trying to warm him up," the guild master explained in a slight panic.
"Gray's always cold," the blue Exceed grinned. "That's because he uses ice. How is Natsu?"
Bob sighed that the little cat was too innocent to think badly of his actions. The guild master rose from Gray's bed, letting his hand trail along the teen's muscular body, then finally broke away to examine the other fine-looking young man under his care. A cute one for sure, but Bob had a thing for dark-haired boys. Natsu's pink hair was original but not to his refined taste.
"He's a little worse than the others," Bob told Happy. "We'll let him sleep."
"Poor Natsu," Happy frowned, gazing down at his best friend who was sweating from the injuries he sustained...some of them caused by Happy himself. Just how many times had Happy stepped on him already? "Maybe I should lie next to Natsu and it'll make him feel better," the Exceed decided, and he curled into a blue ball of fluff next to the dragon slayer.
Bob watched them with envy. Having such a loyal friend was truly a blessing. Youth should be spent with friends and having fun. He looked back to his black-haired patient and wondered...what sort of friendship did this boy share with his guild members? Having once been a Fairy Tail wizard before forming his own guild, Master Bob knew perfectly well how tight-knit these Fairies could be. He tried to instill the same camaraderie in Blue Pegasus.
He caressed Gray's head once more. "Enjoy your youth, sweet boy. Shine brilliantly. That is when young boys are most beautiful."
The End