Almost 1
Grace very quickly saw her sisters mood change from one of love and concern to one of frustration, and anger. That often happened when the two of them spoke. Grace did it too. Like the message she had left for Regan yesterday. What she wanted to say was 'I really really need to talk to you, I really need you, Stevie really needs you, Please please please please answer your phone.' But instead she had left an angry message filled with words that she could not repeat aloud in front of Tess McLeod. Tess stood there now, at Regan's side. The two of them standing opposite Grace and Stevie. Yet Tess and Stevie had yet to utter a single word. It seemed that they may as well not be here. It was a fight between Regan and Grace alone, it always had been.
Grace tried to focus her attention on Stevie. She could feel Stevie's tension rising by the second and wondered how long before she would she say something stupid, do something stupid, or turn and run. Maybe they should both run. Why was Stevie now so uncomfortable anyway? She was the one who wanted Regan here, she was the one who called for her, she was the one who started this whole thing days ago, coming down the stairs just like everything was normal, sitting at the kitchen table, looking up and asking simply, "Where is Regan?"
It wasn't Stevie who cracked first, it was Tess butting in to play peacemaker. Grace didn't like her cousin. She had a bad feeling the moment they had met, which was just last week when Tess came for a stay at Drovers Run. And day by day Tess looked at her with ever increasing judgement and disapproval. Tess looked to Stevie, for some reason those two seemed close. And to Stevie she looked with compassion. Then she turned her gaze back to Grace accusingly.
"Lets all calm down." Tess said, to which Grace replied "Shut up."
"Talk to me, why don't you just tell me what's going on?" Regan tried very hard to take a deep breath and a more gentle approach, perhaps more for Stevie's sake than anything else. And Stevie just stood there, uncharacteristically still and silent. This alarmed Regan somewhat, and perhaps she started to wonder what was going on. Maybe it wasn't some stupid game, some silly prank, some ridiculous trouble that Stevie and Grace had found themselves in as they often tended to do being both quick to speak, and slow to learn.. The two of them were like children at times, badly behaved children. Regan often had to bail them out of whatever mess they made for themselves. They seemed to be a bad influence n one another, and she was honestly sick and tired of picking up after them. It had been a relief that Tess had arrived, some sensible adult company. Someone she didn't have to play mother to all the time. Someone who didn't challenge her every word so defensively. She loved Grace, but she was pushing her to the limit.
Grace kicked the ground with her shoes and bit her tongue, wanting to scream the answer to the question. 'I don't tell you what's going on, Regan, because she, who came down the stairs looking for you, she who begged me to call you, she doesn't want me to tell you, she's angry with me that you are both here. So I don't know why you are all looking at me for the answers. Ask her.'And Grace wanted nothing more than to turn to Stevie at that point and dump the whole thing on her. After all, she started it. But she didn't. She realised she needed to tread carefully. And for once in her life she stopped to think before she opened her mouth.
Grace did look to Stevie thought, as if to ask her 'Well, what do you want me to say to them now Stevie? You make me call her and turn around and hate me for it, and now you stand there silent leaving me to explain. What do you want me to say?" Stevie looked away, and Grace realised she would get no help there.
Grace shrugged her shoulders in defeat. She felt she should say something to Regan. Something like 'Sorry you came all this way, sorry for all the trouble, sorry I cant tell you.'But she wasn't sorry at all really. She was angry.
At Stevie she was frustrated, but she pushed that aside. It was Regan who made her blood boil.
And all because Regan wasn't where she was supposed to be. Because for two days Grace had called her and called her and called her again, and Regan hadn't even bothered to answer. Because she waited, for first time in her life truly needing Regan to come through for her, and Regan let her down. And she was angry at herself, for being so hurt by it. And none of these things could she say out loud. So she shrugged her shoulders in silence and waited.
Regan saw something in her sisters eyes. Something she hadn't seen for over 20 years.. And she knew instantly that the images haunting her own mind were haunting Grace too. More than anything she wanted to reach her sister, to tell her I remember too. To tell her I'm sorry. 20 years later and I am still so sorry. But 20 years later and it was still an unspoken subject.