Title: Chances
Author: unicorn682006
Pairing:Harm/Meg, Mac/Boone and AJ/other
Rating: Mature in some parts!! ; )
Summary: When Mac starts to fall apart after Paraguay and then killing Sadik she sets in motion steps
that makes her take a chance on love.
Warnings: Intimate sexual situations!! ; )
Feedback: Please, but no flames!! :)
Disclaimer: Do not own them or JAG, but I can always dream!! : )
AN: Wrote this a LONG while back, in 2007, and just now posting it. Set after 'Persian Gulf' and 'Take it Like a Man'. Although I am skipping everything that has Mac and Clay; I am just going to pretend those scenes never happened. And I am having the Admiral retiring a year later so Francesca will not be mentioned or the fact they went to the different baseball fields, there may be a few things out of order or mixed up. Also, I don't really know Chloe's age so I am just going to say that she is sixteen.
I do not own or have ever been to Peaceful Valley Ranch. It is just a place that I have been thinking of taking my family to and it just seemed to fit into this story.
Single quotation marks are internal thoughts! And memories will be in italics and in single quotations !! : )
And last, but not the very least, I want to sincerely thank Karen Voght, Lisa Wehbrink & Twytybyrd (aka: Qupeydoll ;) for ALL their wonderful help!!!!! : ) But I claim ALL and any mistakes mine and mine alone!! ; )
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Monday
March 1, 2004
0615 Hrs
JAG Headquarters
Falls Church, Virginia
Mac had been standing at her window for the past two hours and fifteen minutes ever since court let out. The memory of what occurred with Sadik kept on playing over and over in her mind. His voice droned on about how she was pretending to be a woman. 'You're without a husband, without children. You live a barren life in a prison of fear. She could be truly free and not dress like a whore and live like one'. She had tried to call Clayton Webb afterwards, but he was out of town. He finally called her back late last night and said that everything went as planned, that his family was safe. He also apologized for not being there for her and if there was ever anything he could do, all she had to do was ask.
If everybody knew what their relationship really was, they would think differently about Clay and her. If they had asked before Clay had solicited her help, she would have told them. This probably in hindsight was for the best.
Clay had asked for her help when he was in Bethesda Hospital if she would pose as his girlfriend. At first she had said no. But when she found out why she agreed. The next day they had their perfect chance to get the ball rolling with Harm. She felt awful about deceiving him, but if they could make Harm believe they were a couple then everyone else would too. Things would then work out, at least for Clay anyway. As it was, she was already on shaky ground with Harm. The next day she overheard Clay's, Catherine's and Harm's conversation about joining the CIA. With everything that had happened in Paraguay, she could not believe that Harm would actually agree to work for them.
That had been months ago and now Harm was back at JAG where he belonged. Of course he believed, along with everybody else, that she and Clay were dating. It was so hard to lie to her family, for that was how she saw them, but someone's life was at stake and she didn't want to have their blood on her hands too. She didn't feel sorry at all for killing Sadik, but those missionaries in Paraguay did not deserve to die. She didn't feel she could take more blood being spilled because of her or feeling anymore guilty then she did already. Right now she only felt cold, empty and all alone.
Every time Mac heard a car backfire she would jump because it sounded so much like the gun she had fired at Sadik. But no matter how many times she told herself it was only a car, she would still jump and then her hands would start shaking. She was tempted so many, many times to go to the liquor store, or bar, and get a bottle of vodka but she knew that was not the solution to her problems.
Mac realized that she was taking it out on everyone else, but could not seem to stop. She had even verbally attacked a teacher in court last week. Of course it was a horrible thing to do, but she had not felt anything from it. Then the Admiral had ordered her to get help. 'You will get your butt to that shrink before you exhaust what's left of my charitable nature.' Ha, charitable nature! Where was his so called charitable nature when Harm and I came back from Paraguay? He could have taken Harm back then, but he didn't. No, he had to force Harm into resigning so he could come to rescue me and Clay from Sadik.'
Oh, she understood why. Mac did volunteer for the assignment and Harm was needed here, but the Admiral could have tried to keep him. She knew the SecNav was on his back, especially after the trouble with Lindsey and perhaps that was why he did not or could not bring Harm back.
But to say what he did to him that was wrong. She remembered the Admiral's words as if it were yesterday. 'You know, Rabb, you're not a team player. You never consider the big picture. And you are completely controlled by your emotions. You need to find something that allows that independence. Drive a cab, wrestle alligators. Hell, I don't know.' That was just cruel! Of course she was not one to talk.
Mac did go to two counseling sessions only to keep the Admiral off her back. They did not seem to help much except that Doctor McCool did tell her to think about taking an extended leave of absence. That is why she had been thinking over all of her options the past week. Things that she wanted to change and things that she wanted, like a family of her own.
She knew that her friendship with Harm was on the rocks again, all because of her. After everything they had said and done to each other, she could never see a future for them. He had Mattie now and she felt left out of his life. Of course, she was the one to say never, but it still hurt. She was still so confused and stressed over everything that had gone on down in Paraguay.
Mac knew that she would never get pass the rank of Lieutenant Colonel and right now she didn't care. She wanted to start somewhere fresh, a whole new life. Asking for a transfer was the last thing she wanted, it would only make the problem worse. Being a Marine didn't hold the same feelings for her that it used to. Leaving the Corps seemed like the best solution.
Mac knew that she was running, but it was the only thing that she knew would work, and maybe, someday, they would forgive her for leaving and the way she was doing it. Leaving without telling anyone where she was going.
She had asked for Clay's help in finding somewhere that no one knew of and where she could just disappear. He had called last night and invited her to his house for dinner, so they could go over his ideas.
Turning around at the knock on her door, her eyes locked with the one man that she used to come to with her problems. But not anymore. Her heart ached for the lost friendship.