Talent Show, a south park fanfic

A/N – Updated and still unbeta'd

I love Kybe

Warning – swearing (surprise surprise) and a Jimmy Saville joke inspired by Micky Flanagan (:

Talent Show

Stomping down the stairs, Kyle yawned and rubbed his eyes. The warm scent of sweet batter tickled his nostrils, causing a small smile to appear on his freckled face as well as loud grumble from his stomach. His mother was cooking pancakes. Score.

As he twirled around the wooden banister from the bottom step, a dark haired figure collided into the red head's chest, almost winding him. Coughing, he stepped backwards and caught his Achilles heel at the foot of the stairs. With a yelp and a cartoonish wave of the arms, Kyle fell and landed with a thud.

"What the hell, Ike?" Kyle glared at his younger brother, who stood with a smirk on his face.

"I need you to teach me guitar." Ike crossed his arms and took a step towards his brother.

"Uh, no?" Kyle lifted himself from the staircase and began to move around Ike who then blocked his path; the smirk grew bigger whereas Kyle's eyes narrowed to dangerous slits.

The black haired boy stepped forward again, picking a bit of lint off his brother's shoulder. "If you don't, I'll tell mom what you and Bebe were doing-"

The spark had been lighted and without hesitation Kyle exploded. Shoving his brother to the floor, the boy screamed at him. "How dare you try to blackmail me, you little shit."

"ButIneedtolearnbecauseFloralikesguyswhoplayguitarandIneedadateforthedancepleasedon'thitme." Cowering in a huddle on the floor, Ike covered his face from any blows he expected from Kyle which never came.

"In English?" Ike gazed up from behind his jumper clad arm to see Kyle staring down at him with a raised eyebrow. The younger of the two boys sat up and took a deep breath. "No. Don't just repeat yourself with that ridiculous voice you just did. Say it properly otherwise I won't even consider teaching you."

"Ugh. The dance is coming up soon and I don't want to be the only guy in school without a date, okay?" Ike could feel his cheeks begin to grow hot.

"So? You don't have to play guitar for that. Just ask some girl and she'll say yeah 'cause she doesn't want to not have a date either. Problem solved. Now let me eat my pancakes." Ready to step over his younger brother, Kyle began to move.

Ike grabbed his brother's ankle. "But Flora likes guys who can play guitar!"

Whilst attempting to shake his younger brother off his foot, Kyle snorted. "Flora? Isn't she the girl who pulled your pants down during your school play in first grade? And let go of my foot, twerp."

The blush darkened in colour. "Yeah…" The ebony released Kyle's ankle.

"But you like her?" It was Kyle's turn to smirk whilst his brother nodded miserably at the floor before the red head pushed past him to get to the kitchen, leaving the boy to sit on the floor and sulk.

Being oh so productive, the brunette had plopped himself onto the couch to watch T.V, absent-mindedly stroking the soft, red fabric beneath his fingers. He drummed his fingers against the slight dents, there to create the pattern on the sofa, brows furrowed and pink lips pouting in a simple sulk which had lasted for the entirety of breakfast.

Filling the air with a dramatic drumbeat of music, Ike licked his lips as he concentrated on the actors appearing on the screen, oblivious to the presence loitering behind him in the doorway. Leaning against the doorframe with his arms crossed, Kyle snickered, snapping Ike out of his sulk momentarily. The younger of the two glared in his brother's direction. "What do you want?"

Launching a small bag of crisps in his brother's direction, Kyle stood up straight. "I've decided to help you."

In response Ike narrowed his brown eyes and opened the bag. The scent of barbecue beef drifted slowly into the air before teasing his nostrils. "Why?"

The redhead shrugged. "'Cause you're my brother and I have literally fuck all else to do."

With the beam on the kid's face, Kyle was sure he could have been mistaken as the sun baby in the Teletubbies for a moment.

Perched on a swivel chair, Ike span around, ignoring the begging of his stomach to stop. It was mind against body in an epic battle of whether to spin or not. Churning, his stomach grumbled as the feeling of nausea spread throughout his body like wildfire; reaching to large, red ears, the boy felt them pop at the sudden movements and groaned inwardly as he scuffed his sock against the wooden flooring to stop. Body-1, mind-0. Damn.

"So, what song do you wanna learn?" Kyle was sat horizontally across his bed, back to the white wall and slipper clad feet barely off the edge.

Ike shrugged.

"Right, okay. That's helpful." The teenager's mouth tilted downwards into a small, thoughtful frown. How was he supposed to help this kid when all Ike seemed to be interested in doing was spinning on the stupid swivel chair? "For fuck sake, Ike. Stop spinning on that fucking chair or get out of my room."

The war had raged on, with mind currently taking over and kicking the body's scrawny ass.

Gripping the computer desk beside him, quickly, Ike groaned as the chair halted with a jerk. "You're meant to be teaching me. You choose."

Kyle groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose, a nice little habit he had picked up from his best friend. "Yes, only because you were having a bitchfit about it."

"I was not!"

The redhead clicked his tongue and shrugged, lifting his legs up to rest on the bed in front of him. "You kinda were. Throughout all of dinner you were sulking while looking out of the window like you were some Batman wannabe or something." Kyle let himself slide down so he laid on his side, staring up at his younger brother. "Oh, Flora, Flora! Wherefore art thou Flora?"

Flushing, Ike snatched a pillow from the bed and slammed it onto Kyle's face.

Cackling loudly, the older of the two pulled the pillow away from his face. "C'mon, dude. I'm meant to be going out later."

"Ooh, let me guess: your darling Bebe?" The brunette leaned forward and rested his chin on his hands, fluttering his dark lashes.

"No, actually," Kyle sat up, hugging the pillow, "She's hanging out with 'the girls' apparently. Me and Kenny are staying over at Stan's."

Ike reclined back in his seat. "Oh. How did you get Bebe to like you?"

Startled at the question, the red head blinked and merely shrugged. "I don't know. I didn't even realise I was interested until she made it obvious that she was," A small chuckle floated around the room. "She's so blunt. She really could not give a fuck what anyone thought of her."

"So...what would you sing to her to make her say yes to go on a date with you?"

The older teenager bit his lip and furrowed his eyebrows. "Pass me my guitar."

"Please."

"Oh yeah, whatever. Please." Ike handed his brother the guitar who cuddled it into his chest like it was a newborn baby. Vintage Sunburst. The boy literally cherished it with his entire heart, especially after having to save for eight weeks of doing five hour shifts every Saturday without spending a penny just to pay for it.

After counting to three and taking a breath, the Jew began to strum softly.

"There's no combination of words

I could put on the back of a postcard.

No song that I could sing

But I can try for your heart,

Our dreams, and they are made out of real things

Like a, shoebox of photographs

With sepia-toned loving.

Love is the answer

at least for most of the questions in my heart, like

Why are we here? And where do we go?

And how come it's so hard?

It's not always easy and

Sometimes life can be deceiving.

I'll tell you one thing, it's always better when we're together."

Ike raised an eyebrow. "I didn't know you could sing."

Laying the guitar on the bed beside him, Kyle replied, "That's because I can't."

The younger clicked his tongue. "Isn't your school having a talent show of some sorts?"

"Uh, yeah. Something like that," Kyle cocked his head to the side. "Why do you ask? You know you have to actually attend the school in order to participate."

"Well yeah, I'm not stupid." Ike spat.

"So, what's your point?"

Huffing as if his idea what completely obvious and Kyle was an absolute idiot for not figuring it out, Ike replied with a simple, "You should definitely enter."

"Fuck off, Ike."

How Kyle had found himself backstage in his school one week later was a complete and utter mystery to him.

In his shaky hand was Vintage Starburst, whilst on the other side of him stood a very bouncy Ike who was visibly vibrating with excitement that a slight hum seemed to buzz from him. Turning to the raven-haired boy, the red head bent down to his level. "You're such a manipulative asshole, Ike."

Ike shrugged with a grin. "I know." Wink. "It's a useful talent."

Rolling his eyes, the boy returned to his full height and watched the current act on stage without really taking any notice.

"Kyle?!" The Jew spun round at his name.

Pure shock was etched onto Stan's face, a pink mouth hung wide open mimicking his azure eyes which had increased to about three times their original size. What was he? A cartoon character or something?

"What's the Jew doing here? Isn't he supposed to be in the audience cheering us?" Cartman's gruff voice asked behind Stan. Wendy and Kenny turned up shortly after.

"Hey, Kyle." The ebony haired girl smiled as she twirled two drumsticks between her fingers. Her long hair was tied back into a messy bun with two strands falling symmetrically either side of her pale face, whilst the smile reached her chocolate eyes; they crinkled at the edges.

"Hey, Wendy." He shot a shy smile back at her, scratching the back of his neck.

"So, what are you doing here? I didn't know you were competing." Wendy pushed past the brunette, receiving a loud "ay!" shortly followed by a huff after getting ignored.

"Yeah, neither did I." Kyle shot Ike an annoyed glance. The younger boy just shrugged and carried on watching the show: Jimmy and Timmy were doing a comedy act together.

"S-s-s-so we're f-f-f-finally catching a b-break and f-f-f-fanks to J-j-j-jimmy S-s-saville it's not a great t-t-time to b-b-become f-f-famous. Especially when we're sharing the s-s-s-same name!"

An explosive gasp of shock erupted from the audience. Ike tugged on Kyle's shoulder with wide eyes. "Are they allowed to say that?! They shouldn't be allowed to say that! Shit, Kyle!"

Cartman's lips turned up in a slight smirk, obviously enjoying the joke.

"Well, I guess that's our cue..." Kenny muttered before strutting onto the stage, arm linked with Wendy. She giggled as she got dragged out on stage.

"...Stanley Marsh, Wendy Testaburger, Eric Cartman and Kenny McCormick!" The host announced with fake enthusiasm dripping from his mouth as well as relief that there was an act after the disaster of the joke.

Kyle turned to Ike. "I told you it was a bad idea."

"Pfft. They're just shocked to see you, no biggie." The younger's grin resembled something of the Joker when he looked up at his brother, "I think everyone's going to be trying to recover from Timmy and Jimmy's joke anyway."

Kyle scowled and crossed his arms, watching his friends set up before they exploded into song.

She works at hot topic

His heart microscopic

She thinks that its love but to him its sex

He listens to emo but fat mike's his hero

His bank account's zero

What comes next?

Kenny was cuddling the microphone as he sung, eyes closed. Completely relishing in the moment, a grin sneaked its way onto the blond's face just as he opened his eyes. They sparkled a bright blue, twinkling against the beat of the song in ecstasy.

It's stupid, contagious

To be broke and famous

Can someone please save us from punk rock 101?

My Dickies, your sweat bands

My spiked hair, your new Vans

Let's throw up our rock hands for punk rock 101!

A pink tongue darted out of Stan's mouth and stayed in place throughout the entirety of the song. Dark brows furrowed as he watched his fingers slide over the chords smoothly. However, the boy moved awkwardly in comparison to Kenny's now rather eccentric...dancing. He leapt across the stage and screamed notes into the microphone as he twirled around his band.

Cartman's facial expression in reaction to his friend was a picture worth taking. Kyle couldn't help himself from bursting into a fit of giggles, soon imitated by his younger brother. Distorted into a look of disgust and fear, Cartman inched towards the stage's exit in a desperate bid to keep his distance from the singer. His brown eyes showed true fear. Kenny had gone crazy and Cartman certainly did not want to catch this kind of crazy.

Wendy's face lit up at her blond friend's dancing and she let out a short, but loud, laugh. In an attempt to join her friend without leaving her position and ruining the beat of the drums, the girl swayed and bobbed her head along to the chorus. The purple lipped smile never left her face.

When the song came to an end the audience erupted into applause; cheers; whistles; you name it.

Trotting backstage, Stan snaked his arm around Wendy's waist. After pressing a chaste kiss to her lips he clapped Kyle on the shoulder. "Break a leg, man."

"Thanks." The Jew mumbled, scuffing his shoe on the floor.

The host announced Kyle's performance and he felt his stomach lurch. Cartman glared at him from the corner.

What was his problem?

The redhead walked shyly onto the stage, with Ike following him and carrying the stool. He placed it in the centre of the stage and walked backstage again, giving his brother a sarcastic thumbs up.

The lights flicked onto the redhead.

Kyle started playing.

I can do whatever I want like you

Like You

She began to die

Indiana that's not right

Then she began to fight

Indiana make it mine

So pale and white

So inclined to do what 's right

Colonel sir, I feel lonely tonight

She's strong but an obedient wife

I can do whatever I want like you

Like You

She began to die

Indiana that's not right

She began to fight

Indiana make it mine

I can do whatever I want like you

Like You

Letting out a shaky breath, Kyle played the last note. Fuck.

The auditorium broke out into applause whilst whoops and cheers drifted from backstage. Grabbing his guitar, Kyle beamed and bowed.

"Holy shit, Kyle!"

"Thanks, Ike."

"Shit. Oh my God. Kyle!"

"Uh, yeah. Thanks-"

"I mean it Kyle- fuck!"

A nervous laugh sounded from Kyle's lips whilst his brother gushed about how "brilliant" and "holy shit-worthy" his performance was before the wind was literally knocked from him. A lanky figure had pretty much wrapped themselves around his petite body like the other figure was wrapping paper.

"Uh...hi Kenny?"

Squeezing the redhead before letting go, the blond boy pulled away and grinned. "Since when did you sing, Broflovski?"

"Since Ike forced me to." He shrugged.

"Well, tonight has been a night full of wonderful surprises and amazing acts, and now, the winner is…drum roll please!" A voice boomed throughout the room. The echo screeched causing the audience and performers to groan in unison.

A drum roll started from the opposite side of the curtains of where the acts were staring out of.

"Dude, this guy's a creep, why couldn't we have Principal Victoria or someone normal hosting the talent show for once?" Kenny complained, pulling away from the Jew.

"Kenny, he's just enthusiastic, leave him alone." Wendy scolded.

Kenny shrugged and ruffled Kyle's hair. A small smirk adorned his tanned face as the other boy protested and slapped Kenny's calloused hands.

A name was called and the auditorium muttered in confusion.

"Ay! Who was it? The Jew here made me miss the name." Cartman's gruff voice bellowed.

"Shut up, Fatass I didn't even say anything!"

When Milly, Red and Heidi made their way up to the stage, all dressed in black tight fitting dresses, Ike's jaw dropped.

"I'd close that if I was you." The redhead smacked his brother's head to which the younger scowled in the direction of the girls.

Showing off white teeth in their dark red grins, the girls thanked the audience and accepted their trophy. The ebony haired boy's mouth presumed its previous position even after the winners left the stage, squealing in excitement.

"Ay! They cheated!"

"Shut up, Cartman, only because we didn't win." Kenny snapped.

Cartman glowered at Kenny. His thick eyebrows furrowed together, as his eyes narrowed, crinkling at the edges. Pale lips set themselves into a firm line before the overweight boy pointed an accusatory finger in the group's direction. Behind black bangs, Ike quirked an eyebrow in amusement as a small crooked smile set itself on his face.

"FUCK YOU, YA BUNCH OF FAGS. WE WOULD OF WON IF JEW-FAG DIDN'T FEEL THE NEED TO BE THE CENTRE OF ATTENTION ALL THE TIME." The brunet stomped towards the exit, breathing heavily and muttering obscenities under his breath.

After staring wide eyes for a few minutes, Kyle snorted as Kenny exploded into a rage of laughter. The air was filled with wheezing, giggling and cackling. Wendy turned to Stan, gripping his arm. "Hey, babe, I'm going to go congratulate the girls. Okay?" She pecked his lips. "I'll see you at Craig's?"

"Sure thing, sugar tits." The taller ebony wiggled his eyebrows before receiving a particularly hard punch to the arm. "Ow! My arm's gonna go dead!"

"Call me that again and your arm won't be the only thing that's dead." The girl's chocolate gaze swept over her boyfriend's frame, lingering on his crotch. He whimpered pathetically as Wendy stalked off, covering his manhood protectively.

"Y'know man, you kinda dropped yourself in that one." Kenny's hand plummeted down, clasping Stan's broad shoulder.

"Yeah, I don't blame her for threatening you. 'Sugar tits'? What are you, some lame Mafia leader wannabe?" Kyle smirked.

"Oh whatever. I'll make it up to her tonight," Kenny wiggled his eyebrows and grinned whereas Stan pinched the bridge of his nose. "No! Not like that. Eh, Kyle, d'ya wanna go to Craig's with us? We're going to have a few beers and takeaway and shit."

In an attempt to subtly gain Kyle's attention, Ike tugged at his arm. The elder withdrew his arm, tossing his brother an annoyed glare.

"What time were you thinking of heading there?" The boys in question shrugged nonchalantly. "Just 'cause I need to take the little shit head home first."

The raven haired boy carried on pulling at Kyle's arm regardless.

Kyle hissed a "quit it, Ike."

"But Kyle..." The smaller boy murmured. Looking downwards, he scuffed his shoe against the floor.

Then a small smirk spread itself across the read head's freckled face as he breathed out an "oohh" in realisation. Looking back up at his friends, he smiled apologetically. "Uh, on second thoughts I might pass on tonight."

"Oh, alright...Why? It's going to be fun. I think Bebe's going." A pink tongue darted out of the blond's mouth as he winked. "It could be even more fun."

"Oh Jesus I really did not need that mental image." Stan pinched the bridge of his nose and exhaled a shuddering breath.

"Grow up, man." Kenny punched the ebony in the arm.

"I'm just saying..." Stan mumbled as he rubbed the wounded limb.

Chuckling Kyle replied. "I think I'm gonna hang out with the squirt tonight anywho." Slinging an arm over his brother's shoulders, Kyle grinned down at Ike who in return poked his tongue out hiding a small appreciative smile. "He has no friends, you see, so I'd feel guilty leaving my parents alone with the freak."

Shoving the taller away from himself, Ike laughed. "Oh whatever it's because you're scared."

"Of...?" Kyle said, confused.

"Ma when I tell her what I heard you and Bebe doing the other night." The ebony barked out a laugh as he flew out the room.

"Oh you little shit." Taking his younger brother's lead, Kyle chased after him, screaming insults and threats whilst the younger's cackling echoed down the hall.

Kenny and Stan looked at each other. Stan pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. "Bye Kyle..."

The blond looped an arm around Stan's shoulders and steered him through the exit. "C'mon, Marsh. We have a party to crash."

"It's not really crashing if we're invited, genius."

"Shhh, Stan. No one cares."

A/N - Cheesy bwaha

I didn't write out the entire songs cus I doubt anyone reads every single line

Better Together - Jack Johnson

Punk Rock 101 - Bowling For Soup

Indiana - Meg & Dia