Title: I Scream, You Scream!
Disclaimer: C'mon, seriously? Really? Do we have to go over this every single time, I'm a measly 14 year old! I don't own anything whatsoever. So please don't sue!
Rating: FRT
A/N: Takes place the day after 'Photographs & Memories' before everything get's ruined and messed up between them. Ugh. Stupid writers...Anyway, I've always wanted to do a 'babysitting Joe' kinda fic and after 'Officer Down' my inspiration returned to have a try at it, so here it is. :D
I Scream, You Scream!
--&--
Ring! Ring! Ring!
Neela groaned, covering her head with a pillow. 'Maybe they'll get the message...' she thought, sardonically. The heavens didn't seem to be on her side though, as the incessant shrilling continued.
"Damn you." She muttered, dragging herself out of the bed, haphazardly throwing a robe over her along the way to the phone.
"Yes?" she snapped, snatching the cordless of its receiver.
"Someone's in a jolly good mood this morning." Abby's voice said, sarcastically from the other end.
"I could say the same thing." she retorted, "what do you want, Abby? It's..." she paused to look at the clock. "6:30. 6:30 on my first day off in two weeks so there better be a plausible excuse for this wake – up call."
"I'm sorry and Yes, there is. Mona – the baby – sitter -" Abby rushed, "suddenly came down with a bad case of the flu and both Luka and I are both on for the same shift and I know this is so heartless of me considering it's your day off but I was hoping ---"
Neela interrupted. "I would take Joe."
"Yeah. If you can't, I'll try and ---"
"Don't bother." Neela intervened. "You're bloody lucky I'm a sucker for him. Bring him around whenever."
Abby sighed, relieved.
"Thank you."
"But you still owe me. Big."
&#&#&#
"And here's his dentist's number, his ---"
"Dentist?!" Neela exclaimed. "Abby, are you serious? The boy's barely got five teeth as yet! Motherhood's making you weak, woman. Weak!"
Abby stopped rattling off her endless list of numbers to send Neela a hard glare. "When you become one yourself then come and tell me that. Ooh," she continued, being annoyed at Neela already forgotten, "and if he starts crying at say around eleven then give him his formula. Only half a bottle though. Half. Okay? Half."
"Yes, yes! I heard you the first time and the second time! Now get out of here before I change my mind!" Neela snapped.
Abby nodded. "Okay..." Unhooking Joe from his carrier around her handing him, carefully to Neela. "Be good for Aunty Neela, Hun." she murmured, kissing him on the forehead.
Neela smirked.
"Yeah. Don't worry everything will be fine after all, I'm probably his saving grace."
Abby glared at her. "Like I said when you have a child you'll know." She glanced at her watch, "Shit! I'm already late."
Neela gave her a bemused stare. "No kidding. You practically recited the whole phone directory!" Abby ignored her as she made her way over to the door.
"Well, I should be back around here at about 6:30...Remember, you call me if you need help with anything..." she said.
"Yeah. Yeah. Now go!" Neela ordered, rocking Joe lightly in her arms. "There, there. We all know your Mum's a nutcase."
"I heard that!"
&#&#&#
"Wahhhhhhhhhh!!!!"
"Sshh! Joe? Honey, what's the matter?" Neela pleaded, cradling him back and forth. 'Are you kidding yourself, Rasgotra? The kid's not going to start talking to you.' She berated herself. What was she supposed to do? He'd been crying for the past three hours. She'd changed him, fed him, sang to him, given him a bath, changed him again but nothing, absolutely nothing seemed to be working.
"It's okay, sweetie. Sshh. What do you want me to do? You want Aunty Neela to sing you another song? Twinkle, twinkle ---"
The shrieking got louder.
"Fine. Fine. I get the message loud and clear."
She went back to swaying him around helplessly and rhythmically patting him on the back, occasionally murmuring sweet nothings in his ear. Finally his wailing died down to sobs before it stopped altogether. She sighed in relief, "Thank bloody God!"
Ring! Ring! Ring!
"Wahhhhhhhhhh!!!"
"Argh! Bloody Hell!" Neela shouted as she lunged for the phone ready to murder whoever was on the other end. "What?!"
"It's so good to hear your voice as well." Ray's voice muttered from the other end.
"Ray, this is -"
"Wahhh!"
"Not a good -"
"Wahhhhhhhh!"
"Well, I'm guessing you have company?"
Neela rolled her eyes. "Congratulations! You go straight to the top of the class! Y'know -" she stopped and distractedly began wiping Joe's mouth as he began blowing spit bubbles. "Ugh. Sweetie...honey...Why can't you just be a good little boy? Why?"
"Jesus, Neela. Sweetie and Honey? Never known you to be such a sweet talker. Should I be jealous?"
Neela scoffed.
"Yeah. If you're the type who get's jealous of two feet tall 'men' who do nothing but scream, wail, and lower your sanity to everything you're worth, then yeah, you should -"
"Ow. Shi...uh...shoot, Joe." she said sternly, as he began pulling at her hair. "Please, don't. Ow. Oh, God."
Ray chuckled.
"Need some help?"
"Please!"
"I'll be over now."
&#&#&#
Neela hurried to the door as it chimed, Joe still kicking and screaming in her hands. "Thank you so much." She sighed, as she opened the door to a grinning Ray. "You're a lifesaver!"
"Glad I could be of some assistance." he replied, amusement evident in his tone as he entered the apartment taking in the scene in front of him; Neela looking more than a little worse for wear and Joe letting off some decibels that he hadn't known even existed.
"Whoa! That kid sure knows how to hit a chord. I dunno about you but I see a possible future for him in 'Screamo' music when he grows up." he joked.
Neela turned to send him a dark look and if they could kill...well he didn't want to think about that right at that moment.
"You're making jokes?" she spat, icily. "You can see the obvious state of me and you're making jokes?"
"Geez. Relax, Neela." Ray began, calmly. Her glare darkened, if that was even possible. "Um, y'know what? Why don't you gimme Joe and you...you go and freshen yourself up a bit, huh?" he proposed.
Neela nodded slowly, calming down. "Yeah. I wouldn't mind a shower or..." she glanced down at her baby food/spit covered shirt, distastefully, "some clean clothes even..."
Ray tried to hide his smile. "Yeah, that's right. Now, off you go..." Within seconds the baby was deposited in his arms and Neela was out of sight.
"...Take your time..." he trailed, to the empty room, he glanced down to Joe who had now stopped crying at was staring at him intently as if he was analysing him. 'Pfft. Don't be a dick, Barnett. Babies don't analyse. Plain fact, that is.'
"So, Joe. Now that we've gotten rid of that psycho woman, what should the two of us guys do?" he asked, affectionately. "Huh?" He was rewarded with a bubbly giggle. He grinned. "See? We're already buddies aren't we?" Another giggle. The minutes passed by as Joe happily occupied himself by playing with Ray's finger.
"Unbelievable." Ray glanced around to see Neela standing there, in sweat pants and a soccer jersey, her hair gently tousled from the shower. He was, like she always seemed to do to him, awestruck. Beautiful, inside and out. No more, no less. That was the perfect description of her. "That child seriously must not like me." She stated, agitatedly, snapping him quickly out of his thoughts.
"Well, I'm sorry, Neela. You just don't have that good 'ol, Barnett charm." he replied, cheekily, as she took a seat next to him on the couch.
She made a face as she leant her head back to rest it on wall. "Good 'ol Barnett charm? You don't seriously think that works do you?" she retorted.
"Well, it won you over, didn't it?" he joked. Shit. That might not have been the best thing to say right now. Her head snapped up quickly.
"Yes. It did." she whispered, softly.
He gazed at her. Shocked she'd even replied.
"Umm..."
"Uhh..."
"Guhhhhhhh!" Their heads snapped in relief, to see Joe who had turned his focus from playing with his toys and was watching them with a huge nearly toothless grin on his face. After a few moments of the two of them mollycoddling him, Ray turned his attention back to Neela.
"So?"
She nodded her head, slowly, rubbing her hands on her pants. "Yeah. Um, we should talk more about what we were...uh...discussing last night..." she began, still staring at Joe.
Ray nodded, again surprised, that she was still so open to it.
"You sure? I mean I understand if we're still...waiting..."
She turned to face him. "Mm, about that...I called Tony last night..."
Ray raised an eyebrow curiously, "And?"
A smile twitched at the corners of Neela's lips,
"And, I broke it off with him."
Ray felt a grin coming to his own face,
"You did?"
"Mmmhmm..."
"Wow. Whoa. Well...um, um. How did he...how did he take it?"
"Surprisingly well," she paused, "...well for Tony, it was surprisingly well; I mean he did throw in his usual self pity but other than that..."
Ray grinned. "Well, still I better watch my back on my shifts now, then, huh?"
Neela threw him a confused look. "Who said anything about being official?"
Ray stopped. "Oh, um..."
Neela broke her straight face with a loud laugh, "Well, aren't you just Mr. Gullible, I'm kidding, I'm more than ready to rub it into everyone's faces." she said with a wink.
Ray feigning glared at her, grabbing her feet to tickle her.
"Ah, please don't! Ray! Please! No! I'm sorry." She yelled, kicking at him.
"Do you seriously mean that?" he asked, mischievously, continuing to graze her foot.
"Yes! Yes! I mean it. I'm sorry. So sorry."
"Fine." Ray stated, dropping her legs.
"Not!" she exclaimed, sticking her tongue out at him.
"Why you...!" Ray yelped, effortlessly pining her to the side of the couch. Both their breathing became laboured as they realized just how close they were.
"Uh, Ray? I'd really like to keep it G – Rated in here." Neela murmured.
"Yeah..." Ray nodded, "...would it still be G – Rated still if I kissed you?" he asked.
"Hmm, I think we could work with that..." Neela whispered, mischievousness twinkling in her eyes.
"Mmmhmm." Ray answered, smirking, lowering his head to meet hers, lips barely apart from each other, cl---
"Wahhhhhhhh!" Joe exploded again.
The pair quickly broke apart,
"Damn, evil, manipulating, attention seeker." Neela muttered, annoyed.
Ray laughed as he picked up Joe.
"Aw, but who could resist a face like this?" he questioned.
"Me. That child is a demon sent to curse me," she said, "I swear." she added.
Ray pretended to cover Joe's ears. "Don't listen to her, dude, she's just a bit peed that she didn't get a bit of lovin' from me." he told him.
Neela rolled her eyes.
"You're just as bad as him..."
Ray held Joe in front of his face pretending to talk for him, "but, Aunty Neela," he said, in his terribly nasal imitation of a child's voice, "I wuv you." And Joe simultaneously at that moment enveloped his face in a huge pout, doe eyes and all.
Neela felt herself soften.
"Damn this baby. Just when I think I'm out he pulls me back in." she cursed.
&#&#&#
"Never, ever under any circumstances are we even giving this child a slight taste of ice cream, again!" Neela exclaimed, looking at Joe, wide eyed as he bounced around hyperactively in his stroller seat, as they made their way back to her apartment. It had been Ray's so called 'brilliant' idea to take him for a walk to the park, now that was fine, until (and this was where it became not – so – brilliant) Ray thought it would be fun to let Joe have a taste of his chocolate ice – cream and thus, was how they ended up with the small bundle of hypo - uped - ness before them.
"Abby is going to kill me." she muttered.
Ray grinned, "Well, we could always give him some booze to knock him out a bit." he joked.
Neela stared him down. "Haha." she started dryly, "Aren't you such the comedian today?"
He laughed. "I try. So anyway, what time did she say she'd pick him up?" he questioned.
Neela glanced down at her watch, "It's half past five right now, and her shift finishes around six – ish..."
"So that means we've still got about an hour or so before she comes around." Ray noted. Neela nodded, "Yeah. About..."
"So?" he said, pursing his lips, slightly, "what do we do now?"
&#&#&#
"You have got to be kidding me!" Neela said, "When you suggested we play a game...this is...not exactly what came to mind..." her voice trailed as she took in the scene before her. Joe in his usual crawling stance and Ray hunched down on all fours with a smug smirk on his face, "Are you worried, Neela? Hey? That you might be beaten by a baby?" he asked.
"Not exactly...actually I'm more worried about your rapidly increasing case of dementia." she retorted.
"Ouch. I'm wounded." he laughed. "C'mon it's just a friendly game of Crawl 'N Races."
"You lost me at the 'friendly game' and Crawl 'N Races? Could you make this any dopier?" she scoffed.
Ray feigningly glared at her. "Fine then! We'll just have to play by ourselves then, right Joe? Leave the Uptight lady out of it." He adjusted Joe onto the starting line before he glanced back at Neela. "The least you could do is start us off."
Neela regarded him with a sickly, sweet smile. "Whatever you say, boss." she said, taking a seat on the couch,
"Ready...Set...Go!"
&#&#&#
"That...was...just...hilarious..." Neela spluttered a few minutes later, in hysterics, as she settled Joe in her lap.
Ray fumed. "I don't understand? How the hell did he beat me?"
Neela flashed him a bemused look, "What Ray? Can't believe you were beaten by a baby?" she mocked.
"No. It's just that ---"
"You're a sore loser?" Neela offered, complacently.
Ray glowered at her. "Very funny." he said, lightly.
Neela smiled, satisfied. "I thought so."
Joe clapped his hands, excitedly. "Heeehhheee."
Neela laughed, holding him up, "Aw? But who could you resist a face like this?" she mimicked, cheekily.
Ray stared at her, hard. "Oh, aren't you ---"
He was interrupted as the door bell chimed.
"Well," Neela said getting up, "that must be Abby." She returned moments later with Abby by her side.
"Hey Joe." Abby cooed, affectionately, moving to the couch to pick her son up.
"Nice to see you too, Lockhart." Ray said, sarcastically.
Abby glanced up and finally noticed his presence. "Oh. Sorry, Ray, I didn't even see you there!" she exclaimed.
"So I guess this is how it feels to be invisible?" he joked.
"So how was he?" Abby asked. "Not too bad I hope?" She added.
"Piece of cake." Neela said, thinly.
"Easy as pie." Ray put in, with about as much enthusiasm as Neela.
Abby, who seemed to be oblivious to their act let out a relieved smile. "That's great! He isn't known for being...the easiest -"
"Or quietest." Neela added, with a grin.
"Or quietest to handle." Abby finished. She smirked, "If you enjoyed him so much you're both more than welcome to try it again." she offered, bemused.
Neela widened her eyes. "Oh. You don't have to do that...I mean..." she paused.
"...we wouldn't want to steal the...the...spotlight..." Ray supplied.
Abby smiled knowingly. "Riighhhtt." She drawled. "Why do I not sense kids in your near future?"
"Our near future? What do you mean by that?" they both replied, innocently.
"Riighhhtt." she echoed, slowly, again as she made her way to the door she stopped and turned back to face them, with a smug expression on her face. "By the way guys?"
"Yeah?"
"I am a mother and we do know everything."
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