Leo decided that he would die today. He leaned forward and rested his torso against the wall of the trench, his shoulders stretched and arms folded on the cold dirt atop the trench, damp with morning dew. His fingers moved a cigarette to his lips, and Leo took in a slow, long draw. Before Leo was a great stretch of sky, beautifully decorated with large, shapely patches of cloud through which sharp rays of sunshine pierced. The majesty of it all overwhelmed Leo. He was happy that his final dawn would be the most beautiful which he'd ever seen. In this moment, Leo finally accepted a fundamental truth that he'd struggle to believe since he was born, that life is beautiful.
Leo lowered his gaze from the heavens onto the earthly devastation that laid before him. They too were now beautiful, in its own wretched and terrible way. Crossing his eyes to blur his visions, Leo imagined it as an oil painting on a canvas of red and black. He scanned the horizon from left to right, taking in the sight of the battle as if it was a panorama, which stretched across boundless acres on a field churned with ashes and debris.
Refocusing his visions, Leo could see the details of a particularly blackened patch of land. A particularly ferocious battle had occured there, and it was the focus of intense firepower. Dotting the landscape were the great carcasses of machines and corpses, a considerable number of them being the result of yesterday's battle. In the centre of it was a smouldering walker tank, Leo's personal kill from yesterday. Surrounding it laid many Fallen dead, their limbs stiff, their cloaks fluttering with defiant pride in the winds. So many of these Fallen bore fresh uniforms. Undoubtedly they'd never seen combat before, and yesterday Leo's fireteam was just mowing them down.
These Fallen … what did their lives ultimately amounted to in the war? How much resources were expended in their birth and upbringing? What were their hopes and dreams? All it amounted to was mere seconds on the battlefield. They died like insects and it was Leo who killed them all.
Leo thought that he once knew why they were fighting, the justification of the countless deaths that Leo was responsible for. Actually, it wasn't countless: Leo knows the figure exactly because he just checked his ghost last night: 201,160. Over two-hundred thousands dead. Leo supposed that the Vex were mere machines, that perhaps they couldn't count like the Cabals and Fallen who were sentient beings of flesh and blood. Then again, the Vex were sentient too, and who is to decide which sentience counted? After all, Cayde-6, Lakshmi-2, Banshee-44 and Failsafe are all sentient AIs, and Leo knew and loved them all.
Leo suddenly remembered that his kills actually stood at 201,160 and one. He'd killed his ghost last night, as that wretched hologrammed number hovered and shook in the empty space above his bed. Soon, very soon, and just for a split second, his kills would stand at 201,160 and two. At that moment, a sudden figure emerged from the bunker and made its presence known.
"Leo! You're up early today. Would you like another cigarette?"
It was Tatyana, the newest member of their fireteam. She was a skilled hunter sniper with a distinctively sweet and pubescent voice, made slightly raspy from smoking. Her number stood at 677,150.
Leo stared at Tatyana, noticing her hand outstretched with the cigarette offered. Leo smiled at her slowly, and he could sense that she knew there was something solemn in his slowed reactions. He was savouring each moment, his every movement gentle and slow. He waved with a hand, the motion frigid and soft at the same time, as if that hand might've been gently swept across a baby's cheeks.
"No thank you, I've just had one."
"Have another one, anyway. Smoke with me for a while." Tatyana insisted and invited herself to join Leo at the trench wall.
"Do you always wake up this early?" Leo asked her.
"Not usually, no. I was just tired yesterday and went to bed early is all. There were a lot of sniper vandals and I kind of operated at the very limit. Got over 200 of them, though!"
"They really did not want to lose that tank. I saw some of those shots." Leo nodded and turned to Tatyana. "You're a savant."
Fiddling in her pockets for a lighter, it was as if Tatyana had not heard the compliment paid to her. "I've always wanted a smoke with you, you know, but you're always up so late every day. Most of the time, you're not even up at all until there's been an attack."
"Well, I'm glad that we could share a smoke today."
Leo and Tatyana smiled at each other. She joined Leo by his side, snuggling their shoulders together but keeping her body at a distance. In this manner, they both perched over the trench. Tatyana lit the cigarette and offered Leo the first drag, which he politely accepted with a brief draw and handed it back to her. As Tatyana was taking in her drag, Leo pulled from his pockets a small piece of paper.
"I found this the other day when we passed through New York."
Leo handed Tatyana a small playbill, a libretto. It was torn, its colours faded, but you could still clearly decipher the words: "Puccini's Madame Butterfly".
"This is awesome. Is it an opera? What was it about?"
"Love. It's about love."
"Hmm… Aren't all operas in one form or another about love? What was the story?" Tatyana instantly retorted. Leo was disappointed that she didn't catch that he was trying to be profound.
"I've never seen it, actually." Leo lied. He'd seen it performed many times, and listened to recordings many more times in his previous life. He just didn't want to talk about the incredible tragedy of Madame Butterfly. He didn't want to appear sad in front of Tatyana.
"Oh, well maybe we can recover a recording somewhere."
"I doubt it. There aren't many recordings. But it is out there somewhere."
Tatyana handed back to Leo the playbill. He grasped her hand and pushed it back to Tatyana's side.
"Keep it"
Tatyana was about to respond, probably to reject the offer, but was interrupted by Wilhelm's sudden emergence from the bunker.
"Hey! You rolled that cigarette as fat as a finger! Give me back half!"
"Sorry Wilhelm, but I can't roll thin cigarettes if the tobacco isn't mine!"
Leo chuckled. He wondered if Tatyana could get away with these things if she wasn't so cute.
"Ha-ha that's funny, give it back!"
"Take it easy! I'll get you back! Promise!" She tossed him back the tobacco pouch. It was considerably lighter than when Wilhelm gave it to her.
"What a bum you are! Literally!", Wilhelm grunted and invited himself to smoke next to them. He took a spot next to Tatyana, and now there were three of us all perched on the trench. Wilhelm rolled his own cigarette from the pouch, taking great care to use as little tobacco as possible and rolling it tightly. He wasn't going to pass that one around.
"Here you go, Wilhelm" Leo passed him his own tobacco pouch. "You can have all of mine, I'm quitting today."
Tatyana punched Leo in the arm. "Why don't you give it to me then, Leo?"
Her pettiness annoyed Leo, which he suppressed to maintain a neutral appearance. "I suppose you two could share it somehow".
Wilmhelm pocketed the pouch and retorted "share! As if! This isn't even half of what she owes me!"
"But why are you quitting, Leo? If you quit, I'll only have Wilhelm to bum cigarettes off of"
"Well, it's not the first time that Leo's quit. Don't worry, I'll keep your tobacco safe for you if you feel like it again."
"This time, Wilhelm, I think it'll be different."
"If you say so".
Tatyana tugged Leo on the arms and offered him her cigarette again, smiling and nodding as if to say there's no harm in it. Leo smiled and shook his head, and Tatyana rescinded the offer.
Wilhelm finished a long drag from his elegantly rolled cigarette and exhaled a long torrent of smoke. Pleased with his own masterpiece, he purposefully held it close to Tatyana's monstrosity for Leo to notice. It was a cigarette that wished itself was a cigar, and had held shape as a whole but now began to crumble as she smoked to the end, wasting thick chunks of precious tobacco which fell in succession to the ground.
Wilhelm leaned his head forward out of the trench to address Tatyana and Leo directly. "Did you guys hear about Thomas finding a dozen eggs last night? The Fallen was halfway through raiding a farm on left flank until some of our guardians drove them from it. They took the livestock and all the equipment, but they couldn't get to the larder in time. Thomas was scouting near by and traded those guardians five pounds of sugar for it! "
"Well that's fantastic! Oh my god, I can't remember the last time I had eggs. Seriously, why can't we grow chickens on other planets? When I was stationed in Venus, the closest thing we had to natural protein was soybeans. How is he going to cook them? It's been so long I can't remember what they taste like. I hope he fry at least a few of them!"
"You know Thomas, even if he told me the name of the dish, I couldn't tell you what it is."
"I'm hungry. Let's go find him for breakfast!"
Leo noticed that Wilhelm hadn't finished his cigarette yet. He thought it was rude of Tatyana to suggest a course of action that would leave Wilhelm behind. Perhaps he just wanted to share in the secondhand smoke a while longer.
Leo spoke to Tatyana, who was already half way down the trench wall. She must've expected that they both followed without hesitation. "I think I'll stay with Wilhelm for a bit longer, just until he finishes. You go find him, though, and maybe he'll fry up an egg for you."
"Suit yourself! And Wilhelm, let's have another cigarette after breakfast. If you don't like the way I roll them, you can roll mine for me!"
Wilhelm laughed. "Suppose you want me to spoon feed you breakfast too?"
Tatyana started off back towards the bunker. Wilhelm wasted no time shifting closer to Leo, to the spot where Tatyana had just stood. He glanced back at Tatyana, who was humming a song as she walked, before turning back to Leo and whispered in a hushed voice:
"I'm going to ask Tatyana today. I've waited too long and there will never be another perfect opportunity"
Leo smiled and let out a sigh. He was mentally composing a funeral verse for poor Wilhelm. Funny that he should be the one to need it today.
Wilhelm liked Tatyana ever since she joined the fireteam 2 months ago. Her playful demeanor and bubbly personality gave the initial impression that she would be flirtatious and open to bouts of romances with the guys, but she impeccably played the part of a little sister to everyone. She talked constantly, but never once shared any details about her personal love life or any history thereof. Wilhelm fell madly in love with what he took to be her absolute innocence. Leo reflected on just how inventive the human imagination can be when contained in the space between ignorance and ennui.
Wilhelm purchased front-row theatre tickets to a showing of Steve Martin's Picasso at the Lapin Agile. Each ticket alone costed 150,000 glimmers and he had to queue in the cold for almost an entire day. If Wilhelm fails, it won't be because he picked the wrong play. Leo has no doubt that Tatyana would enjoy it very much. It was a masterpiece in comedy written by a philosopher of long past. Leo regretted that he wouldn't get to see it before he goes, but his plan to sit on a rocking chair at the top of Trostland church this evening, gazing out to his last sunset before putting a bullet through his brain was enough to look forward to.
"You'd have to make up an excuse as to why you're taking her if you want her to go with you."
"Why do you have to say that? And all the time in that self-assured tone of yours when we all know how many times you're convinced of the right only to have it blow up later?"
Leo nodded. "You're right, I'm sorry. Perhaps I don't know."
"Jesus, even when you apologize it sounds condescending"
"I'm truly sorry, Wilhelm. I really wish you the best. How about to prove my sincerity, you can have my letter writing set? That way, you can write a really nice letter in fountain ink, seal it with a heart in wax, and give it to her with the tickets in a really grand gesture?"
Wilhelm's eyes lit up at Leo's generosity. Leo treasured that writing set so much that he would practice writing any letters twice over in pencil before using any ink to write the final draft.
"Really? Oh my god, that would be awesome. Thank you! I'll be sure to practice it first before using any ink, and I won't break the tip, and have it back to you in one piece."
Leo meant Wilhelm could have that set forever. But to display such a generosity would only invite unwelcome questions about Leo's state of mind.
"Let me know if I can help in any other way. They're on the bottom layer of my stash box beneath my bunk."
Wilhelm gave Leo a hug with fingers shaking of excitement. He raced back to the bunker, undoubtedly his head's filled with romantic phrases, all of which he would realize in an hour to be either cringey or overly outrageous at which point he'd have to scrape it all and start on a second draft.
Leo was alone again on the trench wall, looking out at the field of devastation. His eyes found their way back to the smouldering fallen walker in the centre of the scene, and it was as if the past 10 minutes had never happened.
"Shit. That fucker Wilhelm is going to find my dead ghost in the box."