Running
By Cyranothe2nd
Nods to Joss & co, all charecters belong to them, yadda, yadda ,yadda...
A brief vingette of Spike's feelings after he leaves in Seeing Red
The sun will rise in two hours. I should stop, should find a place to shelter for the hours of searing daylight but I know that I can't. If I stop the wind will stop. Right now it rushs past me, ripping at my clothes, my hair, stinging my eyes, filling my ears with it's soundless cacamphony. When the wind stops I can hear again. And that's the last thing I wanna do...
I look down at the petrol gauge and realize that I'm almost dry. No wonder, I must be halfway across Utah by now. In a few more days I can be in the Carolinas. Haven't been there since the war. Wonder if it's changed...Doesn't matter really. All I gotta do is sell the bike and get on a boat, keep movin'.
I had no idea where I was going really. Something was drawing me, had been for a while now. I fought against it at first, wouldn't let any thing control me. Bad enough I was a love fool... no! Don't go there...Had to fight against the drag, but now I don't care. Was bein' honest when I said she shoulda let the whelp kill me. Xander. I slept with his girl, the least I can do is call him by name. Shoulda let Xander kill me. Wonder if he would have, if she hadden't stepped in to stop him? Maybe I could still find out...
The bike started shuttering as I pulled into the petrol station. It was a dusty old place, like something outta a movie. Five cent candy bars and 25 cent Cokes still lined the shelves as the old man commented on the wheather and took my cash. He pointed me to a hotel down the road and I left, grateful to get away. Couldn't stand talking. Couldn't stand anything really...just moving and hearing the wind and staying quiet.
The hotel was one of those cheap decrepit old places you expect to see in the middle of nowhere. I didn't want any trouble and so I brought the bike into the room with me, closed the curtains and collapsed onto the bed. I closed my eyes, hoping sleep would claim me soon. But as soon as my eyes shut I was reliving it all over again.
"Spike, please, please stop it!" Her voice pleaded with me and I looked into her tear streaked face, beyond madness.
"I know you felt it, when I was inside you. I can make you feel it again!"
I opened my eyes and shook myself. I felt so sick. When Clem was there I had put on the bravado, blamed her for making me...what? Be a rapist? Oh God, could I have actually done it?
So it was that. The question was always with me now. I couldn't deny it, had almost voiced it when I had told her how her love had changed me.
What was I?
No longer a monster. Even without the chip I knew I wouldn't go back and kill her or the Bit. Balls, not even the whelp! But I wasn't a man either.
I felt like the answer would be at the end of this journey. Whatever was drawing me had some reason, some purpose...
I got up from the bed and cranked the motorcycle on, laid back down and closed my eyes to the sound of the gunning engine.
It had to end. One way or another, it had to end.
By Cyranothe2nd
Nods to Joss & co, all charecters belong to them, yadda, yadda ,yadda...
A brief vingette of Spike's feelings after he leaves in Seeing Red
The sun will rise in two hours. I should stop, should find a place to shelter for the hours of searing daylight but I know that I can't. If I stop the wind will stop. Right now it rushs past me, ripping at my clothes, my hair, stinging my eyes, filling my ears with it's soundless cacamphony. When the wind stops I can hear again. And that's the last thing I wanna do...
I look down at the petrol gauge and realize that I'm almost dry. No wonder, I must be halfway across Utah by now. In a few more days I can be in the Carolinas. Haven't been there since the war. Wonder if it's changed...Doesn't matter really. All I gotta do is sell the bike and get on a boat, keep movin'.
I had no idea where I was going really. Something was drawing me, had been for a while now. I fought against it at first, wouldn't let any thing control me. Bad enough I was a love fool... no! Don't go there...Had to fight against the drag, but now I don't care. Was bein' honest when I said she shoulda let the whelp kill me. Xander. I slept with his girl, the least I can do is call him by name. Shoulda let Xander kill me. Wonder if he would have, if she hadden't stepped in to stop him? Maybe I could still find out...
The bike started shuttering as I pulled into the petrol station. It was a dusty old place, like something outta a movie. Five cent candy bars and 25 cent Cokes still lined the shelves as the old man commented on the wheather and took my cash. He pointed me to a hotel down the road and I left, grateful to get away. Couldn't stand talking. Couldn't stand anything really...just moving and hearing the wind and staying quiet.
The hotel was one of those cheap decrepit old places you expect to see in the middle of nowhere. I didn't want any trouble and so I brought the bike into the room with me, closed the curtains and collapsed onto the bed. I closed my eyes, hoping sleep would claim me soon. But as soon as my eyes shut I was reliving it all over again.
"Spike, please, please stop it!" Her voice pleaded with me and I looked into her tear streaked face, beyond madness.
"I know you felt it, when I was inside you. I can make you feel it again!"
I opened my eyes and shook myself. I felt so sick. When Clem was there I had put on the bravado, blamed her for making me...what? Be a rapist? Oh God, could I have actually done it?
So it was that. The question was always with me now. I couldn't deny it, had almost voiced it when I had told her how her love had changed me.
What was I?
No longer a monster. Even without the chip I knew I wouldn't go back and kill her or the Bit. Balls, not even the whelp! But I wasn't a man either.
I felt like the answer would be at the end of this journey. Whatever was drawing me had some reason, some purpose...
I got up from the bed and cranked the motorcycle on, laid back down and closed my eyes to the sound of the gunning engine.
It had to end. One way or another, it had to end.