As I walked away from the Impala and hitchhiked with some random guy in a truck, I thought that Dean would come after me, stop me, and tell me that he needed me to stay in his life. However, I was wrong and the emptiness inside of me only grew further as the guy drove away, leaving that black Impala and my older brother in the distance. It wasn't like in the old movies where the guy rides off into the sunset. It was one of the worst feelings I ever felt and as Dean disappeared into the distance, it was more like a darkening tunnel that seemed to grow and never end. I guess I was truly alone now but a part of me had felt alone my entire life because I was different.
I sat in the passenger seat of that truck quietly, not sure where it was headed but I didn't care. The man asked me a few questions like why I was hitchhiking, where I really wanted to go, or if I had someone waiting for me. I could only answer two of those questions, the first being that I was hitchhiking because I needed to get away from my brother, to find who I really am. The second, I had no answer to considering I hadn't given it much thought but the third, that one was a definite no. Not even my own brother was waiting for me. Deep down I hoped that maybe he would track me down and admit that letting me go was a mistake, but I had always been a bit naïve. I proved that the day I let Ruby into my life and actually believed she was trying to help me end Lilith.
Lilith. She was the one thing that caused my world to come crashing down. Taking my brother was the first mistake, leading me into my blinding vengeance. That vengeance led to me drinking demon blood and then breaking the last seal that set Lucifer free. I was blinded by my own fury and look where it got me. Revenge wasn't as fun as the movies and books made it out to be. In the end, revenge got me nothing but more demon blood, an addiction, and this loneliness, this confusion about who I really am.
The ride to Arizona remained in dead silence but I wondered if the guy driving this truck would have picked me up if he knew I was responsible for destroying the world. People out there were dying everyday because of what I had done and the guilt filled me with a pain that almost made it unbearable to breathe. Children, wives, fathers, husbands, mothers, were out there dying because of me and I couldn't stop it. I couldn't remember the last time I had felt a pain this deep. Maybe it was after Jessica had died, or dad, or Dean. I can't remember because the pain just kept coming year after year and I didn't know how to make it stop. Maybe my family or maybe just my life is cursed forever.
After hours of driving, the guy stopped in Arizona. I thanked him and stepped out, not looking back since I'm sure the man would probably forget me come the morning, or he would end up dead because of this war, this war that was consuming our very lives everyday now. Dean was out there fighting this Apocalypse still but I couldn't do it, not like this. All I could ever think about was the power, the lust, the cravings for that damned demon blood and hunting demons wasn't going to help me any. I had to get out now before I made a mistake that made Dean trust me even less. I couldn't bear to live with that at this point.
I sighed as the guy drove off, wondering where the hell I was at in this burning hot state. I actually didn't mind the heat since most of the time Dean and I traveled in states that were rather cold but wandering around in a hot place like this wasn't exactly the smartest thing to do. Glancing around, I found the city sign that indicated it was called Prescott. I never heard of the place but there was a hotel in the distance, a cheap looking one, so I knew I was at home.
Walking towards the cheap rental, I knew this hotel would be just like any other. Dean and I had stayed at one crappy hotel after the other. Some were surprisingly nice and had hot water, while others were disgusting cockroach infested pieces of crap with brown running water. Those were the times I preferred squatting because we could at least get decent water at times.
The short distance to the hotel gave me too much time to think, even though it was just a couple of minutes. All I needed was seconds to start thinking about the pain I caused people, how much I had destroyed my life and the lives of those around me, including Dean's. I snapped out of these thoughts though as soon as I felt like someone was following me. I didn't turn around since that was always a bad idea. As soon as you turned back the other way, the thing or person following you would be right in your face.
Playing it cool, I entered the hotel office, the bell above the door jingling as I entered and indicating the owner that I was their newest customer. Some old guy appeared, one who didn't seem to give a crap about himself since his clothes were wrinkled and his grey hair was a mess. He was probably just in it for the money but I didn't care since I just needed a room. That's when it hit me that I had very little money on me and using one of the fake credit cards was still necessary.
Pulling out my wallet, I picked a random one and handed it to the guy. "Yes, I need a room with one bed." I explained and the guy didn't even say anything as he swiped my card and practically threw a room key at me. This guy definitely didn't have people skills but I was thankful for that since sometimes hotel owners would check in on their customers and I wasn't in the mood for small talk, yet alone ruining someone else's life.
After I signed the slip, I put the card back into my wallet, shoved it in my pocket, and headed towards my room. It was room number three and I still felt like someone was following me as I put the key in the lock, turning it, and entering. The room was pretty standard, just a bed, TV, bathroom, and a couple of chairs with a table. The room already felt smaller now that Dean wouldn't be here and there was only one bed. It wasn't one of the worst hotels I had stayed in either since the decor didn't make me want to barf like some of the brown colors we had experienced in hotels.
As soon as I had dropped my bag onto the ground, I turned around quickly and grabbed the thing that was following me by the throat, shoving it into the back of the door, also shutting the door in the process. My eyes went wide at the beautiful creature before me, or more like woman, I should say, but she was beautiful, almost having a glow to her, but at the same time not. Her long brown hair flowed around her angelic face and she wore nothing but a jean skirt, pink tank top, and some cowboy boots. Even though she was beautiful, I kept my stature and knew she was up to something. "Who are you or what are you, and what the hell do you want?" I questioned in my best threatening tone.
Her voice was just as angelic, almost having a dreamy quality as she responded. "I'm not here to hurt you, Sam Winchester." Her piercing eyes burned into my soul as she placed her hand softly over the one I had on her throat. "I'm an angel." Then her black wings expanded behind her and I quickly released her, almost falling backwards at the sight. I had never seen angel wings before, not like Dean had when he met Castiel.
Looking at her in complete awe, I knew something had to be wrong. It would be impossible for her to find me with the Enochian symbol that Castiel had burned into my ribcage. "How did you find me?"
Her eyes didn't falter as she continued to keep eye contact with me. "Castiel," she responded in that dreamy voice of hers. "He knew your last location and I've been trailing you ever since. He's the one who asked me to keep an eye on you, although you've been my charge for some time now. I just never made contact before."
Charge? How could I be an angels charge? I was the boy with the demon blood, the thing the angels found to be a nuisance. At first they didn't want me using my powers, and then they were fine with letting me be manipulated into starting this war by releasing Lucifer. All of a sudden an angel shows up and I'm just supposed to believe I'm in their good graces? This made no sense whatsoever. "Why would I be your charge? The angels wanted me for nothing more than to release Lucifer." I had to question her and the disbelief of what she told me was evident in my voice.
The angel stepped closer to me and I stepped backwards. For all I knew, she could be here to finally kill me and I wouldn't stand a chance, not without Dean or Castiel. "That's exactly why you were my charge. If you weren't going to break the last seal, it was my job to step in. After you had broken it, I was supposed to kill you. That's why I'm a rogue angel like Castiel. I refused to kill you." She explained and I didn't know if I believed a word of it but the realization that the angels had wanted to kill me after partially using me, made my legs feel weak.
I walked over to the bed and sat down, placing my head in my hands, trying to comprehend this. If this angel had wanted me dead, she would have just killed me already. The part about how she found me seemed to add up considering Castiel said the symbol would hide Dean and I from all angels including Lucifer and angels aren't known for working with demons, except Lucifer but he's a male. "Why didn't you just kill me?" I asked, looking at her for answers. Every fiber of my being told me I should be dead, should be punished for what I've done to this world and yet the angel who held my life, who was supposed to kill me, didn't do it.
The gorgeous angel sat down next to me on the bed which surprised me. Most of the angels I had met were all about business, getting the job done. She was different though. She answered me honestly, or what I felt was honesty and so far this hadn't turned out to be some mission.
"I didn't kill you because it wasn't God that commanded it. I don't believe that my Father would kill someone for their blood, for what was done to them. You were partially manipulated, and it was an angel who commanded me to kill you, not the word of God." She answered and then to my surprise, she placed her hand on my cheek, her smooth skin feathery light on my hot skin. I trembled at first and then found myself leaning into her touch. All the pain I had felt recently seemed to lessen by just that one touch because it was the most contact I had with anyone the past few days.
"Why are you here?" I asked, the tears coming to the surface of my eyes since she just seemed to bring it out in me. This angel I didn't know gave me more physical contact than my own brother had those last few days. I was so used to Dean slapping me upside the shoulder for something in a brotherly gesture, but with everything that happened, he no longer did this and it added to the hole inside of me. Now, the hole was dimming, even if only for a second.
"I know how lonely you are, and I'm probably just as lonely as or even more so than you are since I've been banished from my home for disobeying orders." She answered and my eyes quickly darted to hers. It was not a lie that she had been kicked out of her own home because of me, because she didn't kill me.
"But you did say that Castiel sent you."
"Yes he did, but he didn't tell me I had to make contact."
"What is your name?" I had to know her name because I didn't want her to leave. She was the first person in a long time that cared about me, cared whether or not I lived or died and I didn't want to be alone. Perhaps she didn't want to be alone either and right now I needed that, I needed the comfort.
"My name is Danika." She replied, her eyes piercing down into my very depth again.
I swallowed hard and placed my hand over hers. I knew this question might bother her since she was an angel, but I just had to know, had to ask anyways. "Danika, would you just lay here with me and maybe hold me?" I asked and my heart beat in fear of rejection. I knew it was wrong to ask an angel to do such things, but I didn't want to be alone. I was so exhausted though that I needed sleep and I was afraid if I didn't as her, she would be gone and the loneliness would start all over again.
Nodding softly, she scooted towards the headboard of the bed before holding her arms out for me. My heart felt light for a moment as I laid my head in her lap, her hand finding my hair and stroking it gently as if she instinctively knew what would comfort me. Before I knew it she was humming softly too and the sound of it along with the even rhythm of her stroking my hair caused me to fall asleep. I just didn't know if in the morning she would be here and this would be all a dream but right now I was receiving what I needed the most: comfort.