Hello everyone, Dash here. This is my first story, and it's not entirely serious. I wrote this a while ago, mostly because I wanted to upload something before uploading my more serious stories. So, if you have any criticism, constructive or otherwise, please review. Flames are welcome as well, because I just don't care. See ya!
Oops, We Broke the World!
October 11th. The Kyuubi has just been sealed into Naruto. As the council bickers about what to do with him, nobody knows that they are being watched by beings far more powerful than them. The Shinigami herself and her sisters, Kami and Yami, watch how the life of Naruto Uzumaki will play out from their own separate realms. Not surprisingly, each of them decides to give him a gift to make his life easier. Each of them simply wants him to be able to survive and defend himself. Yet for some reason, despite knowing how alike they all are, none of them think to check with each other about whether or not they plan to do the same. And so, they each gift Naruto with a power, each power being dangerously strong, and the three powers combine in a catastrophic way, causing a large explosion of noise around the crib where Naruto lies. Realizing their mistake, the three attempt to revoke their powers, but can't, for combined the powers are far stronger than they are separately. All they can do now is wait until Naruto grows old enough to realize the existence of his new power, which happens at the age of 6.
6 years later
Naruto was running through the village. Not because he was being chased, but because he finally had his allowance and could buy some ramen. Suddenly, a potted plant fell on his head from a nearby windowsill, and he collapsed, somehow finding himself in a sewer. "The fuck…? Where am I?" he walked down the only path he could find, until it forked, the right path leading to a cage, and the left leading to a ball of light. He went left, and touched the light, cuz he's a kid, and they do dumb things. When he touched the light, he suddenly found odd memories in his head, telling him how to use this strange power, which was simply titled, reality. He then headed down the right path, met the Kyuubi, and had a very cliché conversation involving death threats and a 6 year old mentally shitting his pants. He awoke in fear, feeling a lump on his head, and realized he was at the hospital. He jumped out the window (first floor) and headed to his apartment, not knowing what a concussion was, and therefore not thinking he needed to be there. He didn't, but that's beside the point. When he got to his apartment he thought about his new power. According to the memories, it basically allowed him to do anything. If he could imagine it, he could make it reality. Obviously the first thing he did was create a bathtub sized bowl of ramen. When he was finished eating, he decided to go spread havoc. Leaving his apartment, he saw his landlord, a total bastard, and promptly turned him into a pig. A green one, with orange polka dots. Walking down the street he would turn anyone who annoyed him into oddly colored animals. By the time he reached his destination, the Konoha gates, the village looked like a combination of the circus and the zoo. Turning the gates into spaghetti, he left the village, hoping to find anything cool. He created himself an outfit, one he had seen in a video game he'd stolen, that consisted of a purple suit and fedora, with an orange feather in the hat, and a pimp cane. Of course, since the game was saint's row he had THE Pimp Cane, the shotgun. Yes, Naruto Uzumaki, 6 years old, wielder of the only shotgun in existence AND… it's the pimp cane. Of course he didn't really keep it long. You see, Naruto, being only 6, had an abso-fucking-lutely-totally-super-mega-AWESOME idea. War sucked, so let's get rid of it. But how… I know! Happiness! Make everybody super happy, and nobody will fight. Now, what makes people happy… butterflies! Let's turn the entire world into a giant butterfly! Then everybody will be happy, and war will be stopped, and I, Naruto Uzumaki, will be a HERO! These are the thoughts that ran through his head, anyway. So Naruto turned the world into a butterfly, not thinking, or knowing, about such things as the atmosphere. The earth became a butterfly, and it and everything on it died rather quickly in the vacuum of space. So sad… of course Kami, Yami, and Shinigami fixed everything, but from then on they decided to never give mortals powers without first talking with each other.
THE END… until the awesomness that is the PIMP CANE pimp slapped the goddesses into submission, before remaking the world in its image.