The Melancholy Clown
I sit alone in this town so crowded, wondering why it had happened. I die here, while plucking the strings of my oak violin, plucking the strings of my heart. Wasted and used, tormented and thrown, I feel… I feel. I hide my wounds, both inside and out, and wait for the heavens to come. I see people living their lives, flirting and mingling away. Oh if only they knew what might to be… what might to be.
I close my eyes and remember well how she had broken me. I let her control me, I let her touch me, I let her twirl my heart and soul. But why blame the victim, when I was but a drone? It was she who devoured me, oh it was she.
It was one misty morning in a forest so chill, where she first leeched upon me. I was creeping through catching early dawn feed, whilst the animals lay in rest. I sat next to a stream softly hitting the rocks and I enjoyed its sweet, sweet voice. I looked around admiring the beauty of the forest, and the mysteries of nature.
Then from behind I heard a twig snap and I stood up with skill and grace. But then I loosened my muscles and lessened my grip, as I saw the woman standing there. She wore a plain white dress, so pure and clean. Her long flowing blonde hair ran to the bottom of her back and her blue eyes seduced me instantly. Mesmerized, I slowly walked towards her; my body with its own mind. As we touched nose-to-nose, I raised one hand and caressed her cheek. I felt her touch my flank, making the hair on the back of my neck stand while goosebumps popped out on my skin. With my other hand, I grabbed her back and felt her hair, oh what beautiful hair, and I dragged it along my nose sniffing its vigorous scent of love.
She pulled on my arm leading me to an opening in the forest. We sat on a rock and she pressed her lips gently onto mine. I felt her hand go up my shirt and rub my rough muscles softly. We sat there, kissing, oh so peaceful it was. For what seemed like hours of beautiful serenity we just stayed there obeying our hearts to be with each other. The sun was about to set, and I looked at her closely. She walked away, leaving me resting on the ground. Without looking back she disappeared back into the forest.
I felt a sudden rush of fear. What if I never saw her again? What if I don't get to touch her one more time? Fear spread through my body like a disease that was feasting upon my nerves. I started to sweat and my hands were shaking. But I trusted her; I knew she wouldn't hurt me… I just knew she wouldn't.
The next day I remember waking up, and I grabbed my violin off the shelf and ran back to the same opening in the forest. When I got there I stood there in awe and relief as I watched her brushing her long golden hair. With her back facing me she didn't know of my presence, and I crept up towards her and wrapped my arms around her kissing her lips. The same happiness and freedom I felt the day before ran through my fingertips and ran through my whole body. I loved her… I loved her.
Everyday for several weeks we met in the same place in the opening in that forest and gave each other everything. I felt complete; I felt full. I didn't care who she was, nor did I care where she came from. All I needed to know was why I hadn't found her sooner.
One day I found her in our spot as usual, frowning slightly. I whispered sweet nothings into her ears, promising eternal love as I locked my lips onto hers. But then she pulled away and looked at me one last final time. I saw her eyes, forming tears and turning to a pinkish hue. She broke away from my embrace and ran into the woods. I tried to call her, but I didn't know her name... I didn't know her name.
The next day I went to our spot, but she was no where to be seen. I waited. I waited. I waited. I felt worried; I felt distressed. I started to feel the same awful fear I had felt after the first day we met each other. I saw the sky turn orange but still I sat there. I sat there through the night, listening quietly to the soft peacefulness of the cricket's music. I felt tears roll up in my eyes, and I let them fall onto the ground.
For months I searched the forest, and through the whole town. I was left asking people if they had ever seen or heard of such a girl. Wandering the forest I did, day in and day out without a rest… without a rest. But she seemed to have vanished, she seemed to have disappeared, and never again did I see her face.
Now I sit here alone wearing my melancholy mask, with no reason; with no cause. If only I could have one last embrace with her… If only.