Disclaimer: I don't own it...I can't write like the show's writers...but it doesn't stop me from sleeping at night.
So I decided that I was going to make up a little table and have some fun with it. I hope you guys have fun with it too. It's my first time doing anything like this and I kinda wanted to do something like this for a while, so here it goes.
Chapter:1
Couples: JD/Cox, Turla, Elliot
Prompt: Women
Warnings: male kissing
I glanced up from the plate of chocolate chip waffles that I'd made. Of course they were sugar-free so my Chocolate Bear would be able to keep all his vital appendages and wouldn't be thrown into a diabetic coma, where Carla would cry by his side until she wilted away to nothing. Turk would finally awake after Carla's untimely death and eat as many sugar loaded foods he could get his hands on so he could follow her.
"JD, are you imagining how my death from a sugar induced coma?" I grin and tip my fork to my grinning best friend. Turk knows me so well. It still creeps out Carla and Perry when Turk can guess my daydreams.
Elliot just sits back and shakes her head, while continuing to nibble away at her first bite of waffle-y goodness. She's just nibbling, like a mouse, are my waffles not deserving of being eaten quickly or is she savoring the taste?
Turning my attention to the possible excuses Elliot could have for eating my food so slowly. Until I catch what program Perry's watching from his spot on the couch. I smirk as I watch the fake blonde haired woman hit the volley ball, but her boobs continue to bounce even after the balls gone, but more boobs are bouncing because the ball's gone to another woman. Lucky volleyball.
"Christopher, I'm going to take away your spoon." My eyes dart back to Turk to meet his huge, saucer like eyes as he opens and closes his mouth, looking from the spoon to Carla to Elliot and finally me. I have to chuckle, because Perry shifted slightly, so I know he's paying attention, he can never get enough of Carla busting Turk's man berry.
"Baby, I was checking to make sure…make…" Turk looked back at me for help, but Carla and I both know that the smile he had on his face and that certain angle of his eyebrows are his 'I'm-bullshitting-because-you-caught-me-doing-something-I-shouldn't-have-been-doing'. My C-bear is so screwed outta this one.
"Gandhi, it's 7 to 10. Words that have ne-he-ever been said before, but France is kicking England's ass." I watch as Carla and Elliot turn to stare at the back of Perry's head, but I caught the flash of relief that crossed Turk's face.
"Thanks, dude." Turk replied calmly as Carla looked back at him with a look that said he's lucky Perry helped him out of this pickle. The grin on my face falls when Carla turns her deadly stare on me, and I know she's trying to read me. Stay out of my brain, devil woman!
"You're honestly staring at those players when your partner is in the room?" I glance in Perry's direction to catch him turning to face me. He's got that smug look like he really wants to see how I'm going to avoid Carla's wrath. She's got her evil feelers out, trying to take out her blocked rage towards Turk on me. I don't know why she's going after me though. It's Perry's fault the program is on to begin with!
"JD?" I look back at her scary eyes as she warns me with my name. I force myself to swallow as I grin innocently.
"I'm looking at boobs because Perry doesn't have them?" I grin triumphantly as I wave my hands towards her. Realizing, after its too late, that I've grabbed Righty. I gulp as I look down at my offending hand. Damnit, I do all Perry's favorite tricks with that one. I frown as I slowly return my gaze to Carla's.
"I wasn't always into egotistical, muscle heads like him, you know? I miss the soft curves of a woman's body." Taking the hand that survived its assault on Carla, I quickly covered my mouth. If Carla doesn't kill me for grabbing her boob, and Turk won't because he knows how I am about boobs- they're so fluffly, like marshmallow-y pillows- than Perry will surely give it to me.
"It's true, Carla. The great thing about being with JD is we can la-hook at women and not get smacked for doing it." Perry grins, but I catch the glance at the hand I'm sure will be removed sooner than later. I hold the hand to my chest and look towards Turk.
"I honestly thought that being the sensitive girl, Newbie is, that there'd be problems, but it's a leisure like activity." He pauses to rub at his nose, attempting to hide the smirk that's now on his lips. "Now fondling my boyfriend's girlfriend's wife's breasts I'm not so OK with. Fairly speaking, that means Carla would get to grab your," Perry added his finger quotes to the terminology I knew he was going to steal from me. "'jiblets', and I ju-hu-uhst don't seem to like the idea of my property getting marked up by this gorgeous Latina." I shoot Perry a look that I hope he understands as an 'ass kisser' as opposed to 'that was fucking hot, meet me in our room.'
"Oh is that so?" Carla turns back to Turk, and I catch Elliot placing a larger bite of the waffle into her mouth so she couldn't get dragged into this. She was being smart for staying out of it, I envy her that.
"Baby, you know I love your lovelies. They are just so-" Turk started to defend himself, but Carla just gave him that look that made me want to curl up and hide.
"So you're going to let JD touch them? Just because you two are joined at the hip doesn't mean you share everything. And I would rethink ever seeing these," she pushes up her cleavage towards Turk and I know Perry and I are both fighting to not stare. "If you think you can let JD get away with that." She states as she purses her lips and tilts her head towards him in her 'I'm listening so you better make it good or the sex embargo is up again' look.
"It's not like he's going to do anything about it, baby. My man wouldn't do anything that stupid on purpose! You know how satisfied he is with Cox in that department." Turk grimaced as he attempted to protect himself and me from his wife and realized the double entendre. I glanced around, because I could have sworn I'd heard the Todd's voice somewhere nearby.
"I'm sorry, Carla. I had a glass of scotch before you guys came over. It makes me handsy towards others." I blurt out and I feel the red heat covering my cheeks as Perry smirks knowingly at me. It's his fault scotch makes me act that way. I've been conditioned to believe that tasting scotch means I get to jump Perry, so my body just assumes that's the situation, even if it's not.
"Angela, let the heteros do their thing and come watch the game with me." I nod, and am already on the couch in mere seconds before I realize I've actually moved. I'm just grateful to be out of Carla's eye range, she could kill me if she wanted to.
"You know you just admitted you're not straight." I inform Perry as he snorts at my comment.
"You know you actually came to watch a sports game?" I shrug against his shoulder as he continues to stare at the screen.
"And you two are what, appreciating the female form and each other?" I grin up at Perry as he slides his arm over my shoulders. I rest my head on his shoulder as he grunts in response to Carla's question. I bite my lower lip to avoid laughing at the expression of anger I know has to be spreading across her face.
"Oh, you men are so stupid." I can feel Perry tense as Elliot finally decides she's going to speak up. I glance up to see Perry focusing on the volleyball players, but his eyes aren't following the ball like they normally do when he's watching a sport.
"What the hell, Elliot!" I look over the back of the couch as Turk and Carla focus their gazes on her as well. I get this image of her shrinking in her chair so she can fit in my pocket, but I would put her in there and then feed her to Rowdy. Well, Rowdy isn't a carnivore, so I'll just guess that we'll find Elliot running around the apartment covered in slobber and dog hair.
"Oh shit!" I jump as I feel Perry's fingers slide under my shirt and rest above my belt. I glare at him, but I'm sure he's doing the touchy feely stuff to try and make Turk even more uncomfortable than he already is.
"Gandhi, I wouldn't complain about being in a relationship with Rachelle here. I mean, you two are practically in a relationship already- minus the mind blah-ah-oh-ho-wing sex." Perry doesn't even pause as he taps my side in response to my unasked question. "Carla and I feel like we're the only ones being faithful sometimes." I look at Perry in shock as Turk looks towards Carla apologetically.
"Baby, you know JD's like my brother, right? I'd never hit that-sorry, V-bear." I nod in understanding to Turk's statement. I just slip my hand along Perry's strong back, and slide my hand into his back pocket, allowing my hand to grope at the wonderful piece of muscular fleshy art hidden beneath these jeans. This will definitely ensure I keep my hand.
"Canyoutwostopfondlingeachotherforjustonesecond!?" Elliot screeches as she jumps in her chair. I can feel myself start blushing as Turk pales and Carla just glares at us. I can feel Perry start to chuckle deep in his chest as we stare at my friends.
"Ok, you guys need to take this drama out of my apartment. My head is killing me and you two," Perry gestures towards Elliot and Carla without moving his arm from my waist. "Need to know that you are both absolutely gorgeous women. And yes, I know that women need to be continually reminded of how beautiful and wonderful they are. I also know that you can be vicious, grouchy, she-devils if we don't appease you with a sacrafice around that special time every month. Y'know the one where for 3 ta 7 days you feel as though your insides are attempting to drill a way out of you? It's na-hawt pleasant for us of the XY chromosome either." Perry ran his free hand down his face, glancing over at me with a glint in his eyes before he returned to rant at the girls. "A reason why, dating JD, here, is an absolute benefit, because he's not so nit picky about those normal female insecurities." I grin slightly as he rests his stubbly cheek against the side of my face. "Now that I've helped your insecurities for the night, get out of our apartment before Satan brings the apoctalyptic trio back from the movies and I have to deal with a blue JD."
"Dude!" Turk leaped to his feet and was standing by the door, his jacket already on, as he held open Carla's. "Baby, I don't want to deal with them like that!" Carla laughed as she stood and came over to kiss both Perry and my cheeks before heading to her husband. Elliot followed shortly after with a quick peck goodbye. I got up and shut the door behind them.
"So what's this about you staring at the volleyball players?" Perry asked as he pushed JD against a wall, kissing the smaller man's neck. JD laughed as he pushed his hips forwards to meet Perry's.
"Talk about insecurities." JD joked as he moved his hands into the Perry's curls as Perry growled in response. "Ow." JD yelped at the smile bite Perry gave his neck. "You stopped on the station." He reminded the other man, slightly tightening his grip on the curls. The older doctor moved up to kiss his lover deeply. He smiled into the kiss as the dark haired man whimpered against him.
There were as many benefits to being with a woman as there were to not, but none of them rivaled the way that every little noise Perry got out of JD washed away any insecurities he had. It always left Perry wondering who was really the girlier one of their odd couple.
Small little one shot. I thought it would've been funny. Thanks for reading!