Voldemort's Birthday Party
Voldemort hates birthday parties. Well, parties for anyone other than him, that is. Holidays in general are bad enough, because his Death Eaters want to celebrate, and that pauses his plans for world domination. Yet it is birthday parties that are truly the worst. Voldemort absolutely refuses to celebrate his fellow Death Eaters. After all, they are nothing compared to him. HIS birthday is the only one that deserves to be celebrated.
Bellatrix is getting sick of Voldemort being such a birthday Scrooge. She knows his birthday is coming up soon, and that, while he never celebrates his minion's birthdays, he'll want to celebrate his for all it's worth. It's sickening. That's why she has a little surprise planned…
Voldemort walks into the room and smiles at what he sees. The room is piled high with presents, balloons and streamers coat the ceiling, and a towering chocolate cake awaits his approval.
"SURPRISE!" his fellow Death Eaters yell, jumping out from behind the various presents.
"You shouldn't have," Voldemort says, but his smirk shows this is exactly what he was expecting.
"Of course we should," Bellatrix says, walking towards him from her hiding place behind the chocolate cake. "After all, this is YOUR birthday, the only one we celebrate around here."
Voldemort scowls as Bellatrix stops right in front of him, wand in hand. "Watch your mouth! I won't tolerate disobedience, especially on my birthday!
Bellatrix cackles. "Oh, yes you will!" She raises her wand "IMPERIO!"
Voldemort sways and looks shocked for a fraction of a second, before his eyes glaze over and he remains still. Normally, he would be able to defend himself against something like this, but he was so surprised that someone would actually dare to attack him on his birthday, one of his own Death Eaters, no less, that he was too surprised to react.
Bellatrix cackles again. "This is going to be fun!"
…Time skip…
"Are you sure this is the one? The wizard tattoo artist asks nervously.
"Absolutely," Bellatrix says, grinning evilly.
"O-okay, then." The wizard stammers. "I would hate to see His Darkness be displeased with—"
"GET ON WITH IT ALREADY!" Bellatrix snaps.
Gulping, the wizard lowers the needle…
…Time skip…
"Hey everyone! Would you like to see my present for Voldemort?"
The other Death Eaters gasp. "You used his name," one whispers, clearly afraid. "You're doomed."
Bellatrix laughs. "Actually, I can do whatever I want. Including this!" she says, lifting the sleeve of Voldemort's shirt up to reveal a large, pink, My Little Pony tattoo on his arm.
There is a mix of gasping, fainting, and laughing from the other Death Eaters.
"My Lord," Lucius says, trying desperately to suppress a laugh, "your tattoo is very…" At this, he has to turn away to hide his laughter.
"What was that?" Bellatrix asks, cupping a hand to her ear. "Are you saying his tattoo is intimidating? Fitting, perhaps, since this creature resembles the unicorn which he slay?" She smirks. "Or, perhaps you were going to say it is girly?"
Lucius gasps. "No, my Lord! Never girly!" he exclaims, looking at Voldemort nervously. When Voldemort doesn't reply, he frowns. "Wait a minute," he drawls, looking at Bellatrix. "Did you…"
"Use the Imperio curse on him? That would be a yes!" she singsongs.
Lucius whistles. "You're going to be in big trouble when he wakes up."
Bellatrix shrugs. "With all of his birthday drama, I think it's worth it, don't you?"
"No," Voldemort mumbles. "Have to kill Harry, party, birthday…"
Bellatrix frowns as she realizes her spell is wearing off. "This was not nearly the extent to which I wished to prank him. I do not know how much longer I alone can cast this spell. Perhaps, with our combined magic—"
Lucius raises an eyebrow. "You want me to help you prank the Dark Lord?"
Bellatrix pouts. "Do you really never want to celebrate your own birthday?"
Lucius shrugs. "Perhaps it is time the Dark Lord learns his magic is not the only one to be feared." Lucius raises his wand. "IMPERIO!"
"IMPERIO!" Bellatrix adds, laughing manically. Voldemort's eyes glaze over once again, and Bellatrix smirks. "Well then, we'd better get in as many pranks as possible before time runs out. I have some great ideas… but where are my manners? I have had a turn at pranking him. Perhaps you have some ideas?"
Lucius frowns for a second, before laughing. "I can think of one. My son has recently confiscated a device from that Mudblood, Granger, known as an 'IPod.' I think it could be of some use…"
…Time skip…
"Baby, baby, baby Oh! Oh, baby, baby, baby OH!" Voldemort yells, off-key, causing his audience of Death Eaters to double over in laughter.
"Forgive me for ever doubting you," Lucius says, in between fits of laughter. "Pranking Voldemort is quite possibly the best thing ever, besides killing all the Mudbloods, that is."
Bellatrix smirks. "I know what I'm doing."
"Then perhaps you would like to take the next prank?" Lucius asks.
"Perhaps I will," Bellatrix says, grinning evilly.
…Time skip…
"CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!" the crowd of Death Eaters chants.
"Tha's 'nuff," Voldemort slurs, having already drunk too much, but is greeted only by another round of "CHUG!"
"Perhaps that is enough," Lucius drawls. "I don't want him to die… yet."
Bellatrix pouts, but gives in. "I suppose you're right," she agrees. Lucius lazily waves his wand, and Voldemort stops drinking.
"This doesn't have to be the end of this prank, though," Lucius continues. "Attempting to make him walk can still provide much entertainment."
As Voldemort stumbles around the wizard town, Death Eaters laughing at him all the way, Lucius and Bellatrix high-five each other on a prank well done. Unfortunately, it appears they have celebrated too soon, because, while they were high-fiving, Voldemort tripped over his own feet and fell into a pond. Thinking quickly, Lucius figures out how to turn this into yet another prank. Pointing his wand and concentrating, he chuckles in anticipation of what Voldemort will say. A few seconds later, the other Death Eaters are chuckling as well, as Voldemort shouts "I'm melting! I'm meeeelting!"
Unfortunately, their fun is short-lived, as Voldemort says "Wait a minute, I'm not melting. He climbs out of the pond, still a bit dazed, and rolls up his muddy sleeves only to find the My Little Pony tattoo. "What the… IS THIS PERMINANT INK?!" Slowly, he looks around at the Death Eaters, who stop laughing and shrink away as his gaze lands on them. It doesn't take him long to realize that Bellatrix and Lucius are the only two who can't stop laughing. "Bellatrix… Lucius…" he says, his voice dangerously quiet. Then he explodes. "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME?!"
Bellatrix and Lucius look at each other. "Time to disappear," Bellatrix says, and Lucius nods. Then they Apparate away, the other Death Eaters quickly following suit, leaving Voldemort alone to have a temper tantrum about how his birthday is ruined.
AN: I hope you enjoyed this random story.