The rain was coming down in a steady drizzle now. A slight relief in the downpour that had just been pelting the streets a little while ago. Yet Harumi wasn't feeling any lighter as she stared out into the distance. She was making her way back to the hotel, seeing yet not seeing the pedestrians that passed her by on the pavement. Himeko was nearby, eyeing her from the side with her usual scowl decorating her features.
"This doesn't fit you." she chided.
Harumi turned, momentarily shocked out of her thoughts. "What?! What do you mean? I picked this out last week and I think it looks fabulous on me! Hmph."
Himeko sighed, turning to look out ahead. "You know what I mean, Taniguchi."
Harumi swallowed, just a bit nervous that her joke hadn't worked. It looked like the vice president was serious. She was right, of course, There was something on Harumi's mind. Something that was unsettling. And that was to say the least. "It's fine. Nothing you need to worry your little pigtails over." Harumi said, once again attempting some light banter, "I'll just sleep on it."
Himeko was quick on the uptake. "Yeah? How long has that been going on?" she countered.
Harumi's lips thinned as she looked away in slight irritation. "It's none of your business." Harumi murmured.
At that, Himeko looked as if she was going to say something before closing her mouth and thinking better of it.
They walked back to their rooms in silence.
###
Sounds from the television kept changing in staccato. One moment it was another game show with applause ringing through the speakers. The next it was a drama filled with angry voices. The next moment it was a comedy routine with an audience roaring with laughter. Harumi barely registered what was happening as she flipped through the channels.
Here she was, looking in vain for something to take her mind off of what had been bugging her for the past couple of weeks.
No. No that wasn't right. It was something that had been on her mind for the last several weeks. Harumi's lips tightened as a sliver of irritation made itself known in her mind again. She didn't even know who she was more frustrated at. Himeko for bringing it up. Or herself for even thinking this in the first place.
Finally giving up, Harumin turned off the television before she felt like she was going to have a meltdown. Nothing was working. And the thoughts that were buzzing in her head had turned into a persistent drone that she couldn't shut up.
And all of them revolved around a certain blond haired girl.
Yuzu had always been a good friend. Her best friend, actually. She was a kindred spirit in the academy, brimming with sheltered girls and their unimaginative ways. But lately, things had been getting blurrier. It was harder to keep seeing Yuzu as just someone with whom Harumi could go shopping, or take photos, or check out CDs. Somehow, somewhere along the line there was a piece of Harumi that grew to adore Yuzu. With her cute expressions and her caring, protective attitude. Yeah, that latter part got Yuzu and herself into more trouble than it should have. But damn it, that was where Yuzu was in her element. Harumi loved seeing her be caring and protective of those she loves more than anything.
But Yuzu wasn't hers to love.
Oh no, she wasn't stupid. Harumi knew exactly what Yuzu's crush was the minute she saw her reading those sister-love mangas. And it just became more and more obvious to see as the weeks went on. Yuzu was head over heels for Mei. Mei was never far from her mind, always making her flustered and smile when she thought no one could see.
Harumi saw. And she hated herself all the more for it. She felt her chest constrict and closed her eyes. Her hand clutched upwards, bunching up the loose shirt that hung on her shoulders as she gripped it fiercely.
It wasn't fair. It just wasn't fair. She hadn't asked to feel like this. She never sought out these feelings. They were just in her mind every day, never too far behind. Like her own damn shadow growing larger behind her.
Harumi took a shaky breath inwards, and stood up. She walked towards the bed, looking to where Yuzu had lain a short while ago. Her mind wandered to where Yuzu could be at that moment. Last she saw, Yuzu was heading over towards Mei to speak to her. It seemed pretty serious. Whether or not it was a confession, Harumi had no way of knowing for sure. She set aside the thought as she moved her hand along the sheets, watching the cool folds crinkle beneath her fingers. Yuzu would be back eventually. She'd find out then, and maybe finally let her mind rest about this. Harumi closed her eyes and lay down on the mattress, resolving to wait for sleep to come over her.
###
The frantic thudding of feet served as short warning before the door burst open and Yuzu came inside, slamming it back shut. She kept her hands on the door, as if trying to hold something back from outside. Harumi could hear her deep breaths from across the room. Her own heart was pounding.
"Yuzu," she called out softly, "Yuzu, what happened?"
Yuzu stilled and slowly turned her head towards Harumi, looking at her as if seeing her for the first time. Harumi's breath caught in her throat. Yuzu's eyes were colored red and she could see the makeup streaming down from her eyes.
"Harumin…" Yuzu's voice rasped. She sounded so weak in that moment. Harumi raised herself off the bed without a second thought and made her way towards the door. Yuzu's hands slid downwards and she nearly fell towards the floor, before Harumi caught her. Her arms wrapped around Yuzu and her hand went immediately toward Yuzu's hair, smoothing it down. Yuzu buried her face into Harumi's embrace and didn't say a word.
"Yuzu! Yuzu-chi what happened? Tell me! Did someone do something to you? Who was it? Yuzu-chi!" Harumi tried to get her to speak, but stopped when it seemed like Yuzu wasn't listening. Whatever it was, it had hit her hard. Harder than anything Harumi had ever seen.
A muffled sob startled her from her thoughts, and she felt Yuzu begin to shake in her arms. Harumi closed her eyes as she let Yuzu steadily let it all out. She could feel her the threat of tears start to prick her own eyes as she rested her head atop Yuzu's, gently rocking her back and forth. It was torture to hear her like this. And it seemed to stretch on forever, with Harumi powerless to quell the sobs that racked her body.
Eventually, Harumi heard Yuzu take a shaky breath in. Still sniffling, Yuzu raised her head, eyes cast downward. Harumi still kept her hands on Yuzu's arms and waited for her to speak.
"I'm sorry Harumin." Yuzu whimpered, "I'm so sorry."
Harumi's grip tightened just a slight on Yuzu's arms. "No, don't say that! You have nothing to apologize for!"
Yuzu shook her head. "No I do. I do." Her voice cracked as fresh tears fell from her eyes again. "I'm an idiot. I can't do anything right. I'm a horrible person." She paused. "And a terrible sister."
Harumi's eyes widened as everything started becoming clear. "Mei, " she hissed. "What did she do? Yuzu-chi?" She gripped Yuzu's arms, peering downwards to try and glimpse into Yuzu's eyes. "What did she do?"
Yuzu looked away, still rubbing the fresh tears away. "Sh-she left, Harumin. She left and I-I don't know why…I loved her and I th-thought she did too and I…I was stupid, stupid! I should have said something I-I should have told her…" Yuzu could barely keep coherent as the words just tumbled from her mouth. She was grabbing Harumi's shirt, balling it in her fists in frustration and anguish. "I should have let her know! But now I can't, and she's...she's g-gone."
Harumi's lips tightened as she hung onto every word. Yuzu sniffed before looking up at Harumi. "Harumin…."
Harumi pulled her in again, letting Yuzu rest her head on Harumi's shoulder. "No, no, Yuzu. You're not like that at all." Her hands rubbed comforting circles on Yuzu's back and threaded through her hair, smoothing it down. "Yuzu-chi, you're a very kind person. I've been with you for a while so you know it's true. You're filled with such warmth and you never stop to try and share that with others, no matter who it is. And that's so good, Yuzu. That's something admirable! So don't say that you're a bad person and you're stupid. Because I know that's not true. Right? Yuzu?" She gently raised Yuzu up. Yuzu kept looking down, when she gave a small nod and quickly started wiping her eyes.
"I'm sorry, Harumin. I'm a…well I'm just a mess right now, huh?" She smiled weakly.
Harumi tried giving one to Yuzu as well. "Silly. You're never a mess. And even then you're still cute." She ruffled Yuzu's hair lightly. Harumi paused before taking a deep breath. "So how about tomorrow?"
Yuzu looked up, confused. "Wha-? What do you mean?"
"Tomorrow!" Harumin said bopping Yuzu lightly on the nose, "Me and you. Just the two of us. Hittin' the town after the school program. What do you say?"
Yuzu smiled a little bit at that. "You know ,that almost sounds like a date."
Harumi pursed her lips and swallowed. "Maybe," she began, "maybe it could be." Her eyes looked straight at Yuzu's as she tentatively laid out the possibility.
Yuzu's eyes widened and she found herself at a loss for words. Harumi started to feel more nervous. She knew a night out would cheer Yuzu right up. But a date at such a time, and with her own feelings about Yuzu, Harumi couldn't help but wonder if she'd been too forward.
"A...a date?" Yuzu said haltingly, "Harumin, I….I don't know. It's just…"
"Hey." Harumi's voice was a quiet murmur. Her hand lifted up to cup Yuzu's cheek. "It doesn't have to be that way. For now it's just the two of us. Hanging out. We can do that? Right?"
Yuzu closed her eyes, just slightly leaning into the warm touch. Harumi brushed away the tearstains that lined Yuzu's cheeks with her thumb.
"I just want to see you smile, Yuzu. I like seeing that side of you." There was more that Harumin could say. And she fought to quell the desire in her heart to just let her feelings out to Yuzu right then and there. But that would be wrong. It was too soon. And it wasn't what Yuzu needed right now.
Yuzu sighed and opened her eyes to look at Harumi, verdant peering into light brown. "All right, Harumin," she whispered, "Let's do it."
Harumi just managed to keep her expression to a small smile. Of course, her treacherous heart was already skipping and bouncing in her chest, even as her mind tried to temper her excitement.
She pulled Yuzu in for one last hug for the night.