Dean liked Cas in the same way he liked men, a liking that you hide, only expressing behind locked doors and in the pitch black dark. Only when his father was on a business trip, or passed out drunk. Only when his brother Sammy was at science club like the little geek he was, would Dean allow himself to delve into the dark private recesses of his mind where he kept Cas.
Dean hoped that he could get away with all the touching, and the staring, and the affectionate laughter, passing it off as Cas being his closest friend, but sometimes he thought he was painfully obvious, and that someone was sure to figure him out.
He was acutely aware that his infatuation or whatever was a problem. He needed to keep it a secret. He needed to somehow stop it before his father found out. Dean really didn't want another repeat of the Benny incident, his father had left bruises lasting for weeks. Besides, Dean Winchester was not gay. He couldn't afford to indulge himself.
He was going to fix it, he was determined.
Maybe not today though, because the minute he heard his cell phone blaring Cas's tone, he dove to grab the phone, answering immediately. "Hey Cas." He said, trying not to sound winded. "Hello Dean." Cas answered. Dean's breath hitched in his throat as Cas's deep, gravelly voice came from his IPhone speakers. "Are you home alone?" Cas asked. Dean began to nod, before realizing that Cas couldn't see him over the phone. "Yeah" he croaked. He could almost feel Cas's small smile on the line. "I'm coming over." The boy told him, before promptly hanging up. Dean quickly ran to the bathroom, checking his hair, and trying to look presentable for Cas. "God what am I doing?" he asked himself, changing from his ripped Metallica shirt into a plain gray one. "you're fucking disgusting Winchester.' He thought, nervously waiting for Cas's arrival. "he's your godamned best friend." These thoughts really weren't helping, but Dean hoped they could inspire him to have some self-control.
Dean ran downstairs to the kitchen, hoping to appear casual as he waited for his friend. "Jeez, I'm a goner." He thought bitterly. He wrung his hands together, digging his nails into his palm, in an effort to stop the train of thought. Before he knew it however, he found himself picturing Cas naked, and submissive on the living room couch. He mentally groaned as his nether regions perked to life in his boxers. "fuck" he thought. He dug his nails further into the flesh of his palm. He took a deep breath, then stood up to get a beer. He was going to have to be very drunk for this. His doorbell rang. "shit." He muttered under his breath. It was Cas. Dean answered the door, a slightly forced smile on his face. "Hello Dean." Cas said. Once again, his deep voice sent a warm shiver down Dean's spine, settling in his stomach. Dean stepped back from the door, allowing Cas to walk in. The trench-coated boy immediately grabbed a beer from Dean's fridge, and sat down on the couch. Dean chuckled. "You just got here and you're already stealing my beer Cas." He joked nervously. Cas gave him a small smile, the one that made Dean's heart go double time. "Star Trek marathon?" he suggested, turning his big blue puppy eyes onto Dean. The sandy blonde nodded, going for another swig of beer to settle his feelings. Cas pulled the first Star Trek re-vamp DVD out of his bag, and tossed it at his friend, who caught it easily. Dean inserted the DVD, settling on the opposite end of the couch from Cas. He set his beer on the coffee table, glancing at Cas as he looked away. He went to take a drink, only to discover that his beer was empty. He sighed, and got up to get a new one. He quickly drained that one as well.
By the time they were on Into Darkness, Dean was drunk, having had something close to seven beers. The volume of the movie was down, and Cas could hear Dean muttering to himself. He paused the movie, turning to face Dean. "I can't do this." The boy was saying. Cas leaned in, trying to hear what Dean was going on about. "Oh, god. Dad's gonna kill me. 'specially after he caught me kissing' Benny behind the school in 9th grade." He slurred, beginning to talk more to Cas then himself. Cas's eyes grew the size of dinner plates. "Benny?" he asked quietly. "Benny Laffite?" Dean nodded, looking ashamed. Cas felt a slight burning in his stomach. He needed Dean to be sober for this. He needed to know. Cas ran to the kitchen, grabbing a big glass of water. He poured it over Dean's head, looking a bit pissed. Dean gasped, feeling more sober immediately. "Cas what the hell?" he asked, trying to ignore how some of the water had gotten on Cas, rendering his shirt almost see-through. "I'm sorry. You were rambling, I didn't want you to say anything you'd regret telling me." Cas replied. Dean suddenly felt very ill, the color was draining from his face. "fuckfuckfuckfuck-he's gonna kill me-fuckfuckfuck" Dean thought incoherently. "What did I say" he asked, voice nothing but a nervous whisper. Cas looked up to meet his eyes. "Something about Benny. You said you kissed him." Cas replied, tilting his head. Dean was relieved t see his friend looked more confused that angry or disgusted. He nervously rubbed at the back of his neck, trying to look away from Cas's magnetic blue eyes. "Yeah." He sighed, glancing down at the floor. "It was 9th grade, we uh- we kinda had a thing goin' but uh- Dad caught us kissing behind the school one day. He was pretty pissed, an' he told me if I ever pulled somethin' like that again he'd kill me." Dean explained, a pained expression on his face. Cas's eyes widened further, shocked by his friend's sudden revelation. "Oh! I-I'm so sorry Dean. I didn't mean to bring up a sensitive topic for you, I just didn't know that you were gay, I though-" Dean cut him off with a hard look. Castiel fell quiet. "Yeah, alright? Yeah. I'm a fucking fag. I'm gonna fix it though, Cas please don't hate me." He pleaded. Castiel gave him a look that he couldn't quite read. "at least you had the courage to own up to it." He said quietly. "At least you haven't been sneaking around, kissing the British exchange student behind the school. At least you didn't pretend to date Meg Masters for a whole year just because you're afraid of your elder brother." Cas said. Dean stared, biting his lip as to not get his hopes up. "you, you sound like you speak from experience Cas." He said, more of a question that a statement. Cas gave him one single nod. "oh. Fuck, I'm sorry Cas. I didn't mean to-" Dean cut himself off, unsure of what to say. Castiel sighed warily. "are you sure?" Dean asked quietly. Cas nodded shakily. "Are you?" Cas countered. Dean nodded.
"You've kissed a guy right?"
"Yeah."
"Me too."
"Have you ever done it with a guy?"
"N-no. Have you?"
"No. Do you want to?"
With each word, they leaned closer to each other, until finally, their noses were touching. They were both breathing hard, pulses racing and heads pounding. None of them were quite sure who initiated it, but suddenly they were kissing with a passion and level of lust they never thought themselves capable of. They were panting, feeling like they were trying to breathe each other in, tongues lashing in a battle for dominance. They fell back on the couch, giving in to the lust and temptation that had haunted them for so long.