****Here it is! The sequel to 'Tainted Innocence'.****
Pure Guilt
Chapter 1"Hey Eden. You really need to get out." Holly came over to my desk looking cheerful as always. Hmmmm, getting out. Not really something I've wanted to do. There really isn't anything out there for me. Who knows, maybe there really is but I just don't want to go look. It's been over three months since Riddick walked out my door and it still feels like it was yesterday. Of course the pain has eased, leaving me feeling hollow…completely empty. I will never forget the look in his eyes before he left. Like there was no recognition of me at all but I can't blame him for it. The real Riddick doesn't know me; the real Riddick has never touched me, kissed me, or protected me. So, to him, it was easy to put it all behind him and disappear. I haven't even heard from Darren, which I can't say is too unusual. He'll show up eventually when he needs another favor. I have a feeling though, that anything I do for him from now on will be with little or no emotional commitment from me…I hope. I think I've told myself that before and look where it got me.
When Riddick showed up that fateful night I found something in myself and when he left…I lost something. I'm glad I was able to catch a glimpse of what good really is, of how things could be in some other time and place but it made it that much harder to lose him, made it so much harder to go on without him, on my own.
"I'm too busy to get out," I finally replied after thinking for a moment. I could see by the look on her face that she wasn't convinced but I knew she wouldn't argue. I've been pretty solemn lately, more than usual, and after a few weeks of asking and hearing my same answer that nothing was wrong, they all learned to deal with my new mood. So, Holly wished me a good night and went back to her desk. I packed up a few things so I could leave myself and wearily got up from my chair and headed back to my quiet empty apartment.
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I guess I wasn't really thinking too hard or maybe I was thinking too much while I was climbing up the steps to the outside entrance to my place because when I saw the young boy sitting in front of my door it startled me and I dropped my stuff. He immediately looked up and rushed over to help me gather my things.
"Hi," he said in an unusually high voice.
"Hi," I responded before standing back up. He was staring at me with big blue eyes, looking as if he wanted to ask me something but there was a quiet fear radiating from him. "Is there something I can help you with?" I asked in a tone as non-threatening as possible. He finally looked away, behind him, behind me, before focusing on me again.
"Uh, I was wondering if me and a friend could crash here for a few nights." I couldn't keep the confused look from creeping onto my face and the boy began to look nervous.
"Why here?" I asked. What would make him come to my apartment, to me? I've never seen him around before so I couldn't imagine why he decided on here. I had to wonder if Darren had something to do with it. I wouldn't be surprised. But there was something in those eyes that I couldn't deny. Pain. I've seen that kind of pain before. This boy had gone through some serious stuff, probably seen things he should never have seen. Maybe I'm just lonelier than I thought because I decided to let him stay with me.
"A few nights should be okay," I said as I straightened the things I was carrying and reached in my pocket for my keys. He brightened at my welcome and turned to grab his old and ripped backpack from the ground.
"I'll go get my friend," he said before rushing down the stairs. I watched him go until I couldn't see him anymore.
"What am I doing?" I asked myself out loud as I opened the door and stepped into the heavy silence just as a breeze kicked up outside, making me shiver. Maybe it wouldn't be too bad to have some company for a few days. Just maybe the noise would drown out my thoughts. I'm sure I was only asking for trouble but I guess I didn't really care.
I started putting my things away in the same old routine I had set to keep my sanity. My files went on my desk, my jacket and shoes in my bedroom closet; I pulled back the covers on my bed, made sure I had my clothes ready for the morning, then wandered to the kitchen to make some tea and check the news on my hand held ComSystem.
As the tea was cooling I scrolled through the latest news not really seeing anything of interest; it just kept my mind busy so I wouldn't think of anything or anyone. I brought the cup to my lips when I was startled by a knock on my door. Probably the boy, back with his friend. I let out a loud exhale, got up from the kitchen table and headed for the living room. When I pulled open the door the boy was standing there with a smile on his face but for some reason it didn't fit. I tried guessing his age; fourteen or fifteen and the smile made him look feminine but the large hand that slowly settled on his shoulder was anything but.
My eyes came to rest on the long strong fingers, moving up the forearm to the well sculpted bicep and I could feel my heart racing at the similarity of skin color of this person with someone I knew very well but at the same time knew nothing about. The dark T-shirt hid the muscles in his shoulders but I could still see they were there. I was afraid to continue up, afraid I wouldn't see what I was hoping so bad to see. But no, my eyes continued on their path, passing over a strong jaw, full lips, and finally locking on the dark goggles covering what I knew hid liquid silver eyes.
I felt like someone punched me in the gut, knocking the breath from my lungs. There was no way in hell Riddick was standing in front of me. I didn't understand how he could be here and why and what was he doing with this boy and where did all the air go and what was that sound blaring in my ears. It wasn't until the boy put his hand on my arm that I snapped out of my runaway thoughts. But it didn't help me form coherent words; I only stepped aside and let them in.
I was fighting an inner battle and I knew what side would win. I didn't feel complete after Riddick left and a small, or maybe it was a major part of me, wanted to fill in the emptiness now that he was back. But then again, I didn't want to have to go through all the pain again when he walked back out that door because I knew he would.
My hands were shaking uncontrollably as I shut the door. I didn't turn around; I just stood there staring at the wood, down at my hand still grasping the doorknob, anything to try and keep my focus steady.
"Jack," Riddick's deep voice rumbled through my body. I listened intently, closing my eyes so I could feel the vibrations. "Go put your stuff in Eden's room. You'll sleep there." I'm not sure why it surprised me that Riddick knew my name but it did. I guess I was forgetting that when he was here the last time he wasn't stupid, his mind was just lost.
I could hear Jack walking down the hall to my room. The battle raged inside. So, he was gonna come in here and start taking over, making me feel again and then leave. I don't think so. I got up the courage and enough anger to turn around and face him, to tell him that he wasn't going to turn my world upside again but when I did I immediately noticed he had removed his goggles and those bitterly cold glowing eyes were staring right back at me. I felt my knees go weak as my whole body remembered the warmth and humanity that once resided there. I searched and searched, hoping I would find it again and there was a glimmer of something but I can't say for sure what it was.
He was standing there so still that he didn't seem real. I wanted to run to him and throw my arms around him but I also wanted to pound on him, get out all my frustrations. The two conflicting sides kept my feet firmly planted.
I was almost grateful when Jack came back in the room, drawing Riddick's attention away from me. His features softened as Jack joined him at his side. Riddick ran one of his hands over Jack's head and chuckled quietly.
"Gonna need to shave this soon," he said. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. What exactly was Riddick's relationship to this kid?
"Hold on," I said, very surprised by the strength of my voice. "I can't have this kind of shit going on in my house. You two wanna be together like that, you're gonna have to do it somewhere else." They both turned to me at the same time. Jack was blushing furiously and Riddick laughed, letting his hand drop away from the boy. What the hell was so funny? As that thought ran through my head Riddick started approaching me. I was nearly knocked back by the invisible force of his body; of the heat and scent I was so comfortable and familiar with.
"Come on Eden," he whispered as he leaned in close, his voice rough and sensual. "You're smarter than that." I looked him in the eyes and tried to read him, tried to read his thoughts but they were guarded. "I don't go for girls that young." My brow furrowed in confusion and I looked around his arm to the boy…no, girl standing behind him. Now I could see it. The voice and the smile now matched. The long slender fingers, the big blue eyes and long eyelashes, the slender body hidden behind baggy clothes. I must really be out of it to not notice something like that. It was so obvious now.
Riddick's low deep laughter brought me back to him. I stared defiantly at him, trying to not let it get to me. He laughed at my reaction to the truth. He liked the fact that I was uncomfortable…that I had been wrong.
I stepped back and moved around Riddick, managing to hold up my well-developed front. "You guys could probably use some sleep…and so could I." Not that I was going to get any. So I turned my back on them and walked down the hall. Something in the back of my mind made me suddenly worried about turning my back on Riddick. It must have been something I heard, something about no one ever turning there back on him; that it was too dangerous. I reached my room without any harm and paused outside to hear what Riddick was saying to Jack.
"I'll be right here, kid," Riddick said quietly. "You need anything…you can come to me."
Those simple words squeezed my heart until tears came to my eyes. It was something I expected to hear from the Riddick that I knew not the one I caught a brief glimpse of three months ago just before he left. There were no other words but Jack didn't appear in the hallway for a few very long minutes. I wondered if she was hugging him and he was holding her tightly to let her know that he would always be there for her. Or maybe she was just making sure he was all set before she headed off to bed. Either way, they were there a lot longer than I had thought they would be.
I went into my room feeling more exhausted than I had in the longest time yet more revived than I have ever felt before. I was also starting to itch with the need to go back down that hall and through myself in his arms. But no, I resisted the urge and got ready for bed, which proved to be almost too much to handle for my exhausted mind and body even though it was pretty early. It didn't matter. I've been working long hours and keeping myself busy enough that it left no spare time. And that meant no spare time to think.
Jack entered the room as I was climbing into bed and she smiled as she rummaged through her backpack.
"So," I began to say but wasn't sure where to go with it. "Uh, how did you two meet?" Jack finished getting dressed and jumped onto the bed.
"We were on a ship together that crashed on this planet. There were quite a few of us but only three of us made it"
"What happened?"
"Well, there was this cop guy that had caught Riddick and was transporting him back to Slam…"
"Whoa, Riddick was caught?" When Jack said that my heart nearly stopped. If he only would have stayed with me, even if it was for just a little longer he wouldn't have been caught.
"Yeah, we were traveling on the Hunter-Gratzner in a ghost lane when we were hit by a comet or something." My mind was going crazy; thoughts were flying all over the place. I remember hearing something about the Hunter-Gratzner on the news shortly after Riddick had left but they said there were no survivors. Apparently they were wrong. It all made sense. That day when all I could think about was Riddick, how heavy my heart felt and how sad I had suddenly become. He was in distress and I felt it.
"When we crashed there were 11 of us that survived but there were these creatures that came out at night and there was…" I watched her bright blue eyes cloud over and grow dark with the memory, "an eclipse," she finished saying, looking away from me.
My heart sank. The terror she must have witnessed and to think Riddick was there as well. He could have been one of those that didn't make it. Not something I wanted to think about.
"Our only chance was Riddick because he can see in the dark." Her gaze shifted back to me and I could feel her sadness. "But we weren't sure if he would help us or leave us." There was a different kind of pain that washed over her now. Guilt of some kind.
"When he did help us I told him that I never had a doubt…but I did." She dropped her head forward so I couldn't see her face and started trembling. I put my hand gently on her shoulder.
"It's okay, Jack," I consoled. "It's hard to really trust someone you just met." Jack laid back on the pillows and I went with her.
"Sometimes I dream about them. About the people. About the monsters." I found Jack's hand under the blankets and she squeezed it tightly. "And sometimes I wake up wondering if Riddick is still here or if he's left me." Her voice got quieter and sadder with every word. I knew exactly how she felt. Every day I was with Riddick I had the fear that it was the last. That I would wake up and he would be long gone. It kinda happened that way too. I wasn't sure what to say to her. I couldn't tell her that he would stick around because there's no reason for me to actually believe that.
So, Riddick helped these people on that planet. Even though he couldn't help them all at least he tried. Made me wonder about this new Riddick who was now sleeping on my couch. It was hard to connect the two sides; the humane Riddick and the animal Riddick. Was there a chance that they both found a common ground? Maybe he was finally letting out the part of him that I know even if it was just a little bit. Only time will tell.