Heaven-meant by InSilva
Disclaimer: Rusty and Danny are not mine.
Summary: In which Danny needs to be careful what he wishes for.
A/N: Seasonal piece of fic which I hope you enjoy.
And thanks to everyone who has read and thanks to everyone who has reviewed my work. This has been a very weirdly wonderful year for me with regard to fic and I am grateful for everyone's support.
And the other remains weirdly wonderful too. And I still don't quite believe it. And I'm still amazed and grateful. :)
The moon was up and it shone through the patterned ice on the window. Danny glanced out at the newly-fallen snow in the streets and then up at the clear night and the bright, bright stars and then back at the bed in the hotel room where his injured partner lay sleeping.
It should have been him. That was the thought running through Danny. It shouldn't have been Rusty. Rusty shouldn't have been anywhere near the pain and the misery that had been inflicted. He shouldn't have been. He wouldn't have been either if Danny hadn't gone out for takeaway and Rusty hadn't answered the door and certain things hadn't been assumed by those knocking.
Danny had returned to find him bleeding and collapsed and dropping the bags of Chinese on the floor, he'd taken stock of the damage inflicted and made the decision regarding hospitals and gotten him into bed and cleaned him up and sat with him. Sat with him through the sharpest edge and the residual ache and the pain-killers and the haze of sleep and pain. Sat with him in the darkness and the moonlight and stroked his hair back away from his face and rested his hand on Rusty's.
And now he stood and looked at Rusty and then out at winter in all its cold beauty and he closed his eyes because it seemed a happier place to be.
Not the first time. God, not the first time. Not even the second or the third or the… How many times? Rusty would remember. Rusty could tell him though he wouldn't. And how many times because of him? Guilt. Guilt like no other.
"You'd be better off if you hadn't met me," he whispered.
He opened his eyes and blinked. Rusty was… Rusty was not… Where…? Where was Rusty? Where…?
"It's a little confusing," a voice said behind him. A voice with sympathy and warmth and someone he'd never spoken to before in his life.
Danny turned his head slowly. The man was white-haired and genial and someone he'd never met before in his life.
"My name is Bedford," the stranger said with a friendly nod.
"Uh-huh."
Danny blinked at the man hard but he stayed put. Danny pinched himself, gently at first and then with more vigour but there was no gainsaying it: he was awake.
"Who…?"
"It is confusing," Bedford repeated kindly. "You might want to take a seat."
He indicated the easy chair but Danny stayed standing.
"Where's Rusty?" he asked and there was an edge in his voice. Because forget the how. He was willing to forego the how and maybe even the why but this he needed to know.
Bedford sighed.
"It's Christmas Eve," he said as if that explained everything. "And you were looking at the first star. Just before you… It kind of still works, you see."
"What works?" His teeth were clenched.
"Why, the wish." Bedford sounded surprised. "You made a wish."
"A wish," Danny said flatly. There was a pause and then, "What the hell are you talking about?" He wanted to use a stronger expletive but Bedford looked like he'd only manage to deal with the milder one.
"It's old magic," Bedford said gently. "It still works."
They were back at "still works". Danny found his suspension of disbelief crumbling and the anger and the fear and the incomprehension knotted together and shot through him and if he didn't get some clear answers pronto, something or someone was going to be very sorry.
Bedford must have glimpsed a little of the inner resolution because he waved his hands in a calming manner.
"Listen, Danny," and Danny didn't even want to think about how he knew his name, "you said Rusty would be better off if he hadn't met you. And so, now…now he hasn't…"
No. No…no…no… He spoke very clearly and enunciated each word because maybe if he did that, this whole craziness might end. "What do you mean he hasn't?"
The craziness continued.
There was a smile and a helpless shrug. "I told you. It's Christmas Eve. And the first star. And the wish. And it still works."
He saw Bedford's eyes that were blue (like…) and he saw the truth in them (like…) and…Danny edged towards the chair and sat down.
"We…Rusty…we never met?" he whispered incredulously.
Bedford nodded, looking satisfied that the message had at least been conveyed.
"No." Danny shook his head with certainty. "We met. We damn well met. I can tell you where and when…how he looked at me and the smile in his eyes and…" He tailed off at the crinkle of sympathy and understanding in Bedford's face. "We never met?"
"Well, it's what you wanted," Bedford pointed out. "You said it. You said it like you meant it."
"He was hurt," Danny whispered. "He was hurt and it should have been me. And he's been hurt before and it should have been me…"
"And now he never met you. He never met you and he won't be hurt because of you. That's better, isn't it?"
No. No…no…no… Danny swallowed. (Yes…?)
"Tonight wouldn't have happened. The men who came looking for you wouldn't have found him. And other stories would have different endings too."
"What do you mean other stories?"
"How to explain…" Bedford clicked his fingers and the small television in the corner came to life. "Here you are. All the many ways you might have interacted with Rusty. And how things were instead."
Danny's gaze was drawn to the screen. Different scenes were being played out. There was the hotel room tonight. Men came knocking but no one was home. There was Tulsa and the inside man that Rusty had refused to give up. But now it was Danny on his own taking the beating. There was Europe and they had been together and tormented but not now. Now there was only Danny, Danny and the pain with no one to share it with.
And all that had to be better. Didn't it?
"Where is he instead?" Danny asked quietly.
Bedford looked a little uncomfortable. "Well, that depends."
"Depends?"
"Er, different verses. Oh, it gets complicated."
"Try me." Danny's face brooked no argument.
"Look. There are different paths and different opportunities. Different things happen. But…I have to say, the two of you are rather special…you usually meet. And if you don't…"
The screen flickered.
There was a beach and an unfair fight and Rusty was… and Danny almost cried out because he felt he ought to have been there…
There was a cherubic little man busy torturing Rusty with electricity and water and the light in Rusty's eyes was going out…
"You would have stopped it," Bedford said sadly. "Before it all…"
Danny couldn't even react to that because here was Rusty in court. In court. But he breathed again because Rusty was giving a verdict as a juror.
But the man with the grey eyes was watching him and nodding… And now the same man had Rusty in a room and there was agony to be had and this had been going on for days with no sign of the end but the end was there…
He gave a little half-choke and Bedford patted his shoulder.
"I know it's not easy."
The next one was not another scene of anguish as Danny had feared. The next one was a civilised meeting and Rusty was introducing himself to a dark-haired, powerfully built man who was nodding and smiling but there was a look in the other man's eyes that set Danny's teeth on edge and he only hoped Rusty was seeing it too. There was a plane and a hotel and…
Bedford picked up the remote. "Let's have sound."
"I'm sorry," the other man was saying. "They've only got one room left. Cheese festival or something. Do you mind sharing? It's a double."
"Guess not," Rusty was saying. "Unless you snore."
The other was grinning. "Oh, I won't be doing any snoring."
"You drool, right?"
There was a chuckle. "There may be some drool."
"Man…" Rusty was shaking his head. "Well, I warn you I'm hitting the shower first."
"Be my guest."
"And your hands better not wander," Rusty called over his shoulder.
The man gave it a moment and let the smile show.
"No promises," he said to no one in particular and followed Rusty in and closed the door behind him.
Danny frowned. "Well, that doesn't seem so…"
Bedford hit the mute. "It's…it's…" he looked uncomfortable again.
Still watching the screen, Danny's eyes opened wide in horror. "No…" he breathed.
He leapt to his feet and turned to Bedford, shouting frantically. "Make it stop! Make it stop!"
Bedford's fingers fumbled with the remote and the screen went dead.
"I'm sorry," he gabbled. "I'm really, really sorry."
Danny's whole body was shaking and he just could not speak.
"There were other times," Bedford was saying apologetically. "Other times they met but you were there and you were together…"
The pain was raw and the incoherence was raging. Danny sank down on the chair and kept the silent screaming locked inside. Eventually, he raised his eyes to Bedford.
"How do I change this?" he whispered.
"Hmm?" Bedford was studying the remote.
"How do I change this?" Danny asked again, grinding out the words. "What do I do? Do I wish again? Click my heels together three times? What?"
Bedford looked hesitant.
"It's not really my job to…look, all I do is the transition."
"What do you mean?"
"The transition between what was and what is. The explanation. You know, before you forget."
Forget? Danny's eyes were round. "I'll never forget Rusty! Ever. That's…that's not even thinkable!"
Bedford sighed sadly. "It is going to happen, Danny. Very soon. It will be as if you never knew him. All the little timelines will reknit themselves. Everything will smooth over."
"No. No. I won't let it!" Danny was adamant. He reached out and clutched Bedford's shoulders. "Please." And every ounce of passion and persuasion he possessed was in the word.
"I can't…" Bedford shook his head. "I shouldn't…"
"Help me," Danny begged. "This is special, you said it yourself. Rusty and me. We were meant to meet. Please…"
His eyes were desperate and pleading and his whole soul was on show.
"Hey."
Danny came to, groggily.
"Hey." Insistent.
"Bedford…?"
"Who's Bedford?"
The moon was still up but further round the sky: it was closer to morning. He was sitting in the chair, slumped forward across the bed and his hand was… He shot bolt upright. His hand was on Rusty's.
"Finally." There was ache in his voice but Rusty sounded amused. "Thought you'd taken some of the…what is it?"
Danny's face was full of mixed emotion: fear and relief and disbelief and he was looking at Rusty as though he might disintegrate at any moment.
"There was…you were…Rusty…" He clutched Rusty's hand.
"You been drinking the rough stuff?"
"Rusty…" And there was so much raw in that that Rusty could not fail to hear it.
"It's OK, it's OK…I'm here…" Rusty soothed and gradually Danny came back to himself.
"Bad dream?" Rusty frowned.
"Uh-huh," Danny said, swallowing hard.
Not getting my hand back anytime soon, am I?
No.
OK.
With a wince, Rusty shuffled over in the bed and Danny lay down beside him.
"Look…" Rusty nodded towards the television flickering away in the corner. "It's George and Clarence…"
They watched Jimmy Stewart see and understand and life reverted and an angel gained his wings.
Danny glanced out of the window and it had started snowing again. He raised Rusty's hand to his lips.
"Merry Christmas."
The half-grin appeared on Rusty's face. "You are planning on letting go of me at some point, right?"
Possibly.
Grimacing with the effort, Rusty rolled on to his side and studied Danny's face. Then the grin died away and he sighed quietly.
"It hurts. And it'll be a day before I can travel. And room service is going to be half-hearted. And we're spending Christmas in a second-rate hotel room."
"Yeah." Rich with guilt.
"Danny. There's still no place else I'd rather be."
He kissed the nearest part of Danny that he could reach which happened to be his shoulder. Danny smiled.
"You're finding me chocolate," Rusty warned. "Don't care where from, but there's gonna be chocolate. And nachos. And possibly a steak. And don't even think about not tracking down decent malt."
Still Danny couldn't stop smiling. Because Rusty was there. And nothing else mattered.
A/N: Oh, come swim in the sentiment with me. :) Acknowledging the obvious. Er, in case it isn't obvious, "It's A Wonderful Life": Christmas movie to end all Christmas movies. And I think this is the fifth time I've referenced it in my fic. What can I say? Except please watch it if you haven't already. And I am indulging in wild self-reference. But hopefully it won't matter too much if you haven't read the other stuff. Hope you liked it. :)