PinoKyou (I want to be a normal boy) Author: Kiwi

I no longer care about being included in the Juunishi. I still want to beat that jerk, Yuki, but not for the same reason. I don't care about getting revenge on the rat anymore. I don't care about proving myself to the other animals.

I want to be a normal boy.

My rival is Yuki Sohma. Not the rat, not the mouse. I will beat him eventually, but not to be a part of their circle. I don't want to be a part of this at all anymore.

It's too late now. Even if I could somehow rid myself of the curse, I've already missed so much in life. I couldn't hug my mother. I shut myself out from people in order to better keep the secret. I've forged an entirely different life from my peers, and I realize now why I'm unhappy.

I want to be a normal boy.

I always thought I had to plan my life around this curse. I resolved not to have any friends-they would only complicate things. I tried to refuse to let myself get close to anyone, but now I can see why that would never work. My whole existence has been shaped to better accommodate my curse.

I'm still human. No matter how hard I tried to push people away, I couldn't keep from loving them. I couldn't keep from loving Kagura, although I don't like her the way she likes me. I couldn't prevent feeling love for Tohru, despite how horribly I treat her. I know that if anything ever happened to either of them, what little happiness I have, what little humanity is left within me, would disappear forever, and I would once again be lost in this curse.

I want to be a normal boy.

I'm so tired of hiding... Tired of pretending I don't need love. I have friends at school now, but they don't know it. They probably think I hate them. But I don't blame them. Then again... I don't know why, but they really don't seem to think I hate them. I wonder now... Do they know? Can they tell somehow that I'm not trying to hurt them?

"...Kyou-kun?" I look at Tohru, and for a second I think she must've been reading my thoughts from below the roof. She looks at me questioningly, asking with her eyes if I'm okay. Part of me wants to tell her, "No, I'm not okay! I just want to be able to hug you, Tohru, without turning into a freaking cat!" but then she smiles at me. I swear this girl could drive people to suicide if she pouted.

"What?" I ask in return. She always seems so happy... So eager to serve others, and I know she wants nothing more than to make the people around her happy. It makes me mad sometimes.

I really hate the way I feel around her. I'm... confused...

"Dinner's ready... But you don't have to eat if you'd rather be alone. I didn't mean to interrupt your thinking..." I want to scream at her, STOP APOLOGIZING!! But no... She would only apologize some more.

"...Okay. I'll be there in a minute." She smiles again and nods. See, this is what makes me so confused; She makes me so mad sometimes, but other times... I just want to make her happy. It doesn't make any sense, but I just feel happy to be alive when she smiles like that.

I need to stop feeling sorry for myself... Tohru doesn't care if I'm not normal. Tohru will help me.

I want to hug you, Tohru. Maybe I will.