YES I LOVE YOU
The words were written in dripping black paint, spidering into cracks or melting into the filth of the wall. The paint was thick, especially on the V and Y, dripping onto the canvas of the painting beneath it. The black trail dipped past the halo into Mary's eyes and touched the corner of her mouth, giving the impression of spewing bile. Her sad, black bleeding eyes caressed the baby face of Jesus, who lay still and unalarmed.
Naruto took a step back when he saw it. It was too strange, hanging calmly beside the rise of an escalator, innocent like an advert greeting in a shopping mall. The escalator churned and groaned, the revolving steps not bothered by the botched Mary and Jesus. He didn't even want to get close to it.
"People turned to religion, and when it failed, they turned on religion."
Naruto closed his mouth and nodded. "Let's get out of here."
He climbed onto the first step, turning his face away from the painting as he rose past it. It scorched the back of his head, Mary's black eyes weeping into his hair. The deserted subway station and its deranged mysteries mercifully faded away. Let her cry alone, Naruto didn't care.
The unappealing light of the top world emerged. The day was gray and still, like all days. The road was empty and devastated, like all roads. There was no wind and no trees, just silence of the day. The tall shops cast out whatever feeble sunlight hoped to stay there but their windows were dark. Naruto had already looked inside them all anyway. Nothing blackness always.
Near the subway exit, to his left, there was a digital alarm clock. It lay on the ground, dirty and shattered, but what excited Naruto were the luminous red numbers, glaring feebly behind the shattered plastic. It said 3:01 AM. Nearly tripping over himself Naruto rushed to it, his grimy fingers flipping it over eagerly, looking for the batteries. He tore off the plastic cover. There was absolutely nothing inside the battery case.
He flipped it over again. It was 3:02 AM. Out of rage Naruto spit on it, threw it back on the ground WHERE IT BELONGED and kicked it, shattering the lying numbers as they went dark.
"You weren't here last week," Naruto accused it. He pulled his jacket tighter around himself against the chill of the dead day. "You probably won't be here next week. What's so special about this week?"
"Naruto…"
He waved a hand. "Yeah, yeah. Got a whole city to search, I know, Sasuke, I KNOW."
The four-lane road was grim and grey, adorned by bent traffic signs and the glass of shattered windows. Naruto did not like being close to the shops but it was better than being in the middle of the road. He was not afraid of cars – there were no cars – but he was afraid of being seen from the distance. As he stuck by the brick walls of the shop fronts, though, he thought that he did not like being close to the dark stillness either. Anything could be waiting from just a meter away, and he would never see it.
He finished this block and waited a moment before crossing the street, checking down it. Nothing. He hurried across. At the corner was a sign reading IET' DELICATSS, the words either missing or blackened. The windows of Iet' Delicatss were still intact but the grill door was visibly barred from the inside. Naruto's heart leapt. Not a vagrant, maybe a survivor! He pressed his face against the glass to peer in, his heart drumming in his chest.
His reflection had obscured it before, but in the dark he could see a spray can sitting in the shop presentation window. Dried black paint spilled from the outlet.
Naruto thought of the painting of Mary and leapt back, terrified. If there was a vagrant in there, he did not want to meet it. He hurried out of the spray can's sight.
The street was long and empty.
"There's nothing HERE!" he wailed in frustration. Between buildings he saw more buildings and between them even more buildings. In the distance there was a church spire, but Naruto had not had the courage to check there yet. Vagrants were definitely in there. Plenty of cars were piled outside it, every last one squeezing through the street, as people had sought a last refuge and decided to end it there. Trouble was, they would still be there. Yeah, definitely not going to church. Bad Naruto.
But out here? Nothing. Squeezed dry until the last drop, there was nothing left for anything.
"Hungry," he muttered. "Okay, okay. Tomorrow, TOMORROW I'll do it. Yeah. Get a bat or a plank maybe, and tomorrow I'll look in the church. They have pantries, charity larders… "
He trailed off into silence.
"BEFORE it gets dark."
"I know!"
Skittish, he turned and considered himself done for the day. He'd just eat, like, mold or something. Maybe he'd find another cockroach and manage to catch it. Naruto had survived this long, certainly he'd make it another day. He was not entirely unlucky. He was here, after all. With a mind and a voice and legs and fingers and nails and knees. He couldn't be that bad off. Right?
"Yeah."
Right. Thanks, Sasuke.
Quickly he made his way back to his hideout – the Chaos Theatre. The doors made him nervous – there were many doors, too many doors – but they were heavy and their locks were big. It was certainly better than, say, a shopping mall. Naruto snorted. The grand sign above it declared the showing of a blockbuster, but the letters had long ago fallen out. Decrepit and busted. The light bulbs were smashed. The carpets stank of butter and decay. It was home.
Once he'd worked up the nerve to actually play a movie. He didn't know how, but he wasn't incompetent, he'd figure it out. Then he'd remembered there was no power and he'd be wasting the already declining back-up generator. The feeble lights had flickered. Then he'd remembered he was almost alone. He'd curled into a corner and sobbed, eyes rolling into the back of his head, biting the collar of his jacket, until he was consoled enough to move again (There was light, so he would be alright).
That was… a week ago. Or maybe five.
"Humans are (bzzt) often accompanied (click) outbursts of rage. Estimated time of recovery – (ssssssss)"
So he went and searched a sports retail store. He found one aluminum bat and gratefully left the money on the counter. He'd trailed the bat around confidently for a day, pissed and ready to fight, then night fell and he was scared again, throwing it away in one of the show rooms. They were starting to go dark, one by one, day by day, and he hadn't had the nerve to search for it in the dark.
More than that, he had been scared of the bat. It was reflective and cold, and he had been afraid of any dirt marring the metal. It would mean he had killed something.
He had no batteries or matches. He might have to risk propping open an exit door for some natural light. Or he could just keep searching, every day, for something new. Something to feed and something to fight.
…
Inside the dim yellow of the theatre, Naruto wandered around for a bit. He wasn't tired yet. Night was coming – he had to stay here. But he was bored. He sat down outside the entrance of a girl's bathroom. The back of his skull rested on the gritty paint of the wall.
"Maybe the hospital."
"NO! No. Not the hospital."
"It's all we have left, Sasuke. They have food there! Or in the maternity wards. They keep milk formulas."
"If the church is bad, the hospital is worse! You wanna see what's left in the hospital?"
"No… but I want to eat."
"Learn to like rubber. You can suck on that stuff."
"Shut up, that's bullshit."
"It's true. It'll keep you alive."
"Only if you're, like, dying of thirst in the desert."
"Whatever. Don't go to the hospital."
Naruto gave a great huff of irritation and lay flat on his back, staring at the black ceiling. That was boring, so he rolled onto his side and drew patterns on the filthy carpet. He wrote the words YES I LOVE YOU in all caps, then small case, then in cursive and then backwards. What the fuck was that all about, anyway.
Maybe someone had written that for him. Naruto smiled warmly at the carpet. Someone loved him. Maybe there was someone out there cheering him on. Hoping he'd live another day. Maybe they would share their food with him. Maybe they were nice and big and fat and they could cut off a piece of lard and eat well.
Maybe he should just self-cannibalize, here and now. Maybe he wouldn't make it tomorrow, and his nails and knees weren't good for anything. Stupid baseball bat – that had been a waste of money. It was too bright to use for a kill. He would go tomorrow and ask for a refund. Then they'd have some piece of mind.
Then maybe, with money clutched tight in his hands, he - they - could order a taxi and get the right fuck out of here. The sun would shine, flowers would bloom, puppies would fucking frolic, and his team would come back for him. Them. Whatever. He would have – his throat was dry and irate – something to talk to.
"Right. Good plan. Right? Right, Sasuke?" Naruto looked down at his arm affectionately. The tattoo of a snake spiraling up his arm moved yes in agreement.
"Good plan."
Naruto buried his face into his arms until his fingers dug into his eyes, blue spotted his not-vision, and his teeth bit at his palms. The pressure did nothing to stop the tears. Maybe, one day, his team would come back for him. Maybe, one day, his team would come back for him. Maybe, one day, his team would come back for him. Maybe, one day, his team would come back for him. Maybe, one day, his team would come back for him. Maybe, one day, his team would come back for him. Maybe, one day, his team would come back for him. Maybe, one day, his team would come back for him. Maybe, one day, his team would come back for him. Maybe, one day, his team would come back for him. Maybe, one day, his team would come back for him. Maybe, one day, his team would come back for him. Maybe, one day, his team would come back for him.
"Yes I love you," he said aloud, choking past his own throat. World, I love you, now let me out. I was good. Let me out. I want to see the sun again I want to be alive again please let me out.
"I WAS GOOD," he screamed, writhing. "LET ME OUT!"
Maybe, one day, his team would come back for him.
The lights flickered and died.