This story is a collaborative effort between me and my younger brother and is to be taken completely seriously.
Alucard woke up. "Damn, not the bats again," he thought with a sorrowful sigh. "I guess this will have to do," he said, as he looked in his hand and found a vial of holy water. "This is all my goddamn dad's fault! I'm going to fucking kill him for this!" shouted Alucard, as he shook his fist angrily at the sky.
Issun woke up in a strange place. "What am I doing here?" he thought. "Is this Europe? Where's that furball? Yo, Ammy! Where are you?" There was no response. "I must be in a different dimension!" he correctly deduced. Suddenly a bunch of Medusa heads began charging towards his direction. "What the heck are those things?! They seem to be charging at me!" He then quickly disposed of them using his Celestial Brush power slash. "Whatever those things were, I hope there aren't more!"
Meanwhile, Alucard was planning his next move. "FUCK!" shouted Alucard, as he stepped in some guano. "FUCKING MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN BATS! I HATE THIS FUCKING CASTLE AND EVERY GODDAMN CUNT-LICKING THING THAT LIVES IN IT. ESPECIALLY MY GODDAMN DRUNK-ASS FATHER!" Dracula was actually not a heavy drinker. He only drank occasionally at parties. But whenever he drank wine, he would always say a monologue and throw his glass to the ground in anger. Alucard fucking HATED that bullshit because he always had to clean up the glass. Have you ever tried to clean up a broken wine glass? It's fucking annoying. Anyways, Alucard was wandering the castle, which was for some reason like, a goddamn fucking maze or some shit. Alucard always wondered why he did that. He would always get lost as a small child when he woke up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. Dracula wouldn't even find him, he just laughed. So anyways, he was walking around looking for his father. Suddenly, he saw a bunch of Medusa head carcasses. He went in to investigate.
Issun heard someone coming and readied his brush. "FUCK MY DAD AND HIS STUPID-ASS BULLSHIT!" the mysterious voice said. "If he was here he'd probably tell me to clean up this goddamn mess. I mean, FUCK!"
"Hey, you there!" Issun called out. "Where am I?"
"What is this? Some kind of shitty-ass bug?"
"Excuse me, sir, but I am not a bug. My name is Issun, and I'm a great warrior from Nippon! I seem to have gotten separated from my friend Amaterasu, have you seen a white dog around anywhere?"
"Who gives a flying fuck? I'm trying to find and kill my shitty-ass dad!"
"Well why would you want to do that?"
"Because he's a DICK!"
"Well, do you have any examples of him being rude?"
"Well one time he killed a bunch of people in the nearby village and it was really dumb. What an asshole! It's like he did it for no goddamn reason! Not like I care about those people or anything, but it was fucking POINTLESS!"
"Well, golly! Maybe I can help!"
"Sure, you shitty-ass little shit! Come on!"
And then Alucard walked directly into a pit and died.
THE END