Title: School Days

Summary: It's your favorite LotR characters in Middle School…complete with the hormones, fatal chemistry experiments, insane gym teachers, hairy cafeteria ladies, and the bus rides from HELL!!!

Disclaimer: I do not own LotR in real life…and only in my dreams do I own Faramir (swoon).

I Knew I Should Have Stayed Home

13 year old Aragorn was standing impatiently at the bus stop, staring down the empty street for any sign of the large, yellow bus that was currently MIA.

"Grrrr…c'mon c'mon c'mon…WHERE ARE YOU ALREADY?" he screamed at no one in particular, pulling at his unruly dark hair in aggravation.

Next to him, four hobbits were staring warily at the young human.

"D'you think he's alright, Sam?" one hobbit asked.

"I dunno, Frodo. Maybe all 7th graders are like that."

Sam and Frodo looked at each other, then back to the young human was mumbling under his breath and pacing restlessly, before shrugging and turning their attention back to the street. The other two hobbits remained completely oblivious to this, as they were far too busy swapping their lunches.

"What've you got, Pip?"

"I have…a bologna and cheese sandwich and potato chips. What've you got, Merry?"

"Um…let's see…I have PB&J an apple and two Twinkies!"

"I'll trade you the Twinkie for the chips!"

"Are you nuts! Chips don't rank as high as Twinkies!"

"You're right! I'll throw in three Hershey Kisses and whatever I can swipe from Frodo's lunchbox!"

"Hmmm…deal!"

They were just about to make the trade, when they heard a horrific screeching noise from around the corner. Aragorn's head snapped up and his face paled visibly. Frodo started shaking, Sam's eyes widened to the size of dinner plates, Merry fell from the bench, and Pippin squealed like a girl.

"Oh Lord, no!" gasped Aragorn. "Don't tell me…he's driving the bus!"

The school bus came speeding around the corner, making a sharp turn that busses of its size should not be making under any circumstances. The two wheels on the right side of the bus lifted clean up into the air, before crashing to the ground again just as the bus screeched to a stop partially on the curb. The four hobbits and one human saw at least 5 students fly from their seats and hit the front window, and heard at least two yells of "ARGH…MY EYE!" and "I THINK I BROKE SOMETHING!" from some of the open ones on the sides of the bus.

The door creaked open, and the five children stared in horror at the face of Denethor.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Aragorn fell to his knees screaming. Somewhere down the block, a dog howled as well.

"Hop on, kiddies!" Denethor cried, leaping out of his seat, grabbing the hobbits and throwing them on the bus. He managed to grab Aragorn by the back of his shirt, just as he tried to run and hurled him onto the bus as well.

Aragorn quickly bolted down the isle and slid into a seat next to his best friend, Legolas. The young elf was sitting rigidly in his seat, his fingers digging into the leather, his breath coming in short gasps, his face paler then usual, and his eyes were bulging in fear.

"Legolas…?"

"…"

"Um…Legolas…?"

"…….."

Aragorn turned around in his seat to face his other friends, Gimli, Boromir, and Faramir. Faramir was a year younger then they were, but he was Boromir's brother and they were all friends.

"Legolas was at the first stop, wasn't he?" Aragorn asked them.

"Yup," nodded Boromir.

"He's been like that ever since we got on," replied Gimli.

"And that was two stops ago!" added Faramir, who was latched onto his brother's arm and shaking.

Aragorn turned around again, giving Legolas a comforting pat on the back.

"How much longer 'til we reach the school?"

Denethor, somehow, must have heard him because he yelled, SIX MORE STOPS TO GO AND THEN IT'S OFF TO SCHOOL!"

Aragorn, Boromir, Gimli, and Faramir all looked at each other in horror.

"WHAT?!?!" screamed Aragorn.

"SIX MORE STOPS?" yelled Boromir.

"I'm gonna die…I'm gonna die…I'm gonna die…I'm gonna die…" Faramir moaned over and over and over again as he slid down further into his seat and hid beneath his backpack.

"Anybody need duct-tape?" asked Gimli, reaching into his backpack and producing a large roll of said appliance. He got three loud replies of 'I do' before the bus gave a horrific lurch and sped off again.

"I'm on the school bus from HELL," whimpered Legolas…the first coherent thing he had said since he had gotten on the large, yellow metal death trap that served as their only mode of transportation to their educational facilities.

Denethor was cackling like the insane madman that he was as he sped around corners, flew over hills, and made no attempts whatsoever to avoid hitting speed bumps. By the time the bus reached the school, a good majority of the kids were unconscious and, or bleeding. Frodo was sprawled out in the middle of the isle, a dazed expression on his face. Sam, Pippin, and Merry were tangled in a large pile along with some other kids, and were in way too much pain to attempt to disentangle themselves. Gimli had gone flying through the air at some point during a very sudden stop and hadn't come back. Boromir and Faramir were looking rather disheveled and seemed ready to hurl. Legolas hadn't changed once since he had gotten on the bus, but his eyes were wider and his face was now a pasty white. As soon as the bus screeched to a halt, Aragorn had vaulted from his seat and out the door, diving onto the grass with a cry of relief.

"LAND! SWEET SWEET LAND!" he cried, kissing the ground.

The rest of his friends, followed by the other kids, stumbled from the bus.

"My fingers are bleeding…" moaned Legolas, gazing at his hands. "That maniac made my fingers bleed, and I can no longer feel my arm…is that bad?"

"Aragorn, please…you're making us ashamed to be seen with you!" moaned Boromir, smoothing his hair and watching his friend continue to kiss the ground without shame. The sound of wicked laughter brought their attention back to the bus.

"I'll see you at 3:00 children!" cackled Denethor before closing the doors and speeding off again in a large cloud of smoke, causing Faramir to start hacking as he tried to clear his lungs of the offending smoke. The others had paled once more.

"I'm walking home!" stated Legolas. "Who's with me?" He received a chorus of agreements.

From his spot on the ground, Aragorn groaned. "I knew I should have stayed home today!"

Ok…somehow, my M.E. Survival Guide fic got deleted or something and I can't find the files on my computer. (kicks computer in annoyance…it fizzles and dies)

DAMMIT!!! (continues to yell…some are things that should not be repeated around small, impressionable minds or in civilized conversation)

Anyway…this was an idea that I'd been playing with for years, and I finally decided to put it up. So, yea. Please be nice with the reviews, and hopefully…when I get my life back…I will update it.