Chapter one: Cards on the table

… Sometimes we want something badly but we don't have enough courage to claim it or we think we are not good enough to deserve it. So we give it up before we even try and hence convey our bittreness all along throughout our life time. We should teach our children to follow they dreams, take their chances. Even if it will turn out to be a failure, it is much better than giving it up. Life is shorter than what we think!

Tifa read those sentences several times before she glanced up at the clock. It was almost four in the evening and children would be home soon. With a sigh, she closed her book. This wasn't something she was used to do but she couldn't deny that it felt nice. Sitting on the couch in the silence of the bar except for the humming of the fans and reading. After all they had been through, having a moment of her own felt pleasant. It was a psychological book. She knew she was very young and maybe inexprienced to have two children like Marlene and Denzel and she herself didn't have the chance to spend much time with her mother as a child, so she decided to learn more about children's nature and behaviour.

Tifa stood up and stretched her body before heading for the kitchen. She knew children would be hungry once they got home although they had lunch at school. She took out some cheese from refrigerator and started making some grilled cheese sandwiches which were Marlene's favourite.

She didn't have to wait for long as a few minutes later she heard the front door opened and children stepped in. She came out of the kitchen only to froze where she was.

"What happened?" she asked shocked.

Denzel's lips were swollen and a stream of blood was dried on the corner of his mouth.

"I just fell down." He avoided her gaze.

"let me see."

"It's nothing serious, I'll just clean it up." Denzel pulled himself back from Tifa's extended hand and headed for the bathroom.

Tifa exchanged a look with Marlene who just shook her head and went to wash her hands too. Tifa sighed with frustration and went to kitchen to wait for them. They both appeared after in a short time. Marlene was cheerful enough to see their snack. She picked one and started eating immediately. Denzel however didn't seem that much earnest.

"Not hungry Denzel?" Tifa asked cautiously.

Denzel shook his head. "No … it's not that. I just have an upcoming exam, so I want to study more. I'll have one later." He said almost casually and left the kitchen. Once Tifa heard their bedroom's door closed, she turned toward Marlene.

"What happened?"

Marlene dropped her eyes. "He fell." She answered in a low tone.

Tifa couldn't help admiring her loyalty to Denzel, but she needed to know.

"Did he get himself into a fight?"

Marlene eyes widened for a second then she noded silently.

'Boys!' Tifa thought. Of cource. What else could it be? If it was just some arguement among kids, she wouldn't interfere, but Denzel seemed upset for a particular reason. She waited for several minutes to give him some privacy. Then she went upstairs and knocked gently on children's bedroom door.

"Come in Tifa." Came Denzel's response.

Tifa opend the door. Denzel was lying on his bed, looking at the ceiling.

"How did you know it was me?" Tifa asked while sitting on the edge of his bed. Denzel turned to look at her.

"well… I know Marlene's footsteps and anyway… I knew you are worried, so you would came."

"Oh!" Tifa said, not knowing what to say more. An ackward silence filled the room. Actually Denzel was never the one who opened up to Tifa willingly. He had a closer relationship with Cloud. The fact that he saw him much less than Tifa was irrelevant, he almost worshiped his hero in all aspects. So it surprised her when he started talking suddenly.

"You know Tifa, when people talk about things that is none of their business, I try my best to ignore them. But sometimes … just sometimes I can't. I think if I don't say anything I may explode."

Tifa remained silent, didn't want to interrupt him.

"Today our teacher spoke about the falling of the meteor and the accidents after that. She mentioned how a lot of families lost beloved ones during that time."

Denzel puased. Tifa did her best not to reach for him, though she wanted nothing more than to hug the poor boy and comfort him. But again she thought it would be better if she remain quiet and let him finish what he was about to say.

"After class, some idiot boys started picking up on Tony," he looked at her, "You know Tony, right?" Tifa nodded as a vague image of a boy with petit figure appeared in her mind.

"He was so smaller than them and couldn't defend his ground against those guys. I needed to do something, so I went to them and asked them to leave him alone. But they started teasing and taunting me. One of them, well ... one of them was particularly rude and started asking me ridiculous questions pushing me with each one, like if my parents have passed away why I'm not in the orphanage? Should I pay you to keep me? Do I need to work for you? Like wash the dishes and do the laundry? And anyway what's wrong with my strange so called family?"

Tifa felt her hand clenched into a fist as her anger ran through her. She knew how sensetive he was about his family situation, that he still felt inseure about it.

Denzel looked straight into her eyes. "At this point I really lost my control. It was only after I punched him that I noticed what I've done. The fight broke out from there."

Denzel looked at Tifa with a guilty expression on his face.

"Tifa I know that it wasn't the best thing to do, but it felt so right at that moment. I'm sorry if I disappointed you."

He looked down. Neither of them spoke for some minutes.

"Looks like you had the upper hand."

Denzel looked at her confused. "Huh?"

"Well you are not much damaged, even though they outnumbered you." Tifa said unable to completely conceal the pride in her voice.

Denzel smirked knowing that Tifa understood him. "Well you and Cloud tought us how to defend ourselves."

"Oh well yeah. Although I thought about a complete different reason back then."

"Sorry."

"It's okay Denzel, I'm really happy that you stood up for your friend. I just want you to know that sometimes physical confrontation may seem the easiest, but like you said it's not always the best. Self control's something that I myselfe am trying to become better at with each day."

"But you are always sooo under control." He argued.

Tifa smiled. 'good, let them think like that!' " It comes with practicing, trust me. And promise me that you'll work on that too." She said, standing up.

"I promise. Thanks Tifa."

Tifa turned to leave. "So see you downstrais?"

"In a little bit."

Tifa grabbed the handle when she thought of another thing. She turned.

"Denzel?"

"Yes?"

"You know how much I wished I was your mother, right? You know how thankful I am for having you and Marlene in my life? "

Tifa watched as his eyes glimmered with tears and his face lightened up.

"I know."

Tifa nodded and smiled gently before she left the room. It was time to open the bar for the afternoon shift.

It turned out to be one of the busiest nights of Seventh Heaven. Tifa was busy taking orders, pouring drinks , serving food and talking with her patrons who was sitting on the stools behind the bar counter. But her mind was wandering somewhere else as she constantly checked the clock. 'Cloud … Cloud… Cloud…' she could practically hear her heart calling his name with each heart beat. Oh Gaia it was almost frightening to admit how much she had missed him. Was it really last night she last saw him? It seemed like a century to her. 'Cloud, where are you?' She reviwed his today's delivery schedule for the third time in the past hour. He should have been home by now, shouldn't he? She was craving to see his beautiful eyes, to feel his warm presence at home. 'Geez… girl, get a hold of yourself!' she scolded herself internally.

"Hey Tifa! Can I have a refill?" one of her patrons called.

"Sure thing Tom," she smiled and reached for the Corel wine bottle. "So how was work today?" She asked while filling his glass.

"Well you know the place is surely like hell with all the …"

But Tifa didn't hear the man's explanation as she heard the familiar roar of an approching motorbike. 'Cloud…!' She held her breath in anticipation, her eyes locked on the door. And seconds later he entered the bar. Tifa felt her heart sank just by seeing his sight: His golden spiky hair, his handsome pale features, his glowing blue eyes, his fit body. 'What? Are you a stupid teenage girl or something?' He took some steps in and looked at the bar but before Tifa had a chance to say something, the door to their small living room burst open and two enthusiastic children ran toward him. 'Guess they were waiting for him as eagerly as I was.' Tifa thought. Marlene simply hugged him around his waist while Denzel stopped by his side, a wide grin on his face.

"Hey Cloud!"

Cloud hugged Marlene back loosely and ruffled Denzel's hair affectionately. "Hey!" came his response. Then he looked up at her, offering the small shy smile of his own that was becoming more frequent to see. Tifa's heart pounded wildly in her chest. Was he even aware of the power of his eyes over her? Was he even aware of his magic over her?

"Welcome home Cloud." She said when finally she could find her voice.

It was around midnight when the last custumers left and Tifa closed the bar. Children had gone to bed couple of hours ago. Cloud, the gentleman he was, had offered to help her around the bar. But sensing his exhaustion, she had declined it with a warm smile on her lips.

Tifa gathered all the dirty dishes in the sink and started washing them. She was uncharcteristically bitter and angry and her anger aimed no one other than herself. 'Sometimes we want something badly but we don't have enough courage to claim it or we think we are not good enough to deserve it.' She remembered what she read earliear that day. 'Even if it will turn out to be a failure, it is much better than giving it up.'

"Coward!" She muttered to herself. No matter how many mounsters she had taken down, no matter how many battles she had won, no matter how many times she had tried to save the world, she was a coward since she was afraid to acknowledge her own feelings. How could she teach Denzel and Marlene to be otherwise? 'What do you want to do? Do you want to live like this your whole life?' An anoying sound at the back of her mind whispered mischievously.

A memory sparkled in her mind.

"Do you love me, Cloud?"

Yes, true, she once had asked Cloud such a question. Of an asleep Cloud to be precise. But she immidiatly changed her question when he stirred and opened his eyes with a dubious look on his face. Such a chicken she was!

To be honest, she was tired of her situation, of hiding such strong feelings in her heart. Didn't he know how she felt about him? Wasn't it the right time for her to reveal what she felt? Couple of month ago Sephiroth was defeated for the second and hopefully for the last time. Geostigma was cured by the healing water as Aerith's gift. Cloud had returned to live with them once again after that, free of his guilt. It was the right time, wasn't it?

'I'll talk with him tomorrow.'

'Aaah! Is that another excuse?' The anoying sound asked her again.

She gritted her teeth in anger. 'No, I will.' With that she dried the last dish and put it away.

The next day started with tiredness and fatigue. Tifa had spent most parts of the night tossing and turning in her bed, thinking about what she should say and how he would react. She rehearsed what she was going to say again and again silently during the day in many different ways, each time unsure of it's suitabality. This in turn cuased lack of her usual concentrain in her work.

That night, Cloud returned earlier from his delieveries and spent some time with kids, helping them with their homework and when they finished, they helped him arranging his delieveries for the next day, joking and laughing during the process. Tifa watched them with affection and love while she was taking care of the bar, a smile finding it's way to her lips. This was her family.

Since it wasn't a very busy night, she decided to close the bar earlier. A very difficult mission was ahead.

"Something's wrong?" asked Cloud.

They had closed the bar two hours ago. Marlene and Denzel had been tucked in their beds and the two of them were cleaning the bar.

"No, why?" Tifa tried her best to sound normal.

"Well, I don't know. You seem a bit on edge, I think." Cloud answered, smiling almost apologetically.

"Nothing's wrong, I just wanted…"

"What?" He looked straight into her eyes.

He has the most beautiful azure eyes and Tifa found herself drowning in them each time he looked at her like that. They were her ocean, her sky. 'Focus!'

"I… Well I just wanted to talk to you."

"Um, sure, guess we can talk now if you want." He said, a little bewildered by her answer.

"Oh … O-Ok." Tifa said with a hint of hesitation in her voice.

It was too late to take it back. They went to the living room and sat together on the couch. Cloud waited patiently for her to start but Tifa was far from speaking. Her mind was blank and she couldn't remember a word from what she had practiced before. Minutes passed while she was struggling with herself. 'Come on… think! just say something!'

"You know that I love you Cloud, right?" She blurted out suddenly.

Crap! What was that? Cloud looked at her with a mixture of shock and uncertainty. 'just fix it! Now!'

" I mean … I mean that I'm in love with you." She said in a rather low voice which he wouldn't hear if it wasn't for his Mako enhanced senses. She could feel the heat that radiated from her face.

To say that Cloud was taken aback was an understatment. His eyes were wide and he seemed to be at loss of the words.

"Tifa … I…" He shook his head as if to clear it. His hesitant reaction send a stab of pain to her gut. Maybe it wasn't the right time to tell him this. Too late! She reminded herself again.

"I didn't mean to push you. I- well I just wanted to know if there is any chance of us being together one day."

She had been waiting for such a long time, sure she could wait more if it was a matter of time. Cloud was silent for a moment looking at the floor, lips pressed. Then he turn toward her, a gentle and understanding look on his face. Tifa felt another stab of pain hit her body.

"It's not that I don't appreiciate your feelings Tifa, You know how important you are to me. It's just…" he paused for a moment and looked away from her.

"It's just that I don't see you that way." He finished quietly.

Tifa blinked once before his words sank in. Oh God, please don't let him say what she thought he did.

Of course she had considerd his rejection before when she was trying to predict his reaction, of cource, but what she couldn't predict was that how it would affect her. It was somehow funny now that how her whole body went cold and numb. Funny in a sad way. There wasn't any trace of the thrill or the anxitey she felt only minutes ago.

Time sounded meaningless as they sat in silence, neither willing to break it. Tifa felt deadly hollow. Lifeless. There wasn't even the urge of crying. 'they will come, later.' She tried to find some consolation in this fact. Anything was better than this vacuity.

Years and years of yearning, of forbearance and waiting for the right time, was rewarded with this. It was so not fair!

Yet there was a part of her that expected it. She should have known better. She should have listened to that part.

"It's her isn't it?" Tifa asked as realization hit her. Cloud turned toward her, confused by her sudden statement.

"Tifa…!"

She was getting hysteric.

"It's been always her, isn't it?" She asked again this time with more urgency. Cloud simply looked at her.

"Tifa."

'See? He doesn't even deny it.' Oh God, She was such a fool. She was such a fool when she thought he was over with her. She was such a fool when she thought maybe there wasn't anything between them in the first place. She could feel hot tears forming in her eyes. 'Don't you dare cry. Not now.'

And how could she compete with her, even though she was dead? Aerith. She was just so perfect. So beautiful, kind, delicate, fragile and yet brave. She was their strength, their light during the darkness. Her death devastated every single soul on the planet.

"What about me Cloud? What am I to you?" She managed to ask while she still could hold her tears back.

"Tifa don't! just – don't!"Cloud said incoherently.

What was she supposed not to do? It was a simple question, Wasn't it? Couldn't he answer her?

"Tifa please," He said after a minute, "You already know how important you are to me."

Oh please! Let him save his bullshit. She doesn't need his pity.

"You- you are the best friend I've ever had. You are my family Tifa. You are like a sister I've never–"

Tifa didn't know when she stood up. The whole world was spining around her.

"Stop! Just stop ," she snapped, "I got it, ok? I got it. That's enough!"

"Tifa –"

But she didn't stay any longer for him to finish his sentence. She ran upstaris to her room, her vision blurred. Once inside her room, she closed the door, leant against it and let hot tears ran freely on her cheeks.

His words were like a blade cutting her silently.

His sister?! Oh Shiva, so that was how it ended? Her heart felt so heavy and the pain in her chest was getting worse by each second.

She slid off the door and started sobbing uncontrollably, one hand pressed over her mouth to muffle the sound of her crying.

It had been quite a time since the last time she had cried like this. Actually the third time in the past three years.

The first time was in the aftermath of the Meteorfall, when the group went to Forgotten city to pay their respects to Aerith. She was overwhelmed by the sense of loss and grief and couldn't grasp the fact that her friend was gone forever. Knowing that if it wasn't for her sacrifice along with so many others it wasn't possible for them to stand where they currently did.

She thought about all the pain, all the sorrow that they had cuased to make the planet a safe place to live. To make the world a better place.

She could remember how she knelt on the ground and cried her heart out so much so that her whole frame was shaking. Yet all along she could feel Cloud's hand on her shoulder squeezing gently just to let her know that she was not alone, that he was there for her. And she was grateful for that.

The second time was barely one year ago and as much as she was willing to forget about it, the memory was still fresh in her mind. It was a night during the time that Cloud had left them. Denzel's Geostigma was in one of it's worse conditions. He was burning up in fever and moaning unconsciously. The black liquid was oozing constantly from his forehead. Tifa kept putting a clean damped cloth on his forehead every ten minutes in order to wipe the balck stuff away as well as reducing his body tempreture but it seemed that it just didn't work. He had been like this since the morning and had only changed to deteriorate. And Tifa couldn't shake off the thought that she was loosing him. And thinking of it alone terrified her to no limits. Oh Gaia she couldn't! She just couldn't! She had been palying tough all the day not letting her fear pass to Malene and Denzel but she could feel that she was loosing it. She looked at Marlene's pale face beside her who was holding Denzels's hand firmly in her small one. The kind girl had barely left his friend's side at all those hours. "Marlene can you look after him for a little while?" and so when the little girl nodded, she exited the room and crawled into the bathroom, locking the door behind her. She turn on the water to it's full force and then let her knees give away and burst into tears, just hoping that the sound of the water would muffle the sound of the desparete sobs that was coming out of her mouth. She felt so helpless. It was so unfair. They had already lost a lot. Wasn't it ever going to stop? Why Marlene and Denzel had to deal with this amount of sorrow and pain at such a young age? And where was Cloud? Her heart broke by remembering the blond's name. She felt so abandoned. Why did he leave them? Didn't he know how much they needed him? She clenched her chest as she remembered how Denzel had called out for him in his state of delirium. Why did he leave them? They were a family after all, weren't they? Or maybe he didn't feel the same way. 'please… please!' She even couldn't bring herself to complete a pray. She couldn't lose him. They couldn't lose Denzel. It was too much. She looked up and wispered in a hoarse sound, "You brought him to us. Please help us save him. Aerith."

Later that night,When Denzel's fever finally started to disappear and he drifted into a rather peaceful sleep, Tifa and Marlene hugged each other tightly and cried out of relief. 'Thank you!'

Yeah, Tifa Lockhart was a strong, independent woman. She was a warrior, whether in the battle field or on the life stage. But it didn't mean she didn't break down. And as if her heart hadn't broken enough times, she had to deal with yet another tragedy in her life.

'Oh God, when did I become so blind? How couldn't I see it? How could I deceive myselfe into thinking that he might as well have feelings for me?'

How much she wished she could go somewhere far away. Somewhere that nobody knew her. But she knew it was impossible. Children needed her. Not that she didn't needed them. on the contrary, she didn't think she would survive one day without them. Besides, she was the one who had told Cloud just some month ago that running away from problems wouldn't solve them.

She didn't know how much time had passed till she felt her body exhusted and her eyes hot and burning from all the crying.

'It's a new wound, a new wound to join all the others. Like when Mom died. Like the day that Nibelheim burned to the ground and father was killed, like the day that Jessie, Wedge and Biggs were killed along with so many innocent people. Like the day I watched as the masamune stabbed Aerith.'

She shook her head.

'No Tifa, you can't compare this to them, just be thankful that your loved ones are safe and sound. That people once again are trying to live and be happy. Isn't this something you've always wished for?'

'Give it time okay? Give it time, It won't disappear but it'll become more tolerable'

She wraped her arms around her body as a gesture to comfort herself. She had wasted years on a dream that apparently was nothing more than a wishful thought. 'Not any more!' She decided determinedly. She deserved to be happy, right? And tomorrow would be a new day. ' I know it isn't just going away. I know. But I will do my best. Until I can move on, until it won't hurt anymore.'

A/N: So hey guys this is the first chapter of my very first story. It's kind of long I think but I wanted to make you familiar with the atmosphere of the story, Please let me know what you think about it.