A Collab Fic by callmelauramiller, zooeyslaychanel, whatsmypogo, newgirlystuff, youcantmakeme, and DreamsOfSleep. All of us on Tumblr!
Be forewarned: This is a ridiculous fic. I left all the WTF? plot points in and only lightly edited it for clarity. Read at your own peril.
Jess knocked on Nick's door. He doesn't feel like getting up, but he answers anyway. He opens the door and stares into her big blue eyes.
"Hey, Jess."
"Nick?" she says, her voice barely above a whisper. "I need your help."
"Sure, Jess. Whatever you need. How can I help?" he says with a low voice.
"I have a problem," she whispers. "A sex problem…"
Nick felt his heart skip a beat as he froze dead still in his shoes. "A what problem?"
Jess feels herself turning red. "A sex problem," she says, embarrassed now. "Can you help me?"
Nick starts to sweat. He's trembling. He doesn't want to get ahead of himself so he decides not to unzip his pants just yet. He shakes his head, pushing his steamy thoughts aside and gulping loudly. "Help you? Jess, did you get hit on the head again?"
Taking a deep breath, Jess decides to be honest. "No, Nick, I didn't. I'm just tired of not doing the things I really want to do. The things I need to do," she says with a hoarse voice.
She puts her hand on his chest. "You were right about Sam." Her eyes flick up to meet his.
Nick only ever imagined something like this happening and it took every ounce of his willpower to not take her up against the door right in that moment. But he had to be careful this time around. No rushing it.
"Right about Sam? What do you mean, Jess?" Nick asks unsure of the entire situation. He feels like he's dreaming.
Jess puts her arms around his neck. She slowly looks up with a serious seductive look in her eyes. "Nick…I need some vitamin D."
Nick doesn't want to question it anymore. He runs his fingers through her hair and brushes his hand across her cheek. He gulps, "Okay, Jess."
He snakes his arms around her waist and pulls her to him. Her little gasp of surprise is swallowed by his lips suddenly pressing against hers. He spins her to the wall of his bedroom, pressing his body against hers. He can feel the heat that comes from her whole body and presses his lips even harder to hers, with one hand on the back of her neck and the other one on her waist.
The walls of his room are melting like a Salvador Dali painting so Nick knows this is a dream. Dream Jess is now wearing a sexy red lingerie number instead of the demure yellow sundress she was wearing just a few minutes ago. This would only happen in a dream. A wild Schmidt appears.
The towel is loosely draped around his hips, but not loose enough for Jess to not catch the immediate bulge forming underneath it. Jess steps up to him even closer than she was before, one hand on the back of his neck and the other one tracing down his torso towards the towel.
Nick feels paralyzed. He can't move. Jess reaches his towel and pulls it away revealing a HUGE HARD DICK. Jess gasps. It's larger than she remembered but just as stately as ever. She's excited and nervous all at the same time.
She looks deep into Nick's eyes but suddenly feels strong hands rubbing her shoulders. She realizes Schmidt is here to play. She turns her head to Schmidt and smiles at him, feeling Nick tightening his grasp on her hips possessively. Turning back around to him, she caresses his cheek and leans up to kiss him, unable to stop the moan from escaping her as he grunts and kisses her harder. Nick starts to caress Jess' breasts and kisses her neck. Jess moans and says, "C'mon Nick...It's fun to share." When Schmidt hears that, he starts to kiss Jess' shoulders.
"Nope, not happening…Get out of here, Schmidt! This is my dream."
"I'm disappointed in you, Nicholas. I'm part of this too, you know."
Nick took a step back from Jess and grabbed Schmidt's arm. He started dragging him towards the door when he heard Jess gasp. "No way can I handle all this dick."
Nick turned and couldn't help the yelp that left his lips. "Sexy Towel Schmidt" had now become 'Schmidts' with three exact clones making their way towards Jess. Standing in the room with four Schmidts and only one Jess, Nick realized this was not a dream, but more of his nightmare. He tried to block out the Schmidts and focus on Jess again. He loves Schmidt but not in THAT way. He turns around and is shOOOOOOOK to find out that all four Schmidts are now doing Jess.
Determined to take the reins of his own dream, he storms towards his bed. Grabbing Dream Jess' hand, he yanks her away from the Schmidts and runs to her bedroom, locking the door closed behind them and sighing in relief when he turns around to only one Jess.
"Fuck, Jess, I'm sorry," he says, his eyes scanning her scantily clad body. "Are you OK?" he asks her, worry transforming into wonder as she reaches behind her and unhooks her bra, letting it fall to the floor.
"Well, of course, Nicholas." Determined to make him forget the whole thing, Jess starts to kiss Nick again and puts her hand on his chest, speaking softly into his ear. "It's just us now. What do you want to do?"
Before Nick can answer, Pepperwood knocks down the bedroom door.
"If you're done fucking my wife, put on some damn pants and let's go fight some zombies."