A/N: This is out a lot earlier than I planned to have it out. Enjoy, and review!
Lorelai flashed back to that night in her head. The yelling and ultimatum in the street, going to the one man she knew would kill their relationship, waking up next to that man in bed. There had been some drinking between those last two memories, mind-numbing drinking that only led to more mistakes.
"I'm just having a really bad night and, uh, I don't want to be alone." Her voice was sharp, but unsteady. In her mind, she was going over how many levels this was wrong on. She was betraying the man she, until that night, intended to spend the rest of her life with.
"Come on in." His voice was strong. He wanted to take care of her. Show her that he could be there when she needed him. He could be that figure in her life. In her daughter's life. He could be the one to stay with her forever. She stepped past him into the apartment he called home with his own small daughter.
She remembered the last time she had been in this apartment. She hadn't been as sad, as solemn. She was helping him. He was a newly single dad who needed major help in the discipline department. She taught him to use the word "no." She showed him how to keep his crying toddler in her crib.
She needed to feel loved. She needed to be wanted, and to be cared for, and to be the center of someone's world. She knew in her heart that the love he had for her was unconditional. He would love her no matter what her faults, no matter what mistakes she made. She could make a book of her mistakes. It would be easy, she thought.
First, although now she didn't count it as a mistake, she got pregnant at 16. Now, she realizes that her pregnancy freed her. She was freed from the lifestyle she despised. The life her parents led would never be hers. She and her baby daughter would start anew; they could make a life they were proud of for themselves. She and her daughter were best friends. They were mother and daughter second.
Second, she ran back to the father of her daughter way too many times. She went to him during her hiatus with her first fiancée. She went to him the night before her friend's wedding. He then left her. He and the woman who would be his toddler's mother were expecting. She understood this. He was trying to be the man he couldn't be with her and her daughter. He was trying to make things right.
Those are two of the bigger mistakes. She had many others, though smaller, but life affecting. Now here she was, back at this place, sitting on his couch, his pillows behind her back. He offered her a drink. She agreed, and took a shot glass full of tequila from his hand.
"I don't think this is what I need." She told him.
"Just drink. You'll feel better." He told her. She obliged, and threw her head back and swallowed the liquor down. She did this many more times, until she felt like nothing could hurt her. She was numb. Physically and emotionally, she felt she could take almost anything. She edged closer to him on the couch, hoping that what she knew she could do to him would help her feel better.
He watched her scoot closer to him. Her hand reached out to touch his face. She hadn't been there 5 minutes yet. Her hand came to rest on his shoulder, and she leaned in and pressed her lips to his. She knew she shouldn't be doing this. She knew. It didn't stop her. She opened her mouth and ran her tongue along his lip. He accepted her offer and opened his mouth as well, her tongue darting into his mouth like it was oxygen, and she couldn't breathe. It was like being stung by a swarm of bees. She was hurting, and wanted to run away from the hurt, but she couldn't. It was impossible.
He pulled away from her. She wasn't herself. Although he wished it wasn't true, he knew that if she was, she wouldn't be doing this. He tried to get her to talk to him. All she did was mutter the words "over" and "love" over and over again. He didn't understand the meaning of these words. The only thing he could think of was her fiancée. Was he part of her hurt? Was he the cause of it?
She leaned in again. Her lips brushed his. It was an act of need, and act of want. His mouth opened first, allowing her in, meddling with her tongue inside her mouth. His hands traveled down to her arms. She tensed when he ran his hands up and down them. He stopped. He asks her if she's OK; if she's feeling alright. She nods her head and pulls him to her. They kiss hungrily. His hands run up her sides, brush the sides of her breasts and rest at her neck. He knows what she wants, what she needs, and he has every intention of giving it to her now. He helps her stand up and leads her to the bedroom, where she falls onto the bed, and his weight on top of her. They continue to kiss as he undresses her, and then himself.
Before she knows it, both are naked, and he's pushing himself into her. She bucks at his first movement, but other than that, stays still until her legs wrap around him, hoping the deeper he gets, the more hurt will go away. He finishes without her, and flips them over. Now on top, she rests her head on his shoulder as he strokes between her legs, trying to get her to finish what she started, but his attempts fail and she rolls off of him, wraps the sheet around her and closes her eyes. He's stunned. She was quiet, for once. Quiet, and unsatisfied. This woman was never quiet.
The next thing she knows, his daughter's voice is asking who the lady in bed is. He tells her, and soon after, she's ushered away by the nanny. He joins her back in bed. The numbness has worn off by now, and she's feeling the repercussions of her actions.
His arm circles her bare waist as she closes her eyes and falls into a deep sleep once again.
Her dreams bring her visions of him, the man she left. He and She are together, small children playing at their feet. There's a small boy, and an older girl. The girl couldn't be theirs; she appeared at least 13, maybe 14. The scene fades away. Now she sees them walking along a bridge suspended over open water. They're all alone, and they stop suddenly. The bridge breaks, and she falls down, tumbling into the water. The bridge suddenly repairs itself, and he goes on walking. She looks up at him. From the look in his eyes, she knows he doesn't care.
She wakes up suddenly, her head popping up off of the pillow, the sheet sliding down her body, exposing her breasts. She quickly rushes to cover herself up, but he stops her. He smiles, reaches down and pulls the sheet up to her shoulders. She's confused. Why did he want to cover her up? She thought he would want her to be uncovered. But no, she thought. He covered her up. He covered up her pain, her sorrow, her mourning for the loss of her relationship. She looks back at him. He's already turned onto his side, facing away from her. She settles back down into the bed and tries to get Sleep to come over her. It doesn't. She sits awake for hours, until he wakes up. It's early in the morning, 6 or 7.
He knows she, along with their mutual daughter, is never awakened this early. He knows something is wrong. She shakes her head and says no, nothing's wrong, but he knows her too well. He suggests a shower, or a bubble bath. She thanks him, and rises from the bed, naked. She feels most vulnerable right now, exposed to him. She's been in this situation before. She's been in this situation many times. She doesn't understand why this time is bothering her so much. She gathers her dress and undergarments and steps into the bathroom.
It's clean, stainless steel faucets and shower head. It's cold. She bends down to the tub and turns the water on, hot, hotter. She needs the warmth of the water to make her feel safe. She remembers the times she shared a hot bath with her fiancée. She immediately shuts the water off and pulls the drain.
Pulling her dress back over her body, she realizes that this isn't where she's meant to be. She isn't supposed to be here. She isn't supposed to be in this bathroom, in this apartment. If the night before had gone her way, she would be with the man she really loved, married, a second ring on her left ring finger. Now there was still one. She looks at it, and pulls it off. She doesn't deserve to wear it. She knows it would be wrong to wear it on her finger. She unclasps her necklace, the one her fiancée gave her, and drops the ring onto the chain. She puts it back onto her neck, closing the clasp carefully, as not to catch the skin from the back of her neck in it. She places her hand over it protectively, and decides it's time to leave.
She knows she has to face him now. She knows she has to. She braces herself and takes little steps from the bathroom to the bedroom. He's still on the bed, though now fully clothed. She sits down next to him.
"Listen, I know I was hurting, but I never should have come here." She says.
"Don't be silly. You know I'm here, you have me wrapped around your finger." He tells her. A tear drops from her eye.
"I don't want you wrapped around my finger. I want him wrapped around my finger. Not you. It's never been you. I'll always love you. Always. But not in the way I love him. What we did last night will kill him. I knew that, and I think that's why I came to you." She tells him.
"Go." He says. He's angry. He thinks she's come to her senses and figured out that they belong together.
He was wrong.
She belongs with her fiancée. They're it for each other.
She steps slowly from the bed, tears falling faster than they had. She opens and closes the door behind her softly. Her cell phone rings. The caller I.D. tells her who it is. She can't bear to answer it, so she opens and closes it, hanging up on him. She throws her phone back into her purse and leaves.
Lorelai's lying in her own bed, the bed she and Luke were supposed to share. Rory's downstairs. She's thinking that night over and over in her head. The feelings, the emotions, everything. Suddenly, a noise comes from the doorway, and she sees Luke. He's standing in the doorway, staring at her. Lorelai gets up out of bed and stands in front of him.
"I had sex with Christopher." Lorelai says.
"Just because you slept with him doesn't mean I don't love you, and want to marry you."
"You told me you didn't want to. You told me you couldn't." Lorelai says, rubbing her forehead.
"I was stupid. I was stupid and insensitive. I'm not saying what you did wasn't insensitive, but it's a hell of a lot better then breaking up with the woman you love." Luke says. He knows Lorelai won't agree.
"It's not, Luke. Don't you get it? I broke up with you because you couldn't include me in your life anymore. I went to him to make it official. He's the one person I thought you wouldn't get over me being with."
"I can't get over you having a kid with him," he says. Lorelai stiffens. "I'm not saying there's anything wrong with Rory. I never would have met you if you didn't have her, but the thought of you with him at any time before last night killed me. You're right."
"So why did you come back?"
"Because I don't care, damn it! I love you, Lorelai, and I'm going to marry you. Right now. Right this second." Luke steps towards her and captures her lips with his. The kiss immediately intensifies, her hands tangle in his hair and his hands encircle her waist. Tongues play inside her mouth. They pull away when oxygen is necessary.
"Right this second?" Lorelai asks.
"Right this second. Rory's already outside. Let's go."
They take each other's hands and run to the car.
A/N: I am fully aware that the end of this story would never happen and I don't want to hear about it being out of character. It's my story; I can do what I want with it.
Otherwise, I hope you enjoyed, and look forward to reading the reviews!
