All Night Long
Sakuno woke up, sweating, and panting. She shivered in her pyjamas, her heart beat frantic in her chest. Her breaths were shallow gasps. Breathe,she told herself, taking long gulps of air. Her fingers tightened around the fabric of her blanket.You're not there. You're here. There are no hands over your body.She tried to get herself back to reality.
A reality where the moon filed into the safety of the room, and the other regulars snored and slept in the room across from her. She was helping out in the training camp. She was safe. She wasn't there.
Her skin prickled. The room was dark, and her head throbbed. She hadn't been able to sleep well for weeks. The nightmares always bubbled up, taunting her until daylight.
Shifting a curtain of hair from her face, she slipped off the bed and sat on the edge. Her chest rose and fell as she steadied her breaths. I'm safe,her shoulders sagged. I'm alright.She felt a nudge of shame, deep in the well of her buried emotions, but she shoved it away. I'm safe, the doors are locked, my senpai-tachi are across from me –
"Ryuzaki-san?"
Panic spasmed through her, and she clutched the blankets up to her chin. It took a moment for Ryoma's familiar voice to filter in. Instantly, her breaths fell into pattern, and an easy smile swept onto her face. "Ryoma-kun." She flicked on the lamp so he wouldn't stumble into the furniture. She could see his face now: hazel eyes slanted, pajamas drooping over his tired body.
"Yo," he said. He yawned, and plopped down next to her.
"Couldn't sleep?" she asked quietly.
He shrugged, and yawned again. "Mmm. You?"
"I couldn't." She twiddled with the frayed ends of her pillow, hugging it to her chest. "I got…the nightmares again." Her cheeks flushed, and she felt that dirty, shameful feeling burn up again until tears clung to her lashes. Ryoma was looking at her out of the corner of his eyes, exhaustion and worry on his face.
"Me too…" his shoulder slumped. "About…my dad. He… - " He sounded dead tired, like his words were barely holding him up.
Sakuno instinctively reached for his hand. "I'm sorry."
His eyes flickered up to her. "Yeah, me too."
A silence separated them. Sakuno felt it was an odd coincidence – both of them were suffering from exhaustion. Her nightmares of the hands that had roamed her body, the flashes of images that she didn't want to think about. His nightmares of screams and death and an accident so sudden and painful that it warped his whole world around.
She felt his hand on her cheek, and jerked away. "W-what?" she touched the warmth of her skin. "What were you – "
He just stared at her, pale. "Sorry. I don't know what I'm doing."
"You're tired." She bit her lip, and stared in front of her. She could still feel his touch – warm, thrilling, and terrifying.
"You are too," he told her. "Sleep."
The request was impossible. But he was looking straight at her, gold eyes piercing into her with persistence. She nodded, and tugged the blankets back over her, laying her head on the pillow. She flicked off the lamp, and darkness settled back in. Ryoma's figure was a shadow next to her, but she could still see his face, pleading for her to go to sleep so he didn't have to worry for the both of them. She wanted to ease that stress, but she couldn't.
Her eyes ached, her body craved slumber, but sleep was too far out of reach.
She heard the covers shuffle, and a warm body slip in next to her.
Her heart beat sizzled. "What are you doing?" she whispered.
"Don't be scared." His voice was rough. He separated the space between them with pillows, and rolled over the opposite away. "I just want to sleep with you."
That didn't explain much. Sakuno heard him move around some more, before silence filled the room. Her nerves were on fire. She'd never been more alert in her life. Ryoma was next to her – he was inthe bed. He could do anything, he could – he could – a stab of guilt tore through her. This was Ryoma.He was the one who protected her from harm.
"Just sleep," he told her.
She fiddled with her lower lip. "Ryoma-kun, I can't-"
His hand slipped under the bundle of pillow separating them and entangled with her own. She could feel his tennis callouses, the warmth of his flesh. Wild emotion tore through her.
"I can't sleep," she said.
He squeezed her hand. "Why?"
"Because…" I couldn't sleep already. Now you're here, sleeping next to me, holding my hand… "I just can't."
There was a beat of tense silence. Sakuno shivered in the bed. Her hair felt hot and sticky against her neck. Then, in a whoosh of movement, Ryoma took her by the waist, ripped her through the pillows, and held her to his chest. Sakuno's mind spun with frantic panic. "Ryoma-kun." She pushed against his chest. "Let me go, please,let me – "
His hands were gentle, brushing the hair from her eyes. "Che. How many times do I have to tell you to sleep?"
"I can't – " she choked up on her words. Her body felt nailed with nerves. Ryoma's chest was strong and warm, but all she could think was intimidating, intimidating, intimidating.It was okay, because he was Ryoma, and she trusted him, but she still felt trapped and suffocated. She felt like oxygen was slipping away from her, leaving her hot and sweaty and hysterical.
But he wouldn't let go. No matter how much she pleaded, even when she started to shake and cry, he wouldn't let go. He didn't loosen his hold. He didn't stop stroking her hair. Why?She felt ragged, and exhausted in his arms. Why can't you just let me…
She was so tired.Her eyes drew down. Her mind closed up.
"Sleep," she heard him say.
"No," she said, but the protest was feeble, and his arms were unwilling. Her mind shut down from exhaustion and paranoia. She fell against his chest, listening to his heartbeat, eyes still puffy from tears. His fingers carded through her ruffled hair, tangled from the braids of the morning. "Sleep." He sounded half-asleep himself. "Please."
I don't want to sleep. Everything clicked into a beautiful wonder of darkness. But I can't, I don't have a choice anymo-
Her body fell limp as she dropped into slumber.
Ryoma drew her close, and exhaled loudly. He didn't want to sleep either – but now she was here, she was close, and he felt somewhat okay. She was sleeping, and okay. That meant he could sleep and be okay. Great,he thought, burying himself under the covers and closing his eyes. He rested his cheek on her head.Maybe I'll actually be able to give buchou a challenge in tennis tomorrow.
He thanked her for that, and then, in another moment, he too shifted into dreams that were for once,not nightmares.