I Remember
By: Naruto's Mask
NM-chan: Hey there! Okay, I know some people are mad that I haven't updated Run Away yet, but I'm getting to it...eventually. Anyways, this is in commemoration of my sudden unhappiness with SasuNaru. I just really don't think Sasuke deserves Naruto. Anywho, this is a pairing I've come to enjoy, with the right background to support it, of course. What is the pairing? Well...I'm not about to tell you that!
Warning: There is mpreg here! Just hints of it, but it's there. So, don't like, don't read. Simple as that. I repeat THERE IS MPREG IN THIS STORY!!!!! There, larger print for those who don't like to read the author's note.
You know, I remember people expecting me to be with Sasuke. I mean, we were each other's first kiss, he was my first, and best, friend, and I did work my ass off trying to get him back from Orochimaru. Not only because I promised Sakura, but also because I didn't want him to die at the hands of that damn snake. I sometimes wonder why they expected me to be with him. Sure, I forgave him for it, but he did try to kill me on numerous occasions and he did choose revenge over everyone who cared about him. If he would do that, what's the guarantee that he wouldn't just up and leave when I bore him or if Itachi came around again?
I also remember when everyone found out about his feelings towards me not long after he got back. Everyone but me, that is. Hey, even at seventeen, I was still dense as lead. All I can really remember about that time was his fanclub glaring at me constantly and the villagers were being a little more hostile than usual. They accused me of 'tainting' their precious Uchiha. I figured they blamed me for his betrayal, so I ignored it. I saw some ladies telling him that he wouldn't be able to revive his clan if he was in love with a monster. I stood up for him, saying that Sasuke deserved to be with who he loved, and that anyone he care about in that way couldn't be a monster. That opened their eyes to the fact that I had no clue that he was in love with me.
So for that month, a lot of Sasuke's fan club members began asking me out, in an attempt to show Sasuke that I wasn't gay. I turned most of them down because they just sort of…I don't know, creeped me out. I did say yes to Sakura once, but after finally getting the date I wanted with her, I realized that my feelings for her had disappeared long ago. I just assumed they were still there because asking her out was more out of habit now. So, when she asked again, I just had to deny. Sure, she was pissed, but I couldn't go out with someone I knew I could never have feelings for, or could never have them again.
After all that, Sasuke started hanging around me more. I liked having my best friend want to be with me a lot, but he was becoming a bit too clingy. After some time of that, he confronted me, and confessed. Needless to say I was shocked. I mean, I knew he liked someone, and after a while, I soon figured he liked a guy. I just never imagined that he would like me. Although they didn't like it, everyone expected me to accept, and confess my own love for him. Well…they were expecting too much. I couldn't love him…
When I was already in love with someone else.
It was another male. I honestly can't say I'm gay, when I'm sure I would love him no matter what gender he was. I started having feelings for me after Sasuke left. He was the only one other than Tsunade and Iruka that cared about how much I was pushing myself to become stronger. He let me be for a while, but if I trained myself so hard that I would pass out on the spot, he took me to his apartment and let me sleep in his bed while he took the couch. He would whine about it afterwards, but he never stopped. When he was sure I went for some time without eating, he would make sure I eat, even if he had to sit on me and force food down my throat. He soon started to do more afterwards.
It wasn't long before I was emotionally exhausted. I would feel worthless after so many failures, but he was there for me. Whether he would just lay there, listening to my rants, or he would hold me as I cried, he was always there. It was actually during one of my crying fits that I realized what I was beginning to feel for him. I couldn't tell him, though. He had become a close friend to me. Sure, I still considered Sasuke a best friend, but not so much a close friend. I didn't want to destroy the friendship because of feelings that were so disgusting. I did a lot of crying on my own after that, because I was so pissed at myself for thinking that way. He began noticing, but, thankfully, we were all distracted when Sasuke came back. Apparently, the reason was because he thought that I would be there waiting for him and I would accept a relationship with him.
It's ironic that the very people who were pissed at me because Sasuke was in love with me were equally pissed off when it became known that I rejected him. They said that I should have been more than enthusiastic to be accepted by a being like him. They told me that, because I broke his heart, Sasuke would leave the village again. He never did, but they are prepared to blame me completely if he does. When I rejected him, he asked me why. I told him that I could not love him. He was persistent, and I confessed that I had fallen for another while he was gone. I knew he felt guilty after that, telling himself that we may have had a chance if he never left. I admit, it was possible, but the past couldn't be changed. I didn't love Sasuke, and I never will.
But the one I loved heard about Sasuke's rejection, and was curious about who I really did love. We were close to the point where we could tell each other everything. I couldn't tell him, though. Even if he said he didn't really care, I could tell he was hurt and thought I didn't trust him. I did trust him, more than anything. I was just scared that the friendship with him that I treasured so much would be destroyed. I mean, it happened with me and Sasuke, although more in his eyes than mine. I wouldn't object if he asked me over for tea or something like that.
I don't know why now, but I soon became withdrawn from my close friend, the one I loved so badly it hurt. That may have been the reason. It hurt so much to love someone and know they can't possibly love you in return. Was that what Sasuke was feeling? Possibly, but he knew for sure that I didn't love him, and began to move on, telling me he was happy that I found someone who probably deserved me more than him. It may be possible that I deserve him, but does he deserve me? I mean, he was and still is the most wonderful person anyone could ever hope to meet. Sure, he wasn't very enthusiastic, and he may not act too kind, but he was loyal, and will stay by your side no matter what. He was nearly perfect. So, did he deserve me? A monster, someone hated for something I couldn't help? Someone who didn't have a choice but to be what I am? I didn't think so. I was sure he should be with someone who won't make many turn against him, someone who wouldn't make his own parents turn away from him.
Like I said, I distanced myself from him, until he became fed up. I never imagined exactly how forceful he actually was. After coming back from the ramen stand, he confronted me in front of my apartment, pinned me to the wall, and demanded to know what had gotten me so depressed lately. He was angry, but also worried. I finally broke down and told him that I loved someone I was sure could never love me back. However, that didn't satisfy him. He wanted to know who it was I loved. Instead of telling him, I pulled him to me and kissed him, still crying as I did.
Can you imagine my shock when he held me and kissed me back? Then he took me into my apartment and we had hot sex…okay, no he didn't. That didn't happen until a few months later and let me tell you, he may have been seme, but I did most of the work. But, back on topic. He told me that he loved me too, and that he had for a long time. Sometime during the chunin exams did he start realizing he was becoming attracted to me. The attraction turned to love not too long after Sasuke left. I was so happy, happier than I have ever been in my life. I apparently confused him when I started crying harder than before, but I was laughing while I was doing it. Smooth, huh?
I'm telling you this now, about three years later. I'm a jounin while he remained a chunin. Things have been hectic over the years. His parents, as I suspected, were very objective over our relationship, his mother more than father. He was more upset that their line wouldn't be continued. Though more than happy to accept us once we found out, thanks to the Kyuubi, I actually could have children as long as I ask nicely. Hell, I can even choose the gender! I found that funny, but my beloved found it very convenient. However, his mother never wavered in her objections. She really wanted to have a nice daughter-in-law to complain about boys to and to help her around the house and stuff. She also hated me as well for the Kyuubi, but that was the lesser reason for her objections. Even now, she didn't care much for me, but wasn't as loud about it as before.
Remember when I told you Kyuubi could help me have children? Well, we have two now. Meiko and Arashi. Twins, a boy and a girl. Both are just as wonderful as their father, although Arashi had inherited some of his habits. Meiko is the more jumpy of the two, and she inherited my prankster skills. Although one two, she's already gone into the habit of leaving presents for our guests, like a pair of roller-skates her father never used as a child or even butter, which both make them slip around like crazy. Don't ask, because I have no idea how she got a hold of those things either.
Right now, it's dark. The children are asleep, and I'm just standing here while thinking about all that's happened. He's standing there beside me, watching the stars, at least I think he is. I am so deep in thought, I can't really tell. I do jump when I realize that he's suddenly beside me, his arms slipping around my waist.
"What are you thinking about?" He asks more to break the silence than out of actual curiosity. I smile and snuggle into the warmth.
"Everything. How this started, how it's continuing." I murmur in response, holding his hand as I do. He knows I'm talking about the relationship we have now. I have a ring around my finger. Not a wedding ring, but a promise one. A promise that he made to me that he wouldn't leave me for any reason. I gave him one as well, but my promise was more unsure. After all, I am a jounin, and I do go on some hard missions. I sometimes consider quitting my position, out of fear I may go on a mission and never come back. He always reprimands me for such thoughts. Saying that, as stubborn as I was, I wouldn't let death claim me without putting up a fight.
"You're thinking to much, then. It's your week off, stop thinking and relax for a change." He said to me.
"Aw, but you know me! I get all fidgety if I just lay around like someone I know!" I said with a teasing whine. He sighed and shook his head.
"Troublesome man…" He muttered. I grinned and leaned back, enjoying the view and the warmth. "I love you…you know that, right?" He asked. For some reason, even though he knew how I felt, he needed constant reassurance that I knew what he felt. It was strangely comforting.
"Of course. You know I love you as well, don't you?" I asked him. He smiled and nodded. "More than anything. I love you, Shikamaru…"
NM-chan: Love it? Hate it? Well, I honestly don't care if you hate it. This is just something I had to get out of my head and onto the computer. So, here.