A/N: Hey! This is called 110 ways to annoy Edward Cullen. Enjoy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Call him
Eddy, all the time
2. Give yourself a paper cut and make a point
of showing him the blood, then put it in your mouth. Say, "Mmmm,
Delicious! Want some?"
3. Say "you don't look that scary"
4. Use vampire expression like "holy Dracula" and "good
bye sweet Transylvania"
5. Visualize yourself naked
6. Ask
him to help you do something impossible (save the world, build an
atomic clock, help you with your calculus ect). When he has trouble
say ... "never mind, I'm sure Jacob could help me"
7.
Drive REALLY slow
8. Volunteer him for a blood drive
9. Hold
up a bottle of ketchup and say, "look!! BLOOOOOD OOOOOOOO"
10.
Hang posters that say "I support Jacob Black" and "Jacob Black
for President" All over his room
11. Throw him to the crazy
fan girl hordes.
12. Tie Bella to some railroad tracks. When he
gets mad, say, "Wow, a little overprotective, aren't we? I'm
sure Jacob wouldn't have a problem with this."
13. Say,
"Hey, aren't you that guy from Harry Potter?"
14. Tell him
that Emmet is a cooler vampire than him.
15. Tell him that Jane
has the coolest vampire power. Mention that it's significantly
better than mind reading.
16. Continually suggest that he'd be
better off eating Bella, rather than dating her.
17. Mention
that he isn't a real vampire.
18. When flying on an airplane,
say, "If this plane crashes on an island, we eat Bella first."
19. Suggest that his life is too stressful. Recommend
aromatherapy.
20. When he announces his wedding, say "Why? Is
Bella pregnant?"
21. Leave bloody dead animals around him.
Insist that you're helping with the aromatherapy.
22. Invite
Jacob's whole family to the wedding. When he gets mad, say, "I
was just trying to help."
23. Invite the Volturi to the
wedding.
24. Make a list of the ways that werewolves are cooler
than vampires. Show it to him. Act offended when he gets mad.
25.
Tell him that he's too closed-minded: he needs to welcome people
of all cultures into his life.
26. Talk in Ebonics.
27. Tell
him to "bear in mind other people's thoughts."
28. Kidnap
Bella. When he asks where she is, say, "Don't worry about it."
29. When he threatens to kill you, say, "Now, now, aren't we
being a little hasty?"
30. When he really is going to kill
you, blame Alice. Say she took her to LA to go shopping.
31.
Poke him.
32. When he talks about how painful his transformation
was, say, "Oh, yeah, your life is soooo hard."
33. When he
talks about how much he loves Bella, say, "Aren't you a little
young to know what love is? Maybe you should wait till you're a
few years older."
34. Make Bella wear a team Jacob shirt.
35.
Suggest that he and Bella take some time off to "see other
people." Recommend Jessica Stanley for him.
36. Run over his
Volvo with Bella's truck.
37. While he's listening, tell
Bella she deserves something better.
38. Invite him to go to the
beach with you.
39. Read the back of the Twilight books to him.
Bonus points for using a dramatic announcer voice.
40. Blame him
for all of Bella's past injuries.
41. Constantly hint at how
good Bella must smell.
42. Visualize his life in 20 years. SUV,
suburban house, 12 kids.
43. Laugh when Bella trips. Loudly.
44. Shine a bright light in his face. Say, "Darnit, you didn't
go all sparkly."
45. Buy a copy of Breaking Dawn on the black
market. Tell him he dies at the end.
46. Ask him where he buys
his body glitter.
47. Suggest self-tanner.
48. When Bella
says how much she loves him, think then why was she making out with
Jacob down at La Push yesterday?
49. When he gets mad,
innocently say, "I didn't say anything."
50. Point out the
circles under his eyes. Tell him to get more sleep.
51. Offer to
lend him your concealer.
52. Withdraw the offer. Tell him that
he's too pale for this shade.
53. Suggest that a week in the
tropics would do him good.
54. Tell him that we're getting
tired of his "scary" act.
55. Redecorate his room in a
Care-bear theme.
56. Tell him that it will help him be happy.
57. Buy him a wolf plushie.
58. Turn his piano into a craps
table.
59. Suggest that he try harder to make new friends.
60.
Tell him that he should hang out with Mike Newton more often.
61.
Put pretty bows in his hair while he's distracted.
62. Tell
him that pretending to sleep would make him sympathize with the
humans more.
63. Cook delicious-looking meals. When he won't
eat them, get offended. Tell him "I put my sweat and blood into
that meal!"
64. Suggest the same stupid plan over and over
again. When he gets mad, say, "Well now, who got up on the wrong
side of the bed this morning…oh, wait!"
65. Tell him he
could up his cool if he went out for football. Or Track.
66.
Wear tinfoil on your head. When he asks why, tell him that people
are always trying to read your mind.
67. Give yourself a
paper-cut in front of Jasper.
68. When he attacks, say, "Bad,
dog, down!"
69. Suggest that they keep Jasper in the back
yard. "If he can't be civilized, well…"
70. Push Bella
in front of a bus.
71. Pour ketchup on Bella.
72. Ask him to
sign your copy of Twilight.
73. Wonder loudly to yourself what
The Souls are going to do with the Cullen's when they invade.
74.
Plant daisies in his house.
75. Break all of his CDs.
76.
Take Bella shopping. Accidentally leave her at the mall.
77.
Crash his wedding.
78. When he plans his wedding, say, "Who's
going to come? You know like four people."
79. Whenever he
comes into the room, start mentally singing the 'Gilligan's
Island' theme song.
80. When he tells you to stop, say, "Stop
what?"
81. Take all of his CD's. Replace them with songs
from Disney movies.
82. Tell him that he and Bella should go on
more 'real dates.'
83. Ask him if he's planning on having
a vampire attack Bella every spring break. Mention that you know
someone who would be willing to help this year.
84. Make a list
of reasons why Bella should leave him. Make sure that you have one
of them be, "Jacob. Enough said."
85. Roll in glitter. Run
around saying, "Look at me! I'm Edward! I'm Edward!"
86.
Write him love poems. Sign them from Jacob.
87. Tell him that
it's perfectly acceptable to be an 'alternative couple' with
Jacob.
88. Diagram a love triangle: Edward 3 Jacob. Jacob 3
Bella. Bella 3 Edward.
89. When he plans his wedding, say,
"You know, the leading cause of divorce is marrying too young."
90. Suggest that the Cullen's have more "family meetings."
Make a point not to invite Bella.
91. Tell Bella that her
cooking skills will be wasted if she marries him.
92. Ask him if
he'll still love Bella once she's a vampire and not clumsy
anymore.
93. Give him your Divorce attorney's card. Tell him
it's "Just in case."
94. Skip around the house chanting,
"Edward and Bella, sitting in a tree."
95. Diagnose him
randomly. "Maybe you have sleep apnea." "You look anemic. Have
you been getting enough red meat?" "Maybe it's a vitamin D
deficiency." Ask Carlisle to back your suggestions up.
96.
Invite small children to his house for 'scary story time'.
97.
Paint his room. Pink.
98. Ask if you're going to be in the
wedding party. Repeatedly. And frequently.
99. Wonder what to
get him for a wedding present. "A mattress topper? No, that won't
work. A blender? No, wait…oh! A trip to Hawaii. Oh, never mind…"
100. Wave wooden crosses and strings of garlic at him randomly.
When he asks what you're doing, say, "I know I read this
somewhere."
101. Mail him a llama. When he asks why, say, "Why
not?"
102. Don't think.
103. Buy him a dog. Name it
Jacob.
104. Knock on his door and the second he opens it, start
singing Christmas carols really loud and off key.
….make
sure you do this around Easter.
105. Make him go out with you to
a fancy restrant for his Birthday when it isn't his Birthday. Get
all offended when he won't eat anything. Start crying.
106.
Send him love letters and sign them "You dearest Victoria".
107. lock ... him in a room with Mike, Tyler, Eric, and Jacob.
Give everyone except him a picture of Bella. Do the math people.
108. Tell him you think Mike x Bella is a WAY better couple than
Edward x Bella. Then tell him that the reason you think that is
because Mike and Bella just got married. Run really fast…
109.
Force him to read Jacob x Edward slash… over and over and over….
110. Constantly think about kissing Bella.
A/N: well, hope you enjoyed it!!!!!
hey, my next one is gonna be: _____ ways to annoy Jacob Black.