Disclaimer: I ramble in shamble, she writes with epic beauty (aka- Edward Cullen is Stephanie Meyers, and no matter how hard I try, I can't read him into existence.)

BPOV

"Bella!"

"What?" I mumbled. My façade was starting to slip. It had been four months since they had left. My arms automatically encircled my waist. Angela was the only one who still acknowledged my presence.

"Guess what I sign us up for!"

"What," my mumble getting softer when all eyes turned to me. I feigned a smile and looked at her.

"Self defence classes."

"Wonderful." I pushed the food on my plate around, my head started buzzing, there was something wrong with that statement.

"We start tomorrow night in Port Angles at seven. I'll drive, oh this is going to be so much fun. Dad said that now that all this crime is going around he want's me to be able to protect myself. We're going to have so much fun. You want to?"

"Sure," her rant had faded out after but suddenly it clicked, "Us? We? What?"

I looked up and her face fell a bit, "Oh. It's just I didn't want to go by myself, and I figure that now-" now that no one wants to protect me. Was it really that tedious of a chore.

"I don't know, you know how clumsy I am." The lifeless words fumbled out.

"Bella," Her eyes pierced me with a tortured expression. She really did want to help. This would be a good thing for me. But I didn't want to be protected anymore. Self defence. Sticking up for me. The idea was sounding better by the minute.

"Ok, tomorrow at seven."

"Great," her earnest smile warmed me, my frozen heart thawed just a bit. And clenched back down quickly, fearing the pain that would come.

* * *

Charlie had been all for self defence. Actually, he'd been all for me going out with Angela, emphasis on the getting out of the house. That had been nine weeks ago.

By week three of the twelve week course, I was cringing, preparing for the bruises and scraps I had gotten, but I actually kind of like it. My clumsiness had only come into play the first week, Jonathon, the leader, realised this and found some moves for the co-ordinately challenged could do. He also suggested I start a light work out routine. Nothing extensive, just that little extra. By week six, I was more anxious than Angela to go.

There was another three weeks to go.. We've developed a routine since then, go in early, get supper at this hole in the wall deli that was absolutely fabulous, and be at the center thirty minutes early. She used the extra time for this body ballet class, I took boxing.

Turns out, being clumsy and un-lucky wasn't absolutely horrible. I had been taking three weeks of boxing and already had some of the moves down. The fitness routine, the burn of the lactic acid pulsing my body, took the edge off them. Since they left I had no purpose, Bella didn't exist. Turns out, I just needed something to focus on.

Class was about to start and I had just finished with Mya in the boxing ring, she was another who showed up for the self defence, dragged along like me, and got hooked.

She was tall and willowy, and totally ungraceful. Her small feet finding difficulty holding up her tall frame. We usually teamed up in the sessions, fearing hurting someone not use to the danger of inept.

"It really sucks that class's are almost over." Mya stated as we walked from the ring to the small room that held our classes.

"I know, I mean, I'm going to keep coming, but I'm going to miss it all." And that was true. Every word. Since I had found a reason to keep going, to be interested in life instead of plodding through for Charlie I had began noticing things. I went down to the beach with Angela, Mike and Jessica a couple weeks and met up with Jacob. That pull I had felt before was still there. The indescribable and easy friendship that formed there was natural. My warmth, my own heat source warming the icy cockles of my heart that I had thought were closed off forever.

Mya and I had reached the room where Angela and some of the other girls were standing. Waiting for Jon to open the room.

"Hey Angela, how was your class?"

"Great, but I think I might be limping tomorrow. How was boxing, beat the life out of the bag." The totally innocent statement made me freeze. Oh, a sadistic vampire, intent on torturing her to death, sure, no problem, she runs off to meet him. An IV, on the other hand… There was something's that these lessons would not protect me from, things, monsters from under the bed that were real. There were many types of monster's out there as I had found out with Jacob.

And then there were the ones that I loved.

I came to, still standing but Jon waving a hand in front of my face.

"Hello? Earth to Bella? Where'd ya go? Paris." Jon was a jokester. Much like Jacob. His un-natural tan made him look like a movie star straight from Hollywood, the whites of his teeth even whiter in contrast, and the ever present smile stretch across his friendly looking face gave him the appearance of a younger man.

I realised I had been clinging to his pushed up sleeve of the U of W sweater and let go. Great he was wearing the crappy sweats, meaning I would be going home with more bruises.

" Daydreaming I guess." I answered his question. Everyone else was already inside stretching. I made my way over to my little corner and smiled at Mya. We would probably knock into each other at least once.

"Ok, so girls," he smiled at David, the only guy in the class, "and guy. Pop quiz, number one rule about protecting yourself."

"Be aware of your surroundings," we chanted. Routine was boring, I wanted to hit something already. The burn of my now nicely toned muscles was comforting, a more appreciated burn next to the icy clench I refused to think of.

"Rule two!" Jon was riding our high now. We were all getting edgy.

"Anything can be a weapon."

"Great, now weapons. How many of you girl wear heels?" His glance didn't come in our direction, and Mya and I snickered. Heels, yeah, right. Had one broken leg, thank you, don't think about him.

"Car keys." he whipped out a set from the front pouch of the sweater and threaded one key through his index and middle finger. "Walking to your car, guy," he paused and shook his head, "or girl. David. Comes at you, you are -"

"Prepared."

"Good. Bella!" I winced, he had learned our first week that calling on me was bad. Very bad indeed. He handed a set of foam keys and a prop purse and took a couple steps back.

"Now I wanted to use Bella because she gravity challenged," a few quiet giggles but everyone was focused, " Bella, I'm going to run at you, and I want you to protect yourself, using the props and whatever you can." He did this with each person once a lesson. Protect yourself from the ex-wrestler, ex-football star, ex-All-American hero. Reminds me of Emmett.

The name burn a little, not as much as others would have, but enough to make me angry. The crimson haze fell as he ran at me. I threw the fake purse at him, and it bounced off his shoulder. Leaning out of the way a margin, his balance was thrown, and I used the force of his run to push him to the ground and sat on him. Poking the back of his rust coloured hair with the keys.

"Could you let me up Bella?"

"You going to attack me again?"

"Example?"

"Uncle?"

"Mercy, your cutting off circulation." I jump up, wobbling a bit, but re-grasping my stability.

"Good job Bella!" I blushed bright crimson as a smattering of applause sounded.

* * *

Chapter Two

EPOV

In another continent, a bronze haired angel was in agony. Pure and simplistic agony. Curled up on his side in a creaking shack in the middle of the woods. Bella Bella Bela

I need to go back

No, you left for a reason!

But I NEED her

Too late, she's probably gotten over you.

What about checking. To make sure she w- is happy?

…

Edward got up off the floor, and for the first time in months felt a semblance of hope. In less than a day he would be seeing Bella. The memory that he had fought against for the agonising months flashed in his head. Prom, she had been dancing, kind of. He had twirled them around till the wee hours of the morning, and then she had gone home, changed and they had gone to the meadow, to be together. Without fear, or pain. Just together.

He approached the counter, knowing that his eyes would still be coffee coloured. Not dark enough to cause suspicion, yet enough for him to be thirsty. Yet his thirst was way back with the image of Bella still in his mind.

"Quickest flight to Seattle please."

BPOV

I was getting out of the gym's surprisingly clean shower's after the lesson when I heard the knock. Next to last lesson it had been. And I was starting to feel the black pit yawning in front of me to climb back in, I was scared what would happen to me when it was all over, and had nothing left to look forward to. I didn't want dwindle on the thought.

Angela had promised to take her brothers to the movies, so I had called Charlie, hoping he would come in, or at least be able to send Jacob, who wasn't really happy with me. After getting sick he and I had a fall-out. Unfortunately, Charlie said he couldn't make it, but would try to find someone who could. Fortunately, Jon had said he'd drop me off, living just east of Forks.

Wrapping a towel around myself, I crept out into the main room in the locker area to see who had knocked. Jon was turn around backwards his hands over his eyes. Vulnerable.

"Yes Jon?"

"Just checking to make sure you hadn't drowned. You about ready?"

"Just let me get dressed and I'll meet you outside, ten minutes." I saw a faint shudder and he nodded. Dropping his hands, he walked to the door to leave, our eyes connected in the large mirror that surrounded the entire room and he took a deep breath.

"Ten minutes." I nodded absently, and hurried back to the change rooms where I kept all my things.

The shudders and deep breaths slightly bothered me. I mean I know that my new toned body was pretty sweet, I was even kind of proud of it. It proved accomplishment. It said I'm not weak. But I really didn't think that a couple pounds of muscle would really make anyone THAT pretty. He had always thought so… Stop, I told myself. The whole started digging at my stomach, and I quickly dressed in the dark jeans and pale eggshell blue blouse. Throwing the rest of the stuff in my gym bag, and grabbing the new slouchy bag I used as a purse I ran out.

"Six and a half minutes," Jon said from where he was leaning against the wall, "I'm impressed."

"Hey, what do you take me for, some teenage girl?"

"You act far to old to be just some teenage girl." he swallowed and motioned me to his car. The SUV looked like it would fit in any normal neighbourhood in America. That was about the extent I got from the car. It didn't scream speed, nor power. Just normal. Plain.

"What's wrong?" He looked at me quizzically and I realised I had been projecting my thought's again.

"Nothing, just deep thought."

"Ok." He let out a short breathy laugh and motioned me to throw my stuff in the backseat, and after climbing in the passenger side seat and buckling in. He sped off into the night.

* * *

EPOV

He was waiting. Outside her house, but she wasn't there. So he would wait. Like he had waited for her love, like he had waited for her to realise how much he loved her, truly loved her. And for her to realise he was lying in the forest, waiting for her to call his bluff and allow him to beg her to take him back.

My heart isn't just cold now, it's empty. I truly am dead. I had so much. And now I have nothing. And it's all my fault.

He saw the hunter green SUV pull up in front of the house. Bella climbed out of the passenger side, a bag of food in one hand, a gym bag in the other. The man's thought's were practically yelling She is so funny, she's gorgeous, but she's not ready. An image of Bella, pale and haggard trying to defend herself in what looked like a ballet studio flashed in his mind. It was an almost completely different girl that they were looking at. This Bella was smiling, and looked generally happy. But there was a certain stiffness that Edward picked up, like she was putting too much into her act.

"I'll see you next week right?"

"I don't want it to be over?" They were standing fairly close to each other, but Edward saw the cringe, even from his distance hidden in the tree's.

"You should sign up for another class, it would do you good. And your really getting good at the boxing I hear."

"You hear everything."

"It's true. Bella if you ever need anything.."

"I know. It's not that it's just-"

"Bella, you can tell me." Edward was thankful that the man, Jon, had decided to get the conversation out of the way, now, here, in front of him. His desire to run over and scoop Bella up was bordering painful.

"It's just, I haven't gotten over.. Him." Edward shuddered at that pain he heard in her voice. "I don't think I ever really will. But," she looked in the direction of the forest, Edward pulled deeper into the darkness, before he realised her human eyes would never see him. Not where he was. "I should."

"Him who? If you don't mind me asking?" They had shifted slight, Bella sitting on the porch, and the man was leaning against the car. They were still only feet apart, and getting closer.

"Not much to tell. He was too good for me. I knew it, everyone knew it. I thought for a while he didn't care, and then, poof. He cared. He left." Her voice had gotten weaker through the entire sentence, broke twice, and started to cry. Each tear that hit the ground with a wet splink splink , each time Edward flinch, and when the man reached out to wipe the tear, the growl he had been holding let loose. The weak human ears had not been able to catch it, and he had taken a couple deep breaths to calm himself. For Bella. He thought.

"Bella." The man said with such sincerity, "Never let anyone evertell you that their better than you. Your strong, beautiful, and smart. Your funny and kind. You're a great friend and would be an amazing-" Girlfriend, he thought she's not ready. "-are an amazing person to know. I'm proud to be your friend."

Edward couldn't handle it anymore, the urge to talk to her. The mere thought of just observing had gone out the window as soon as he had seen the sheer pain in Bella's eyes. Running to the car, he jumped in and sped to her house. Prince charming in a silver Volvo.

* * *

BPOV

The talk of love was digging into my stomach for real now. Turned out before was just mostly hunger. How I could mistake the two I don't know. The pain was receding, except for times like now. I heard a car in the distance, or maybe it was my imagination. The growl was guttural.

"Bella? How about it?"

"What. Sorry, zoned out." I glanced down at my watch, nine thirty.

"Go for dinner before next week. Since it will be the last lesson."

"Is that allowed? Teacher- pupil?"

"It's allowed.. Just sometimes frowned upon. I'm supposed to remain objective, but- I like you Bella." He paused and looked up from the spot on the ground. "Uh- you don't have a boyfriend, do you?"

"Not anymore." He sounded terrified.

"Did you."

"He's gone."

"Reddish-brown hair, scary looking guy?"

"Why." My throat was closing, my stomach felt like it had become a fifty pound rock. I spun slowly, the dream-like haze that hung around me was numbing.

There he was, arm's crossed over his chest, leaning against the silver Volvo, a deep pain etched in his golden features. He exuded a certain agony, and I wanted to comfort him. He was staring at the ground, viewing me through Jon's eyes most likely. The pain I had been holding onto for so long now floated away, every hole, every scar I had carried on my heart sealed shut and I took a deep luxuriating breath.

I looked back at Jon, my eyes full of regret, he was a good guy. He deserved someone who could really love him, not just the rebound love I would have given him.

"Sorry."

"Can't catch a break. See you next week." I turned back around, praying what I had just saw wasn't an illusion, nor a mirage.

"Edward?" My voice was a whisper, but he heard, and looked up, a faint imitation of the crooked smile warmed my heart, no matter how distance it may seem, it was real.

It had to be.

I hadn't realised I had started running, my body pulling me to him. Like two magnets drawn to each other with an impossible force.

His arms opened and I ran right to him. "Bella-" His voice was broken, haggard the agony I had seen earlier now here in full force, "I will do whatever it takes for you to forgive me. I will beg, I will-"

"Edward, you're here, and for now," I leaned into his chest, inhaling his sweet scent, the one none of my hallucinations could ever copy, "that's all I need."

"The forest- Bella, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I love you, I love everything about you, you ridiculously beautiful girl." I rummaged around inside me for the memory, but all my many months of blocking it out held and I couldn't reach it. I looked up in the dark coffee coloured eyes and a smile grew on my own face. The searching look on his face brought a new realisation to the for-front. He always loved me, and no matter what he ever did, I would always love him. We would be forever entwined, fate would not allow us to be separated, no matter where our bodies where, our heart would always be one, my one feeble heartbeat pounded in both our chest.

"Edward, the way I feel about you could never be damaged, never broken. My love for you can't be measure, nor broken by words."

"Bella, I don't deserve you." I laughed quietly, my own guardian angel. How on what parallel could he not deserve me.

"This coming from-"

"Don't Bella. I'm no saint."

"Edward. You had your time away, did you get any perspective? I was going to say the only man I could ever really love."

"Oh." I smiled up at him, my warmth starting to thaw his pain, the wretched looks from before were starting to fade.

"Edward, I think next time. Tell me what your thinking, before you go and take my heart away again." I thought for a millisecond "And no more lying, if something's wrong, tell me." with that I buried my head in his shoulder.

"Bella. Your just going to forgive me?" His voice was incredulous.

"You realise what you did was wrong, and you realise that you can't live without me. But if you want to beg my forgiveness," I felt my eyes twinkle, "You have the rest of forever."

"Forever isn't long enough for me anymore. Bella, I want eternity."

"Sounds right." I figured Charlie would be looking for me soon, and he wasn't going to be too happy about Edward being back. He was such a dad sometime.

But I knew, from the second I saw Edward there, the pain and agony in his eyes matching that of my own, we would never be able to be apart. Ever again.

There was a promise in those words that felt solid. Permanent. The concrete wall we had been pushing on from different sides wouldn't fall. But now we were both on the same side, the walls we had built. His rules, my fears, his worries, my family. We would overcome them.

This was true love. This kind of thing didn't happen everyday. And for us, it would never happen again. That was the truest promise ever.