This Way
A/N: Minor spoilers, nothing that wasn't on the preview. I love writing standalones if you haven't noticed.
I remember hearing it, the shouting, the yelling, the hitting, the crying.
I'd sit next to Ryan on his bed in his room. The walls were painted a cream-yellowish color. It's like they had been white at one point but it had faded away. He'd shake his head. He was ashamed and embarrassed. He knew this wasn't how couples worked out their problems. I knew he wanted to run in there and save the day, but he was scared. He was afraid his dad would hit him like he hit his mother all the time and how he hit Trey the time when he tried to help. "They're just working things out, it's OK, they're in love, it'll be fine," I'd tell him. I'd believe what I was saying too.
It's not fine. It's not OK. We're not working it out. We're not in love. This isn't how it was supposed to be. Eddie was supposed to save me. He was supposed to love me. He wasn't supposed to hurt me.
Now I'm ending up like her, like Ryan's mom. I'm getting slapped and punched and I have to cover it up. I don't want to marry Eddie. I don't want to end up like her. I don't want to feel afraid to hear the front door open.
It's easy to pretend. Ryan sure bought it when he came for Marissa. I guess he didn't even think that Eddie hit me when I came back to Chino. I can't even imagine if he found out we'd slept together.
And now I'm not the only one Eddie's hurting. I'm supporting someone else. I don't even know if it's Ryan's or Eddie's. I know it'd cause trouble, but I'd like it to be Ryan's. I want a part of him. Marissa has the rest of him. Even if he never knows it's his kid. I'm going to be one of those sixteen-year-old moms you see on a Lifetime movie in the small towns. Ryan's mom had Trey when she was seventeen.
I used to be afraid of her. When I was around eleven or twelve and I'd hang out at Ryan's house, she'd sometimes be really quiet. She would barely say hello. And then, on some days when it was pretty obvious that she'd been pretty beat up, she'd sit in one of those rusty lawn chairs they had in the house and cry and drink beer. I thought she was crazy. Ryan would try to talk to her when she cried once in a while. She always told him to go away, or to do his homework with me. I'm scared I see myself in her. Who knows if Eddie will get locked up in a few years and I'll be stuck with a kid and no way to support myself?
This wasn't supposed to happen to me. It wasn't supposed to be this way.