Part 1 of 2
Anna loved summer, undoubtedly, but there was something so soothing about sitting by the fireplace in the library on a cold winter's day and reading a really good book. She lounged across her father's favorite leather armchair with her feet hanging over the side and sighed in contentment as she read a book she'd read many times through the years; a collection of stories that her mother had given her for her eighth birthday.
The door to the library creaked open, drawing Anna's attention as she craned her neck, fully expecting to see Olaf standing there. To her surprise, it was Elsa, dressed in a deep blue wool dress with fur trim. Her pale hair was down, brushed to pristine perfection and topped with a matching wool hat. She looked lovely. A year and a half had passed since the fateful day of her sister's coronation and Elsa had blossomed from a withdrawn, frightened young queen to a confident, elegant ruler.
"Well, don't you look comfortable," Elsa chuckled, moving into the room and standing with her arms folded before Anna.
"Can't complain," Anna agreed with a grin, stretching and accidentally knocking a trinket off of the table beside her chair. "Whoops!"
Patiently, her sister stepped around and picked up the object; a medieval compass. Their father the King had been a collector of old relics and interesting objects, such as the strange telescope he'd bought on a trip to another kingdom. Instead of showing things that were far away, there was colored glass inside, so when one looked into it, there were many colors that the light shone through. He called it a "kaleidoscope".
"Shouldn't you be off preparing for the Christmas Eve Ball tonight?" Anna asked her sister, closing the book and sitting up in the chair.
"Everything is set," Elsa assured her, perching on the arm of the chair. "I was…hoping you would accompany me on an outing of sorts."
"Oh! An adventure?" Anna asked hopefully, brushing a long strand of copper hair out of her eyes.
"Not…exactly," her sister responded reluctantly, nervously clasping her hands together in her lap. "I want to—" Elsa stopped herself, shaking her head. "I need to go down to the Vale…"
Anna dropped the book, barely hearing it tumbled to the floor. It had been four years since their parents had died at sea and Anna had stood at the stone markers that been placed in their memory. No bodies had ever been recovered to bury, but the air had been heavy the day of their funeral, as if the King and Queen's very essence had enveloped the grieving congregation.
Noticeably absent had been their eldest child and heir; Elsa.
To this day, Elsa had not visited the grave site, which had been lovingly dubbed The Vale in their honor as it had been their parents' favorite spot. Anna had thought about asking her before, but had never found the courage to press the issue. Elsa would tell her when she was ready, which was apparently right now. For some reason, Anna's stomach dropped at her sister's confession and she wondered if perhaps she wasn't ready to face Elsa's reaction to it. It wasn't as if Anna hadn't seen Elsa cry, but this was different. This was harder; permanent. They couldn't fix this. No matter how much time had passed, their parents would still be dead.
"Anna?" Elsa's soft tone brought her out of her thoughts. "Will you come with me?"
"Yeah!" Anna nodded quickly, practically tripping over her long skirt as she stood. "I mean yes! Of course! Yeah!" She kept nodding. Why was she still nodding? And why did her voice sound so cheerful? "You betcha! I am there!" Clearing her throat, she collected herself. "Uh, I mean, sure." Flushing in embarrassment, she slipped past Elsa. "Let me just put on my boots and winter things."
"Of course," Elsa replied in quiet amusement, despite her tight expression.
The two sisters headed out in the snow, accompanied by two guards, to a sled that would take them the short distance to The Vale. Anna couldn't help wishing it was Kristoff's sled and Sven taking them, but they were probably just finishing their work for the morning and would be returning to the castle so that they could get ready for the Ball…well, Kristoff anyway. (Sven would look ridiculous in a coat and tails.) It was a particularly cold day, with snow falling in gentle flurries to the ground, adding another sparkling coat to the previous snow they'd gotten.
Anna was glad she'd decided to put her hair down instead of her customary double braids; the hair added extra warmth on her ears, which were still stinging despite her hat. Glancing over at her sister, she noticed Elsa looked slightly terrified and wondered for a second if the biting cold had anything to do with that. She kept her gloved hands clasped tightly in her lap. To an outsider, she would seem cool and serene, but Anna knew better. She could see how Elsa's jaw was clenched and how her light blue eyes were practically unblinking. Silently, Anna placed her hand over Elsa's and her sister suddenly remembered how to breathe.
"What made you change your mind?" Anna asked, wondering if she was overstepping her bounds with Elsa's tolerance. Thankfully, Elsa sighed.
"I'm tired of being a coward, Anna," she answered. "Four years they've been gone and me not facing it isn't going to change anything. It's not what he would have wanted."
"They," Anna supplied gently. "It's not what they would have wanted."
Elsa met Anna's eyes sadly. To her surprise they were glistening with unshed tears. "She was a stranger to me, Anna. I barely knew my own mother."
"She loved you, Elsa," Anna insisted, remembering the loving way the Queen had spoken of 'her girls' and the dolls she had painstakingly made them by hand, in both of their images. "She used to talk about how beautiful you were and how smart you were. She was so proud of you."
"She never told me that," Elsa confessed.
"How could she?" Anna pressed carefully, tightening her grip on Elsa's hand. "You never let her near you…you pushed her away too."
"I couldn't bear it," Elsa murmured. "After you were hurt that day, when they took us to the trolls, she looked at me with such…disappointment in her eyes. Like I had failed her as a daughter."
"You think she was disappointed in you?" Anna asked incredulously. "She wanted nothing more than to be close to you. She used to look at your empty chair at dinner and sigh. It was like you were dead, Elsa. I once heard her crying to Papa, you know. She said 'My own daughter won't let me hold her, Agdar. This was your idea, you know. You put that fear in her…exactly was they told us not to do!'" Anna met her eyes. "I didn't know what that meant at the time. I was just a little girl then. But I do now. And I know for a fact that our mother loved you."
"I sometimes forget how observant you are," Elsa returned with a melancholy smile. "I wish I were as strong as you've always been, Anna."
"You are," Anna returned, "You're smarter and you understand all of that stuff about deficits and taxes and exports. You don't crack under pressure. I would have probably ended up a sobbing puddle of goo hiding in a broom closet my first day on the job."
Elsa gave a soft giggle. "Wouldn't that have been a scene," she mused, squeezing Anna's hand. "Thank you for telling me about Mother."
Anna watched her sister's face through narrowed eyes. "It's really been bothering you, hasn't it?"
"I always used to wonder if they thought I was a burden," Elsa confessed. "I know they loved me, but it had to be difficult to have a child like…like me."
"They never blamed you though, Elsa," Anna countered, "You didn't ask to be born with a gift. They knew that. And they never wanted to change you. Papa wanted to help you. He thought he was doing the right thing and it backfired on him."
"It wasn't his fault," Elsa insisted defensively. Anna bit her lower lip, nodding in agreement.
"Well, it wasn't yours either." The sleigh came to a stop, barely making a sound in the snow. The guards stepped down off of the front of it and came to help them down. Elsa gingerly accepted the hand of one, but Anna ignored the proffered hand and hopped to the ground herself, stumbling slightly as she fell into step behind her sister. She was suddenly grateful for the beautiful coat she'd gotten for her birthday this year; white with pink and green rosemaling embroidered along the edges and lined with fur. The best part? It had a hood. Elsa stopped dead in front of her and Anna would have run into her taking them both down if she didn't look up at just the right moment, narrowly missing her sister. Elsa stared at the two stones with wide, terrified eyes; as if seeing it in person made it more real. The wind had picked up, whipping harshly against their faces as Anna's unruly hair hit her stinging cheeks. Snow swirled around them, undulating in angry tendrils.
Elsa was afraid.
Fighting the wind, Anna stepped beside her sister, taking her hand. Elsa seemed to come around, realizing what was happening and the wind quieted slightly, the snow changing from a sweeping blizzard to a gentle flurry.
"This is harder than I thought it would be," Elsa sighed. Anna watched her profile worriedly, squeezing her hand.
"You're here," Anna reminded her. "The hardest part is over now."
Elsa nodded, letting go of Anna's hand and moving forward. Anna held back, giving Elsa her moment. She'd been through this already. She visited The Vale once a month to bring new flowers and take the old away. It made her feel close to her parents, almost as if she could feel them beside her when she was here. It was comforting.
Her sister crossed to their father's stone first, carefully removing her glove and placing her hand on their father's name, written in runes. Anna's eyes glided over the inscription below. He died in the sea. It was still painful to read, sending a stab through her heart as she remembered her father's sandy reddish blond hair and smiling light green eyes. She remember the sound of his voice ringing through the halls when they'd been small still, back when she and Elsa were still close as children. Whenever he'd return from a trip, the girls would hide and he would say, "Where is my Snowflake? Where is my little Sunflower? I know they must be here somewhere!" And they'd run out from behind the bed and hurl themselves into his waiting arms and shower him with kisses. He hadn't done that anymore after Elsa was moved across the hall from her, though he'd still called them "Snowflake" and "Sunflower".
Elsa moved to their mother's stone. Idun. Her birth name had been Lillian, but when she'd married the young King of Arendelle, she'd changed it to Idun as her official name to embrace the culture she'd married into, though Papa had still called her Lillian when they were alone. Anna had never understood why Princes and Princesses and Kings and Queens all had to have twenty-five names. Nobody ever called her anything except "My Lady" or "Your Highness" or, very rarely, "Princess". Her full name was ridiculous; Her Royal Highness, Princess Anna Sophia Philippa Stendahl of Arendelle. (She hadn't even known about 'Philippa' until she'd been thirteen and had seen it written on a document.)
A sob caught Anna's attention, and she realized that Elsa was quietly crying over their mother's stone, softly speaking in a tone too low for her to hear. She inched forward, almost afraid to hear what her sister was saying.
"…sorry for everything. I'm sorry I pushed you away from me. I miss you, Mama. I miss you both so much and if I could just see you one more time…" She broke, burying her face in one of her hands. Taking pity on her, Anna put an arm around her, resting her cheek against Elsa's shoulder as she finally allowed herself to grieve for their parents; for everything they'd lost.
"They would be happy," Anna told her. "They would be so proud of what you've accomplished. With the magic and…and being Queen and just everything. They'd be happy to see us close again."
"I know Father would be proud of you," Elsa agreed, taking Anna's hand. "You saved me. You saved Arendelle." Turning to face her sister, Elsa placed her hands on her shoulders. "Anna, I wish you could see how special you are. You're the bravest person I know. You love everyone, even that horse that belongs to the Southern Isles."
"Well it's not Sitron's fault that his best friend was a murderous nutjob," Anna pointed out, cringing at the thought of her once and former fiancé.
"No…but—"
"He's better off here, where we can take care of him and give him sugar cubes – he like those you know," Anna informed Elsa, who looked unsure of whether she wanted to laugh or burst into tears.
"No wonder he's getting so chubby," Elsa replied, smiling despite herself. "He's just a…reminder…of that…person."
"Murderous nutjob," Anna supplied cheerfully. "Who is quite securely locked away in the Southern Isles."
"Or so they say," Elsa muttered. "I don't trust them for a minute."
"Well, they can't all be like Hans," Anna reminded her, earning a baleful glance.
"Don't say his name," Elsa said sharply. "How do you think—" she stopped herself, "—that man became the way he was? People aren't born evil, Anna. We're all products of our environment."
"You don't actually feel sorry for him, do you?" Anna gasped, tilting her head. Elsa let out a sound that was dangerously similar to a snort.
"No," she snapped, "I said he's a product of his environment. He could have chosen to change his life, but he didn't. He was weak." Elsa let out a sigh of frustration. "Perhaps he disgusts me so much because he reminds me of myself…you know, before. Hiding who I was. Being afraid of everything. I don't agree with anything he did, Anna, but by God, I understand why he did it. And I hate it."
"Well, you never tried to murder anyone," Anna laughed. "Except maybe Kristoff the last time you tried to bake a cake. His eyebrows finally look normal again."
"Don't remind me," Elsa groaned, rubbing her temple. "I will never try to cook again."
"I'm sure if you hadn't burnt it, it would have been delicious," Anna assured her. "Speaking of Kristoff, have you noticed he's been acting weird?"
Elsa's eyebrows rose quickly. "Weird? Weird how?" She quickly put her gloves back on, rubbing them together in the chilly air as the sisters moved back toward the sleigh.
"I don't know…," Anna shrugged, "Kind of skittish…like he might take off in the night and go live on the North Mountain by himself and become some kind of weird hermit guy that collects animal bones and wears pelts. You haven't noticed he's been nervous?" Elsa shook her head. "I walked into his room the other night—"
"Anna, you can't do that…if someone saw you…" Elsa sighed in exasperation.
"Oh, it wasn't like that," Anna giggled, waving her hand dismissively, "I just went to see if he was going to come down for dinner and you should have seen him, Elsa. He practically leapt across the room and screamed like a girl, saying something about socks and buttons. I thought he was drunk for a second, but he didn't smell like ale, like he usually does when he goes to the tavern."
"Perhaps you should have knocked first," Elsa told her wrly, giving her sister a look before stepping up into the sled.
"Yeah…knocking's not really my thing," Anna told her, letting out a screech of surprise as she was hoisted into the sled by a guard. He let out a "Oof!" of surprise when she elbowed him in the gut. "Sorry!" She murmured, embarrassed. He gave a gracious nod to assure her he was fine. "So," Anna went on when they'd started back toward the castle, "what kind of cake is this shindig going to have?"
"Cake?" Elsa asked, raising a brow and giving her half a smirk. "Who said anything about cake?"
"Elsa, you have to have cake at a Christmas party!"
"I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about, sister," the Queen laughed.
"Oh yes you do!" Anna giggled, "I know for a fact there's cake because I saw it in the kitchen this morning—"
"Aha! I knew you were the one who had their fingers in the frosting, you little chocolate fiend!"
Anna stopped, realizing she was caught and the two burst out laughing. "This Christmas party is going to be even better than last year, isn't it?"
Elsa smiled at her, patting her hand. "I guarantee it…"