Chapter 1
Emma
Mom parked at my school and wished me good luck with a kiss on the cheek. That's strange, because mom doesn't take me to school anymore. Why didn't I come with my own car? I shrug and head over to my first period: French class. Walking to class, I see one of my friends, Cassie, so I sit next to her. There's something odd about her. All of a sudden, she's not my best friend anymore, it's my French teacher telling me it's time to go to school… Which seems weird since I already am at school…
Suddenly I wake up and hear my mom calling me from downstairs, saying it's time to get up. Ugh, I hate school. The only positive thing is that at least it's my last year, and spring break begins tomorrow. That gives me something to hold on to throughout the day.
Mom calls out for me again, claiming it's late and I won't make it on time. I thought we'd agreed she wouldn't wake me up anymore, it makes me cranky. Which is why I started using that ungodly object named alarm clock last year. Why is she calling me when the alarm hasn't even rung? I open my eyes and try to reach my cellphone from the desk beside me. The screen is so bright it takes my eyes a few seconds to adjust. 7:48. Shit! I forgot to set the alarm again. I hate when this happens, I guess I should have stuck with mom's high pitched morning calls because she would never forget and I don't have to set her up.
I remove myself from bed, standing up so fast that I get dizzy. Heading over to my walk-in closet, I pick my school uniform out, thanking the heavens that I have to wear one, because I don't have time to choose any clothing. Before I lock myself in the bathroom I peek my head out the bedroom door and shout out to my mother that I'll be down in a minute. If I don't calm her down the woman starts getting really annoying. Although now that I drive myself to school, she acts like I'm old enough to know my responsibilities and pretends she won't get involved, as happens with my school timing, but we all know she can't contain herself.
I take a deep breath and look myself in the mirror. I look awful, better than I did a few years back, but still not quite as full of life as I used to be. Since my "depressed years" as my psychologist and mom used to call them. Dr Wang and my mother insist that I'm depressed. I am not it's just that I've changed. I'll never be the innocent, cheerful girl I used to be. Sometimes I miss her, but then again, I'd never go back to being as naïve as I was before. Back then, I was younger and things were different and problems and life and shit didn't get in the way. As you grow up, life gets harder and things get fucked up. I'm over it now, at least I ought to be, but I find myself pretending more than I should. That's fine by me. I honestly prefer pretending, it makes everyone else happy. So I'd rather not dwell on that too much.
I finally brush my teeth and then try to do something acceptable with the girl in the mirror who looks back at me with deep blue eyes. I make my way to the kitchen where my mom is having breakfast, her usual Twinings dark tea and some toasts, same ritual every morning. How she doesn't get bored of always having the same thing over and over again is beyond me.
I bet she's waiting for my father, he's just as lazy as I am in the mornings and my mother is always waiting on him so they can go to work together. Since my parents manage their own business, they go to work at whatever time they wish. They own a successful business so my two older brothers and I enjoyed a very nice lifestyle. So I can't complain. It's something to be grateful for, my therapist used to remind me. My brothers don't live with us anymore, each on their own now in apartments closer to their workplaces, so it's just me and my parents now.
I pick up my bag, get my stuff and leave. Of course, before I go, my mom tries to make me eat breakfast but I never do, I never did, even when I was little and I probably never will. There's something about mornings that make me dislike food. Maybe it's the toothpaste's taste. Knowing I have to hurry up, otherwise I'll earn an absent in class, I hit the gas and my Audi is finally happy to be driven the way it was created to. Fast.
When I get to the school's parking lot there are nearly no empty spots left. Well that's great. Now I'll have to park at the other end of the planet and won't possibly make it to class. Just when I'm turning to the farthest part of the parking lot where the last remaining spots are, I see a car backing out, leaving me a free spot right next to the school doors. Yes! I guess my day won't be as bad as I thought.
English History is my first period, and when I'm taking my books from the passenger seat I noticed I forgot that book at home. I know It's not a problem because anyway we never use it. I don't know why they even make us buy it. Distracted by the book dilemma, I get out of the car and when I turn around out of nowhere I see Cassie looking at me with a wide grin.
- God, Cassie, you scared me.- I say, slightly freaked out.
- Hey Ems, what's up?- she cheerfully announces.
- I'm good, how are you?- I ask her, now smiling too. We head to class while she starts talking about some cousin they'll visit next week and somehow I manage to make it to class on time.
Cassie is one of those girls who are always happy, literally. Always. 24/7. No joking. You could tell them that someone died and their response would be "oh well", waving it off and then smiling. But I guess that's what I need, a little bit of cheerfulness to lighten up my days. We complete each other, balance each other out and I think that's the reason our friendship works. At school I hardly have close friends, just Cassie. I get along with everybody and used to be friends with many people but now I just hang out with them once in a while. Besides Cassie, I have best friends outside school but all of them are male. We always hang out at Jax's bar. We go there, have a few drinks and just spend time talking about love, music, and life's mysterious ways of turning your shit up. I love those guys to death, and the feeling is mutual. They are older, so they see me as their little sister, which causes them to be really protective over me. I usually go there Friday and Saturday nights but today I promised Cassie to go shopping with her so I'll be seeing them Saturday only.
As much as I wanted to sleep during the morning periods, I couldn't. After Spring Break, finals are coming and I need the material given in classes. I needed good grades to fulfill my objective of going to college abroad; my parents could afford it but I needed to get the marks before, so I wasn't slacking.
Lunch time came and I was just as relieved as when I was told I would have my own bathroom in our new house. I was starving and needed food as soon as possible. On Fridays Cass and I had different classes in the last period so we always waited for each other by the cafeteria door. I took my stuff from the bench and headed outside the class. Before going to the building were students had lunch, I went to my locker to put away some books and get the ones I need for my next classes. On Fridays, afternoon classes were pretty laid back, nothing too intense to finish the week. I had Art, which I loved, Literature, another subject I enjoyed and Social studies, so I was satisfied. I just needed to remember to get my Art folder before class.
- Emma, hey.- I heard a manly voice behind me.
I turned around and saw Matt, who was in my same year, but only shared a few classes with me. He's nice, good looking, talked to him a few times and we've shared some rides back home after parties before I got my own car and license. I could say we are friends, we joke around from time to time.
- Matt.- I said and waited for him to ask me anything.
- Mind if I join you to the cafeteria? -Matt belonged with the popular kids. I think I could say I belonged there too but over the last two years, I kept some distance, although Cassie and I are still invited to every party. But I just don't care about those things anymore, about popularity, belonging.
-Sure, as long as you don't ask me out- I told him jokingly. We both laughed and headed down the hallway.
We got outside to were all students are divided into groups, either by school year or popularity rank. Yes, high school is THAT shallow. Some eat inside the cafeteria but most of us eat outside when the weather is nice. Somewhere in the middle of the park something catches my eye, I see a group of freshmen students with purple T-shirts. As one of them laughs and moves aside from the group, I can make out it's Justin Bieber merchandise. Matt follows my line of sight and laughs.
- I can't believe the adoration they have for that guy.- he points out laughing and I join him.
- So what's up with bringing that shirt to school? They won't let her keep wearing that.- I affirm.
- Don't you get it?- he squeals in an exaggerated girly voice- Justin is coming to town!
I laugh hard at his comment. He is hilarious when he makes those faces, you should see him.
- Nothing will get in their way- he says now in a normal voice.- I honestly can't believe how many fans he has. His music is trash.
- Yeah, but at least he's got every girl wearing a T-shirt with his face on it.- I turn to face him, smirking. - How do you see me wearing one?- I joke and we both giggle again.
Then someone calls him, his friends are waving to let him know where they are. I see Cassie on the other side of the Park smiling at me too. She is sitting at a round table filled with some other common friends.
- I guess I'll see you around then.- I say to him smiling.
- Guess so.- he responds. Then he turns around and adds.- Someday you will say yes.
- Yes to what?.- I ask confused.
- Going on a date.- he winks at me and the leaves to be reunited with his pals.
With Matt's words still on my mind, I walk towards my table. I used to go on many dates before, but not anymore. Since I changed I'm just not interested anymore, or maybe no one has truly caught my attention yet. Matt is a nice guy and fun to hang out with but I don't believe in love. Not in a rebellious, clichéd way, I mean, I know someday I'll get married and have kids and whatsoever but teenage love is mere bullshit. It's a spider-web full of lies and hurt and betrayal. And I'm all for avoiding getting hurt, I'm not sure I could handle it. That's why I keep my distance. It's okay to have friends and people who care about you but I never let them get too close. Because when you show them your vulnerabilities, your weaknesses, when you truly put your trust in people you end up regretting it and you can never be like you used to. My therapist says I put up a wall between me and people, because I'm afraid of what might happen if I give myself to someone. That I act tough but It's just a lie to protect myself. Maybe It's true but at least I'm saving myself a lot of pain. Because I've watched people break down and suffer and I don't ever want to be like that. To feel so helpless. I have good friends and I keep them at arms length were they can't hurt me. Besides, Cassie would never do anything to hurt anyone, she's just too pure. And the guys at Jax's bar, well, our relationship has grown so much this year that they matter to me more that I should have let them.
I approach the table and say Hi to everyone, they smiled back at me and continue to chat about a party on Saturday. Alex Grayson is having a party at his house while his parents are on holidays. He's got a reputation for throwing good parties, too much alcohol and amazing music. If I had been able to go to the bar tonight maybe I would have gone to Alex party on Saturday, but I can't go a whole weekend without seeing my friends. They are real therapy to me, not even close to Dr. Wang's crapy chatter.
Lunch ended up being fun, the guys bet on who would hook up with whom at Alex's party and Cassie got offended when we suggested she would wind up kissing her ex under the effects of the alcohol, jokes got thrown around and laughter filled the place.
The afternoon classes went well, I took notes like a mad woman and understood the better part of most topics. I think my chances of doing well in the finals are good, since I'm pretty prepared and I was able to keep my attention on the teacher almost every class, a rarity for me unless it is my ultimate intention. I was even in a good situation regarding Maths, which was essentially a nightmare for me.
As the final bell of the day rung, everyone ran outside into their cars excitedly, eager to start Spring Break as soon as possible. Cassie and I were going to the mall, in my car since her mother was extremely overprotective and thought a car was putting her daughter in unnecessary danger. I guess she does not trust Cassie's driving skills, although anyone in their right mind would have their doubts. The girl can't walk a meter without getting distracted.
When we got to the mall, something was clearly happening. The whole place was overly crowded. What the hell…? Of course it was Friday and the Friday Spring Break begun, of all days, but still, this amount of people was something unusual. I shot Cassie a confused look, and she just shrugged her shoulders. We hastily enter the place, where it could be seen that the mass of people was gathered around for one particular place: a hundred meter line leading up to a tent. The place was filled with Justin Bieber posters and the line was mostly made up of girls dressed in purple and fully covered in his merchandise.
Cassie approached and gave the fill in.
-They are selling the last tickets for Justin Bieber's concert. It's tomorrow. The agency that brought him released a few last VIP seats and is selling them at ridiculously high prices.- explained Cassie.
-Is he playing tomorrow? When did he even come here?- I asked confused, only half interested if I was being honest. I could see there were some girls crying now. Oh God, chill out for Christ sake!
-I understand he arrived yesterday at night.- she replied and then she smiled giddily at me.- Rumor has it, after the show, he'll be going out somewhere. Totally sucks that I'm going to Alex's party, I could have met him!-
I merely rolled my eyes and went into Urban Outfitters. I needed some new clothes.