Is this where life is supposed to be hell? Everybody always says your teenage years are the best and worst time of your life. The hormone induced angst and the awkwardness of puberty are just the tip of the iceberg. I would like to know when it begins. My mother had always said that I was born middle aged but what I want to know is when I get to be a kid? When do I have to not worry about paying the bills on time and making sure we eat? When do I get to have my first kiss and blush about it whenever I see him? When do I get to have a life? Yes my teenage life has not been typical; I don't know why it would start now.
The pain never seemed to fade. Not anymore. No matter how many 'good times' we had nor how long they lasted, the pain never seemed to go away. After the first few times I thought I had become numb to it but how does the pain never go away- even when I am numb. The first time was the worse, I shudder even now when thinking about it. We were in a good time when both Phil and Renee had jobs. We lived in the same apartment for a couple of months and I let my guard down. I think that is what hurts the most that I had believed I was safe and everything was alright. The fact I had believed in the lies the fairy tales me. The lies the surface of the mirror had told me.
June 2nd was the day. The middle of my last week of my sophomore year. The good days had lasted long enough for me to get into AP honors classes. I was so proud to the fact I was finally living up to my scholastic standards.
Wednesday was the day it happened—the hump day of the week. You get all that excitement for the weekend and then you realize you have all summer break to relax and that quadruples the excitement. Joy was on the horizon.
After 9:30pm was the time. The first time that Phil came into my room after ordering to bed minutes earlier. Renee was passed out on the couch from her 'long day at work'. The weather was hot and sticky odd for these time of year in Phoenix usually it just was hot and dry in this desert wasteland. I left the window open to catch a breeze.
Wednesday, June 2nd after 9:30 pm was the first time I had sex. It was the first time a man had touched me in a non familial manner. It was the first time I was raped. It was the first time my step father Phil took me.
But it certainly wasn't the last.