As I Sat There
Here I sit again waiting for my wife. I know all the people who come in regularly and all of the workers names. She's not a patient in the hospital but it feels like it, we are here so often. "Hello Haru how is the misses?" Linda asks as she walks by.
"Not any better than the last time, but no worse either," I respond casually. She nods and continues on her way. I knew that it would hurt to go see your loved one go downhill like this, I knew, but nothing could have prepared me for this. The pain I feel when I see her struggling to remember who I am or where she is pains me. This is not like last time we can't just go on a journey to find her memories again, they didn't go anywhere. My beloved wife of 40 years has Alzheimer's. Now you might think that it is an almost harmless disease to have, you lose your memory no big deal. Well think again the descent can be fast or slow you can be any age when you first show signs of it also it usually ends with your body forgetting how to breath, keep a heartbeat, and/or regulate body temperature. They are saying that hers is going to be a slow decent. The worst part, I think, is wrong is that in some cases family and friends no longer visit them saying that it is too hard on them to see them that way. In reality they do remember something and you seeing them does help that is why I plan to stay with Elie until the very end.
"Haru we are all done with the CT scan now you two can go home now. We will call with the results in a couple of days," Dona who had been with my wife said as she wheeled Elie out of the back room.
"Alright thank you Dona see you in a few days," I said as I took control of Elie's wheel chair. Dona nodded like most of the nurses do here and turned to pick up another chart. "So Elie where do you want to go now?" I asked her as we went through the front doors of the hospital.
"I don't know any of the places around here so how could I know?" She answered. I just chuckled to myself.
"The usual place it is then, the park," I replied and turned her wheel chair towards the park.
"What are you talking about I have never been to a park around here before," she informed me though we go to the park every week on Wednesday.
"Of course well I think you will like it," I told her and that seemed to satisfy her for she sat back and relaxed.
"Well if you insist that I do," She replied. She must be having a good day today. It's sad that she started showing signs of Alzheimer's just five years before and now we are at that age where you don't feel young but you don't feel old either. We sat at the park for a while feeling the sun's rays then headed home.
5 YEARS LATER
The end is here I knew it was coming for weeks now but it is here now. Elie looks up into my face the confusion that I would see there for years now is gone. I grip her hand and try to be strong, but tears keep escaping my eyes.
"Don't worry my love I might not have been all right in the head these past 10 years but I am fine now. I am ready for this I have seen how you would sit there in the hospital trying not look worried but I could see it. I love you for caring for me these past years," She whispered to me as her breathing got shallower and shallower.
"Please there is still so much I want to talk to you about," I said out of desperation not wanting her to go but not wanting her to stay and suffer either. We just gazed at each other until her eyes finally glazed over with death. I closed my eyes and looked away tears escaping my eyes. I kissed the back of her hand and closed her eyes. Then I calmed myself down and picked up the phone to call 911. The phone rang a few times before it was picked up.
"911 what is your emergency?" A female voice asked on the other line.
"Yes it's my wife…