Apology

Bobby still couldn't suppress the feelings. He had walked the streets for two hours, until he could see the scuff marks on the toes of his shoes and feel the blisters starting. Now he was home, and he still couldn't shake it. The anger was overwhelming.

He knew she'd never really liked him much, but he thought she respected him. Usually he wasn't such a poor judge of character. What was it that had thrown him off? Was the familiarity of all the years working together the thing that threw him?

His phone rang again and he frowned. It would be Eames. Again. She'd called him 5 times in the last two hours, and he hadn't answered once. He knew she'd just keep calling. Slowly, Bobby pushed himself back to his feet. He walked over and punched the button on the cell. "Yeah."

"You okay?"

Geez, that was a loaded question. Of course not. No. He would never be okay. "If you mean am I done scaring the hell out of people and throwing things, then yeah." He heard her sigh on the other end of the line.

Eames always knew when to back off, but she never did it because she was afraid of him, like everybody else. She would just stand by, quiet but strong, until he got it out of his system. And then she would tell him what she thought, cut through all the crap and tell him straight up what she thought.

"Bobby?"

"Yeah," he said, his voice a little calmer.

"I'm coming over."

He wanted to protest, but he wanted to see her, too. He needed to see her standing in front of him, not afraid of him…

"Bobby?"

"Yeah, Eames."

"Okay?"

"Yeah, c'mon over."

She sat by him on the couch. Her lack of eye contact gave him his space. Alex stared at the wall ahead of her as she spoke. "You did it. You're cleared."

His knee jumped and bounced against his loosely folded hands. "It doesn't matter."

Now she looked him in the eye. He looked away with an unconvincing laugh. "I'm the whack job of the department. They all think it, now I know." He made his point with open hands, then smoothed them against his pants.

"You think that about me?"

He looked at her, then glanced away. "Seemed like it for a while…" he looked back again, "but… no."

Something about her facial expression, ever so slightly, relaxed. She nodded and sat in silence a moment. "I spoke with Elizabeth."

Bobby's face contorted in anger and pain. He looked to the wall. "No, no, no!" He gave Eames a warning finger in the air. "No."

"Well, what do you remember about it, Bobby? Really, what do you remember?"

He really didn't want to discuss it. He shook his head and his body writhed and twisted as if just thinking about it was physically uncomfortable. "I was angry. She was scared."

"She covered for you, Bobby."

None of this was making sense. He shook his head, but she'd started the thoughts, the memories, and now he couldn't stop them.

"When Ross-"

"I dropped my tray," he said quietly. He looked at Alex briefly. "She said she dropped her tray."

Alex nodded, and enjoyed a quiet moment of triumph. "She never told Ross the results. She kept her word to you, Bobby." She let that thought germinate in his mind.

After a few minutes, Alex got up. "And if it's any consolation, I doubt she's dating him anymore." Alex gave him a teasing smile, and he felt okay again, just for a moment. "I'm going home. You okay?"

He stood, dropped his head, and nodded. "Yeah. I think so." Alex put a hand on his arm and held it there until he made eye contact. She smiled at him, and then walked out.

It had taken a couple of weeks, but Bobby was finally recovered enough to make amends. He sat nervously at the table, and stood when Elizabeth Rodgers arrived. She was wary of him, and seemed uncomfortable. He held her chair for her as she sat down.

"Uhm, did you want dinner, or just a drink?"

"Just a drink, detective."

He nodded, grateful for her honesty. They ordered the drinks, and he kneaded his fingers nervously. "I, uh… I wanted to… apologize."

"I thought that might be what this was about," she said.

"Look, I… made an assumption, and… I'm sorry." He paused while the server brought their drinks, took a swig for courage. "I want to thank you, too."

"Thank me?"

"For what you told the Captain."

"Oh."

"I didn't deserve that. Thanks."

She sucked on her drink a few minutes. "This may surprise you, Goren, but I have a lot of respect for you."

He looked up, shocked.

"I may not like you trampling into my territory all the time, but," she shrugged, "you know what you're doing. You're the best. And I'd rather have you in my morgue sniffing bodies and telling me your opinion than some cocky jerkoff talking down to me and spouting theories out of his ass." She took another sip, and stood. "Thanks for the drink. We good now?"

Bobby smiled. "Yeah. I think so."

"See you at work."

He waited for Alex in the park. After so many sleepless nights, he had given it all a lot of thought. It was time to make amends with her, as well.

When she arrived, he bent down and kissed her cheek. They walked together down the path, not really with a destination in mind, just walking. She was curious, but she didn't pry.

"You remember in the interrogation room? What Declan said to me?"

Alex nodded sadly. "He said a lot."

"He said he, and Frank and Nicole were dead weight to me. He said he was setting me free."

Alex frowned, pained about what her friend had to suffer.

"Declan made a mistake, Alex." She looked up. Rarely did Bobby ever call her by her first name. "He thought…connection….relationships… would bind me up, keep me from doing what I do best." Bobby walked a few more steps. "He thought…I would have to be alone, detached, to profile killers."

"He made another mistake, too."

She looked up at him, expectantly.

"He thought he'd severed all of my closest ties." Bobby smiled at her. "You're the reason he was wrong on both counts, Alex. Because of you, I know I can… care… and still solve cases. You're my best friend."

She smiled and brushed her hand against his chest, as if she were cleaning something off. "Oh, Bobby…" She looked up with that earnestness in her eyes that he had come to appreciate. "I wish I could change it. All of it. Your mom, and Frank. And I know how much Declan meant to you, too."

A sad smile crossed Bobby's face. "It is what it is. You taught me that, too." After a moment, he shrugged and started walking again. She smiled seeing the slight swagger of his steps, an indication that his confidence was returning. "Anyway, I wanted to tell you. I'm sorry… to you, too. I should have known… you were helping me."

She didn't say anything, but purposely bumped her arm against his as they continued walking. The destination didn't matter, so long as they were together.