The only light in the dark room was from the flickering TV. Erin lay sprawled on the couch, half on top of Jay, her cheek resting on his chest, rising and falling gently as he breathed steadily. His attention was fixed on the movie. Her attention was fixed on him.
Her mind was replaying his interactions with the lawyer earlier in the day. Had he been flirty? Maybe a little, but not really. He had just been…Jay. Charming, smiley, teasing, a bit. That's how he was with almost everyone. Old, young, cute, plain. She knows he wasn't intentionally flirting in front of her. In fact, she hadn't even thought it was flirting until she realized the lawyer had left her number. Then she had replayed his conversations with the woman and determined he hadn't been leading her on. He'd just been himself, trying to get the lawyer to be more agreeable and helpful. So, why was it still on her mind?
She lifted her head off his chest a bit and studied him with serious eyes, "Does that happen often?" She questioned him.
Jay's eyes flickered to Erin quickly, then back to the television, "Huh? The movie?" He had no idea what Erin was talking about. Seeing nothing on the screen that she could be asking about, he met her now solemn gaze. "Does what happen a lot?"
"Women giving you their phone number?" Surprise crossed his face as he realized what was on Erin's mind. Jay smirked. He had thought it was quite cute when a little jealousy had flared up in Erin after the lawyer had scribbled her number on his notepad. Erin's reaction had been priceless. "I'll kill her," she had stated before Jay had ripped the number up into pieces. Her eyes had danced with laughter, and Jay had not given it another thought. But now, three hours later, it was clearly still on her mind.
"I was never going to call her." He stated plainly.
"I know!" Erin quickly replied. If he had even thought about it, it would have been Jay that she'd kill, not the lady lawyer. "I was just wondering…how often does that happen? When I'm not around." She folded her hands on his chest and rested her chin on them, looking up at him questioningly.
Jay slid up on the couch in an effort to sit up, effectively knocking Erin off his chest and forcing her to roll back and sit on her own. "Are we seriously having this conversation?" He asked her, a bit of irritation in his voice. "I can't even begin to count how many times guys have hit on you when we are out."
Erin crossed her arm defensively. Yeah, guys hit on her, but it was different. Suspects and lowlifes make lewd and offensive comments about her body. Young guys make not so veiled comments about things they'd like to do to her. Older men, even married ones, imply that they'd like to hook up on the side, if she was up for it. Innuendo, inappropriate comments, and offers to have sex. That's what Erin got. Not phone numbers and honest inquiries about dates. Not that she wanted to date anyone else, but still…
She deflected the conversation back on him. "Notice you're not answering the question. I'm guessing that means it happens a lot."
Jay rolled his eyes, threw up his hands a bit, and shrugged. "Yeah, it happens. Not a lot, but it happens." When he'd been in his twenties and looking for girls, they'd been a lot harder to get a read on. He'd get numbers occasionally, but he'd get shut down just as often. Something had changed over the last few years though. More and more women seemed to pursue him. It was like a switch had gone off and now they saw something in him that they hadn't seen five or ten years earlier. Especially now. It was true what they say, girls liked what they couldn't have, and for all intents and purposes, he was off the market. He grabbed her hand and caressed it gently. His blue eyes met her accusing glare. "I don't do anything, Erin. I promise." His eyes were trying to send a desperate message her way.
Erin let out a soft sigh. "I know." She shook her head slowly. "I don't know why it bothers me. It just does." She knew that Jay was a good catch. Honestly, she didn't blame women for going after him. He was kind, funny, smart…hot as hell. She was surprised some woman hadn't snatched him up years ago. Maybe that's why she was so bothered by seeing the attempt happen in front of her face. Why would Jay chose to be with her, an ex-junkie barely-keeping-it-together cop, when he could have lawyers and doctors if he wanted? He could have a life with them that she couldn't even imagine. Did he consider it? Did he think about other possibilities?
Jay could tell that Erin's mind was racing a mile a minute. He grabbed both her hands and pulled her close so that she was practically sitting on his lap. Releasing her hands, he reached out and gently grabbed the sides of her head. He leaned in and gave her a firm kiss, then leaned back and stared into her eyes. His gaze was soft but serious.
"Erin, I haven't thought about another woman since the day we first kissed. I've been yours since our first night together." He laughed softly. "I thought it was pretty obvious, I was into you for months before that. Hell, I don't think I've even seriously considered another woman since I met you." He brushed his thumb against her lower lip. "I always knew we'd be together."
Guilt washed over Erin. Jay was so loyal, but Erin wasn't. Maybe she'd been as focused on Jay as he was on her, but that hadn't stopped her from straying. Erin wished she could go back and erase the months when they had been apart, but she couldn't. Once again doubt creeped into her mind. Jay really could do better.
Jay could tell by the look on Erin's face what she was thinking. "Hey, stop it." He tugged gently on her ear. "We weren't together. You were free to date who you wanted."
Erin let out a bitter laugh. "You didn't."
Jay sighed. It was something they hadn't really talked about. Jay figured when she went off the reservation that she had probably done some regrettable things. I mean, that guy Landon had looked awfully at home in her apartment the night they had busted in on them, but he didn't want to dwell on it. They hadn't been together at the time, and she had been going through some rough things. She had recovered and got her life back on track. He was a part of her real life. Shaming her or making her feel guilty about the past wasn't going to allow them to build a future.
"I'm not mad. We weren't together," he reiterated softly. Erin had dropped her chin and broken their eye contact. He took his finger and bumped her chin back up. Her eyes were glassy with unshed tears. "The past is not important. What's important is that you are here now. That we are together now. That we are committed to now."
Erin tried to push the negative thoughts from her head. She let out a breath. "Committed?" she joked trying to break the mood, a small smile creeping across her lips.
Jay felt color flush his cheeks a bit, "You know what I mean." He nudged her shoulder with his. He was happy to see the mood lightening a bit. He was hoping they could get back to their relaxing night in.
Erin decided she didn't want to let him off the hook that easy. "Actually I don't. What do you mean by committed? Like… are we going steady?' She smiled at the uncomfortable look on Jay's face.
Jay gave Erin a dirty look. Seriously? Ten minutes ago, they were watching a movie, then Erin wants to talk about girls hitting on him, her sleeping with another guy, and now commitment. Clearly he should have picked a more engaging movie. This one allowed Erin to think way too much. This night was not going how he had planned.
Deciding to put it all out there, wanting this conversation over and done, he crossed the distance between them with his lip and gave her a solid kiss. Her lips immediately responded to his, unable to hide her smile. He broke contact, "I wanna be able to do this every day, forever." He leaned in again, his lips caressing hers.
Erin's heart picked up a bit at the word 'forever.' That's not a word she'd ever thought about in terms of her life and relationships. Sometimes in life, she barely thought about tomorrow. She pulled back a few inches and looked at Jay's blue eyes, so soft, so warm, and so loving. "I love you," she whispered without even thinking.
Jay froze. His eyes locked with hers. He had never imagined Erin would be the first to say those words. In fact, he often imagined when the time came that she would fight that kind of intimacy. Maybe even run for the hills when he finally declared his love for her. Not that he didn't already feel it. He'd been in love with her for over a year. Often times, he'd deny it to himself, so it didn't hurt as much, but deep inside he knew.
He could see her waiting for some sort of response, some sort of reaction from him. Her eyes revealing her vulnerability and her love. He smiled, and he brushed his lips against hers gently. "Guess that's a yes on going steady."
Erin laughed softly breaking the tension between them. "Guess so."
Jay slid back down onto the couch so he was laying horizontal once again. He dragged her back across his body, so she lay loosely across his chest once again. Once she was settled back in, her cheek resting against his chest, he stroked her hair gently. She felt him lean in and place a soft kiss against her hair. "I love you, too."
Erin thought panic might set in, but instead she felt a sense of ease come over her. It was like another obstacle in their relationship had been overcome. She didn't know if forever was in their future, but for now they were in love…committed.