Disclaimer: Everything connected to and in relation with Harry Potter belongs to JKRowling. The rest is mine.
Author's Note: *snorts* sorry you peeps, but I've always wanted to do a kind of "song fic", okay? Besides, I think it's kind of funny! Hehe… If you think It's funny, I'll do a Lucky or something *rubs hands together evilly*. Sorry, and if you think it's just stupid and NOT FUNNY, then review and tell me…
Hermione's Extra Credit Project:
"Oh no," Hermione muttered. "Drat this- HAIR!" She whirled her wand crossly at her hair, missed, and showered her partners, Harry and Ron, with confetti that sprouted from her wand.
Snape stood instantly beside her cauldron. "Perhaps Ms. Granger would like to share her personal troubles with the rest of the class," he said in his usual cold voice. Harry and Ron sneaked looks over to Hermione, who looked scandalized that Snape had heard her. She gave her hair a nervous pat.
"I- I'm sorry, Professor, it's just that- my hair was in my face and I couldn't see the ingredients…" Hermione stammered. Snape sneered.
"Well, well, it's not good for our rambunctious hair to interfere with our potions, is it, Ms. Granger?" he smiled nastily and then went on. "For your disruption of my class, fifteen points from Gryffindor and zero marks for your Disappearing Potion."
Hermione turned white. "Zero? But- Professor-." Snape glared at her and went over to help Malfoy.
* * * * *
"Can't believe Snape took fifteen points off Gryffindor because of your hair," a disgruntled Ron said after class. Hermione looked miserable.
"And a zero!," she moaned. "Right before our reports come out, too! The very last thing I need, of course."
Harry molded his face to look sympathetic. "Yeah… what, d'you think, maybe Snape'll let you do some extra credit?"
Hermione suddenly stopped right outside the Great Hall. "Yes, I think I will," she said, waving vaguely as she raced back to Snape's classroom. Ron turned to Harry with a look of amazement on his face. "What, and you think Snape'll give her extra-credit? He hates her, she's a Gryffindor. Reckon he doesn't even know what the word means."
Harry shrugged. "Maybe. Let's go in, I'm starving."
* * * * *
Half an hour later, Hermione came running in to the Great Hall for dinner. "He let me do an extra-credit project!" Hermione squealed. She held a paper in her hand. "Snape said if I do this next class, he'll give me full marks for the Disappearing Potion!!!"
Before Ron or Harry could say anything, Hermione, clearly very excited, took off once again to work on her project. The boys sat dumfounded, leaving the roast chicken unattended.
"Well," Ron said at last. "This'll be interesting."
* * * * *
Harry frowned. "Look at Snape," he hissed at Ron. It was two days after Hermione got permission to do her extra-credit for Snape, and the class had assembled in Snape's classroom.
Ron looked at Snape, who was smiling very sneakily, then poked his elbow into Harry's abdomen. "Yeah, well, look at Malfoy," he muttered. "Looks very smug about something."
Malfoy was grinning smugly, his arms folded across his chest as he exchanged glances with Snape.
"Where's Hermione?" Ron asked, looking around for her in the dark dungeon. "She didn't come in with us, did she?"
Just as Harry was about to voice the fact that he'd last seen her in the common room discussing something with Lavender and Parvati, Snape stood.
"Today we will interrupt our Potions class to view an extra-credit project which will be put on by Ms. Granger. Ms. Granger, you may begin."
All the class's seats began to swivel, so that everyone had a good view of the side wall, which was now opening to show a sort of dark stage. Someone unrecognizable was in shadow, and various objects were also there.
Some very familiar music started up.
"Oh, yeah…"
Malfoy was now muffling sniggers.
The lights were fading on the stage, and a thin girl with a bright red jumpsuit was getting more visible with every second.
"Hey, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah…"
Harry felt a sinking sensation in his stomach. Lavender and Parvati looked at the stage eagerly, heads nodding to the music.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah."
Malfoy was now laughing outright, and Snape's cold mouth twitched.
"I
think I did it again.
I
made you believe,
I
need a pro-ject.
Oh,
Snapy,
It
might seem like a fake,
But
it doesn't mean that I'm serio-us,
Cuz
to loose all my intelligence,
That
is just not typically me…
Oh,
Snapy, Snapy,
Oops,
I did it again,
I
played with your mind,
Got
lost in your brain,
Oh,
Snapy, Snapy,
Oops,
you think I'm in-sane
That
I'm sent from below…
Ron couldn't take any more. "STOP!!!" he yelled with enough force to shove a football team. The music stopped, and Hermione- because that's who it was- looked annoyed.
"Yes, Mr. Weasley?" Snape's cold voice interrupted. "Perhaps you would like to assist Ms. Granger in her extra-credit project. Quite possibly Mr. Potter would also like to join you."
Harry and Ron just sat there, mouths mide open which Snape mistook for agreement.
"Oh, Professor Snape?" Lavender said in a rush. "Could me and Parvati do that too?"
Malfoy nearly popped his eyes. Tears were already streaming from his eyes.
Slowly, Harry and Ron, accompanied by Lavender and Parvati (who were nearly running to the stage), got to the platform where Hermione stood, encased as she was in her Britney Spears- like costume, looking annoyed.
"Very well then, Lavender and Parvati, here you go and you can sing back-up. Harry and Ron, there you go and you can be dancers. Oh, Professor, could we have one more? It would look so much more symmetrical," Hermione said, taking her wand out and dressing Lavener and Parvati in identical red jumpsuits, and then Ron and Harry in silvery red gay-looking tops and red bottoms. Hermione then smirked and added, "I think Mal- Draco would like to come join us, wouldn't he?"
Malfoy stopped laughing in mid-laugh. Harry and Ron stopped feeling murderous with Hermione and instead felt great. Actually, ready to be B.S. dancers.
Snape looked as if he was trying hard not to laugh. "Very well," he agreed, earning himself a warning look from Malfoy and a death threat from the same person.
Once Malfoy was in place, they started again, the entire class now trying not to choke with their laughter.
"anyway…
I'm
not that innocent…
You
see my problem is this,
I'm
wishing away,
Wishing
that projects, they truly exist-
Harry and Ron were buggyin' in back of Hermione, Lavender and Parvati were having the time of their lives, and Hermione was getting a hundred in her potion. Malfoy was trying with all his life to not look like a dork, and was trying to copy Ron and Harry's excellent moves. Snape started laughing really, really hard, then also started to sing along with the song.
I
cry, watching the hours,
Can't
you see I'm a dunce,
In
so many ways?
But
to loose all my intelligence,
That
is just not typically me,
Oh Snapy,
oh
Oops,
I did it again,
I
played with your mind,
Got
lost in your brain,
Oh,
baby baby
Oops,
you think I'm in-sane
That
I'm sent from below…
I'm
not that innocent.
"Hey,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah…"
Here Snape came up to Britney (Hermione). Dean called up, "All aboard!" through his laughter.
And the following conversation issued:
Snape: Hermy, before you're done, there's something I want you to know.
Hermione: Oh, it's okay! But wait a minute, does it have to do with…
Snape:
Yeah! Yes it does!
Hermione: But I thought you never gave extra-credit away!
Snape: Well my dear, I had to, ya see.
Hermione: Aw, you shouldn't have!
Oops
I, did it again,
Did
it again to your mind,
Got
lost, in your mind oh Snapy-ahyayay.
Oops
you, think that I'm sent from below…
I'm
not that innocent…
Oops
I did it again,
I played
with your mind,
Got
lost in your brain,
Oh Snapy,
Snapy,
Oops
you think I'm in-sane,
That
I'm sent from below,
I'm
not that innocent…
Oops
I did it again,
I played
with your mind,
Got
lost in your brain,
Oh,
Snapy, Snapy,
Oops
you think I'm in-sa-ane,
That
I'm sent from belo-o-ow.
I'm
not that innocent.
A slight pause came as Hermione finished her song, then came a regular thunderstorm of clapping. The performers looked up and saw McGonagall, Dumbledore, and all the rest of the teachers crowded in the room along with their classes, all clapping genuinely. Hermione looked pleased, and she took a bow in the tumulous applause from the audience. Next came Harry, Ron, and Draco with sweat pouring off their faces, and finally Lavender and Parvati, who looked around, grinning broadly, enjoying it all.
* * * * *
A few days later, these same six people were booked as performers for the Halloween feast, the Thanksgiving feast (they decided to have one in honor of Americans), the Christmas feast, the Easter feast, and the end-of school-year feast. Hermione was on a first-name and email basis with the real Britney Spears, and Harry, Draco and Ron melded with Lavender and Parvati to form Hermione's dancers. Hermione said that Britney had about five more dancers, so Neville, Dean, Seamus, Cho, and Padma Patil joined the Britney Spears group of Hogwarts singers.
And they all lived happily ever after.
Well, except for Voldemort, but that's another story.
Another Author's Note: Well, it is a bit- weird, isn't it? Yup. That's my specialty. Review. Now.