Finn:
My hands are sweating as I knock on her door. I know her Mum and Karim have disappeared some place so there is no chance of us being caught, but that's not the problem.
She went to see Tix today.
I know she gets bad.
I know she gets real bad.
But I've never seen it, just heard about it in words rushed that led to quick changes of subject. Rae answers the door, eyes red but a light smile on her face as I grab her into an awkward hug. Strategically, I grab her arm to search for any fresh cuts whilst writing 'Okay?' length ways.
She replies with a nod, takes my hand and starts to walk me upstairs.
It's too quiet, there are no jokes, no laughs, no flirtatious looks that we both give each other, it's not right.
"Rae." I say as we get into her room, a harsh tone so she knows I'm serious. "Finn, I just want to forget everything.
Just temporarily, okay?" Her voice crack as she sits on the edge of her bed and avoids eye contact with me whilst I hover at the door.
"I don't want anything to happen between us simply because you want to forget everything. I want you to remember things." I sit beside her and rest my hand right beside hers.
"I'm sorry. I really am." Rae looks at me, her eyes glassy and beautiful and I kiss her - selfish I know.
It must be the fact that she doesn't stop that causes me to continue. If she had kissed me and left my mouth tasting like sadness then I would have stopped, but she left my mouth feeling like the first time I hear a good song and attempt to sing the lyrics, giddy and confused.
We fumble as I lay her down and kiss down her neck line and back up to her lips continuously, until she stops me five minutes later.
"I should probably, eurgh..." Rae leaves my side in a hurry and walks out of the room.
Rae:
I slam the bathroom door behind me and whisper "FUCK!" to my reflection in the mirror before telling my heart to stop hammering in my chest.
He had to see sometime, why not be now? My insides feel like they are going to concave with a little extra push and it will give me a reason to cut again.
Slowly, I take off my top. My reflection makes me sick but I take a deep breath and hook my thumbs around the waist of my leggings.
I shut my eyes and pull them down so I'm just left in my underwear.
"Rae?" I hear Finn knock on the door and tell my eyes to not tear up, to stop stinging. Another deep breath. I open the door. He smiles at my face and smiles and smiles until his he gets to my legs, then it falters.
Finn:
Looking at her, I forget how to breathe.