A young woman in love ought to show more love than she felt to secure herself a husband. This much Jane Bennet knew, and she had always thought she would be able to do so. She was not as naïve as to pretend she wasn't aware of the distressing fate she and her sisters would share should their father die before at least half of them were wed.
She had been aware, as eldest, that she should be actively looking for a husband so as to protect her younger sister should a bout of bad luck befall their poor old father. She partook in her fair share of balls and did everything to be as pleasant as possible. She walked plenty to remain healthy, she read enough to offer interesting conversation and she occasionally attempted painting and playing the piano, despite only passable success at the last two. Yet no acceptable suitor ever presented himself, despite many men in Meryton claiming to be somewhat in love with her .
Sure enough, she was aware that she was slightly prettier than her peers and her father was well off enough that any suitor had to possess at least a comfortable amount of wealth. But she was sure that as soon as such a man presented himself, she would be able to do what was needed.
She was prepared for everything but the incredible overpowering fear rippling through her body when she made eye contact with the wealthy ginger man her father introduced as Mr. Bingley. For fear it must certainly be. Her voice caught in her throat, her heartbeat was uneven, her stomach turned and her knees wobbled. Goosebumps chased over her arms while her face felt exceedingly flushed. She could only offer the faintest of smiles and softest of greetings.
But then Mr. Bingley smiled and made such easy conversation, she could slowly feel her muscles come alive again. She couldn't catch sleep that night, even hours after Elizabeth had finally drifted off. She kept replaying his smile, his voice and the opinions he had vocalised. She could only conclude how Mr. Bingley was positively the most pleasant man she had ever met.
Mr. Bingley was quickly the most liked person in the neighbourhood. And when the fifth girlfriend she talked to recounted how pleasant he had been, Jane suddenly felt the oddest of emotions; annoyance. But she quickly suppressed it. Honestly, she was glad Mr. Bingley was a genuinely pleasant person who offered kind conversation to anyone. There was no reason to feel disappointed in his being nice to everyone, not that she could think of. Perhaps Elizabeth, with all her reading of novels, would understand better. But she thought better than to ask her. The teasing wouldn't end while it wasn't guaranteed she would get an answer.
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The second time she met him – and as his youngest sister was showing her something in a book – she was suddenly surprised by an image popping into her head. And as a stray ginger curl from Miss Bingley fell into her vision. She imagined Bingley showing her something in a book he enjoyed. The image made her heart feel warm.
'Miss Bennet? Are you still listening?'
'Y- yes, I am', Jane confirmed.
Mr. Bingley did a great job of making Jane feel at ease, but the constant drumming of her heart made it simply impossible to do anything but smile and reply. He was so kind to everyone he met, she couldn't interpret it as an attempt to woo her. No matter what her family claimed. As a matter of fact, she feared that their claims could actually harm Mr. Bingley's niceness and make him wary of being kind to women out of fear of being misinterpreted. And she didn't want that. She didn't want to change the kind, mild-mannered man in any way because of how his kindness might be perceived.
So she did her best to calm her mother when she made big statements. She hoped the gossip wouldn't reach Netherfield House but she didn't want to be mean to her mother. She knew she meant no harm.
Jane understood her mother, honestly she did. Growing up, her mother had reminded her plenty of how uncertain their future was. And she knew all her pushy matchmaking and silly fussing arose from the wish to give her daughters a good future.
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The days leading up to Netherfield Ball, their mother was for sure the most anxious one in the household. Though she managed to rile Lydia and Kitty just enough so they could be "nervous" with her. Even Elizabeth allowed herself to be dressed up in frilly lace and unpractical slippers. She even allowed herself to giggle as she tried on different ribbons and allowed Jane to do her hair. She was glad Elizabeth would sometimes play the young girl she so often pretended not to be. Elizabeth innocently teased her how they all knew the ball was held so that Mr. Bingley could dance with her, how he had proven it when he had told them he would only organise one as soon as Jane was completely better.
She decided she would be obvious tonight. Despite the dread she felt in her stomach whenever she thought of showing him signs of love. She could barely comprehend what she felt for him ever since setting eyes upon him. But what she did know is that whenever she thought of it, she felt so terrible out of her depth.
She couldn't summarise or place her feelings, never had she felt something similar. Was it love? She didn't know. But whenever she thought about telling someone, she felt faint. It was so private to her, these tentative weird feelings. She wasn't even sure if it were feelings, her whole body reacted when Mr. Bingley did something like laugh or smile or hold her hand while dancing.
But for them, For Elizabeth, Mary and her other silly sisters, she would show love. However one was supposed to show love. She supposed she should bat her eyelashes and giggle. It was all a bit unclear. In the romantic novels that were littered throughout the house, it was always the man that pursued the heroine and then asked the question. And Jane couldn't exactly seduce Mr. Bingley like the men did, could she?
Mr. Bingley looked the most dashing he'd ever looked in a suit. The blue making his gorgeous eyes stand out. He instantly took notice of her, and welcomed her into the circle of his sisters and acquaintances he'd been talking to.
She was finally accustomed enough to the violent feelings that coursed through her body when she saw him, that she could partake in the conversation as an equal, with a clear enough voice and without looking away to recollect herself. She managed to be as open, cheerful and engaging as propriety allowed her. But she couldn't go further, she didn't want her behaviour to be regarded as wanton.
Her sisters always thought her so poised and in control because she never blurted out silly things or laughed too loud, but her emotions had always numbed her to the point that she could barely break free of her own thought process to partake in the real world instead of visibly showing her emotions.
He had walked her to the dance floor, and asked her to dance multiple times. So many times it was almost improper. And as she finally dared to laugh openly, she allowed herself to finally believe he might return some of the things she felt for him.
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After their meeting with Mr. Wickham, they returned to Longbourn. Elizabeth and the man got along well enough. He truly paid her younger sister a remarkable amount of attention. Jane had to refrain herself from smiling. Elizabeth was always teasing her about Mr. Bingley, but maybe it was time for her to tease her younger sister with the military man! How lovely would it be should she and her favourite little sister be able to marry together? How absolutely dashing would they look? Those two men waiting at the end of the aisle?
No no. She was getting ahead of herself. She forced the image out of her head. Nothing had happened yet. She shouldn't forget that though Mr. Bingley was a good match for her, she was a bad match for him. Marriage wasn't about love in his circles. Most of the times it was about keeping the wealth flowing within their circles, she knew that. She knew Mr. Bingley to be kind and his sisters were pleasant too. But she had noted that his sisters and Mr. Darcy had a lot more business sense and they obviously loved their aristocratic ways.
But when a letter arrived from Netherfield, Jane couldn't help but smile as she opened the invite. Except it wasn't an invite, she realised with growing dread.
The flowy handwriting was that of Mr. Bingley's sister.
No.
No this couldn't be.
"when Charles gets to town, he will be in no hurry to leave it again, we have determined on following him thither, that he may not be obliged to spend his vacant hours in a comfortless hotel."
In no hurry to leave London again? If that was so, that meant there were no imminent plans he had outside the city… Such as getting engaged.
Why was Caroline Bingley writing this? It was nothing like Mr. Bingley to be so impersonal and leave his affairs to others. He was always so eager to greet everyone and bid them farewell in person.
But she was glad that her friendship with Bingley's sisters meant she at least got a proper explanatory letter.
"Mr. Darcy is impatient to see his sister, and to confess the truth, we are scarcely less eager to meet her again. I really do not think Georgiana Darcy has her equal for beauty, elegance, and accomplishments; and the affection she inspires in Louisa and myself, is heightened into something still more interesting, from the hope we dare to entertain of her being hereafter our sister."
They had mentioned Miss Georgiana Darcy plenty of times and always in a loving manner. But she couldn't fathom why Caroline would mention her in this manner in a departure letter.
Jane needn't look much farther.
Our sister.
Our sister.
Our sister in law. Perfect rich Georgiana Darcy, not poor Jane Bennet with the large eccentric family.
"My brother admires her greatly already, he will have frequent opportunity now of seeing her on the most intimate footing, her relations all wish the connection as much as his own, and a sister's partiality is not misleading me, I think, when I call Charles most capable of engaging any woman's heart."
Her relations all wish the connection as much as his own. These were no casual sentences written by an excited sister. This was not one friend informing another, Jane realised.
This letter was made specifically for her. Not as a friend of Caroline, but as a girl who was close to Mr. Bingley. She knew Caroline enough to know how she spun words until a perfectly polite looking sentence became a deathly dagger ready to be flung with immense accuracy towards her target.
Your family might wish a union with my brother, but his connections don't approve.
But it was the next sentence that hurt her most.
I think, when I call Charles most capable of engaging any woman's heart. This left no doubt. There was no need for this sentence. This was an outright stab to Jane's heart. She had barely even begun to understand her feelings for Mr. Bingley until the night of the ball and had been so gentle and soft-spoken that not a soul could've know, yet Miss Bingley had suspected. And now she even taunted her with how good her brother had been at capturing her heart. But why would she taunt her? Had they not formed a good friendship in their time being here? No. Jane decided, Caroline was just warning her of a possible engagement as a friend. That had to be it.
Elizabeth had always thought ill of his sisters. She made no secret of that. But Jane had always told her she needed to be nicer and less judgmental. Elizabeth was always so prejudiced. She only needed to exchange a few words with someone before she had her mind all made up. Jane had thought she, who had talked with his sisters so much, surely knew them better.
Her heart felt so heavy, it might as well be a stone on the ground. She was most certainly sad and wounded. But somewhere deep down were more disturbing emotions. Disappointment, anger, frustration and the most disturbing of all; numbness. She was simply too stunned to react in the way she had expected herself to.
Here in her hands, she held her broken dream of marrying the kindest man she ever met, the proof that her friendships had apparently not been as mutual as she had hoped. She had imagined crying when Mr. Bingley proposed, had imagined laughing when they shared another dance, had allowed herself to be accepting when nothing more came of it than a pleasant enduring friendship.
But she hadn't been prepared for her heart to be abused in the manner.
She looked up, Elizabeth was just closing the door Mr. Wickham and his companion had walked out of. She threw her sister a glance which told Jane she was expecting her to talk about the letter. Without words she followed her upstairs.
Once they were within the safety of their room, Jane felt forced to confess all. For she couldn't keep all of this to herself. All she had felt about the Bingley family she had kept to herself, but with this letter, she couldn't anymore.
At first, she remained positive, if negative about Caroline Bingley.
'It is only evident that Miss Bingley does not mean he should.'
'Why will you think so? It must be his own doing. – He is his own master. But you do not know all. I will read you the passage which particularly hurts me. I will have no reserves for you.'
She steeled herself, as Elizabeth's face hardened and clouded over when the next written lines found their way to her ears.
As she read it again, Jane felt the numbness ebb away for it to be replaced with the most immense, throat-tightening sadness she had ever felt before.
'Is it not clear enough? – Does it not expressly declare that Caroline neither expects nor wishes me to be her sister; that she is perfectly convinced of her brother's indifference, and that if she suspects the nature of my feelings for him, she means (most kindly!) to put me on my guard? Can there be any other opinion on the subject?'
Please tell me so, Lizzy. Please tell me I am not paranoid and that I am not imagining things.
'Yes, there can; for mine is totally different. – Will you hear it?'
Her sister looked very much like the archangel Gabriël, ready to battle all evil that came their way.
'Most willingly.'
'You shall have it in few words. Miss Bingley sees that her brother is in love with you, and wants him to marry Miss Darcy. She follows him to town in the hope of keeping him there, and tries to persuade you that he does not care about you.'
Who's to say that if Caroline could guess Jane's emotions, Elizabeth couldn't see those of Mr. Bingley? Though Elizabeth's version sounded much more pleasing to the ears than the version she had presented to Elizabeth, she shouldn't just accept the story that suited her most. So she tried, very hard, to think of something that might rebuke Elizabeth's version. She re-imagined everything and tried to come up with a reason why her version couldn't be as true as the horrible version Jane feared to be the truth. She couldn't. She shook her head.
It could be, but it sounded too good to be true. Not that Bingley being in love but kept away from her was a pleasant story by a long shot.
'Indeed, Jane, you ought to believe me. – No one who has ever seen you together, can doubt his affection. Miss Bingley I am sure cannot. She is not such a simpleton. Could she have seen half as much love in Mr. Darcy for herself, she would have ordered her wedding clothes. But the case is this. We are not rich enough, or grand enough for them; and she is the more anxious to get Miss Darcy for her brother, from the notion that when there has been one intermarriage, she may have less trouble in achieving a second; in which there is certainly some ingenuity, and I dare say it would succeed, if Miss de Bourgh were out of the way. But, my dearest Jane, you cannot seriously imagine that because Miss Bingle tells you her brother grealy admires Miss Darcy, he is in the smallest degree less sensible of your merit than when he took leave of you on Tuesday, or that it will be in her power to persuade him that instead of being in love with you, he is very much in love with her friend.'
Caroline was smart and in love with Mr. Darcy, that much was true. That were two things even Jane had noticed. She knew Caroline looked down upon everything and everyone that showed "lesser" taste or class. But Elizabeth's claim sounded wild.
'If we thought alike of Miss Bingley, your representation of all this, might make me quite easy. But I know the foundation is unjust. Caroline is incapable of wilfully deceiving any one; and all that I can hope in this case is, that she is deceived herself.'
Elizabeth rolled her eyes and huffed in annoyance. But the next few days, she kept replaying the last part of her conversation with her dear sister.
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'Can I be happy, even supposing the best, in accepting a man whose sisters and friends are all wishing him to marry elsewhere?'
'You must decide or yourself. And if upon mature deliberation, you find that the misery of disobliging his two sisters is more than equivalent to the happiness of being his wife, I advise you by all means to refuse him.'
'If he returns no more this inter, my choice will never be required. A thousand things may arise in six months!'
Elizabeth's words were harsh. Meant to provoke and ridicule Jane's desire to make everyone happy. But she knew that there was truth to them. Should she ever meet Mr. Bingley again, she would also have to face his sisters. One of which wrote a letter that couldn't be seen as anything but a declaration that they wouldn't want her as their sister in law. Did anyone want a tense relationship with their sisters in law? Of course not! But Jane also knew she wouldn't hesitate to accept Bingley, even with the knowledge it wouldn't please his sisters.
The next couple of days brought Jane little sleep or pleasure. No food could pass her lips without making her ill, no pleasant thoughts of Elizabeth's kind words could keep the sadness at bay enough for her to have a pleasant sleep.
And though Elizabeth always did her best, and sometimes actually managed to give Jane hope for a couple of hours, nothing could permanently restore the inner calm the poised eldest Bennet had come known for.
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Jane had written a letter back to Caroline, pretending to be ever as unfazed and happy as she usually was.
But as the days bore on and no news came of Mr. Bingley returning, even Elizabeth's optimism dwindled. She didn't doubt Bingley, but she was nervous about the amount of influence such persuasive people like Caroline and Mr. Darcy could have on his easy-going spirit.
Elizabeth was painstakingly aware of how much Jane was deteriorating. She was still as polite and kind as ever downstairs. But she barely read anymore, always surrendering herself to bouts of melancholy as she stared at the pages of her books with unseeing eyes. She knew better than to push, but not an hour went by that their mother didn't dance on Jane's sensitive fractured heart with questions and remarks about Mr. Bingley.
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Miss Bingley's letter arrived and put an end to their doubt. In the first sentence she assured Jane they were settled in London for the winter. Hope was over. Nothing in the letter offered her any comforted. Everything was about how much they enjoyed London, their circle of acquaintances there and especially Miss Darcy. Every word felt like a dagger to Jane's heart.
All she could thing about was how she hadn't wanted any of this. She had never asked for a man this wealthy nor has she ever asked to fall in love. She had only wanted to make a good marriage to help her sisters.
And what she especially hadn't wanted was all this awful agonizing heartache. She had suffered enough for a man she was clearly not destined to be with. He must be forgotten. She longed for the peace of mind she had prior to meeting him. She didn't want her mother's words to torture her this much. She outright hated the way just the mentioning of his name made her want to cry.
She couldn't hate him though, she could never. He had done nothing wrong. He was still the most amiable acquaintance she had ever made and he was allowed to remain thus. Though it was painful to admit that the admiration had probably only ever been one-sided.
Elizabeth clearly disagreed with her. And again directed her anger for her sister's broken heart towards his sisters and Mr. Darcy. But it only brought Jane more pain now, to here these kinds of hopeful and spiteful words, though her heart still clung to them. And when she told Elizabeth she could understand why they preferred Miss Darcy, she didn't know who she was trying to convince more; Elizabeth or herself.
Elizabeth didn't believe her. And she wasn't the only one.
When their aunt came by she couldn't help but overhear her conversation with Elizabeth and their mother.
'Poor Jane! I am sorry for her, because, with her disposition, she may not get over it immediately. It had better have happened to you, Lizzy; you would have laughed yourself out of it sooner. But do you think she would be prevailed on the go back with us? Change of scene might be of service – and perhaps a little relief from home, may be as useful as anything.'
Although she was mortified that her feelings were being discussed without her, Jane had to admit that the premise of leaving this house sounded tempting. But did they not live in London? Her stomach turned at the thought of bumping in to him.
So when the time came that Mrs. Gardiner offered her to go with them, she heartily agreed. She had promised herself she wouldn't seek them out, but knew she couldn't go to London without telling Caroline. So when Jane arrived in London, Caroline wrote to her how much she knew Jane would love London and that she simply would have to come and meet them. Hoping with "them", Caroline included Mr. Bingley, Jane agreed but was disappointed when Charles wasn't present during their meeting.
Caroline and Mrs. Hurst were kind enough, although Jane felt as if they were nervous. They simply didn't stop glancing at the doors. Jane had to accept that Caroline had probably meant no harm, harmful as her words had been in their departure letter.
They promise to visit her in the next few days, but it took three weeks for Caroline to visit. The loving friendship she had always claimed to feel for her in her letters was not to be detected in her demeanour during her visit. Jane was as pleasant as ever, but Caroline took no interest in her or her family and made a point of saying that Mr. Bingley knew Jane was in town, but was too busy to see her.
After the awful visit, Jane couldn't help but to write to her sister. She couldn't bear it any longer. There was no way she could remain hopeful and optimistic about any of the Bingley siblings. Mr. Bingley was lost to her, Caroline neither wanted her as a sister-in-law or cared for her as a friend, and she couldn't begin to understand Mrs. Hurst. She wasn't able to compose herself for another two whole days.
Only a fortnight later, Elizabeth visited her. By that time she had composed herself enough to be able to at least find a part of her beloved serenity, but not enough to have her joy or peace of mind again. However she urged Elizabeth to continue her journey to Charlotte.
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Jane and Elizabeth returned home and soon enough, Elizabeth left with the Gardiners. Jane was left to take care of the four children because they had grown accustomed to her during her time in London. The time away had done her good though, and the awful feelings in her stomach and heart had finally settled. Finally she could sleep again and not lament her fate every hour of the day. And she could perfectly enjoy taking care of the children without many thoughts of how she would still have to wait quite a long time before having a family of her own.
But just as the drama surrounding Mr. Bingley and Mr. Collins had finally been laid to rest, another awful development ruined any ounce of peace at Longbourn; for Lydia had eloped with Wickham.
There was no calm to be kept in the household. Kitty was hysterical, their father locked himself away in his office writing to everyone he knew to help find his daughter, Mary locked herself away as well and mama was unable to leave her bed. Jane was instantly bombarded head of the house and forced to take care of the bills and staff. Despite the circumstances, she felt useful and content. Staying at home had been a good thing, she couldn't imagine any of her other sisters doing what had to be done.
She had always wanted nothing more than to be able to help her sisters, and this was the way fate had destined for her to do such. To stay at home and provide her family all the comfort she could. Even now any hope of a good match was lost to all of them because of Lydia. But she didn't allow herself to be selfish and pity her own future when one of her sisters was out there in the cold cruel world accompanied only by a deceitful man with unhonourable intentions.
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Lydia had wed Wickham, apparently, but she hadn't gained any wisdom since become a married woman and was still as naïve and spoiled as before. She showed off her ring as a trophy instead of as a cautionary reminder of how awfully wrong it could have gone. But she was Lydia, therefore she wholeheartedly laughed in the face of risk and never payed it any mind since nothing bad had happened according to her. She was the first married woman of the family and therefore had done better than her sisters, elopement or not.
But then the strangest thing slipped past her lips when she admitted to Mr. Darcy having attended the wedding. She couldn't help but notice the odd look on Lizzy's face, but since it was business they shouldn't talk about, Jane felt as though she couldn't talk to Elizabeth about it. Despite her sister showing the most curious absent expression the following days.
When summer came to an end, Jane decided her heart was quite mended. No longer did she not feel like herself because of her feelings for him. And maybe, one day, there would be another person who she wouldn't oppose marrying to, who didn't mind her tarnished family name and meagre dowry.
So, when news came of Mr. Bingley returning for the hunt, Jane heard the news with relative ease despite her heart still skipping a beat. But she told herself anyone would have that reaction to suddenly hearing about an acquaintance they had formerly been so close to.
She didn't expect him to visit them. He hadn't visited her in London or had even contacted them ever since leaving. There would be no reason for him to come by. And even if he did, for he was still a courteous person, it wouldn't bother her. Though perhaps Lydia' scandal would proof even too much for his kindness to overlook.
Elizabeth was watching her with that ever analysing gaze of hers. But she quickly addressed it as soon as they were alone.
'I saw you look at me today, Lizzy, when aunt told us of the present report. I know I appeared distressed. But don't imagine it was from any silly cause. I was only confused for the moment, because I felt that I should be looked at. I do assure you, that the news does not affect me either with pleasure or pain. I am glad of one thing, that he comes alone, because we shall see less of him. Not that I am aafraid of myself, but I dread other people's remarks. Yet it is hard, that this poor man cannot come to a house, which he has legally hired, without raising all this speculation! I will leave him to himself.'
And this time, she would promptly shut down any suggestion or remark her mother made. Even if she had to do it harshly. And shut her mother down often she did. It became tiresome to her, despite that she deemed herself to be over Mr. Bingley, she still preferred for it not to be a topic at all. She could barely believe that the girl who had been so excited to meet him last autumn, now couldn't wait until he had left.
Soon enough, her mother yelled that Mr. Bingley was riding towards their house, and together with Mr. Darcy, remarked Kitty. All determination left her as the tremble returned to her knees and her heart starting beating like crazy once more. What could bring him to Longbourn? Why did he seek her out now after not having contacted her in almost a year? Elizabeth was completely silent next to her, playing nervously with a pen.
What had happened to her lively sister who normally joked and smiled about mama fretting about visitors or Mr. Darcy being unwanted company? Jane knew little of their meeting in Derbyshire, and therefore felt for the awkwardness of her sister, in seeing him for the first time after receiving his explanatory letter.
Whatever happened between Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy? Jane thought about it often. How could a man that had talked so negatively of her at first, ask her hand in marriage? How could Elizabeth frequent a man she had rejected in his own house not even a month later? Why was Mr. Darcy at Lydia's wedding, when he detested Mr. Wickham? She couldn't begin to comprehend it.
But Jane couldn't possibly know how Elizabeth's feelings for Mr. Darcy had changed. How much gratitude she felt, how much she esteemed him now, and least of all how absolutely heartbroken she was that Lydia's elopement had ruined her chance at happiness with him now that she had finally realised how good of a man he was.
Jane focussed on her needlework. She refused to look up until she had to and forced her fingers through the movements. She wouldn't allow herself to indulge in any of these silly feelings anymore. And when the men finally presented themselves into the room, she looked up slowly and managed to collect herself enough for her behaviour to be equally free of resentment or any trace of unnecessary complaisance.
Elizabeth, however, couldn't quite conquer her inner turmoil in a similar manner and said as little as possible and focussed on her messy needlework.
Bingley looked pleased, if a bit awkward. Mrs. Bennet received him a bit too civil to be comfortable for her eldest daughters, especially compared to the deliberately cooler greeting she offered Mr. Darcy.
Despite that, all went quite well until their mother had to bring up Lydia's marriage. And for once, Jane couldn't forgive her mother for talking so much. Elizabeth was obviously uneasy, if for the same reasons as Jane, Jane couldn't tell. Her mother then continued her officious attention.
Perhaps it wasn't so strange, Elizabeth and Jane thought at the same time, that men were reluctant to have her as their mother-in-law.
Jane convinced herself she had managed the visit with the necessary dignity and contently said to herself: there, it is over. We have been reacquainted. Now we can start anew, without fancying myself as anyone special to him but a periodical neighbour.
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On Tuesday a large party assembled at Longbourn, Jane had seated herself first, after having tired herself with a long walk that day. Mr. Bingley walked in, and it was obvious to her that The Lord wasn't going to make this easy on her, for he was wearing a striking blue ensemble and the most endearing awkward smile as he looked for a place to sit. As she gave him an encouraging smile, only meant to put him at ease, he suddenly came for her, his step decided, and placed himself next to her. But just seconds after smiling at her again, he looked up towards where Mr. Darcy stood, and Elizabeth's words replayed in her head.
Was it really possible, that he had only ever followed to advice of his persuasive friend?
And when Jane admitted after the party that she was glad all had gone well, Elizabeth once again gave her that unsettling smile.
Jane sighed. 'Lizzy, you must not do so. You must not suspect me. It mortifies me. I assure you that I have now learnt to enjoy his conversation as an agreeable and sensible young man, without having a wish beyond it. I am perfectly satisfied from what his manners now are, that he never had any design of engaging my affection. It is only that he is blessed with greater sweetness of address, and a stronger desire of generally pleasing than any other man.'
But no matter what she said, Elizabeth wouldn't believe it. Refused to believe it even.
And Jane, Jane became more puzzled by Bingley's behaviour and her sisters' words then ever. Everyone seemed to encourage her to once again vie for his attention, but she wouldn't be able to do thus without investing a part of heart and she wasn't sure if she could take another cold departure on his side.
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'My dear Jane, make haste and hurry down. He is come- Mr. Bingley is come.- He is, indeed. Make haste, make haste. Here, Sarah, come to Miss Bennet this moment, and help her on with her gown. Never mind Miss Lizzy's hair.'
Sheer terror overcame Jane as her mother rushed in with her hair half finished, crying like a madwoman. Bingley had arrived so early. And it was already his fourth visit in less than a week! She had refused to let her mind wander, because every trail of thought concerning Bingley led to dangerous roads she'd been down before, and they all lead to misery.
She would refuse to let anything steal her precious peace of mind again like the previous time she had fallen for Mr. Bingley. And she would make sure her behaviour couldn't be seen as anything but strictly cordial. So despite her complaints, Elizabeth was dragged down with her.
In the evening though, Jane wasn't as lucky. One by one, her family members left the room or were taken away by her mother. With rising trepidation with each leaving person, Jane was left completely alone with Bingley.
She rose and walked towards the fireplace, hoping that the crackling logs could end the shivers chasing down her back.
'Miss Bennet, I-'
A knock on the door ended his words as Lizzy re-entered and Jane huffed a breath of relief.
Jane told herself she was only nervous because of the unsubtle scheming of her mother and her fear of what Bingley must think of them still being pushed together. But when her mother skipped into their bedroom, after Bingley had gone home, with the news that Mr. Bingley was to join their father for the hunt tomorrow.
If Mr. Bingley had in any way been bothered by her mother's attempts to get them together, there would really be no reason he would be so eager to visit them yet again.
Jane had simply run out of excuses or explanations to pass his behaviour of as simply civil and kind. And when Elizabeth very gently threw a single tease her way, Jane said no more of her indifference.
Their father, determined that their mother did enough damage, and acted more communicative and less eccentric than the other had ever seen him. Bingley, of course, returned for dinner and spent the evening.
And that, was when Jane admitted to herself that there could be only one reason for his being back at Netherfield and spending the day with her family for a week on end. The realisation set her heart free again, and she allowed herself to cry freely with relief. Because try as she might, she knew she would never meet a more amiable, kind and cheerful man in her whole life. Any belief in her being indifferent to him had left her body when she had once again set her eyes upon him. She could bear his company and act indifferent, that much was true, but she had realised he would never lose the grip on her heart.
And when her mother left them alone this time, her racing heartbeat, uneasy stomach and wobbly knees weren't from embarrassment but from excitement. She stood by the fireplace again, hoping the warmth would ward of the Goosebumps on her skin.
'Miss Bennet, are you alright?'
'I'm just a bit cold.'
'Not getting ill again, I hope?'
She smiled, shaking her head. 'No. It would take a strong downpour for that to happen.'
Bingley rose and joined her at the hearth. His red hair was positively blazing now that it was illuminated by the flames. He took her hands in his. 'You're freezing. Are you certain you're quite alright? I can get-'
'No- I'm perfectly fine, thank you. You mustn't worry for me.'
Memories of her previous illness floated between them. How easy had conversation come to them then! How happy she had been at Netherfield, despite suffering a heavy cold.
His sisters had been so nice to her then, she doubted they would again.
He was still holding her hands. If Jane had thought her heart was beating fast before, it was now at a speed unknown to humankind.
His mouth attempted to form words, but no sound came out as his eyes rested upon her hands between his.
He was tall, but not the towering length of mister Darcy. She didn't need to lift her head too much to look at his face.
It was going to happen, she realised. Despite fighting with herself for three whole seasons to convince herself he didn't love her. Three seasons cursing herself for being so silly as to think a man like him could be with a woman like her.
'Miss Bennet, dear Miss Bennet, I have been a utter and complete fool. You can be in no doubt at my reasons for being here. I have been steadily falling in love with you from the moment we first met, three seasons of being removed from your presence couldn't chase away the memory of you- not that I wanted to forget you! I have never met a lady as lovely as you. You are absolutely angelic.
I would have proposed to you all these seasons ago had I not feared one like you could never love a simpleminded man like me. I'm no good judge of character. If it wasn't for my sisters and Darcy I'd have been scammed out of my money before I turned 21. You were so kind and charming, I hoped there would be a possibility you cared for me. But you were so kind to everyone I wasn't sure! And I know particularly little of women so I trusted my sisters when they assured me they saw nothing in your behaviour that indicated anything more than common friendliness.
Whenever I suggested returning here, my sisters managed to find a way to keep me away. You cannot imagine my surprise when Darcy suddenly asked me if I wanted to visit Netherfield again, and more specifically, the Bennet family. I admitted to him I had always wanted to come back but hadn't had the chance yet and was now afraid I wouldn't be as welcome, after having left so abruptly. But then he told me the strangest thing. He told me he had reason to think he had misjudged you and felt as if he hadn't done his job as a best friend as he should, how totally strange, isn't it? I apologise, you must be confused by my incoherent story. I suppose it doesn't really matter. I seem to be unable to stop chittering when I'm nervous, and I suppose now is the most nervous I'll ever be in my life, because Miss Bennet, I have come here to ask for your hand in marriage', Bingley finally admitted as he sank down on one knee.
'And I wanted to say that I apologise for not having said goodbye, visited you or written to you. Too long I have allowed myself to be lead by the opinion of others. And I desperately hope you can forgive me for it.'
'Miss Bennet?' Mr Bingley urged when the blonde woman didn't say anything.
'I don't understand a couple of things.'
'I'd be more than happy to provide an explanation, if it is within my power to give one.'
'If you regret not having written, why did you not include anything in the letters your sister sent to me?'
'She wrote to you? I had not been informed of that.'
'Your sister Caroline told me you were aware of my being in London but had no wish to see me when I visited your house or when she visited mine.'
Caroline had been playing a game. Mr. Bingley's look of utter confusion and irritation told her as much. Why had she done this? Why would she deliberately ruin the happiness of her brother and someone she had befriended? Unless she had never been real friends with Jane and indeed wished to push Mr. Bingley towards Miss Darcy.
'Dear Miss Bennet, I wasn't aware. I would never be so cruel as to not visit a friend who happened to be in the same city. I had no knowledge of you being in town, please believe that I knew not what my sister was doing nor do I claim to know her motives in telling you so. Pray, what else did she say to you? Allow me to restore my image, for you must think quite ill of me, if my sister indeed made such claims.'
'I never thought ill of you for you not wanting to marry me. I am no fool and know that we are no match in wealth or upbringing. I have little to offer but myself and my love and could not think ill of someone for wanting more than that. Nor could I think badly of you for not being able to see me, for you must have been busy! It was to my understanding that you and your family intended for you to marry Miss Georgiana Darcy and not return to Meryton in any future. As for the friendship between me and your sister, when she finally visited me in London, she made it quite clear she no longer wished to continue it as she shewed me no interest in my life and never wrote to me again.'
Mr. Bingley shook his head. Quite the news this was, indeed! He had always been frustrated he couldn't return because his sisters urged him to travel hither and tither with them, but he had never suspected an ulterior motive but their wish to visit all their friends from around the country. But knowing this, he knew he would have to talk to CarolineMr. The unkindness she had shown Miss Bennet for no particular reason was undignified and cruel. How hurt Jane must have been, to have contact with her but no news from him as if she didn't matter to him! He had always made certain to add at least a short letter accompanying those of his sisters when they wrote to a mutual friend. If he had known she was writing to Jane, he would have written no less than a full page each time!
Even if he hadn't loved and admired Miss Bennet the way he did, he still would have joined his sister on a visit. All these untrue claims about him wishing to marry Georgiana and not caring to visit Miss Bennet while she knew how he felt about her infuriated him.
'Not wanting to marry you! There has never been a more unappealing idea than the thought of never seeing you again! My sister has treated you with great injustice and had I known of it, I would have put an end to these lies immediately.'
'Would you?' It slipped past Jane's lips before she could filter it. 'It's just that I know the influence a family holds on a person. Rightly so, for a family always wants best for its members. Especially when uniting two families, it would not be strange that one would look for someone who would be suitable within their family. You claimed you let your sisters and Mr. Darcy guide you. Why wouldn't you trust their opinion of me if they thought it better to severe ties?'
'Miss Bennet! My family and Mr. Darcy have a lot of influence on me, perhaps I even allow them more say in my decisions than they should have in the life of an independent man. I would listen to them and their concerns, you are not wrong. But never would I give them permission to lie to you and fabricate stories such as me being to busy as to visit you or me wishing to marry someone I consider a little sister. I'll let this be a lesson to me! To think that had it not been for Darcy, who finally managed to get me here, I would have never set eyes on you again and have had you living your life thinking I thought so little of you! I can't bear it. I shall not let myself be guided so easily anymore. For being too dependant on their opinions obviously hasn't done me good. And if you still accept me as your husband despite the scheming of my sister and despite my insecurity and lack of steadfastness, I promise to show you each day how much I do care about you.'
To think how quickly everything could have been put to an end if only she could have shown him a bit more affection. Their shy and trusting natures had almost ruined their happiness. Perhaps both of them should be a bit less trusting and a bit more direct.
'I care about you to.'
Her heart beat like crazy when he smiled.
'And- I love you too.'
Get on with it Jane, your happiness is within reach. Just grab it. Don't be afraid.
'I will marry you.' Even with your sisters disapproving of me, just like I had told Lizzy I would.
Dimples formed in his cheeks as his smile grew.
'Miss Bennet! You have no idea how happy you make me.'
She rubbed his hand with her thumb.
'Jane.'
'Charles', he laughed. And in that moment, as they were lost in each other's eyes, the distance between them disappeared and a quick chaste kiss was placed upon Jane's lips. It was pure enough but it set her whole body ablaze.
'Nobody shall meddle with this wedding, Jane. I'll make sure of it. There could be no woman more suited to become lady Bingley than you. I didn't jest when I called you angelic. You are suited and worthy in every way and I am lucky to have you. I'll take care of my sisters. Just a quick question, since from now on you shall be my most important confidante and your opinion does matter on this topic; where do you wish to marry and live?'
'I would prefer for it to be here, unless it would be to inconvenient for your family to travel this way? As for living, I feel as though my sisters still need me. I could not just leave them. Mama's nerves can't take too much fuss so I'd feel safer if I could be close and make sure they get settled after I… Leave.'
Leave. How strange it seemed to say goodbye to Longbourn. No longer would she sleep and talk with Elizabeth, no more would she encounter the chickens in the kitchen when the servants left the door ajar, no more could she be there to calm her mother down whenever she got nervous.
They were interrupted by Elizabeth coming in once more. They sprang apart, though was there any use in hiding it? Mr. Bingley, Jane and Elizabeth went to sit down again but the awkwardness proved too much. Before she could leave though, Mr. Bingley was the one to jump up, whisper to Jane he would ask her father, and leave the room. Elizabeth needed only look at Jane to laugh and congratulate them in her typical uninhibited fashion.
' 'T is too much!' Jane cried that evening as she let herself fall onto their bed. 'By far too much. I do not deserve it. Oh! Why is not everybody as happy.'
'I must go instantly to my mother. I would not on any account trifle with her affectionate solicitude, or allow her to hear it from anyone but myself. He is gone to my father already. Oh! Lizzy, to know that what I have to relate will give such pleasure to all my dear family! How shall I bear so much happiness!'
She didn't hear Elizabeth laughing to herself: 'And this is the end of all of his friend's anxious circumspection! Of all his sister's falsehood and contrivance! The happiest, wisest, most reasonable end!'
Only little over a week after Jane's happy betrothal, another wondrous thing happened in the Bennet household. For when Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy returned from the walk Jane and Charles had quickly returned from, they were alone and engaged!
It all fit together now. Jane thought. For somehow between calling Elizabeth 'tolerable but not enough to tempt me' and his first proposal, he must have fallen in love. But Elizabeth had spent that time getting to know and grow fond of Mr. Wickham, who constantly talked badly of Mr. Darcy, in no way could her heart have grown tender for him in such a setting. But from the moment he told her the truth about Mr. Wickham to the moment they got engaged, Elizabeth must have been falling in love with him. And Mr. Darcy had done the only things that could have successfully wooed Elizabeth; he had helped her family.
How else could Mr. Wickham have found a living so quickly? How else could Lydia have been found and given a dowry so large? Mr. Gardiner was wealthy but not that much. It must have been Mr. Darcy pulling strings and using his wealth. Who in Charles' environment knew about his love for Jane and had enough influence to get him to Meryton and at the same time keep his sisters from intervening but Mr. Darcy?
How absolutely wonderful it was for Elizabeth to be engaged to Mr. Bingley's closest friend! And here she had so foolishly thought her happiness could not grow any more! She and Charles had talked of it, of a union between Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth, but they had deemed it impossible!
And then finally Elizabeth told her all, and half of the night was spent in conversation.
Jane's dreams truly did come true for she got to spend the entire period of their engagement planning their wedding together, and even on the most special day of her life, Jane had her best friend and sister right there next to her.
After only a twelve-month of living at Netherfield, Jane and Charles moved to an estate only thirty miles from Meryton.
Leaving her mother and father had been hard, but absolutely necessary. They made sure to invite Kitty and Mary plenty, and Jane was happy to note that both of them were growing into responsible but kind and pleasant women. And funnily enough, they saw more of their father now that they lived away then back home when he locked himself up in his office. And their mother, who had always longed for them to be married, now wrote of how awfully lonely she felt with only Kitty and Mary at home.
Jane would have liked to say that Caroline, seeing Mr. Darcy married to someone else and seeing her brother happy despite her scheming, had grown up. But despite her being polite and Jane being as pleasant as imaginable, the friendship was never restored, and the feeling was mutual that it shouldn't ever be.
But most of all, Jane loved waking up happy each day, for it was so much better than waking up serene and calm.
She loved that she felt less like she needed to please everyone and more like she could please anyone should she wish to.
Charles made true to his claim and showed her all affection a man could give his woman. Wherever they went, he made sure his Jane was seen. At first it had made Jane uncomfortable, when he displayed her with such pride. But Charles didn't intend to gloat, he simply couldn't help but keep on remarking how beautiful and lovely his wife was. Blinded by love, there could simply never be a creature more enchanting to him than his wife.
And despite her and Charles caring about the staff and spending plenty on their families, Jane could never be accused of being scammed or giving away money in a wasteful manner like her father had claimed.
Except where Patience and Frederick were concerned, but really, could any parent be blamed for spoiling their children?
FIN.
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